Wrong answers ONLY!

paperpudding

You should not have a 9 course dinner!!! - since you have already had breakfast the night before you shouldn't have any food the next morning. You should just have a liquid meal to cleanse out your system the best cleanser of course is alcohol - try a vodka/whisky/rum/ wine/beer mixture. Use a large blender and fill to the brim.
do not add any other ingredients to dilute the cleansing abilities.
If you don't feel clean immediatly try a 2nd helping and a 3rd and a 4th - do this and then ring your boss to tell them you cannot come to work that day



I tried this but my boss did not accept it as a genuine medical reason.

Very unsupportive of him.

How can I persuade him my need for purification was entirely neccesary?

nossmf

After arriving at work, walk into your boss's office, pick up his garbage can, and deliver the contents of your recent meal. Even the most hard-headed boss should recognize you had in you so much that needed to be cleaned out.

*****

I recently purchased a new book from my favorite author. It is book two of a new trilogy, and I don't want to start reading book one until I have in hand the entire set. Unfortunately, that could take over a year before book three is released. I've already been waiting a year since book one was released; I don't want to wait yet another year! What can I do to convince this author to hurry up and release the final book earlier than planned?

cmsienk

Write it yourself! Reach out to the author and let him know your writing credentials and that you, as an accomplished author yourself, are more than capable of doing so. This way, you can speedily write and release the third book so that you can then read all three books together. (Don't tell yourself the ending.)

I'm working in North Carolina this week and they're having some unexpected rain. I brought neither a raincoat nor an umbrella with me. Since I have to walk a pretty good distance from my rental car to the building I'm working in, what can I use as a substitute umbrella in order to arrive at work as dry as possible?

nossmf

Umbrellas stop water from above, but do nothing to stop either rain blown sideways by wind, or water splashing up from puddles hit by passing cars. Your odds of arriving with dry clothes are not good in any case. But that problem also suggests the solution: wet CLOTHES take a while to dry, but wet SKIN takes mere seconds! Once you park your car, strip down completely and place all your clothes into a water-proof bag, along with a bath towel, and now it won't matter how went you get during the walk to work: once there, it'll only take seconds to dry off with the towel, and you will be the only person with nice, dry clothes! (Ladies with thick hair may need to consider wearing a shower cap during the walk.)

*****

I have a super-large water bottle that sits at my work desk. I refill it each morning when I get to work, sip from it throughout the day, and chug whatever's left at the end of the day when I head home. Since only water is ever used inside it, it should remain forever clean, but lately I've noticed some discoloration inside. What is causing this strange change?

cmsienk

Oh, didn't we tell you? When you get up and leave your desk, @Cat0703a, @frankwbrown and I have been using your water bottle (on alternate days) for our coffee refills. We figured you wouldn't mind (or notice).

I've been complaining about being cold to friends back home who are experiencing temperatures 30° colder than I am. In order to not irritate them any further, what should I complain about instead?

frankwbrown

Complain about how hot it is where you are. This may not make them any less irritated, but it will guarantee you won't have them complaining to you about how cold it is back home.

I had to skip breakfast this morning because I slept in too late and had to get to my tai chi practice. Now I'm at Starbucks having breakfast, before I head to the gym for water aerobics. I've already devoured by breakfast sandwich because I was so hungry, but my mocha is still piping hot. What can I do to cool it down so I can finish it before Water Aerobics?

BTW, I had the same thought as @nossmf about how to stay dry. So his suggestion has to have been the right... er, wrong answer.

cmsienk

Dash off to see @MtnRunng and finish your mocha while visiting him... I guarantee you it'll cool right down.


What's the best way to let friends know they're being inappropriate without offending them too much?

Cat0703a

I think back to my early working days and filling out things in triplicate on that carbon paper and how efficient that was. I suggest you create a form where you can share all the ways they are inappropriate on the form, keeping one copy for yourself, one for them, and one posted to MFP since I am assuming that like me, your only friends are here.

Since I can no longer use @nossmf’s water bottle every third day for my coffee (so inconvenient!!!), I will need another beverage container option. Any suggestions for this?

nossmf

Considering how much coffee the three of you consume on a daily basis, I fail to see the need for a container in the first place. Just drink directly from the pot! In the event you don't have a pot or your coffee maker doesn't require the use of one (think Keurig instant coffee), simply invert your head under the coffee machine spigot, let it drain directly down your gullet.

