GF issues w/ the gym/ fitness
Replies
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First problem is you are dating a girl, find a woman!
Secondly, find a woman who loves and supports you in ALL you do. (if it isn't hurting anyone or yourself)
I don't get why some women/men have issues when their S.O wants to get fit and healthy. My husband would go to the gym and I would cheer him on, make his shakes and ask about his workout. And now that he is working long hours and can't go to the gym like he would want too, he now cheers me on.
Your lover, should also be your number ONE supporter!0 -
So I need advice / opinions, I figured why not post something here since I don’t know anyone on this thing in real life so here we go.
What’s up with you girls and not liking the fact that people who enjoy working out spend allot of time in the gym. Like this is common amongst every girl I have seen lately. You guys seem to love the results however you have an issue with the gym.
My current gf has “huge” issues with me working out….. realize I go to the gym in the morning (up around 4:30am arrive at 5:30-6:00am)so it does not affect our personal life or time together as we don’t even live together .I also don’t ever say “I have to go to bed have the gym in the morning”, I just go with lack of sleep instead. IE today I got 2 hours of sleep maybe 2.5hrs
My “weird eating habits”…. her and I are both have gluten allergies….Why is it weird that I eat 2 chicken breasts instead of 1?? I don’t get it…. Her whole family has this hang up and I don’t know where the heck it came from, I’m sure it has something to do with her saying something about gluten, but she has the same problem… idk.
The fact that I don’t drink alcohol even though I explained I don’t drink because alcoholism runs in my family(Fathers side) and that is my reasoning to never drinking. Like it makes sense, I don’t smoke crack either … maybe I should have some of that if it becomes socially acceptable ? I don’t care when or if she drinks … I could understand it if I made comments but I don’t give a ****. All my friends drink, I go to bars with them all the time … what’s the issue you get a free cab every weekend cause I don’t drink. . .
So yeah if you got around to reading all of that, I look forward to some opinions of some men who’ve been in the same situation and some woman who have an issue with this and why. To be clear I have asked her what her issue is with me being into fitness, nutrition and the human anatomy and she just says “I don’t know”, I’ve never preached it once to her or anyone. I actually hate the attention I get because of my weight loss, one day you’ll get there when for the 100000000 time someone asks you what “diet” are you on, when you just eat healthy.
Oh and make note… I don’t talk about what I do at the gym with her at all, it’s “did you go to the gym today?” Me: Yup…. Conversation changed to something else. I did not know her before when I was bigger, however she is aware of my weight loss, she has also lost 90lbs however she just changed eating habits and did a bit of spinning.
Thanks for reading,
Brad
I think it is the girl that is the problem! I actually have a close male friend who has a similar lifestyle, and honestly, I have no issue with it.
Have you asked her what her major malfunction is with you going to the gym? Does she think you have an inappropriate relationship with someone there? My hubby was worried about me having a good looking male trainer.
Your diet. Maybe you need to sit down and SHOW her that since you are a guy, your nutritional needs are different. If you weigh more, you need more fuel, and you need more protein to maintain muscle mass. Hubby bugged me about what I should be eating, and it drove me nuts. Finally I told him I had NOT hired him as the diet police, so if he ever wanted to get laid again, he better STFU.0 -
OP: So, specifically referencing the "food" issues, like the 2 pieces of chicken and gluten free.... is your GF doing all of the grocery shopping and cooking? If so, it could be stressful to place rules and limitations on what she buys and prepares.
My BF eats way more protein than i do. We worked this out by grocery shopping together, and cooking together. That way, he can't get upset at how little meat i'm cooking/grilling, and I can't get upset at how much more time goes into preparing more food. Plus, the time working together is fun and ended up making some great memories.
Good luck with your situation, sounds like you just need to talk to her. Figure out what is really going on, like why she is hating on your gym time. I don't get it. But then both I and my BF workout. *shrug*0 -
Hell, I ask my boyfriend if he went to the gym because I'm proud of his efforts to be healthier and it pushes me to go to the gym more myself and to get healthier as well.
