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  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,562 Member
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    In celebration of pancake day, shouldn’t you be a rebel and have waffles?

    I’m currently unemployed for 14 hours and I feel foot loose and fancy free. What should I do in this period of no work obligations?

    @nossmf, congratulations Grandpoopa (the grandkids will love that name in a few years time.
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,356 Member
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    Panic! You have no job. How will you support yourself? Where will your next meal come from? I don't know at what time your 14 hours of worry will end, but you should also probably stress eat some ice cream while you're panicking. (I'm sure Frank has extra he would share with you.)

    I made a cage out of pvc and netting to protect the strawberries in my garden from the birds, but recently some small animal has torn through the netting and taken bites out of the berries. I'm trying to decide what to replace the pvc cage with for next year. Any suggestions?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,787 Member
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    You right now have twin difficulties of keeping out animals while also dealing with a shortened growing season due to weather. So, let's take care of both complications in a single stroke by replacing your entire backyard with a glass hothouse! Stylish and functional, you'll be able to grow strawberries year-round while keeping out all the little critters, both avian and burrowing. And since it'll be hot inside, I'm sure you won't have to worry about snow accumulation, since it'll all just instantly melt upon contact, am I right?

    We got a medical bill in the mail the other day for $3.47, one of about twenty different bills we've received following my wife's summer hospital adventure. Why doesn't the hospital simply consolidate all bills into a single bill?
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,356 Member
    edited September 2022
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    They know that your and your wife are thinking about wallpapering a room in your house and have decided "medical bill" is the pattern you should go for. They're just trying to help out.

    By the way, that $3.47 bill is probably for postage - which will very nearly cover the cost of stamps for 6 of your medical bills. You should expect a bill for the other penny any day now.

    Why do some people seem to have a different understanding of what being "on time" means?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,787 Member
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    Ever hear of the tower of Babel? According to the Bible (liberal (mis)interpretation), once upon a time all humans spoke the same language, until they cooperated to create the tower of Babel and each wanted to lay claim as being the lead engineer. They each tried using flowery language to describe their own contributions to the project, never listening to each other, and thus were born all the various languages of the world today. From time to time through the ages, some people have tried to explain things in new ways, inadvertently developing their own language to the confusion of everybody else. (See case files on Rap, New Math, and whatever lingo kids in high school are using these days.)

    What does this history lesson have to do with your question? Simply put, some people are in the process of developing alternate languages. "On time" in their new language means something very different from the one you are using. You'll understand perfectly once you purchase the translation software, available at Amazon.

    Ah, Amazon. Is there anything you can't buy off that website?
  • corinasue1143
    corinasue1143 Posts: 7,467 Member
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    Congratulations @nossmf , and I suggest Mimi and Poppa, or alternatively Grammy and Grumpy.
  • frankwbrown
    frankwbrown Posts: 12,452 Member
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    You can buy almost anything at amazon.com. The one thing you can't buy on Amazon is the Amazon Rain Forest. It may seem strange that a company named Amazon would not offer the Amazon for sale. However, this is not because they can't. Rather, it's for fear that the new owner would send them a "cease and desist" letter on the use of the name Amazon.

    There is Halloween coming up in a month, and that can present a challenge with the availability of so much candy. But after that, we have (in the US) Thanksgiving Day to look forward to. Some families will have multiple Thanksgiving dinners, to get together with all the in-laws. But even one Thanksgiving dinner can put you way over on calories consumed. For how many days should I fast prior to Thanksgiving Day to ensure that I don't gain weight afterward?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,787 Member
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    If you're gaining weight AFTER Thanksgiving dinner, you're doing it wrong. Not only should all weight gained be DURING Thanksgiving dinner, but you must not be consuming enough turkey to get that food coma after the meal. It's this coma which combats all weight gain, as you sleep through future meals. My recommendation is to DOUBLE the amount of turkey on your plate this year, see if that helps lower your weight after better.

    Even though we know television shows are fake, we the viewers still experience real emotions. How is this possible?
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,356 Member
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    Because we're all actually living out The Truman Show. You just think lthe television shows are fake...

    (I've checked here several times within the past week, hoping someone else had answered this challenging question...)

    I exchanged monthly letters with my paternal grandmother for years (from about 12 years old - me - until her passing at 95 a few years ago). It definitely seems to be a dying art from a bygone era. What other social nicety seems to have fallen by the wayside?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,787 Member
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    The Wayside Cafe is a small family-owned eatery along the interstate in rural Kansas which specializes in homemade milkshakes. I heard a rumor that Mother Theresa once stopped there on a hot day, but was overcome by the heat before she could make it inside and fell to her knees on the doorstep. The kindly owners rushed a milkshake to her hands, saving her life. The location is now a pilgrimage destination for milkshake lovers the world over.

