WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR FEBRUARY 2021
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I'm caught up with reading again. I will comment on some with apologies to those who deserved a reply but I neglected.
Beth, I actually teared up for you reading the story of your son's experiences in the group home. I am so angry on your behalf.
On the separate finances: Dave and I married when we were both young and broke. We lived paycheck to paycheck for many years, often using credit cards to supplement that. It's why I feel so fortunate to have conquered that monster. All of our accounts are joint except ...... when he worked, he smoked, drank more than he should, and ate in the hospital cafeteria for lunch most days. He retired about the time the cost of cigarettes jumped tremendously. That, together with just the knowledge that he shouldn't be smoking and drinking so much, he quit smoking altogether and started keeping up with and limiting how much beer he was drinking. It was our habit to both draw a cash "allowance" each week to pay for our "fun" things. He stated that he would like to still get the same amount of allowance even though he wasn't buying cigarettes and lunch and as much beer, so we decided to make that work in our budget. He started to put the extra money in a savings account in his name only. He did this in 2009. Since then he has bought (out of this account) me a diamond wedding ring set and himself a brand new truck. I also have a savings account in my name only in the same credit union. I also have several IRA CDs there in my name with him as beneficiary. I started this when I was working two jobs as well as drawing a pension and we needed a tax break. My savings account is still pitiful compared to his even with his major purchases from it. I will say mine has grown some since I quit going to the nail salon. I am definitely the spender while he is the saver, but I have reigned it in with the help of the budget.
On the topic of remarriage and trust. If anything happens to Dave I don't think I would ever remarry. If I did, I would want our finances to stay separate. It's not so much about trust as it is about history. I would feel the same way about caregiving. I think of Rori and Machka who are caring for their current husbands. I would do that willingly and lovingly for Dave (as he would for me) because we have that history together and love each other. I can't imagine wanting to do it for a new husband without that history if I were to remarry. I wouldn't mind having some companionship, someone to go out with every now and again, but not to move in with me - especially if he expected me to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Dave and I have such a nice balance of doing our chores and cover for each other when one of us is under the weather, but I don't know - I'm just not interested in figuring that out with someone new. It took us 40 years to get it straight!
Allie, praying for you. Just take care and do the best you can right now.
Thinking of all in who are battling winter storms.
I am renewing my commitment to being more disciplined in my daily habits with food and spiritual growth. My word for the year is TRUTH. My word for Lent is RENEW. I am going to pay particular attention to truth journaling as part of this renewal to a disciplined life. I ask for your well wishes and prayers if you are so inclined.6 -
The heating man is coming tomorrow. However, the heating came back on when the timer brought it on and the hot water came on. It seems to be the override that is temperamental. Glad to have some warmth, though we do have an electric convection heater in the garage that I could resurrect and heat the living room.
A puzzle. Normally I just press the override and all is well. I even changed the batteries in the room thermostat. I will see what the guy says tomorrow.
I hate it when things go wrong. It's nearly always me who has to do something about it, unless it's the car. Panic stations immediately!
I spent a very long time looking for my DH. We are very happy to have found each other. If anything happened to him I have no idea what I would do. My thought is to move nearer to the grandchildren, but I would hate to outstay my welcome. A perpetual cruise? I am not averse to the occasional lover and dinner companion.
I know that I would love and care for DH if he were ill and suffering, but compos mentis, but I also know I could not and would not care for him in the more advanced stages of Alzheimers. I know myself well enough to know it is beyond my capacities. I also value my own well being. Once the 'him' that I know is gone I would want a nursing home to bear the everyday brunt of it. A good home. Of course I would regularly visit him.
If I myself were heading in that direction I intend to find an assisted dying solution. That is my choice. I intend to exercise it. DH does not agree with me.
I hope these decisions are some time in the future. I intend to enjoy my life to the utmost of my ability.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx3 -
"Get to do"s and "chose well"sChose well: Blood work, ABI and balance tests. (Ansar and cognitive tests not working.)
Bonus: Strolled myself around the port
Get to do: take BP, dogs to powerline, call S, call C, call R, Freddie’s for rx & bubble water, start taxes, fire district: minutes, input 2019 call sheets into NFIRS, work with chief on equipment letter, substance abuse policy, NFIRS mutual aid and other missing details, call Credit union re: credit card, ask for boots donator contact info, appreciation letter or certificate to boots donator, index mutual aid files; FM Cu, watch STAS Day 20, make experimental almond paste, declutter sideboard, practice new dances (Do Your Thing, Pure Movies to Wine, Beer, Whiskey, I ain’t never gonna love nobody but Cornell Crawford (Alley cat), A Little Less Broken, One Margarita, I’m so used to being broke, All Night, Nothing but You, Blame it on my beating heart, Homesick); finish mulching flowerbed; broadcast cover crop seed in veg garden areas, invest another 10 minutes in prepping living trust, Freddie’s for complete series TDAP <$48, get Shingrix vaccine, find and configure a screen time popup, figure out where to plant naked lady bulbs, and soon as it warms up above 50 and dries out below 60% humidity I’ll tape and spray paint those rusted areas of Aunt Elsie’s stove. Reconcile Joe’s EOB’s Thrivent shows only 2263.48 so far, next BGBS ask Terry about GB’s FD firetruck tax levy – contacts, media, advocate???, call Wild Rivers (541 247 3514) for dog wash/nail trim appointments.