Whether or not she likes something should not determine her support or lack there of. It's something YOU love that is good for you. That in itself should be reason enough for her to back off. If it were a destructive habit, I'd say otherwise, but it's not.
If she is this un-budging in her support of these things you've mentioned now, how unsupportive will she be about other things later on in life? How many things will she question you constantly on?
If she doesn't see anything wrong with at least the way she approaches these things, it's time to move on. It's not healthy to be in a relationship with someone who sees no error in the way they do anything.0 -
This. Guys are so much less hassle. Particularly if you're into strength. The ones with the boobs are rare.Just go gay and workout with you new bf.0 -
First problem is you are dating a girl, find a woman!
Secondly, find a woman who loves and supports you in ALL you do. (if it isn't hurting anyone or yourself)
I don't get why some women/men have issues when their S.O wants to get fit and healthy. My husband would go to the gym and I would cheer him on, make his shakes and ask about his workout. And now that he is working long hours and can't go to the gym like he would want too, he now cheers me on.
Your lover, should also be your number ONE supporter!
^^^This!!0 -
What’s up with you girls and not liking the fact that people who enjoy working out spend allot of time in the gym.That's not girls... That's your girl.
Just break up.
/thread.
Yup.0 -
That's not girls... That's your girl.
Just break up.
/thread.
Best summary possible right there. Sounds like she's demanding all your attention imo.0 -
I can't really tell what to do but it's clear you are in the right.
And really it sounds as if she ill-wishes you if she wants you to be unhealthy, eat trash and drink alcohol instead of what you are currently at. Find out what is her problem, because if this is what her personality is like, she actually wants you to lose this sort of virtue in life then she is not a dating material at all.0 -
If she bawks at you having 2 chicken breasts, she'd be tripping balls with me scoffing 3-4 a time.
She sounds very insecure, and it could be an attitude that runs in her family - some people are conditioned to think anyone that does different to their family is 'wrong'.0 -
Hey,
Sounds like she might have a bit of control / guilt / insecurity issues.
You going to the gym so consistantly if she doesn't might be prompting feelings that you look better than her physically, many woman have issues with this, why I don't know, perhaps thinking a better in shape woman will take you away...
Drinking - If you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't drink but you do, it can bring on feelings of guilt for wanting to do something that obviously your partner isn't into. Even if you don't judge her, she might be judgeing herself without even realizing it.
So you either put up with it, talk it out or rethink. But in the end are these really that serious of issues to you?? Every relationship has small things like this, is it worth causing a ton of drama over?0 -
One word. *INSECURITY* Your girlfriend has it.0
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That's not girls... That's your girl.
Just break up.
/thread.
um. yeah.
My boyfriend goes to the gym almost every single day. I have no problem with it. In fact I go with him very often. He talks about fitness and being healthy a lot. I have no problem with it. It's actually good conversation between us as we are both always trying to make ourselves look and feel better. Although he will eat any good good he enjoys, he doesnt eat too unhealthy too often because he feels it would be counterintuitive to what he is trying to accomplish. I have no issue with it and I do the same.
Even if me and him weren't doing the same things in terms of fitness and health, I wouldn't harrass him about his choices. What exactly is there to complain about? That I have a muscular, healthy, good looking boyfriend who is goal orientated?
Like someone else said, you're dating a girl not a woman.0 -
First off this is not all women this is just her and her issues..Secondly, My husband goes MWF to the gym for two classes from 5:45-8pm he does Jiu Jitsu and Muay Thai. It does not bother me one bit that he goes. However if there is an event at our children's school or something going on here at home I do ask him not to go on those nights or attend one class. He leaves me to work out to every night. If this is an issue now for her or you than maybe you need to rethink what you want in the future.0
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First, your girlfriend is like this, not all women.
Second, my initial thought is that it's insecurity. She thinks you're going to get more fit, get more attention from other women and leave her.