    My son is a few weeks shy of his 22nd birthday, and this weekend is moving out of the house to start life on his own. My wife is trying to remain cheerful for his sake, but I can tell she's devastated to see her baby leaving the nest. How best can I support both mother and son during this time of transition?
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 18,356 Member
    edited October 2022
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    Start your circus strong man training immediately and you'll not only be able to support your wife and son, you'll be able to add 3 or 4 other family members to the pile
    ku5jd1qil10p.png

    I'm heading back out of town on Sunday. Since I never know if I'll get a break for lunch and/or dinner, I've taken to bringing a loaf of bread and peanut butter and jelly with me. To be honest, it's getting a little boring. Any suggestions for other quick and easy snacks/meals?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,787 Member
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    Need a break from peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? Have I got a list of suggestions for you! Grab a pencil, you're gonna wanna write this down:

    Peanut butter and jelly crackers
    Peanut butter and jelly bagels
    Peanut butter and JAM sandwiches
    Almond butter and jelly sandwiches
    Jelly and peanut butter sandwiches (flip the sandwich upside down so the jelly side is on top)

    I can give you more suggestions, but this list ought to hold you over for the next five trips. Let me know when you're ready for the next five...

    *****

    Years ago when I first joined MFP, I made a goal of dropping 30 pounds. My weight seemed to stabilize at the 25# lost mark for years, so I forgot about my goal until MFP recently reminded me of it by announcing I'd made it. What should be my next MFP goal?
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,562 Member
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    Gaining the 30 back plus another 30 so you can start fresh and improve on this awesome weight loss skill that you’ve almost mastered!! Practice makes perfect after all.

    My new job is awesome but the commute is not. I am now in the car almost 2 hours per day. I’m determined to figure out a way to enjoy it since there nothing I can do about it. What shall I do to make the time pass more enjoyably?
  • _Dan1985
    _Dan1985 Posts: 310 Member
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    Cat0703a wrote: »
    Gaining the 30 back plus another 30 so you can start fresh and improve on this awesome weight loss skill that you’ve almost mastered!! Practice makes perfect after all.

    My new job is awesome but the commute is not. I am now in the car almost 2 hours per day. I’m determined to figure out a way to enjoy it since there nothing I can do about it. What shall I do to make the time pass more enjoyably?

    I hear that casual narcotic use and alcohol makes driving cars much more interesting and is perfectly legal in most juristictions. If this doesn't sound like your thing, play the 'obscene gestures' game every time you pass a police car, they enjoy it so much that they'll follow you for miles if you keep doing it!

    My neighbours keep playing loud music late into the night, could anybody suggest a way I broach the subject with them?
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,562 Member
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    Since they enjoy music so much, I strongly suggest letting them know how much it displeases you through song using your favourite style of music. If all else fails you can use said broach to pin a succinct “be quiet” note on their chest.

    It’s late and I don’t wish to calculate miles to kilometres. How long will these police follow me if I play either of the games above?? 🤔
  • _Dan1985
    _Dan1985 Posts: 310 Member
    edited October 2022
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    🤔 One of our British miles is worth 1.6 of your continental (or Canuck?) kilometers. Depending on how good at driving under the influence you are, you can expect to be followed for anywhere up to 15km before they place spikes in the road. This just means they're enjoying the game and want to kick it up a level, you should respond in kind by treating it as a challenge, like an obstacle course for your car.

    Am I still to attempt to pin said broach to my neighbour's chest if he's recently been released from prison for industrial arson?
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,562 Member
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    Well, I’m delighted you are considering my advice and supplied this critical update. In this case I should clarify that you need to mesmerize him with your fancy accent and posh words. Don’t overdo it though or else he may end up fancying you or throwing his pants your way.

    An obstacle course sounds enjoyable but I should probably borrow cars since I don’t want my tires damaged in the early days of evading spikes. What type of car is best for this type of activity?
  • _Dan1985
    _Dan1985 Posts: 310 Member
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    I'm no expert in the kinds of cars available in your country, but for an extra challenge you could attempt to use your neighbour's car for these commutes. Here's a fun practical joke! Enter their house at 4am while they're still asleep, and borrow their keys. Imagine the fits of laughter you'll have together when you regale them with tales of the time you totalled their car during a high speed police chase. For extra popularity points, you could use a different neighbour's car every day, you'll soon get a reputation on your street for your amazing sense of humour!

    My fancy accent?! I see you too heard my recording in the forums the other day! Yes you're right I need to smooth talk the skinhead ex-con next door who likes playing metal at 3am. Do you have any suggestions for how I should dress for this encounter, or any gifts I might take him?
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,562 Member
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    Who doesn’t enjoy a bouquet of flowers and a Michael Bolton CD of love songs??? I can’t believe you didn’t think of this on your own. As for dress, a little bow tie in a friendly colour seems appropriate. Yellow is the colour of friendship so perhaps the flowers and tie can be coordinated in this ultimate gesture.

    What I should cook for my neighbours for dinner since fun stories of epic car chases are best shared over food and drink?
  • _Dan1985
    _Dan1985 Posts: 310 Member
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    You'd be a legend in your neighbourhood if you were to volunteer to deal with any rat infestations, I'd recommend some kind of firearm though - poison would be no good because you'll later be preparing the rats for your neighbour's dinner. Imagine their amused surprise when they tentatively ask what meat you used for the stew!

    Right, romantic CD, bouquet, and basically dress along the lines of Ronald McDonald.

    Speaking of being up late at night, are there any good but unusual remedies for tiredness during the day?

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