WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR OCTOBER 2021

1…3132343637…48

Replies

  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,703 Member
    Julie - sounds like you should just make a cuppa hot tea, find something to lose yourself in and take a "sick" day... a old movie, a book, coloring.....something you can do a bit and doze and do a bit.... Something like Annie is doing today

    take care
    Kim in N. California
  • kevrit
    kevrit Posts: 4,305 Member
    edited October 2021
    Wow this month is flying by for me. I have been productive but just can’t seem to find the time for me to read.

    Spices I can’t choose just one! I am into aroma therapy and make some oils out of spices. My favorite this month is cinnamon but that will change when I have a chance to go through my newest monthly box! My DH cooks and uses all sorts of herbs and spices. For a small space we must have 20 different herbs and spices, not counting what I use for oils!

    Shopping bags I have a ton in my car but ala wats forget to bring them in the store! I fill them when I get back to my car. Easier to deal with but defeats the purpose. I recycle the plastic bags from the store as trash bags. Haven’t had to buy trash bags in over 4 years!

    RvRita in Roswell, NM
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,187 Member
    edited October 2021
    auntiebk wrote: »
    "Get to do"s and "chose well"s
    Chose well: take BP, dogs to powerline, practice WBW, DM, SWTD, SL, learned the rest of GDLL, made up yesterday’s T’ai Chi, BB&B.
    Bonus: 30 mins grooming Tumble, 10 mins vacuuming, reconciled and paid one credit card statement.
    Just one thing: delivered cider to T, C, D, L, De and J yesterday. Cleared space in the fridge.
    Get to do: take BP, dogs to powerline, RiteAid for booster, Freddie’s for rx, T’ai Chi, make up Tuesday’s line dancing, practice WBW, DM, SWTD, SL, GDLL, backup files, then call pc guy to schedule tuneup, fill in booster vaccine form with Joe, text C, make up Saturday’s pack walk, fire district: board meeting minutes, research district tax exemption for volunteer firefighters, AFG grant requirements including NIMS, call NFPA cancel inactive accounts, clarify benefits included in annual dues, input 2019 call sheets into NFIRS, work with chief on equipment letter, substance abuse policy, NFIRS, index mutual aid files and share with L; start Part D research with new rx info, watch STAS Day 20, declutter sideboard, learn new dances (Tequila Little Time, Homesick, Nothing but You, A Little Less Broken, Blame it on my beating heart, Do Your Thing, practice dances: All Night, TGIF, I ain’t never gonna love nobody but Cornell Crawford (Alley cat), One Margarita, I’m so used to being broke); finish mulching flowerbed, invest another 10 minutes in prepping living trust, Freddie’s for complete series TDAP <$48, get Shingrix vaccine, find and configure a screen time popup, figure out where to plant the last of the naked lady bulbs, and soon as it warms up above 50 and dries out below 60% humidity I’ll tape and spray paint those rusted areas of Aunt Elsie’s stove, ask Te about GB’s FD firetruck tax levy – contacts, media, advocate???, Sunday: call S, Reward: inventory seeds, plan this fall’s garden, wishlist replenishments (Milena F1 orange peppers and beit alpha cukes next year).
    Reminder: Weekly: Mon=15 mins SWSY. Tues=30 mins line dance at home. Wed=30 mins T’ai Chi & 1 hr pack walk. Thurs=15 mins BB&B. Fri=30 mins T’ai Chi. Sat=1 hr pack walk. Sun=15 mins pilates, yoga or wii balance games.
    October
    21: Let go of the expectations of others and focus on what matters to you: dog group instead of BGBS.
    22: Share a hopeful quote, picture or video with a friend or colleague: this is a hard one. T is worried about my booster choice, sent a video with love and prayer. Tried to respond likewise.

    Short on steps and energy. YouTube bagpipe massed bands to the rescue. 55 minutes counting as today’s half hour of Line Dancing ;)


    Debbie does your DH take the lozenges for pain? A half gallon of half and half? WOW!