^^agree^^ also IMO if you think this relationship is important then I would suggest some counseling for both of you. even if its just an impartial person listening to both sides - this could save you a divorce on down the road. If the relationship isn't that important to work this out then go ahead and break up now.0 -
My family all has weight issues. And I could be at my parents house and they would make fried potatoes or have chocolate cake. Not that there's anything wrong with those, but at the beginning of my journey, I was still weak and so I didn't want the temptation. They didn't get it! They would say, it's only one slice, but that one slice leads to two. So maybe her family and her just don't quite understand the lifestyle and the dedication it entails. Educate them, make them understand and maybe they will get it.0
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Mine issues were the exact opposite, but it's gotten better.
My boyfriend was starting to get all annoyed that I would take an hour out of my day to go for a walk/run instead of hang out with him, that I didn't feel like drinking 3 weekends in a row, and I didn't want to get fast food for dinner.
I think it started to change when he realized I was passionate this time... And when he started noticing my legs/waist getting smaller (like when I was so happy I bought pants smaller), he started to relax. We had to have a chat that ended up with him telling me that he wanted to join me on my runs!
Food is going to the biggest thing with him...
The point of my story is that if she's not willing to at least discuss this with you, support and encourage you, and maybe even make some changes herself, then maybe it's just not going to work. It's hard to eat chicken and veggies beside someone eating McDonalds.0 -
First things first, she can read everything you and everyone else wrote now. It is on the internet. This may make her upset more.
Second, I think you should talk to her about this.
Lastly, I think it would do you both good to partner up with each other and go to the gym together. That way it is a team effort.0 -
You're meeting the wrong girls...
Definitely. I would NEVER get upset If my boyfriend were as dedicated to working out as you are. My boyfriend is healthy and goes to the gym quite often. He may not go often as you do, but it makes me happy that he cares about his health, not upset. Good for you for all that you've accomplished and shame on her for not appreciating that. Tell her that this is how you are and it won't ever change, if she can't accept that then you should move on. There are plenty of women out there who enjoy exercise and healthy eating, and they will be right there with you rather than fighting against you.0 -
You might have to really sit down and talk to her about what her issue is and not except "I don't know" for an answer. My guess would be that she is insecure with something about herself and she might be scared that if you look all hot that maybe you will leave her for someone else. Especially if she has also lost weight, sometimes they still see themselves as bigger even when they aren't.
I personally would love a guy that cared about his health so please don't think you are doing anything wrong. Especially since what you have described seems like you going to the gym is not effecting the relationship at all. If she can't get over this, then maybe she just isn't the right one for you. Good luck. Relationship problems suck.0 -
OP... you're a 30 year old man. First of all, you make your own decisions. Secondly, if your girlfriend is the same age and she's causing a scene over a healthy and fairly normal lifestyle shes got deeper issues. I'm pretty sure you know this, but just don't want to acknowledge it.
I've dealt with this in the past, but i was like 18. If any girl tried to pull me away from the gym now, i'd leave her flat out.0 -
Now it's the gym, next it will be hanging out with your friends... you don't have to give up on what you like to be with someone. I'd really have a serious talk with her.
Also... you need to sleep man. 2.5 hours a night is not going to help you.0 -
She's probably insecure and feels fat??0
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From the sounds of your post these are all things that were normal for you before you met her, so if that is the case she shouldn't be complaining, it is who you are and the only you she has known. I never understood why people try to change someone they are with, just find some one you like to begin with.
I had this issue with my 1st husband when I tried to lose weight, he was majorly insecure and thought if I didn't better myself I would stay with him forever. He was the master of the backhanded compliments. IT DOES NOT GET BETTER WITH MARRAIGE, IT DOES NOT GET BETTER BY GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO APPEASE THEM!!!
My current husband met me and married me at my heaviest weight 300 lbs + or - . I remained heavy for the 5 years we dated and for the first eight years of our marriage. Then last year I decided I needed to change, I could no longer remain over weight and sedentary. I started changing my diet first, it was a little bumpy in the beginning because nobody likes change, especially my husband, I sat him down when we were both calm and explained why I needed to change and that it would be very difficult for me and next to impossible without his support. He got on board, started putting my scale on the table while setting it and measuring cups and spoons.
Then I started exercising too, again a little bumpy at first but I sat him down again and we talked about it, now he is on board with me going to the gym or for a run.
