GF issues w/ the gym/ fitness
Replies
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Insecurity. She wishes she had the discipline to do what you're doing and it makes he feel bad. Now that she lashed out, she can't start doing what you're doing because she would come off looking like a hypocrite. She's in a rut she doesn't know how to get out off. Classic psychology.0
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I don't know what your girlfriend is thinking/feeling. Maybe you should ask her.0
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"you girls"
just no.0 -
She sounds like a winner!0
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I've known of a couple of girls who get jealous of the time a guy their seeing spends in the gym. I think a lot has to do with insecurities over you finding a fitter girlfriend basically - but I haven't seen it that widespread, such as in every girl I've known.
Honestly, I think if you two are going to stay together and work this out, you need to communicate a lot more and get across to her that you can't continue the way it is now. You're obviously with her for a reason, but she needs to understand that it isn't right for her to be so unsupportive.0 -
I don't know where you're meeting these girls because none of this even made sense to me. Please do not generalize all women. Some of us don't sweat the small stuff and don't try to control others.0
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Sounds like she's nitpicking about things that aren't even issues. I wouldn't care if my guy spent time in the gym unless he was spending all of it there. Admittedly I might try to change that but if I couldn't, then I would know he's not the one for me.0
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Hey, in case no one has said this on this thread I'm just going to point out here the following:
1) People here get upset if you generalize something. They aren't a fan of it, so when you generalize something, everyone is going to post on here they aren't fans of it.
2) My guess is not all women are like that. I'm sure no one has said that in this thread so far, so I figured I'd say it here. You know, in case you didn't read the other 1.5 pages of posts.
Oh damn! I just realized most of the posts on this thread said those exact things over and over! *sighs* I better go take my useful knowledge elsewhere.0 -
You have probably just gotten unlucky. Unless you are dating hundreds of women, you probably don't really have a statistically valid sample . . . Maybe just the women in your area, or school, or profession, or ???Like this is common amongst every girl I have seen lately.
I guess so, The people saying "girls" vs "girl" and me generalizing..... I am speaking about the last 3 girls I have dated. I referenced my current situation and not all 3 . . .
I could understand if I was always "at the gym", "late for dinner" said stuff like "Sorry bro can't go for dinner I'm cutting" but I am no way like that at all!!!!!! it's really caught me off guard as this all came up last night and I am legit seriously upset right now.
To reference the other 2 girls; one was Italian and couldn't grasp my gluten allergy and how I could not eat pasta..... unless it was gluten free... the gluten free part never got through her head... The other one challenged the gym and asked me to choose.... I still go to the gym end of story there. That girl was crazy to say the least.
Thanks for all the feed back I am enjoying reading everyone's different views and appreciate it
Brad0 -
That's not girls... That's your girl.
Just break up.
/thread.
QFT
it *was* my girl too though, not with the gym, I wasn't looking after myself then, but with everything, she was a controlling freak.
Sounds like you bagged one yaself mate, it will only end one way, get out sooner rather than later to save yourself some pain and hassle.
P.S. I just noticed your ticker:
GOOD WORK SIR, but i encourage you to surround yoursef with positivity, not nagging whiney controlling *****es.0 -
I'm going to ignore the "you girls" comment. Of course all women aren't like that. Duh.
If she met you after you lost your weight, then she's crazy and controlling. She picked a gym rat and wants to change you.
If she met you before you lost your weight, then she's insecure and controlling. You got amazingly healthy and she only cares how it affects her.
Man, you lost 170 pounds but your head hasn't caught up yet. You are letting people treat you like garbage, while you bend over backwards to be nice. The people in your life should be cheering you on for a huge accomplishment.0 -
I don't get upset when you generalize. I think you should take your generalizations about when people get upset and go elsewhere.
1) People here get upset if you generalize something. They aren't a fan of it, so when you generalize something, everyone is going to post on here they aren't fans of it.
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I don't know but it sounds like you don't feel supported, validated. appreciated or understood. Did you always have this feeling of not being content in relationships or just with her in particular?
Does she drink a lot?
Why are you going without sleep for this person? Who wants to do a day with two hours sleep? I wouldn't want to go without sleep.
How do YOU feel about yourself? I looked at your photos you were adorable when big too, you seem like a super nice guy. You've achieved so much, congratulations and well done with that.
Not going to say hey just break up that's a bit extreme but maybe some some seaching is needed.
Ask yourself what would be the perfect situation for you. Maybe you guys end up breaking up maybe you will work things out.0 -
Hey, in case no one has said this on this thread I'm just going to point out here the following:
1) People here get upset if you generalize something. They aren't a fan of it, so when you generalize something, everyone is going to post on here they aren't fans of it.