Reward: inventory seeds, plan next year’s garden, wishlist replenishments,
Friendly February:
17: Respond kindly to everyone you talk to today, including yourself: especially! Nope. Can’t get on the same vibe as the lab’s front desk gal. We just grate on each other.
18: Appreciate the good qualities of someone in your life: Funny, this morning I told Joe “You’re not pushy, you’re gentle" in the context of following up with the spa repair guy. Wish I’d been gentle yesterday with the lab’s front desk. Lord, please release me from my need to be right!
Thankful for last night's gastro distress to remind me how too much pizza and ice cream make me feel. Down 3.5 lbs this morning, go figure. Not updating ticker as I know it's a fluke. Will incorporate ONE leftover slice of pizza today with lots of salad, then freeze the rest. Forward, harch!
Julie VERY well done on the writing! I can’t imagine writing a thesis, much less in another language. Bravissima!
Lisa :laugh: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, stayin’ aliiiiiiiive =
That you and Corey were able to retire over $100K in debt in just 3 years is a tribute to your energy/character/grit/partnership. Con VERY VERY VERY gratulations. “Show of hands” made me snort my tea.
Tina a saucer of apple cider vinegar might clear out those annoying little flitters.
Michele “good peaches” in February???
Machka MRI and neurosurgeon next week Yes that was quick, but it’s been a long time getting someone to listen to you
Likewise brava to Teresa for the $25k in 16 months, and Kay for the consumer debt free in two years and completely debt free last year. You get gold $tar$ too!
Barbie what you said about having to put on so much outerwear to walk the dogs for just 15 minutes.
Annie, well done!
Cheri and Rebecca “to the penny” that’s me, every day or at most two. Glad to see Cheri is weathering the TX weather safely. Hoping same for Cathy, Okie, Suebdew and Amber.
Kay what you said, especially about caregiving and history. Wishing you well on your Lenten journey of renewal.
Just skimming as need to get UP off my butt, vacuum and dance some steps.
It’s always something. Joe’s eyedrops cost over $400 today. He called me to check and I missed the call because my phone was in the office where cell coverage is iffy. When we got through to eachother I let him know it was ok to pay with the Discover card. Then my phone blacked out again. In the office it said 1% battery. When I plugged it in in the kitchen it jumped up to 42%. I’m done. Time to switch from Consumer Cellular to Spectrum (who uses Verizon towers, better coverage here) and get new phones for both of us. Joe is even willing to try a smart phone. So while I’ve been reluctant for the increased expense, I’m surprised and grateful for his flexibility.
Lighter, lovelies!
Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD
February: leaner/stronger/kinder than January.
daily: sit with Joe: 17, weigh/wii: 17/13/36; steps>5627=6742, vits=16, log=17, CI<CO=13, CI<250<CO=8, Tumble=11 Shadow=12 mfp=16 outside=8 up hill=8
wkly: BB&B,T’ai Chi or SWSY x3= rx=2 dance=1 clean 60 mins=1.75 packwalk=3, wt=1/31:141.3 2/7:142 2/14: 141.5 141.5 2/21: 2/28
mnthly: board mtg=1, grant=5 , 21 plan= bonus: AF=10 play=13 sew= waist=42.5
2021: choose to be leaner/stronger/kinder NOW3 -
Barbara - We’re good. Thanks for checking. We have had power and water most of the time since last Thursday (knock wood). We should be OK if we make it through two more nights.
Okie in the TX Hill Country1 -
Allie--Sending prayers and hugs. Get all the rest you can, you have be though a lot.
Machka--I hope you can get some relief with your back. I know that right now I am having pretty good luck with the traction and we will do that several times a week until it is better, then usually if I go once a month I am good. The thought of surgery scares me and I know several people I work with that surgery made things worse. I just taking one day at time and long as chirocpractor works I am going with that.
Lisa--I pray you and Corey are feeling better. Get lot of rest is the best advice I got when I had it.
Rori--You sure do have a lot going on and I admire you and the way you keep going.
Beth--I am shocked that DS is once again in ER because of the home. The sounds of that food it should not of been served to anyone. Is there someone in charge of the home you can talk to? Sending prayers and hugs.
