GF issues w/ the gym/ fitness

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  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Sounds like you just don't have anything in common and she's one of those people who thinks if it doesn't interest her, it's not worth anyone's time.

    I don't know anything else about your relationship, but not all women are that way and I suspect most aren't.
  • sanndandi
    sanndandi Posts: 300 Member
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    That's not girls... That's your girl.

    Just break up.

    /thread.

    QFT

    Yep. Except, maybe not the break up part. That's up to you.

    But, seriously, men don't have the monopoly on fitness. I'm up every day at 5am to go kill it at CrossFit. And sometimes I run at night too. Generalizations are bad things...
    ^
  • jen_zz
    jen_zz Posts: 1,011 Member
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    "You girls"? This is just YOUR girl.
  • thatsillyshana
    thatsillyshana Posts: 141
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    Funny enough, my bf is the same way. He gives me crap about not eating enough and only wants me to work out with him (which is dumb because his form is off and he wants me to run 2 miles with a heart condition). But my mom was life your gf when my dad would go work out. I think my mom was jealous that my dad was getting healthy and my mom didn't have the willpower to help herself. Or maybe they have an issue with the meathead stereotype and think that the more you focus on health, the dumber you are. idk. I hope things work out for you.

    Also, i get mad when my bf eats too much chicken, but that's because we can't afford to buy more and he doesn't care.
  • ACepero79
    ACepero79 Posts: 711 Member
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    So I need advice / opinions, I figured why not post something here since I don’t know anyone on this thing in real life so here we go.

    What’s up with you girls and not liking the fact that people who enjoy working out spend allot of time in the gym. Like this is common amongst every girl I have seen lately. You guys seem to love the results however you have an issue with the gym.

    My current gf has “huge” issues with me working out….. realize I go to the gym in the morning (up around 4:30am arrive at 5:30-6:00am)so it does not affect our personal life or time together as we don’t even live together .I also don’t ever say “I have to go to bed have the gym in the morning”, I just go with lack of sleep instead. IE today I got 2 hours of sleep maybe 2.5hrs

    My “weird eating habits”…. her and I are both have gluten allergies….Why is it weird that I eat 2 chicken breasts instead of 1?? I don’t get it…. Her whole family has this hang up and I don’t know where the heck it came from, I’m sure it has something to do with her saying something about gluten, but she has the same problem… idk.

    The fact that I don’t drink alcohol even though I explained I don’t drink because alcoholism runs in my family(Fathers side) and that is my reasoning to never drinking. Like it makes sense, I don’t smoke crack either … maybe I should have some of that if it becomes socially acceptable ? I don’t care when or if she drinks … I could understand it if I made comments but I don’t give a ****. All my friends drink, I go to bars with them all the time … what’s the issue you get a free cab every weekend cause I don’t drink. . .

    So yeah if you got around to reading all of that, I look forward to some opinions of some men who’ve been in the same situation and some woman who have an issue with this and why. To be clear I have asked her what her issue is with me being into fitness, nutrition and the human anatomy and she just says “I don’t know”, I’ve never preached it once to her or anyone. I actually hate the attention I get because of my weight loss, one day you’ll get there when for the 100000000 time someone asks you what “diet” are you on, when you just eat healthy.

    Oh and make note… I don’t talk about what I do at the gym with her at all, it’s “did you go to the gym today?” Me: Yup…. Conversation changed to something else. I did not know her before when I was bigger, however she is aware of my weight loss, she has also lost 90lbs however she just changed eating habits and did a bit of spinning.

    Thanks for reading,
    Brad

    I've had these issues. The diet and the gym, save for the alcohol consumption. Including her family getting in on the comments. A blank stare that embodies the tone of the threat of stabbing them in the eye with the fork in your hand eliminates the comments from the family pretty quickly. You don't even have to say a word. With me it was even more frustrating considering her father has type II diabetes. So the thought of me taking an active approach to a healthy lifestyle and avoiding issues like high blood pressure, cholesterol, and diabetes should save me from receiving comments from the peanut gallery.