*****

Before I took my annual Christmas vacation, I could sit all day in my office chair pain-free. But ever since I returned to the office, after a couple hours my knee begins to ache vehemently, and only walking around for a few minutes seems to relieve the pain. Since I'm the same person I was before my break, obviously the problem must reside with the chair I'm using. I'm thinking there's some kind of conspiracy at the office where somebody switched out my comfy chair for this diabolical contraption. Since all the office furniture looks identical to everybody else's, I'm at a loss for how to prove my theory. Any suggestions how I can find the chair-napper culprit and regain my rightful chair?

Corina1143

Just bring the coffee pot to your desk. Two birds with one stone. Coffee at your desk, and you can make "in person" friends when others come to your desk for their coffee.

I just won't exercise alone, and I can't get to the gym in this cold. Solutions?

cmsienk

nossmf wrote: »

*****
Before I took my annual Christmas vacation, I could sit all day in my office chair pain-free. But ever since I returned to the office, after a couple hours my knee begins to ache vehemently, and only walking around for a few minutes seems to relieve the pain. Since I'm the same person I was before my break, obviously the problem must reside with the chair I'm using. I'm thinking there's some kind of conspiracy at the office where somebody switched out my comfy chair for this diabolical contraption. Since all the office furniture looks identical to everybody else's, I'm at a loss for how to prove my theory. Any suggestions how I can find the chair-napper culprit and regain my rightful chair?

When you park your car in your work parking lot tomorrow, strip down completely and place all your clothes into a water-proof bag, along with a bath towel. It's only a 1/2 mile walk from the parking lot, right? As you walk into the office common area, announce in a loud voice, "I will remain in this towel until whoever took my comfy chair returns it." Someone will surely take pity on everyone else in the office, 'fess up and return your chair.

Corina1143 wrote: »

I just won't exercise alone, and I can't get to the gym in this cold. Solutions?

Start your own exercise class. Move all the furniture out of your living room and invite, urge everyone who stops by your house to join you -- your mail carrier, Amazon delivery driver, the Instacart driver, Uber driver... you might need to regularly order from Amazon, your grocery store, and schedule several Uber pickups... but think how many calories you and your new team of exercisers will burn. And you won't be alone in your efforts.

*****

I'm looking for a good gift idea for a client who has given me a lot of business over the years. Gift cards are boring... does anyone have a good suggestion?

nossmf

** Editor's Note: I just re-read the entire thread, took two days to do so. I'd forgotten so much wisdom we've collectively contributed! **

In your line of work, a "client" is someone who pays you to complete a job, right? By definition, then, doesn't that make them the "boss?" How about getting them a "World's Greatest Boss" gift! They come in so many varieties, you're sure to find one which suits their personality...coffee mug, bowling ball bag, steering wheel cover, fuzzy handcuffs...use your imagination and pick whichever one makes you think most about them!

*****

In another thread, the discussion recently featured how greater flexibility helps improve gym performance. I was so inspired I tried to touch my toes, but failed. Any suggestions how to improve my flexibility, since I want that improved gym performance?

Cat0703a

Might I suggest having your wife climb on your back to give you the extra push you need to reach those toes of yours?

After @nossmf does this and realize the poor missus is going to land on her head, what can he do to make it up to her?

cmsienk

Has he installed those hardwood floors she wanted? If not, this is probably a good time to spring this gift on her. She'll be so excited, she'll completely forget that he dropped her on her head.

I've been doing pretty well at sticking to an exercise routine, but sometimes when I'm travelling, it's either too early or too late to go to the hotel gym. And sometimes my hotel room is so small, there isn't even any room for doing push-ups, etc. Any suggestions for little workouts I can sneak in that don't require machines or weights?

Cat0703a

You’ve come to the right place!!! 20+ years in hotel management, I was an expert. You offer to take luggage up to the rooms. And you are much too strong to need a luggage cart or the elevator. You carry the suitcases all in one go, up the stairs!! You may even earn some extra money. Now it gets a bit challenging when there isn’t luggage and you have time to workout. That’s when you carry the bellman up the stairs. If the bellman are hiding you can use any available hotel employee except for the folks in the kitchen. While they may make a mean frittata for you in the morning, they don’t love being picked up for some strange reason.