Our paychecks go into a joint account.. I have a book I keep with a page for each month on what bills are due on which date and amount. I give DH list of ones to pay on line and the amount. We both can look in the book at anytime and see where we are. I do keep the checkbook. So we work together and it works for us. Only thing is I keep asking DH for the passwords to the on line accounts in case I would have to pay them. I have given him a list and he is working on it.
Dee--your wreath is beautiful.
We are finally above zero in temps and going to get to 30's this weekend. I am so happy, DH got the cold water in the kitchen working so I am happy with that.
Blessings, Vicki GI NE
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I've enjoyed catching up today (I was several pages behind) and enjoyed reading your stories about your marriages and divorces and how you budget money. So I decided to be a little vulnerable and share some stories about ME!
(Put in spoiler since it's rather long. Didn't mean to be so "wordy"! Sorry!)
I will be 60 in May this year and this is my 4th marriage. Yep. #4. I used to joke that I was trying to keep up with Elizabeth Taylor! Truthfully, I just didn't want to be alone. My first hubby and I got married right out of high school. Within our first year I got pregnant and he started the partying lifestyle. When he got to spending entire nights out and not coming home until the next day - I said enough was enough. I was broke as could be, but we had bought a house right next door to my mother who watched my kids so I could work.... that was a lifesaver!
Hubs #2 worked for COSI in Columbus, OH and eventually became the manager of a travelling exhibit that moved all around the country over a 4 year span. I tried travelling to where he was whenever possible - I even homeschooled my kids for a year so we could travel on the west coast with him..... but he ended up having several affairs and after the 3rd one I kicked him to the curb. "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME!" I told him that if he filed and paid for the divorce and I wouldn't fight it. He walked away with his clothing and pics of his son and parents, which was all that he brought into the marriage.
Hubs #3 was verbally and physically abusive. He pushed me down a flight of stairs when I had my new 1 month old grandbaby in my arms in the middle of the night. I just pulled her tight into my chest, wrapped my arms around her and absorbed the fall down the stairs with my arms, elbows and lower body. It was scary, but we were both fine! It was an eye opener for me as far as what he was capable of doing. He even held me at gunpoint on one occasion when he "thought" that I was getting ready to leave him. I was able to convince him that I was not in order to de-escalate the situation and get out of there (although I really was planning my exit!) I eventually moved to another city about 35 miles away in the middle of the night (my teenage sons helped me move) just to put some distance between us because he became a stalker after we separated. I ended up walking away from that marriage and lost almost everything!
After that 3rd divorce I remained single for over 10 years. I knew that I was making extremely poor decisions when it came to men, and just needed to learn how to love MYSELF ! Looking back over the years I realized that I had NEVER been alone since I left my childhood home at 18 and married Hubby #1. Even in between husbands, I had my 2 boys (from first marriage) so I wasn't ever really "alone". By the time I went through the divorce from the stalker hubby, my boys were old enough to move out....
I got involved in a church and met some amazing female friends to hang out with when I got too lonely. Prior to this time, I had always HATED being by myself... and would do anything in my power NOT to be by myself.... but I grew to love alone time. I eventually grew to be "OK" with the fact that I might spend the rest of my life "alone" (not have a spouse). I was no longer "desperate" to find a man and that was a life-changer for me.
But I did eventually meet my current hubby (#4) on eHarmony. He's been a pharmacist all of his adult life and has VERY GOOD financial sense. He had no debt at all except for the mortgage. He had been married twice before and interestingly enough was living in my hometown (where my stalker ex-husband lived). We dated for over 2 years before he asked me to marry. His 2nd wife was (is?) a "gold-digger" and only pursued him and married him for his money. They divorced after 4 years of marriage and she took him to the cleaners! So when we decided to marry, he wanted a prenup - and I agreed. Working at the bank for 13 years, I made about 1/3 of what he did. We agreed to have our own separate checking accts and a joint checking that we pay the household bills out of. We also each kept our own credit card that we came into the marriage with and he put me on one of his credit cards so we'd have a joint one. We each have a will and POD on all of our checking/savings accounts (payable upon death).
When I spoke earlier of paying off $25k in debt in the last 16 months - that was MY credit card and personal debt that I brought into the marriage (plus a car that I purchased shortly after we got married). So I've been on a mission to pay off MY debt!
Jim is a wonderful Godly man and although he has his quirks that irritate me (I'm sure I do too!) I have no intention of leaving him and plan on being there until the end for one of us. However if Jim dies before I do, I would not hesitate to live on my own again. I'm active in my church and have a wonderful network of women friends (although not too active right now due to covid). I don't feel like I would ever have to be alone if I didn't WANT to be. I know we should never say "never", but I doubt that I would date again.