    Booster tomorrow morning. Will lidocaine both arms and hope for the best. ;)

    Lighter, lovelies!
    f8qt1s098sxm.gifBarbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD
    October: leaner/stronger/kinder than September.
    daily: sit with Joe:21, weigh/wii: 12/3/46; steps>7228=5102 vits=21, log=21, CI<CO=21, CI<250<CO=17, Tumble=19, Shadow=19, mfp=21, outside=24, up hill=20, clean 10=16.
    wkly: Sun:P, Y or W=3, Mon:SWSY=3 , Tue:LD=3 , Wed:TC=1.87 , PW=2, Thurs: BB&B=3.2, Fri:TC=2.77, Sat:PW=3, rX x4=3.
    wt=1/31:141.3 2/28:142.4 3/31:145.3 4/30:141.5 5/31:142.4 6/30:141.5 7/31:140.2 8/31:140.0 9/30:141.2 10/3:141.3 10/10:141.8 10/17:141.8 :astonished: 10/24: 10/31:
    mnthly: board mtg=1 , grant=2, plan=, waist=42.
    bonus: AF=13, play=46 sew=
    2021: choose to be leaner/stronger/kinder NOW

    these are tiny tiny little tablets/squares(feel like wax to me) that you put on your gum and they dissolve quickly-works in less than 20 min. He noticed a big difference when he started using them. Yes they are for pain- double hip replacements twice, one is still not right, the other is tollerable.
    Yes- half gallon! I helped at the food program/food bank with mom on Saturday and each family got half gallon of 2 % milk(either regular or lactose free), half gallon of half and half and another half gallon of either of those- so 3 total plus a quart of buttermilk. I will use the buttermilk for chicken tenders- need to get some chicken breasts-buttermilk and hot sauce to soak the chicken to make it moister. We ended up with two banana boxes full of food and I didn't even take everything. I will be sauteing the bell peppers and onions for fajita quessidillas tomorrow night along with home made pico de gallo.
    Each family gets all that and each worker also gets it. I love helping, the free food is a nice bonus- the only bad part is being up at 4:30(after getting to sleep at 12;30AM) to help.
    Mom does it every single Saturday. Dad did too when he was alive. He complained about the hours more than mom did.
    The Alfredo sauce came out really good. Used the pasta and butter from food program and green beans from there so was totally free meal.
    Too bad we didnt' get any of the good French bread this time- some weeks they get boxes and boxes of the great bread from the local bakery- I get a few extra(they have plenty) of that one-If I were to buy one loaf of plain wheat bread, it would be $8. Not sure how much the sourdough is. I don't eat much bread but if I can get Cousteaux's, I will have some.

    Debbie
    Napa Valley,CA
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,187 Member
    Just_Gran wrote: »
    Morning ladies, well my October so far has been a journey and a half:)) Joined the gym with my daughter and we have been encouraging each other to go most nights after dinner. Cant believe I am actually doing weights as well as cardio, but so far, so good. Found a couple of ladies who come over each Friday for aquarobics in our pool followed by good conversation and crochet. Has become the highlight of my week:)) Loosing inches rather than kgs, but at this stage I will take each loss as a positive step forward on my wellness journey.

    <3 Kim
    Brisbane, Australia

    aquarobics sounds so fun. I had thought about doing a aqua zumba class and the only reason I am not is because of where the gym is- not a good area and the class is at night. My zumba teacher is the one that is teaching it now.If I can find a friend to go with me, I want to go and try it.
    Debbie
    Napa Valley,CA
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,187 Member
    bananasandoranges wrote: »
    Barbara -
    I could eat more garlic, I like it but don't think of it much ! haha ! I think cilantro seeds does taste like soap but I find the leaves quite tasty (and not soapy to me) condiments are great and zero-ish calories in. thanks for the pages encouragesmnets (encouragement in this area needed alway needed) I can't really remember what mace tastes like...

    Debbie : I like sage and cinnamon too - I use the later sparingly -it has such a dominating floor!