Anyone else have some exercise tips for our hotel living friend?

nossmf

Most hotels are very boring, with every room having identical furniture placement. Enliven the place by rearranging the furniture yourself! If you ask nicely, the hotel manager will let you use the master key, so you can go room to room and change the configuration to something different in each room. Bonus points if you move the bed or chairs while somebody is occupying it! Soon the hotel will be the talk of the town, with every new guest eager to discover what unique arrangement their room has in store for them. Your hotel will be so glad for the increased business, they will probably let you stay for free!

*****

I've noticed after my last few weightlifting workouts that the muscles I worked are weaker for the rest of the day. I thought the whole point of weightlifting was to grow stronger. What am I doing wrong?

frankwbrown

Well, let's just apply a little logic to the situation:

If working out makes your muscles weaker for the rest of the day, and if you work out every day or so, then it necessarily follows that your muscles will get weaker and weaker over time.
What's the solution? Not working out! If working out makes them weaker, then not working out will make them stronger. This is simple cause and effect. The logic is irrefutable. Give it a try, and if you notice yourself getting too strong, just start working out for a while.

~~~~~~~

My grandnephew is visiting and we (all) went to a fine restaurant to celebrate (belatedly) his and his grandfather's birthdays. I chose a Spicy Meatball Pizza. I only ate half of it, but still, my weight was up over a pound this morning. So, having just returned from tai chi, I wanted something light for breakfast - a coffee and a few biscuits. I sat down here with the coffee and biscuits, and began catching up on some threads. And after contemplating then answering the preceding question, I looked over and saw that all 3 biscuits are gone, but there's still plenty of coffee. I didn't see anyone sneak the biscuits and I don't recall eating (all of) them, so what happened?

nossmf

Have you ever seen a movie where a character takes a bite of something spicy, proclaims loudly how spicy it was, then breathes fire to relieve the internal heat buildup? I suspect something similar happened here, as a result of you dining on Spicy Meatball Pizza. Since you only ate half of the pizza, the buildup of heat to critical mass got delayed from an immediate reaction to several hours later. (The buildup of heat energy was reflected on the scale...you thought you had gained weight, when in reality you gained energy, which can sometimes be mistaken for increased mass thanks to Einstein's famous equation E=mc^2.)

When you sat down before your computer, no doubt one (or more) of the posts you read caused you to sigh out loud at the stupidity or naivete of the world, possibly while shaking your head and either closing or rolling your eyes. It was during these critical moments that your body finally released the built up heat from the spicy pizza in the form of short bursts of fire directed at the plate of biscuits. By the time you thought to grab another biscuit, the bout of fire breathing had ended, but only after incinerating the innocent pastries. The bad news is you cannot eat the treat, but the good news you have relieved your body of the excess thermal energy, thus your weight has no doubt returned to normal. Go check on the scale, you should be back to where you were before your dinner the other night.

Why haven't we heard of other people exhibiting this capability in the news? Most people have to suffer through burning mouths since they cannot release the heat energy in any other way, but a very few tai chi masters have discovered this alternate form of energy release. The fact you have now demonstrated this ability means you have reached the 12th Level of Awakening, a ranking most tai chi masters fail to achieve. You should run to share this revelation with your tai chi teacher, who will most certainly help connect you with the nearest grand master who will personally take over your training from this point forward.

*****

My youngest daughter turns 16 years old next week, a fact my wife is vehemently denying is possible, she (my wife) is not old enough to have four children age 16 and over. My question revolves around the old tradition of calling this birthday "Sweet 16." How did this nickname for this milestone birthday get started, considering most teenagers (my daughter included) are anything BUT sweet in temperament at this age?

cmsienk

It's a typo. Whoever coined the phrase meant to type "Sweat 16" - as in, the behavior of 16 year-old people makes you break out in a sweat. You're anxious, frustrated, even angry... hence Sweat 16.

Due the freezing weather most of the US is experiencing right now, electric cars, specifically in the Northeast, are having trouble charging or holding a charge. What can be done to remedy this?

frankwbrown

As an owner of an electric car, I have given this some thought. Owning an electric vehicle does require being well-informed and well-prepared -- it's a basic prerequisite. Even in warm weather, there is the risk that you might find yourself too far from a charging station when you need one. So I always carry some extra batteries with me in case that need arises. But you don't want just any batteries. The obvious choice is Energizer batteries! The Energizer Bunny is clear proof that with their batteries, you can "keep going and going..."


Before you know it, the American Football season will be over. What exciting sport should people begin following to fill the endless hours no longer spent watching 32 teams battling it out on the field?