A pic of Jim and I at our wedding in April 2015.
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Afternoon ladies
Lots of phone calls to and from drs today...and God Bless the PT she took off my holter monitor with the help of my surgeons nurse over the phone... they put it right over the surgical scar.. but all is well...
I took a 20 minute nap this morning and am watching TV now,Highway to Heaven,so glad they still have it on TV somewhere .feel good TV
Married twice,from the frying to the fire married 13 yrs the first time ,had ups and downs and dealing with mental illness.
Tom was a good husband and we enjoyed each others company,traveled ..but he must have been bored or because the roving eye charmed him...whatever the case its done and overwith ,but we have remained friends with both Elena and Tom..
But no more men,until I get Alfie back..im dealing with so much as it is lol6 -
Having a quiet day today after the cardiac cath yesterday. Everything went well. All looks good and all coronary arteries are clear. My hips and lower back are sore today from having to lay flat on my back and not move for about 6 hours. I am sitting in recliner with heat on my back just now. I have done some easy walking and will do some more later.
Wow, I am impressed with all of you who have payed off so much debt. When my DH died he had borrowed against his life insurance and had almost double what I received in credit card debt. I was able to pay some of it and some was forgiven but I am still trying to pay things off. Having to put a new roof on the house and large repair bills for vehicles has not helped. DD and I live together. We each have our own accounts but put money into joint accounts for household, pet and emergency.
Hope all who are affected continue to get through the inclement weather.
Everyone take care Sue in WA
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Down below on the trail when we first got here
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The way it is now
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Thanks to all of you ladies who have shared and share your lives with us! You are a blessing!
Carol in GA1 -
Beth near Buffalo: Sending prayers for your son’s medical situation.
Margaret: You are right about unseen ice. It is so dangerous.
Cheri: I’ve been watching Texas weather on the weather channel. One of my long-time friends is in Texas now and living with one of her sons. Last that I heard, they’re doing okay. I hope your situation has improved and you’re warm and safe. :flowerforyou:
(((Heather:))) I hope your heat situation is resolved soon.
Tracey: I have been offered a home with each of my adult kids in the event that DH passes before I do. If the situation is reversed, they would have him move in with one of them. I am grateful for their offers and hope it will be many years before any of us has to face that situation. :ohwell:
(((Allie:))) I hope you’re able to get Alfie back in the near future.
Sue in WA: I am happy to hear that your cardiac cath yesterday went well.
I did some grocery shopping yesterday and am not eager to go out again today. It is raining and a bit slushy.
Katla in NW Oregon
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grandmallie wrote: »Afternoon ladies
Lots of phone calls to and from drs today...and God Bless the PT she took off my holter monitor with the help of my surgeons nurse over the phone... they put it right over the surgical scar.. but all is well...
I took a 20 minute nap this morning and am watching TV now,Highway to Heaven,so glad they still have it on TV somewhere .feel good TV
Married twice,from the frying to the fire married 13 yrs the first time ,had ups and downs and dealing with mental illness.
Tom was a good husband and we enjoyed each others company,traveled ..but he must have been bored or because the roving eye charmed him...whatever the case its done and overwith ,but we have remained friends with both Elena and Tom..
But no more men,until I get Alfie back..im dealing with so much as it is lol
It was mental issues that he was NOT dealing with and hid from me that caused the end of my first marriage. He thought it was best to just leave before they got worse and he really hurt me worse(mentally and physically)- I found this all out 20 yrs after the fact, after he had left and eventually got help. We are now best friends and really wish I had known what he was going through. BUT, if we had stayed together, I would not have my son and he is my world.
Debbie0 -
Re: Men
I love my husband. But I have realized that I have never met a man who was not a narcissist. Maybe that says more about me than it does about the men I know, but all they really ever worry about is themselves. If their decisions/actions happen to benefit the rest of us, that's a bonus. I have been trying to tell myself for years that I am participating in confirmation bias, but really, after example after example, at what point do you say maybe the evidence really does point one way?
I guess that's harsh, but it is really how I feel.
So why would I ever want to have another relationship with a man? I am definitely done. Not leaving my husband, because love, but if he should pass before me, I will not look to attach myself to anyone else. I hope to have lots of friends and people to hang out with, but I want to be able to come back to my own home and be by myself. Like M said, read a book or cuddle with my cat/dog.
BTW, our power/internet was restored yesterday. Almost five days without. I am really feeling for the people in Texas. The stories coming out of there are horrifying.