    As for the girlfriend, I think she needs to accept your passion and devotion to your fitness. Otherwise, GTFO. I'm not sure how committed you are to her, but the relationship WILL NOT survive if she doesn't accept. In time she will grow to resent it and it will become a thorn on both your sides.

    You: "Honey, I'm going to the gym."
    Her through gritting teeth, "Oh yea, have fun...."
    You saying to yourself: "Next time I'll keep it to myself..."

    And through her resentment of the gym, it will metastasize to her resenting you!
  • MzManiak
    MzManiak Posts: 1,361 Member
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    Seriously I can not believe out of everything that I just said, people are extrapolating a generalization.... and choosing to comment on that. Like wow give me a break already having a hard enough time as it is I don't need the negativity or trolling right now.

    We aren't pointing out the generalization just to be d*cks. We're pointing it out because it's relevant to your situation. You act like you have no choice but to put up with someone who brings you down. That's BS. If she isn't supporting you in what you want to do, then kick her to the curb. Bye. If I know my bf is going to the gym in the morning, or work, or to play soccer, or whatever... I don't expect him to stay up late every night with me and then go on only 2 hours of sleep. That's ridiculous. I sure as heck wouldn't stay up for him all the time just to appease him. But, hey, I guess mutual respect isn't expected in all relationships...? :noway:
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    To quote Ozzy:

    Paranoia will destroy ya.


    She is insecure, but it goes beyond that to paranoid and controlling. If you don't live together and she's giving you grief for eating 2 chicken breasts instead of 1, and she's getting snarky at the gym at 5:30 am routine, then she isn't the one for you.

    I won't venture a guess as to what she's thinking or feeling, or why, but it is bringing you down. It's better to find out now than to have to divorce over it later. If she's controlling about things that don't impact her whatsoever, just imagine how it will be when you're under the same roof.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    In...

    ...for another round of inevitably solid relationship advice of the MFP forums.
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
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    It sounds like she has BPD issues. If you don't know what that is look it up and keep your eyes open! If she does RUN!

    No it doesn't sound like BPD issues. What criteria are your basing your hypothesized diagnosis on? Her jealousy? In that case, most girls have BPD.

    OP: You said your girl lost 90 pounds. My bet is that she has "former fat girl" jealousy problems. Or, maybe she thinks that since she lost weight just by spinning and eating less that you shouldn't have to visit the gym every morning. She may not understand that men eat more than women- especially if they are weight lifters.

    My advice is to just talk to her. Let her know that you love her and only go to the gym to get your workout- not to visit with the gym ladies. Let her know that her behavior bothers you.

    The key to a lasting relationship is COMMUNICATION. :wink:
  • ACepero79
    ACepero79 Posts: 711 Member
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    If it were someone that truly cared about you she would love all things about you regardless.

    If only they made more like you ;)
  • ChristinaOrtiz23
    ChristinaOrtiz23 Posts: 1,546 Member
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    its obviously some underlining insecurities
  • emirror
    emirror Posts: 842 Member
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    You are holding up a shiny mirror and it is reflecting back all the negative things other people don't want to see.

    People try to destroy what is beautiful if they feel they are not beautiful.

    It looks like vast amounts of insecurity, and from her family's reaction, it looks like she got it from there.

    If you want to salvage the relationship, I suggest helping to build her self-esteem. She may feel like she is playing out of her league by dating you, and is unconsciously sabotaging it. If so, her issue is not with they gym and fitness, it is you rising ever farther out of her reach (perceived or otherwise). This is a rather frequent issue for women who went through an "ugly-duckling" phase, and haven't figured out that they are pretty. Society has a really big hangup on women's physical beauty, and it causes crippling insecurities.

    Best wishes to you both.
  • BITEME_GRRR
    BITEME_GRRR Posts: 150 Member
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    totally agree with everything you said. i am a chick I work out religiously EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have a plan.
    i LOVE my man to work out with me. I dont have to convince him or force him.
    Its SO nice to be with someone supportive....
  • italian_bella_xo
    italian_bella_xo Posts: 147
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    Not a fan of the broad generalizations. Nobody talks me out of going to the gym. Take it or leave it. I'm with Casey on this one. I don't think i could be with someone that doesn't have similar goals as me because they just don't understand how important it is to me.

