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  • frankwbrown
    frankwbrown Posts: 12,337 Member
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    Perhaps you're familiar with the phrase "Under promise, over deliver"? That's a good motto for many situations, including this one. So, set a goal for the new coach that you're confident he'll have a fighting chance to achieve. You'll need to consider the quality of your team's players, but I'd recommend setting a goal of winning half of one game this next season. Alternatively, set a goal of scoring at least one point (like a conversion without the touchdown) in one game. If you set the appropriate goal, you'll be pleasantly surprised, and maybe shocked, that the new coach has enabled the team to not only achieve it, but to surpass it.

    I have a cold. I have an acute awareness of what a minor cold feels like versus one that will inevitably progress to one involving bronchitis and lasting ~2 weeks. So, while I don't feel too bad right now, I am fearful that this might be one of those. But I also have put on some weight recently that I need to lose. And thirdly, I just started another round of a 10k steps a day 30 day challenge (which I'm already 5 days into). Oh, and fourthly, I have been really enjoying doing tai chi twice a week with a couple dozen other people. So, my question is: how to I avert disaster with this cold, lose ~15 pounds, and continue with my step challenge, all while advancing my skill in tai chi?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,464 Member
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    My suggestion is to drink vast quantities of your adult beverage of choice. Think about it: the alcoholic content will kill off the germs causing the cold; your step count will increase dramatically due to stumbling everywhere, so a simple walk from bed to bathroom will use up at least 100 steps; by forgoing real food in favor of drinking you're guaranteed to lose weight; and Jackie Chan proved to us in "Legend of Drunken Master" how perfectly a drunk can perform tai chi-like moves. I look forward to hearing from you in a couple weeks how well you mastered each of your four challenges.

    Somebody in another thread mentioned it was summertime where they were, when obviously it's wintertime where I live. How can the flat-earth believers explain this apparent contradiction?
  • sandewithane
    sandewithane Posts: 3,866 Member
    edited February 2023
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    I'm sorry, this is easily explained. Living on the summer side of the flat earth at the moment. (30c today) When the flat side is facing towards the sun ,it naturally absorbs more light and heat. And the other is on the underside. That will be in winter. Do you notice that when you guys are in winter, you wear heavy clothes and coats. You also put chains on your vehicle wheels. That is to correct the gravity and keep you from falling off the earth. Miraculously at some point the sun moves away from us,(It spins we don't) the flat earth flips over. Now scientists have never been able to explain this phenomenon. It happens in the blinking of an eye. It is the 8th wonder of the world. I hope I've cleared that up nossmf . :)

    Does the E on the fuel gage in a car means enough as explained by my husband. Are there other things I should be aware of ?

  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,464 Member
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    The dash in modern cars is easily confusing to anybody not born this century. Fifty years ago, a car's dash consisted of only three symbols: speed, gas, and radio dial. But the advent of the 21st century has allowed the proliferation of internet randomness to sneak into automobiles. Allow me to be your humble guide as we look at some of the most frequently mistaken symbols you may encounter:
    • Left/Right Arrows: most people believe these occur when you try to signal other drivers whether you are turning left or right. But really, is somebody in another car going to see those little arrow lights on your dash? No, those are for YOU, as the car's computer guides you along the road. Just turn the car in the direction of the arrows, and you'll never be steered wrong.
    • Some cars and trucks have miniature television screens which appear to be showing you what's going on behind you as you reverse. Though you may get some small benefit from them, the reason they exist are because Hollywood movie producers determined that instead of paying camera crews to wander streets taking photos to add as background to their movies, it's far cheaper to implant a camera in every single car to continuously monitor everywhere you go. When you turn the car off, a hidden antenna transmits all the captured data to a remote server to be automatically compiled with everybody else's visual feeds and stored until one day a movie needs the footage. (Have you ever watched a movie where it feels like it jumps from scene to scene with no explanation? You just witnessed the footage from multiple cars being spliced together!) You didn't happen to do anything embarrassing in or around your car which may have been recorded, have you?
    • One of the common misconceptions about cars is they run on gasoline or electricity. Nope. They run on smoke. Have you ever seen a car on the side of the road, hood up, with smoke spilling out and a frustrated driver shaking their head? The fool allowed the smoke to escape, that's the real issue. You actually have a symbol on your dash which monitors your car's smoke situation. It appears in different models in different displays, but it's most common appearance is a picture of a car with wavy lines below. Some people errantly believe this is somehow tied to the car losing traction and tires spinning uncontrollably, but it's actually telling you the driver that the car's smoke system may need to be recalibrated. This is performed by easing the car to a stop on the side of the road. Like magic, that symbol will disappear as the car's internal machinery resets the smoke system back to factory specifications.

    I can go on and on, but you get the idea.