Flea
Willamette Valley, OR1 -
Stats for the day-
Other- walk to home put away stuff, 10.14min, .54mi= 195c
Strava app = 66c
Walk w/family- 2hrs 21min, 5sec, 3.81ap, 181elev, 104ahr, 124mhr, 8.11mi= 766c
Strava app = 982c
Other- walk to home, put more stuff away, walk to vet, store n home, 35.27min, 1.78mi= 158c
Strava app = 216c
Total cal 11190 -
Started tearing up the carpet this morning!!!
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OregonMother wrote: »Re: Men
I love my husband. But I have realized that I have never met a man who was not a narcissist. Maybe that says more about me than it does about the men I know, but all they really ever worry about is themselves. If their decisions/actions happen to benefit the rest of us, that's a bonus. I have been trying to tell myself for years that I am participating in confirmation bias, but really, after example after example, at what point do you say maybe the evidence really does point one way?
I guess that's harsh, but it is really how I feel.
So why would I ever want to have another relationship with a man? I am definitely done. Not leaving my husband, because love, but if he should pass before me, I will not look to attach myself to anyone else. I hope to have lots of friends and people to hang out with, but I want to be able to come back to my own home and be by myself. Like M said, read a book or cuddle with my cat/dog.
BTW, our power/internet was restored yesterday. Almost five days without. I am really feeling for the people in Texas. The stories coming out of there are horrifying.
Flea
Willamette Valley, OR
I was more or less on my own for 10 years between husbands and one of the things I liked about that was that I could set my own schedule.
With a husband, on a weekend, you've got to plan. At noon we'll go and do this and at 5 pm we'll do that. On my own, the moment I was ready to go do something, I'd do it.
Or during the week ... on my own, probably about one day a week, I would come home after work and nap for an hour, then carry on with my evening. I'd like to do that now but it worries my husband. He thinks there is something dreadfully wrong if I lie down on the sofa and starts asking me if I'm OK and fussing and eventually I just get up.
M in Oz0 -
The central heating came on for a short while when the water heat came on the timer. It won't operate independently.
We dressed up in our quilted coats and lap rugs and watched Death in Paradise. I texted the repair guy in case it was an easy fix and he said something about having to test the voltage on certain controls. So it may come on in the morning for a while when the water is heating.
So tomorrow I will wait for the guy's friend to get in touch and come over. Luckily, our really below freezing weather has passed.
I've got layers on in bed!
Lots of love to you all. Xxxxxxxx Some of you have mentioned that it's difficult to have regrets because you wouldn't have had your children, or wouldn't have learnt something important about yourself. I feel like that too. I should never have married at 20, straight out of university, but how can I wish away my beautiful grandchildren. I'm writing now in my memoir about choosing which university to go to at 17. Those kind of choices are life changing. I met my first husband to be on the very first day at the reception tea. That was it. We lasted 27 years together and took us another 4 to finally get divorced. We both could have done better in the marriage, but we had many happy times, and we have both made extremely good ones afterwards. He has two more children. Strange to think he is the grandkids' real grandad. DH is so much the grandad.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx4 -
Hi all, once again, I've been reading, but not had time to comment and so, of course, now can only remember a few things that I wanted to comment on.
Pip, love the new rug! Great deal too! Very excited for you to be moving into your new place! Would you be able to sublet your rental for the duration of the lease? Also, I don't know what it's like down there, but here when someone breaks the lease they only have to pay the monthly rent until the rental agent finds a new tenant, they don't have to pay a big chunk up front.
Beth, words fail me as to the treatment of your son upon his return to the group home. I don't know how the financial end of things works, but I assume the state pays some part of what the home costs. Is there some way that you could have them pay you directly and you could hire someone to come in every day to do the "heavy lifting"? That is, get your son up, dressed etc, and then you would be able to oversee the food prep, but that would theoretically make it easier on your physical health. I know your son would like to live on his own, but with all the difficulty there has been with the group home..... I am glad that the surgery was successful (and I believe you said non or minimally invasive) and am certainly thinking good thoughts for you and him. Not to mention others in that home too!
Lisa, sounds like you and Corey are both feeling okay, so I'm hoping that those darn Covid germs stayed away! I also loved the "tired of snow" cartoon!
Our snow is gone from the roads, and it is raining today, so a lot more will be going away. I am not sad to see it go!
Thanks to all who shared their personal stories re: marriage etc. I am still married to my first husband, he will also be my last husband. Should he pass before I do (and he seems convinced that he will) I will not be looking for a replacement. I am by myself quite a bit anyway, we eat dinner together and sometimes do a few household things together, but for the most part he's in his man cave and I'm on the main floor. I'm okay with that for the most part. I have the tv to keep me company. I have to admit, I will probably be seeking some sort of companionship, but am thinking that once I retire I will do some volunteering of some sort. Our local food bank always seems to need volunteers and that would probably provide me with enough human interaction. Well, that and the grandkids of course!