    ^^ this. i am just recently out of a 6 year relationship and learning this. i love the gym and could be there forever. i have been eating much healthier, etc. however he was into drinking, partying and eating whatever he wanted to (granted he never gained a pound and was already small). you both have to be somewhat on the same page or it will not work out (in my experience).
  • ashandloggiesmom
    ashandloggiesmom Posts: 92 Member
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    If it were someone that truly cared about you she would love all things about you regardless.

    If only they made more like you ;)


    There are lots of good girls out there like this, but not all of us look like a supermodel. And unfortunately a lot of guys out there would rather deal with crazy personalities but be banging said supermodel chick than get to know an awesome average looking girl.
  • xmeganxtarax
    xmeganxtarax Posts: 79
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    That's not girls... That's your girl.

    Just break up.

    /thread.

    QFT

    it *was* my girl too though, not with the gym, I wasn't looking after myself then, but with everything, she was a controlling freak.

    Sounds like you bagged one yaself mate, it will only end one way, get out sooner rather than later to save yourself some pain and hassle.

    P.S. I just noticed your ticker:

    GOOD WORK SIR, but i encourage you to surround yoursef with positivity, not nagging whiney controlling *****es.

    This! I'd get out as fast as you can and find someone you're compatible with :)
  • luckyshilling
    luckyshilling Posts: 229
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    It doesn't have to be that way. I've been on my journey to weight loss for a few months now. I work early (I am not working out at 3:30am man) and therefore workout after work. My naturally slim husband (of 6yrs, together 8) who does not workout has never once complained. In fact, the opposite. I get asked, "Hey babe, want me to do anything while you're out, start dinner or something?"

    This from a man who works full time and goes to school several nights a week.
    Life is so sweet when you are with the right person, don't settle. :flowerforyou:
  • fishgutzy
    fishgutzy Posts: 2,807 Member
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    The only people who have an issue with people who don't drink are those with drinking problems.
    I stopped drunking over 30 years ago. That I don't drink has never been a problem for my wife. My wife is very sensitive to alcohol and so doesn't drink much at all.
    This GF of yours sounds like a bit of a control freak, probably a little more than a dose of OCD. :bigsmile:
  • xmeganxtarax
    xmeganxtarax Posts: 79
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    To quote Ozzy:

    Paranoia will destroy ya.


    She is insecure, but it goes beyond that to paranoid and controlling. If you don't live together and she's giving you grief for eating 2 chicken breasts instead of 1, and she's getting snarky at the gym at 5:30 am routine, then she isn't the one for you.

    I won't venture a guess as to what she's thinking or feeling, or why, but it is bringing you down. It's better to find out now than to have to divorce over it later. If she's controlling about things that don't impact her whatsoever, just imagine how it will be when you're under the same roof.

    ALSO THIS
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    If the last three women you've dated have been like this, I would look at what the common denominator may be bringing to the situation.

    P.S. that's you.
    "What’s up with you girls and not liking...."


    Stop dating the same type of girl. Because girls are not one unit controlled by one set of likes and dislikes, same goes for men.

    If you find yourself dating girls who seem controlling and critical of your hobbies - ask yourself, why are you drawn to this type of person?

    Both of those. I'm kinda concerned at how you blame your gf for nitpicking, but you're kinda nitpicky yourself. I don't understand why her surprise at you eating two pieces of chicken is worth getting bothered over or even mentioning. Some of the stuff just sounds like a good old fashioned personality mismatch. Also, you gotta know that most people DO NOT have a firm grip on how addiction works. They've never gone into the psychology of it, so they don't know why someone would try and prevent themselves from becoming an alcoholic (for example) if they've never had a problem with drinking before.

    Enough people have told you to stop generalizing that I don't need to mention it. You are clearly either picking a similar type of girl to date over and over again or you are creating your own problems. Figure out which it is.

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