2) My guess is not all women are like that. I'm sure no one has said that in this thread so far, so I figured I'd say it here. You know, in case you didn't read the other 1.5 pages of posts.
Oh damn! I just realized most of the posts on this thread said those exact things over and over! *sighs* I better go take my useful knowledge elsewhere.
Seriously I can not believe out of everything that I just said, people are extrapolating a generalization.... and choosing to comment on that. Like wow give me a break already having a hard enough time as it is I don't need the negativity or trolling right now.0 -
All girls or women are not like that at all. I have this from my boyfriend, it's because they don't share the same interests.
He will never dull my passion for the gym - don't let her do yours
I have just re read your post and she is totally insecure and clearly thinks that you love the gym more than you love her, as for her family and your friends... I would take it with a pinch of salt... They just can't handle how in control you are with the not drinking and clean eating!
NEVER CHANGE FOR A GIRL. A relationship should enhance your lifestyle not hassle it0 -
My partner was the first of the two of us to join the gym, buy new workout clothes, start losing weight, got a PT, cut out the fatty foods, etc etc. Then I joined in. Then we got into a healthy competition about it. Then I overtook. Then she quit. Then she didn't want to know.
We went through a lot of eye-rolling, sabotage attempts, arguments, the lot. Eventually she came round to it and she's supportive and really just lets me get on with it. We don't talk about the gym, but she will ask now and then, and we'll compromise on food. I don't care if she wants to eat badly, it's for her to decide, like she doesn't care if I don't want to drink all the time either. We just eventually started to get on with it as the way things are.0 -
1. My boyfriend doesn't really drink, he doesn't like to and has bad experiences when he drinks too much, I don't say anything or care that he doesn't drink, just care if he's having fun.
2. My boyfriend and I live around 30 minutes away from each other (on the highway, so like 30ish milse) we don't see each other that often, but even on the nights we do, we both workout, I generally see him on the days I don't lift and jsut run, and I run before work, but I give him his 1-1.5 hours at the gym, I just go into work late or hang out around the mall or something. I respect that he wants to workout and he respects the same for me.
3. My boyfriend eats all the foods. I don't say anything or really care, I can put some food down myself.
Don't think the problem is with all women, sounds like the problem is with the type of women you date. I suggest speaking with her about how much it bothers you that she says that stuff and try to work out a compromise and see if she just doesn't realize what she does. If she keeps doing it, it may be time to move on to a new relationship.0 -
If she has recently lost 90 lbs then it's likely that she is still holding on to some previous insecurities and feels threatened by the kind of women that you may encounter at the gym. The reasoning for that could also be that she's getting a lot of male attention now somewhere that she goes without you and that she's projecting her own experiences onto you to distract from what her own experiences post-weightloss. Lots of ways this could be going... honestly? If nothing else it sounds like she's not terribly supportive and that you're not crazy about her family... if it's not serious then I'd consider making things more casual with her until her 'tude changes.0
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If the last three women you've dated have been like this, I would look at what the common denominator may be bringing to the situation.
P.S. that's you.0 -
First post wins.0
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That's not girls... That's your girl.
Just break up.
/thread.
Pretty much.If it were someone that truly cared about you she would love all things about you regardless.
Disagree. Caring about someone does not mean you have to love everything they do. That said, I couldn't date someone who was constantly on my back about my fitness and dietary habits. Training is not a hobby for me. It is a very, very important part of my life. So I don't just need you to accept it; I want you to support me in it. That means you don't ask me to skip training sessions or to get less sleep because you want to go out. It also means you don't ask me to eat crap food with you all the time because your family finds it annoying that I don't eat what they eat. If you can't do that, I'm not the woman for you. Period.
So, OP, you need to:
1) decide what's more important to you between your workouts/diet and your girlfriend
2) take a firm stand one way or the other
3) stop blaming "you girls" for the crap YOUR girl pulls
I agree with "
"If it were someone that truly cared about you she would love all things about you regardless.
If you come from a place of unconditional love, you're able to handle and discuss the things that may not sit well with you. Your girlfriend was raised to have some hang ups/insecurities regarding her relationships or food.
Does her family put an unnecessary influence on being thin? Were they poor at one point? Either of these issues may cause the upset about having two chicken patties instead of one.
Regardless, it is HER issue, not yours. Within reason, if you want to work things out with her, you should express the reasons why you like to work out and eat the way you do --- in a calm/nonemotional way. If she still has issues, it likely comes from her personal insecurities. Is it possible that she thinks you've MET someone at the gym? Invite her to go, even if she does not want to.
Sit her down and get her to HONESTLY open up and assess why she is having these feelings. If she can't be honest with herself about where they come from, then she won't be able to resolve them.
My two cents.