We have no debt as we were both brought up with no money so it has been fairly easy to make a little bit go a longer way. Having said that, we were both surprised at how much money was saved in the first few months of the pandemic with not going anywhere or doing anything! We have started back to somewhat normal, but we still have not gone out for dinner, have done take out several times, but still at only about half as often as before. I have cut back on my massage sessions (every 6-8 weeks instead of every 4) and have quit getting my nails done. I had already decided that, wanted to give them a break. Now, the frugal side of me just cringes at the cost! lol I kind of like having money in the bank! It's nice to have that cushion and it made it easier to give the kids a little bit more at Christmas. We also made good donations to a couple of local charities. I intend to make a good donation to the food bank again in late spring/early summer, something that we did this spring too. Our strata decided to waive the fees for 3 months to help out those residents who had lost jobs/hours. We weren't in that boat, so decided that we wouldn't miss the money. I have to say, it felt good to be able to do that!
Okay, enough of my novel (my apologies!).
Hugs to those needing them, congrats to those celebrating, and welcome to the newbies!
Evelyn, Vancouver Island3 -
HI everybody!
It's a messy day here in the NW Foothills of NC; freezing rain and temps hovering around 32*. I'm just hoping the ice forming on the trees doesn't cause of lot of power outages...so far mine has stayed on. I have the gas logs, water, and "picnic"* food ready, just in case. *(Not the healthiest, but if the power is out, its better than nothing.)
Yesterday, I put both dogs in the same kennel so they could share the same house and stay warm. I looked out at them earlier and Onyx (female pit bull and lab mix) was laying inside the house with her head out, and Willie (male Australian herder) was standing on top of the house. LOL!
Hugs to All,
Cathy
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Machka--I hope you can get some relief with your back. I know that right now I am having pretty good luck with the traction and we will do that several times a week until it is better, then usually if I go once a month I am good. The thought of surgery scares me and I know several people I work with that surgery made things worse. I just taking one day at time and long as chirocpractor works I am going with that.
Blessings, Vicki GI NE
I have no idea what the results of the MRI and neurosurgeon appointment will be yet.
HistoryIn 2003, I noticed that I developed a numb spot on the right side of my back on long bicycle rides. No one knew why but thankfully they went away with rest but that continued right up to my most recent long ride, a 400 km in 2016.
In 2013, I noticed that it felt like the muscle on the right side of my back in the vicinity of the numb spot would cramp and become quite painful when I climbed hills, even on shorter rides. Prior to 2013, I lived in flatter areas and didn't climb hills as much as I have to do in Tasmania. Again, no one seemed to have any idea why.
It was about then that I also noticed I had to be careful about carrying the crossbody bags (the type of handbag I prefer) because they could set off the same pain. Since then I carry very small, light crossbody bags.
I started running in 2017 at the age of 50 for the first time since I was in my 20s and ran a 10K event in early 2018. That was OK, but I did notice that in the first few paces on any run, my right hip would be very painful, and then there would be a click and my hip would be OK.
In late 2018, I started training for a half marathon and it was going all right until one day I ran on a beach, stepped into a bit of soft sand and kind of twisted my right hip. I felt like I pulled something in my inner thigh a little bit so I rested about a week and then resumed training. In early 2019, I ran the half marathon, but had to walk the last 2-3 km because my right hip and inner thigh were in screaming agony.
Then I went to physio and had an MRI on my hip, and went to a sports Dr. The analysis indicated "at least moderate gluteus minimus insertional tendinosis with adjacent reactive oedema" and bit of bursa and labrum involvement (wear & tear & old age
).
The sports doctor added that there might be the possibility of osteoarthritis in my spine.
I went to physio pilates, did all my exercises, stopped running, and things seemed to ease up.
During the shutdown in 2020 (April-June) I started running again and got up to 5 km. That was fine. I had to stop because of my deviated septum surgery but started again in October and that was fine too.
Then in about late November/early December, relatively suddenly the pain flared up - inner thigh, hip and lower back. After the initial flare-up it has gradually got worse. It's very painful getting up off the floor and so painful getting on my bicycle I've had to switch sides. Painful when driving. Painful when I put weight on it or push hard when cycling (like climbing hills). And it hurts sitting and lying down now too. Painkillers don't touch the pain -- not even the new ones.
A couple weeks ago, my physio did a number of tests and I've lost some strength and sensation in the right leg. I'm also showing signs of standing and walking in a protective way with a bit of a hitch/limp.
I did go to my chiro and his adjustment seemed to help a little bit for about 2 days, but then it was back worse than before.
So now I'll give the neurosurgeon a go and see what he says. I've seen him before for my brain cyst and my husband has seen him too.
M in Oz2 -
Hi all, once again, I've been reading, but not had time to comment and so, of course, now can only remember a few things that I wanted to comment on.