    When my wife sets an alarm clock to get up in the morning, she sleeps right through it, despite being loud and inches from her ear. Yet she startles awake in the middle of the night when she hears a teeny tiny sound from the other floor. Can you explain to me why this is so?
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,511 Member
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    Waking to the smallest noise is a mother’s instinct to protect her young from predators or her house from the mischievousness of children. Don’t you remember it’s always danger danger when a young child is silent when they have access to a marker and a nice blank wall???

    But do you know any child or predator that would set an alarm on a phone? She sleeps because she knows it’s safe.

    It’s my Bestie’s birthday today (a milestone one) and since he’s out of town I still have time to make it memorable for him. Flamingos and large billboard sign is so 1980s. How can I surprise him when he returns home on Saturday?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,464 Member
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    The 80's was a long time ago, you need to update your approach. Replace the billboard sign with neon signs and the flamingos with ninja turtles. Bonus points if you get a real turtle and dress it up, though keep the weapons plastic...it's not safe giving a turtle a real sword.

    Speaking of the 80's, does anybody remember the pet rock? Its creator made millions of dollars by repurposing a plain item into an exciting one. What plain item from today can we repackage as exciting and make our own million dollars?
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,034 Member
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    tea towels.
    such boring pieces of cloth and who likes drying dishes?

    but imagine if they were flashing neon colours ( or is that too 80's disco?) and sang songs to you as you slaved away at the sink. Or even gave you times tables or physics equations to practice - perhaps a fun version and an educational version. Or a answering questions version - Alexa meets kitchen chores.

    Copyright paperpudding2023


    what should I spend the first of my millions on?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,464 Member
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    Me, I suggest you spend the first of your millions on me.

    It's the start of a new month, and I'm still trying to figure out where all my money went from last month. Is there a way for me to keep track of my finances, like the way I keep track of my calories using MFP?
  • frankwbrown
    frankwbrown Posts: 12,337 Member
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    The best way to keep track of your finances is simply to not spend any money at all, none whatsoever. Keeping track of that would be a cinch.

    I just heard that the US Military has shot down the Chinese "spy" balloon just off the coast of North/South Carolina. What will we find when that balloon is recovered?
  • sandewithane
    sandewithane Posts: 3,866 Member
    edited February 2023
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    What will we find when that balloon is recovered?
    Graffiti, party favors, candy and fortune cookies.

    What do you say when you invite 2 families to a big roast dinner, then one of their kids announces at the table, they're vegetarian now and none of us should eat anything and you should prepare something else?
  • frankwbrown
    frankwbrown Posts: 12,337 Member
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    Well, you definitely shouldn't take a cavalier attitude and just put a jar of peanut butter on the table, saying, as my mother did when I was young, "If you don't like what I've prepared, you can have peanut butter." No, instead, you should go to extreme lengths to cater to the preferences of your guests, no matter how ridiculous their requests. After all, aren't your own desires inconsequential when compared to the demands of picky eaters?

    I'm sure you've all heard the expression, "Money doesn't grow on trees."
    Why not?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,464 Member
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    Because eggs, the most expensive commodity currently being traded, are laid by chickens. And chickens don't like to sit in the branches of trees, on account of any eggs they lay would become scrambled when they fell to the ground below.

    I calculated tax returns for myself and my two grown sons this weekend. I owe the government MORE money, each of them gets a refund on top of living rent-free under my roof. Did I make an error in my math somewhere? If not, why do they get more money when my bills are so much greater?
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,511 Member
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    What this tells me is that your sons get to use their refunds to pay your bills this year. Sounds like you did the taxes correctly to me.

    I want to make Family Day special for my son tomorrow by making him a fun breakfast. What breakfast says “I’m grateful you are my child even though you drive me crazy sometimes”?
  • frankwbrown
    frankwbrown Posts: 12,337 Member
    edited February 2023
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    You definitely must have made an error in your math somewhere. It's common knowledge that the tax system is fair and equitable, so it must be your error. Don't worry, the govt will catch that error and penalize you appropriately for having made it, because again, it's nothing but fair and equitable, and just. Just you wait and see.

    I weigh myself every day. I had a big birthday celebration two days ago (not my birthday). Yesterday, I weighed 2.8 pounds more than the day before. Today, I weighed 3.0 pounds less than yesterday. So, averaging that out, I've lost 0.1 pounds each of the last two days. Have I discovered a new, surefire weight loss diet, albeit one that is slow (although 0.7 pounds/week loss wouldn't be that bad)? Should I have a big celebration every other day and see what happens?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,464 Member
    edited February 2023
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    Cat0703a wrote: »
    I want to make Family Day special for my son tomorrow by making him a fun breakfast. What breakfast says “I’m grateful you are my child even though you drive me crazy sometimes”?