. I have now lost 84 lbs and am still going strong. He has bought himself a bike and is trying to get more active with it. He is also starting to accept attempting to eat healthier. I try small changes and if he likes them they stick if not that's ok to. I eat what I need to and he eats what he likes.
My point is, you shouldn't even need to have the talk because it's who you were when she met you but if you think she is worth it, sit her down and talk if nothing changes move on to the next woman. Life is to short to be miserable.0 -
My current gf has “huge” issues with me working out….. realize I go to the gym in the morning (up around 4:30am arrive at 5:30-6:00am)so it does not affect our personal life or time together as we don’t even live together
My “weird eating habits”…. The fact that I don’t drink alcohol
To be clear I have asked her what her issue is with me being into fitness, nutrition and the human anatomy and she just says “I don’t know”, I’ve never preached it once to her or anyone. I actually hate the attention I get because of my weight loss
...she is aware of my weight loss, she has also lost 90lbs however she just changed eating habits and did a bit of spinning."
She lost 90lbs by changing her eating habits and doing "a bit of spinning" ? WELL THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM!
They way you workout/eat is not the same as the way she worksout/eats.
Sounds like her lifestye is more flexible, yet diet limiting - she 'does a bit of spinning' and is able to have a drink when you go out. And she has changed her eating habits to enable her loss of 90 LBS.
You on the other hand, live a regimented life in terms of workingout, but seemingly eat a larger amounts of food/calories (2 chicken breasts not one) rather than eating less.
You don't like talking about your weight loss, and put off talk by saying you eat healthy. But that is downplaying what you really are doing/have accomplished -- you have a strong commitment in working daily. How would your girlfriend answer questions about her weight loss?
And it sounds like you don't believe her way to be as 'right' as your way -- so it is not surprising she comments on the differences between your approach and her own.0 -
If you want to salvage the relationship, I suggest helping to build her self-esteem. She may feel like she is playing out of her league by dating you, and is unconsciously sabotaging it. If so, her issue is not with they gym and fitness, it is you rising ever farther out of her reach (perceived or otherwise). This is a rather frequent issue for women who went through an "ugly-duckling" phase, and haven't figured out that they are pretty. Society has a really big hangup on women's physical beauty, and it causes crippling insecurities.
Having a poor self-image is not an excuse to mistreat people.
I never said it was. I encouraged him to see if the issues can be addressed and sorted out. I did not advocate living with the problem.0 -
That's not girls... That's your girl.
Just break up.
/thread.
3) stop blaming "you girls" for the crap YOUR girl pulls
^That
That is an annoying girl, and I don't have any idea what chicken breast has to do with being gluten free (I'm also gluten free)0 -
Yeah, I'd say she's just kind of a *****, in my opinion. It's kind of the opposite with my boyfriend (but in a good way) in that I am the one going to the gym all the time, but he doesn't mind, he encourages me and supports me. I am just not a morning person and never will be, so I prefer exercising in the evenings after work and he finds that weird, being a morning person himself, but understands that I am different and encourages me to do whatever makes me feel good and successful in my fitness journey.
Also, for eating, I've recently switched to a more clean eating lifestyle (like 95%) and he loves all the recipes I've made so far. And I understand that he needs to eat more than me (being a guy and taller, bigger, muscular) so yes, I make him 2 chicken breasts when I only eat 1.
If your girlfriend can't understand or encourage your lifestyle choices (like working out, not drinking etc) then get rid of her. A true caring partner is one who encourages you to be the best you can be and do what makes you happy.0 -
This. Guys are so much less hassle. Particularly if you're into strength. The ones with the boobs are rare.Just go gay and workout with you new bf.
QFT
Though, apparently if you are a woman, posting a pic of your biceps or boobs turns you into a "bro", so there's that option, too.0 -
BOOHISS! Get rid of the girl!!! Anything that robs you of your serenity has got to go! You only have one life, spend your time wisely so spend it with people who lift you up and encourage you to be the best possible you -- anyone else is just an obstacle and life is too damn short! Move on!0
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