Pip, love the new rug! Great deal too! Very excited for you to be moving into your new place! Would you be able to sublet your rental for the duration of the lease? Also, I don't know what it's like down there, but here when someone breaks the lease they only have to pay the monthly rent until the rental agent finds a new tenant, they don't have to pay a big chunk up front.
Beth, words fail me as to the treatment of your son upon his return to the group home. I don't know how the financial end of things works, but I assume the state pays some part of what the home costs. Is there some way that you could have them pay you directly and you could hire someone to come in every day to do the "heavy lifting"? That is, get your son up, dressed etc, and then you would be able to oversee the food prep, but that would theoretically make it easier on your physical health. I know your son would like to live on his own, but with all the difficulty there has been with the group home..... I am glad that the surgery was successful (and I believe you said non or minimally invasive) and am certainly thinking good thoughts for you and him. Not to mention others in that home too!
Lisa, sounds like you and Corey are both feeling okay, so I'm hoping that those darn Covid germs stayed away! I also loved the "tired of snow" cartoon!
Our snow is gone from the roads, and it is raining today, so a lot more will be going away. I am not sad to see it go!
Thanks to all who shared their personal stories re: marriage etc. I am still married to my first husband, he will also be my last husband. Should he pass before I do (and he seems convinced that he will) I will not be looking for a replacement. I am by myself quite a bit anyway, we eat dinner together and sometimes do a few household things together, but for the most part he's in his man cave and I'm on the main floor. I'm okay with that for the most part. I have the tv to keep me company. I have to admit, I will probably be seeking some sort of companionship, but am thinking that once I retire I will do some volunteering of some sort. Our local food bank always seems to need volunteers and that would probably provide me with enough human interaction. Well, that and the grandkids of course!
We have no debt as we were both brought up with no money so it has been fairly easy to make a little bit go a longer way. Having said that, we were both surprised at how much money was saved in the first few months of the pandemic with not going anywhere or doing anything! We have started back to somewhat normal, but we still have not gone out for dinner, have done take out several times, but still at only about half as often as before. I have cut back on my massage sessions (every 6-8 weeks instead of every 4) and have quit getting my nails done. I had already decided that, wanted to give them a break. Now, the frugal side of me just cringes at the cost! lol I kind of like having money in the bank! It's nice to have that cushion and it made it easier to give the kids a little bit more at Christmas. We also made good donations to a couple of local charities. I intend to make a good donation to the food bank again in late spring/early summer, something that we did this spring too. Our strata decided to waive the fees for 3 months to help out those residents who had lost jobs/hours. We weren't in that boat, so decided that we wouldn't miss the money. I have to say, it felt good to be able to do that!
Okay, enough of my novel (my apologies!).
Hugs to those needing them, congrats to those celebrating, and welcome to the newbies!
Evelyn, Vancouver Island
V
Can’t sublet. We had to pay 3k to break our lease. They require 60 day notice so our move out day is March 19 but we should be out b4 then0 -
Good evening all:
Interesting reading everyone's thoughts on marriage and what they would do if single. I doubt I will ever marry anyone else. My husband was my only marriage. We had worked through some rough times (who doesn't) but he did suffer from several issues that I could not help him with. I have come to enjoy my life on my own. I don't think I would want to live with anyone else. I have gone out a couple of times but am not interested in actively pursuing. A companion for an occasional dinner or go to events with might be nice but I don't feel compelled.
Machka-your symptoms really remind me of when my hips were going. I hope you don't need a replacement, but the groin pain, etc. sounds all too familiar. I do know, for myself, that the bone on bone pain got old quickly and nothing could relieve it. Glad you are getting MRI and doctor visit soon.
Had food pantry tonight. Luckily just a bit of light snow. Was a bit cold, but with the right clothes no problem.
Now that I have sat in my house and warmed up from the cold, I am getting sleepy! Off to bed with me.
Take care all,
Ginny in Ohio1 -
A family from New Orleans decorated their home for yardigras...
Love the gold flamingos
4 -
It’s coming along, eeeeeekkkkk!!!!!!!!!!
8 -
Looking beautiful Pip!
Rebecca1 -
Katie - you have a good point about caring and keeping finances separate if you remarry later in life.
My Aunt’s first husband was diagnosed in 1977 with cancer, when they operated he became paralyzed. He passed in 1980. She remarried in 1995, she was 70. Her new husband had a lot of money and he convinced her to give him control of her money. She regretted that. Then he fell off a curb while walking one night in 2008 and broke his neck, she ended up caring for him for a couple of years until her daughter noticed signs of Alzheimer’s in her. They got him into care, and she moved in with one of her daughters. Later one of his daughters showed up to take my Aunt for a “treat” day. The treat ended up being that she took her to the bank and had her sign everything over to her, they hadn’t invoked the POA yet.