    SPICES - l like many now. as a kid we also had canned soup etc, not even pepper! only rarely paprika ---- and cinnamon toast and nutmeg for apple pie or spice cake.
    my dad was anti-spice - and anything but processed unflavoured canned food almost - (but with lots of salt) so that's how we ate in my family -- but as an adult I discovered spices and I like many. I also enjoy curry spices...

    I don't use cinnamon in savory dishes- just sweets and in my tea-really like the cinnamon(like the candy) My favorite Sweet and Spicy is really good- 0cal dessert for me.
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,187 Member
    Machka9 wrote: »
    bananasandoranges wrote: »
    Barbara -
    I could eat more garlic, I like it but don't think of it much ! haha ! I think cilantro seeds does taste like soap but I find the leaves quite tasty (and not soapy to me) condiments are great and zero-ish calories in. thanks for the pages encouragesmnets (encouragement in this area needed alway needed) I can't really remember what mace tastes like...

    [
    Michèle ha ha for the secret spices!

    SPICES - l like many now. as a kid we also had canned soup etc, not even pepper! only rarely paprika ---- and cinnamon toast and nutmeg for apple pie or spice cake.
    my dad was anti-spice - and anything but processed unflavoured canned food almost - (but with lots of salt) so that's how we ate in my family -- but as an adult I discovered spices and I like many. I also enjoy curry spices...

    Food & Spices

    Oregano - I love the smell and flavour. I have it on pizza, veggies, rice, pasta, and when I do one version of chicken & veg in my slow cooker.

    To that version of chicken and veg, I'll also add things like ... parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme! And basil.


    Curry & Garam Masala (mixtures of spices) - I add these to things like pumpkin soup and to another version of chicken & veg in my slow cooker. They're also nice on oriental noodles (raman noodles).

    To that version of chicken and veg, I'll also add things like chili, garlic, and ginger. Sometimes I pop in some soya sauce.


    Paprika ... I've never had any that tasted like anything at all. It's as bland as can be. I might use it for colour, however.

    Mayo ... nope!

    Tartare sauce (spiced mayo) ... great for fish and chips

    Ketchup ... only occasionally for french fries and most times, not even that.

    Mustard ... for snags and hot dogs and occasionally chicken fingers or hamburgers. Not as keen on the American variety, but these are good (not the horseradish).

    oih5ufjv61iz.png



    And I love pesto with pasta. :)


    M in Oz

    haha- I would pick the horseradish FIRST- not a fan of most mustard
    Mayo has to be regular NOT Miracle Whip!

    I love pesto and make it using home grown basil and garlic. DH does not like it but son and I do so when I make pasta, I have started making three kinds. Son prefers Alfredo but will eat pesto, dh wants red sauce. Up until recently, I would just eat a little of the red but then decided if I was going to actually eat pasta that I was going to eat it the way I really liked and enjoy it.

    I had never had curry until MIL made it. I enjoy it but she makes so much and so often that we all got a bit burned out on it. I have never made it myself(though I do have it here-we get enough from her)

    Growing up mom used garlic, rosemary,sage,thyme,oregano and that was about it- Bay in a few dishes. It was always my job to go to the back of the property and pick some bay leaves when she needed them(or wild grape leaves when those were needed)
    Dad didn't like basil so mom never used it- grew a lot but sold it all to them restaurants.
    Paprika was only used on top of deviled eggs that I remember.

  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,187 Member
    bwcetc wrote: »
    Julie ... forgive me, farro is not a spice, but a grain that I mix with basil and mint.

    Machka ... I love pesto and pasta but I'm the only one in my family so I don't make it very often. What are "snags?"

    Barbara ... I did not know that high temps would break down the pectin in the juice.

    Back from physical therapy. The leg is showing measurable improvement and my 25% weight-bearing "walk" is spot on. Recreating my stand at the counter, however, shows that I do closer to 35-40% weight-bearing when I reach for things. All goes well, next week we'll start using 50% weight-bearing for walking and the stationary bike.