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(P.S. I say this as a woman who has discovered the DISTINCT difference between "love" and "unconditional love." Love is about how good the other person makes you feel and how you want to be with them because you like that feeling. Unconditional love is about being non-judgment and uplifting the one you care about because you want to make them happy, not because of the emotional high they give you. That doesn't mean that they can mistreat me or are better than me. That just means that we communicate honestly and don't try to change our partner to fit our mold. We love them as a person and accept them for who they are and only speak out when something makes both parties unhappy or unhealthy.)0 -
Its great you aren't married - if she disapproves of such a fundamental and healthy aspect of your life, you will just be much better off parting ways.0
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Why do all the cool guys end up with the crazy b!tches?
You are meeting the wrong kind of girls.0 -
That's not girls... That's your girl.
Just break up.
/thread.
No more needs to be said...0 -
Maybe she's insecure with herself and is afraid you are checking out girls while you are working out that are in fantastic shape? Jealousy and insecurities will do some strange things to a person and make them act "weird".
It's not all girls. I love the gym and have been pressuring my husband to go since he is always complaining about his body and that he doesn't like his weight. He however doesn't seem interested so I've recently decided to back off. I personally love his body so don't think he needs to go and I don't want him to think I am trying to force him to lose weight. I just want to be supportive of him no matter what his choices.0 -
One word...insecurity.0
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from what I read, she sounds insecure. Its more about her than you. Maybe she fears you will get all hot and dump her for someone whose lifestyle is more fitting to yours...0
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*piles my way in past the trolls and generalization haters*....THANK YOU!!!! \m/
OK, I can tell you from my personal experience what it was like being with someone who didn't work out....I'm married to her....and at the beginning of last year I decided after slipping the majority of time over that previous fall and early winter that it was time for me to do something about it. We both had a membership to a gym that I had recently stopped going to and she pretty much never went to begin with. My schedule is different than hers....I work 7am to 3pm, she works 8:30 to 5pm. I would go after work for about an hour and be home to help her with dinner. When she started noticing that I was still red from cooling down, she asked me if I was going....so when I said yeah at first it wasn't a big deal....but a few weeks later she started getting aggravated about it...and I'd ask what's wrong....she told me that it makes her look bad.......had to scratch my head on that one.....me going and working out while she chooses to not, though we have 24 hr access to a gym and no kids to speak of.....me choosing to better myself and my situation makes her look bad. I decided after that to not mention it ever again (made to feel I was cheating on her with fitness), because (and you'll want to keep this in mind) my health is more important than people's perception of you (or your over exaggerated perception of self) .
Fast forward to recently....I still go, and I had to go off on her about the above fact...first because it was annoying to pay for a membership to a place you don't go to (wasting money), but also slacking your self-made commitment.
She now goes early morning, not because I make her feel bad about it (in fact I don't say anything at all), but she realizes that doing nothing gets her nowhere. Good luck to you \m/0 -
I have a question for you: why are you minimizing her accomplishment of losing 90 pounds by saying "she just changed her eating habits and did a bit of spinning"? Granted, she didn't lose as much as you but its 90 freakin pounds! You don't just lose that on accident. It takes massive effort and discipline. Perhaps she is picking up on this attitude that you are projecting, that her accomplishment isn't as grand as yours? Maybe I read it wrong, or misinterpreted but it seems you are acting like her lifestyle change is "no big deal" because you are more into it or more extreme than her. JMO. Not accusing, but are you giving off a "I'm better than you" vibe? Really think about it. Just an idea. I would be offended, too.
On another note, I agree not all women are like this. I'm definitely not. I LOVE it when my husband works out. I am thrilled for the fact that he is taking care of himself, I want to grow old with him. Him and I both share the same passion and ideals for living healthier and try to support one another. He never ever got jealous or angry when I spent lots of time at the gym and vice versa. Some days he works 12 hours, comes home, eats dinner then spends another hour or so working out. We also have 2 kids. Some people would say that is selfish of him, but I view it as an investment in the future
This means he will be around a long time for me and the kids and I see that. 0 -
If it were someone that truly cared about you she would love all things about you regardless.
Agreed. I love everything about my husband - even the ridiculous stuff. I've never wanted to change him because he was just right for me the way I found him. He's just adorable and he gets more adorable every year (we've been together 13 years). It sounds to me like maybe your girlfriend isn't the best match for you. I can't imagine being annoyed when my husband goes to the gym - I like him to be healthy and fit. I can't imagine giving him a hard time for not wanting to drink - everyone loves a designated driver, right? And how hard is it to show support for your significant other's health issues (the gluten thing)? I don't understand her because that's not the way I think.
When you find the right person, you'll know it because you'll feel so safe, comfortable and respected. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0
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