    A bowl of Alphabet cereal with the letters carefully selected to spell out "I'm grateful you are my child even though you drive me crazy sometimes". You may need more than one bowl.
    frankwbrown wrote: »
    I weigh myself every day. I had a big birthday celebration two days ago (not my birthday). Yesterday, I weighed 2.8 pounds more than the day before. Today, I weighed 3.0 pounds less than yesterday. So, averaging that out, I've lost 0.1 pounds each of the last two days. Have I discovered a new, surefire weight loss diet, albeit one that is slow (although 0.7 pounds/week loss wouldn't be that bad)? Should I have a big celebration every other day and see what happens?

    The only reason your plan is slow is because you need to kick it up a notch in intensity. You've already learned that going up 2.8# in one day leads to a (combined) 0.2# loss the next day. Do the math, and you can see if you go up 5.6# in one day then it stands to reason you'll lose 0.4# the next day, doubling your rate of loss. You can triple the rate of loss by truly going hog wild. Imagine cutting loose three times a week, eating everything in sight, and still losing almost two pounds that week. You're sure to be an internet sensation in no time!

    *****

    One of my favorite comic strips had the characters age with time, experiencing new challenges which resulted in new funny strips. However, most comic strips seem to be stuck in a time loop, with the characters remaining the same age forever. Why don't more comic strips change over time?
  • frankwbrown
    frankwbrown Posts: 12,337 Member
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    Comic strip creators are, in general, a curious bunch. Most of them are under the impression that if their characters do not age, neither will they. By the time they realize this isn't true (if they ever do), it's too late, or they've entered second childhood, in which case it's somehow appropriate.

    I just bought a 12-string guitar. It was an unplanned purchase, an impulse buy you might say. My assumption in buying it was that I would be able to play twice as many notes as I can on one of my 6-string guitars. You would think, doubling the number of notes would make me a much better guitarist, but I haven't received any comments to that effect yet. Was it a mistake for me to buy this guitar?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,464 Member
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    It's never a mistake to invest in creative expression. The mistake, if any, is in your selection of target audience. You errantly believe the extra strings are for notes which the human ear can hear. While this is true in part, the full scope of the new notes is only fully realized by those with exceptionally sensitive hearing, since the new strings actually resonate in the hypersonic range. Most humans cannot hear these specialty notes, but dogs and cats can. Try hosting a concert for all the stray animals along your street, I'm sure they will greatly appreciate your newfound expertise.

    My wife has been diligently working on completing her college degree, taking 1-2 classes at a time, for almost a decade. She's now only three semesters away from graduation, and I'm planning ahead for ways to celebrate her completing this important milestone. Any suggestions?
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,034 Member
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    I think you should celebrate in a way relevant to her degree, so she can practice her new found knowledge and expertise- since you didn't mention what it was in, here are a few suggestions

    If it was in medicine, swallow a bottle of poison or stab yourself so she can treat you
    If it was veterinary, do likewise to your dog so she can treat it
    If it was in law, do likewise to your neighbour so she can defend you
    If it was in finance do likewise to whole neighbourhood and pay for their medical costs so she can rescue you from bankruptcy.
    If it was in real estate do above so she can sell your house to pay their costs.


    I recently saw a really funny video on Facebook where a 12 month baby was abandoned in the wild and fended for itself, narrated David Attenborough style.
    What was even funnier was comments from people about child abuse, call the authorities etc who, incredibly, thought it was real :*

    (perhaps I will get my post flagged from those who think my suggestions are real too :o )

    How can we help people who totally miss the point of jokes, satire or parody?
  • nossmf
    nossmf Posts: 9,464 Member
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    Ignorance of jokes usually stems from inattention to detail. Proper education can help. I recommend constructing pamphlets you can pass out as needed. Keep the included instructions as simple and generic as possible. For example, the first line should read, "You just heard a joke. Laugh." These simple instructions apply equally well in a variety of situations which warrant appreciation of humor, such as when the listener hears the following phrases:

    "You're under arrest!"
    "Hand over your wallet!"
    "You look very beautiful/handsome tonight."

    The price of houses has increased drastically. My own house is now valued at over double the price I paid for it 18 years ago; when my grandparents passed, their house in Los Angeles sold for almost 100 times what they paid 50 years earlier. The house hasn't changed; it's the same number of bedrooms. Why is the price so much more later?
  • frankwbrown
    frankwbrown Posts: 12,337 Member
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    Some people will tell you that it's due to inflation, that the price of houses has increased because the value of the dollar has decreased. That's ridiculous! The dollar is the same size as it was last century. So is your house. But what's different is our planet. You've heard of global warming. Well, there is also the phenomenon of global shrinkage. Counterintuitively, as the planet warms, it is also shrinking, but your house remains the same size. That means your house is bigger, in relative terms, than it was 18 years ago. This makes it more valuable. So, e.g., a modest 1,500 sq. ft. house of 50 years ago would be the equivalent of over one million sq. ft. now. That's a lot of space, and it will demand a much higher price!

    Where did the hour go that many of us lost last night? And how did some of us hold onto that hour?

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