My Aunt was left with nothing.
Pip - I don’t hang pictures or place decorations until the furniture is in place either.
Heather - I hope you are staying warm overnight. I grew up cold and hate being that way now. We pay more than is necessary for heat at times because of me I’m sure.
I don’t think I would be a good caregiver either. I have seen how very difficult it is on the caregivers of Alzheimer’s/dementia patients after a period of time. I saw my Aunt (same one as above) go through it caring for my Grandmother, and then her daughter do it for her. It aged them both tremendously. I would not want my daughters doing it for me either. My other Grandmother moved to a senior boarding house when she no longer felt safe getting in and out of the tub on her own. The home provided meals, assistance with meds and personal care but that was it. It wasn’t a nursing home and there was only one other “boarder”.
Barbara - if you don’t have anything but the cell phones I would consider the expense of better quality reception a necessary expense that may save a life someday.
My brothers property has very spotty reception, you can go up in the field behind the house to get one bar. They still have a landline and he won’t carry a cell. My SIL and nephew have iPhones so they can communicate on wifi over iMessage. They have satellite internet service and only use the streaming services. They switch about every 3 months so they get a variety of shows.
My brother did not seem to let the poor example of financial responsibility that our parents have affect him, he is brilliant with his money and built his house on the barter system. He only has about 3k cash into it.
Vicki - I have a friend that uses the binder method so that they both have access. She said it has saved their marriage. I’ve thought about it over the years.
Allie - I’m so glad you were able to get the holter monitor off, is it permanently off now? I love Highway to Heaven. I think we need more shows like that again. Just wholesome.
Sue - happy to read everything went well yesterday.
Katla - my youngest and her husband have told his Mother and I that they will be providing our care but we’ll be in a granny cottage on their property. I just had to agree that it was ok for me to move in after his Mother dies there. 😂 His mother is old enough to be my Mother and is actually only 2 years younger than mine. He was a midlife baby, she jokes that they should have bought sports cars instead of having kids when midlife hit.
Have read more, but ran out of gumption to comment.
In pain again this evening.
Tracey in Edmonton
5 -
Mrs. Hoffer - your story sounded so familiar to me and it made me cry. I’m so incredibly happy for you to have found Jim.
I’ll put it in a spoiler for length and subject matter.I had a wonderful lady in my life, I called her Mom, my children called her Grammie, her Grandchildren are my Godchildren. I met her when I was 12 and started “dating” her 13 year old son. Of course, at that age our Mothers had to drive us anywhere so I really got to know her too.
She was married to husband #2. Husband #1 was the Father of my boyfriend and his sister and was too lazy to work, she had to hire babysitters because he wouldn’t keep the kids while she worked her two jobs.
When I met her she had been married to #2 for about 7 years. A couple of years go by and my, by now ex boyfriend, friend didn’t come back to school after Christmas break. No one knew where they were but they had moved in the middle of the night. I found them a few months later in a neighbouring town and learned the horrific truth of their home life situation. He never abused my friend, physically anyway, but he had been abusing his Mom from their wedding night. Over the holidays he had beaten her terribly, and was holding her at gunpoint when my friends sister was able to sneak out of the house to call for help. It took 4 police officers to get her out and she was severely injured. He stalked and terrified for a long time until he found a new wife. It was really after I found them that I become so incredibly close to the family, the sister is one of my best friends.
Anyway, move forward a few years she meets husband #3 and it seemed good at first like he was going to actually take care of her. It was not to be, my husband and I helped sneak her out of that emotionally abusive marriage to a drunk.
She was living in a house her mother bought specifically for her to have as a rental, she was doing well for herself, her kids were grown up and she was enjoying her life and doing it on her terms. She then got diagnosed with a degenerative spine disease and couldn’t work anymore as a housekeeper at the hospital. My husband and 2 girls moved in with her to help pay the bills and she watched my girls while I went back to school. It worked well for about 2 years and then we moved out. 7 months later on the first day of school her daughter, who lived 2 hours away, showed up on my doorstep with her 3 kids asking me to watch the kids, Mom had been in an accident. I found out very soon that she had died, they hadn’t told her daughter as they didn’t want her driving the two hours with the 3 children by herself knowing that. (Her husband was actually in our town for work that day).
I will never get over missing her and I have a very soft heart for anyone that suffers abuse and gets out.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I understand what you mean about the loneliness, she told me the same thing. She needed to learn to live on her own and not be scared doing it. Because I lived with her as an adult and during a trying time in our marriage I was told things that even her children weren’t told. She is a constant reminder to me of what a strong woman is.
Tracey in Edmonton8
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