    My younger son had a job interview today and he was hopeful. He has suffered much with the collapse of his career dreams and then the death of his brother. I am just happy to see him re-entering the world. He felt he presented himself in the best light possible. The rest is out of his hands. Keeping my fingers crossed.

    Beth near Buffalo


    when I make pesto, I put it in little ziplock bags in the freezer. Then, when making pasta for the family, I put a small bowl full aside and add my pesto to it. That is my favorite so I do enjoy it instead of just eating what I have made for the guys. It freezes really well and because of the olive oil, it doesn't freeze solid so I can take just a spoon full or two out and put the rest back in the freezer.
  • Whidislander
    Whidislander Posts: 3,799 Member
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    Machka - beautiful photos!

    Barbara- is that like an apple juice?

    Rebecca - isn’t it disappointing when something doesn’t taste like it used to? I used to love chicken noodle and chicken with rice from Campbells, but something changed a couple years ago and I don’t like it now.

    Beth - I grew up similar to you. I am very fussy and don’t really try anything new. I don’t use any spices or herbs.

    Carol - I wonder if that is a personal choice. I think if I went somewhere like that after I was supposed to be retired. I would like the simplicity of carts rather than dealing with rude customers.

    Katla - so happy you are good to go.

    I had a miserable day at work. I hope tomorrow is better.

    I have ceramics tonight, I’m tired but good money was spent on this so I’ll go.

    Tracey in Edmonton

    I have noticed that our loved foods of our childhood have changed too. Some items have changed because they "improved" the recipe. Essentially just adding more sugar or salt to entice us. Other times they made it more healthy, and ruined it as well!
    Darn those companies!
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Washington
  • Whidislander
    Whidislander Posts: 3,799 Member
    auntiebk wrote: »
    "Get to do"s and "chose well"s
    Chose well: take BP, dogs to powerline, practice WBW, DM, SWTD, SL, learned the rest of GDLL, made up yesterday’s T’ai Chi, BB&B.
    Bonus: 30 mins grooming Tumble, 10 mins vacuuming, reconciled and paid one credit card statement.
    Just one thing: delivered cider to T, C, D, L, De and J yesterday. Cleared space in the fridge.
    Get to do: take BP, dogs to powerline, RiteAid for booster, Freddie’s for rx, T’ai Chi, make up Tuesday’s line dancing, practice WBW, DM, SWTD, SL, GDLL, backup files, then call pc guy to schedule tuneup, fill in booster vaccine form with Joe, text C, make up Saturday’s pack walk, fire district: board meeting minutes, research district tax exemption for volunteer firefighters, AFG grant requirements including NIMS, call NFPA cancel inactive accounts, clarify benefits included in annual dues, input 2019 call sheets into NFIRS, work with chief on equipment letter, substance abuse policy, NFIRS, index mutual aid files and share with L; start Part D research with new rx info, watch STAS Day 20, declutter sideboard, learn new dances (Tequila Little Time, Homesick, Nothing but You, A Little Less Broken, Blame it on my beating heart, Do Your Thing, practice dances: All Night, TGIF, I ain’t never gonna love nobody but Cornell Crawford (Alley cat), One Margarita, I’m so used to being broke); finish mulching flowerbed, invest another 10 minutes in prepping living trust, Freddie’s for complete series TDAP <$48, get Shingrix vaccine, find and configure a screen time popup, figure out where to plant the last of the naked lady bulbs, and soon as it warms up above 50 and dries out below 60% humidity I’ll tape and spray paint those rusted areas of Aunt Elsie’s stove, ask Te about GB’s FD firetruck tax levy – contacts, media, advocate???, Sunday: call S, Reward: inventory seeds, plan this fall’s garden, wishlist replenishments (Milena F1 orange peppers and beit alpha cukes next year).
    Reminder: Weekly: Mon=15 mins SWSY. Tues=30 mins line dance at home. Wed=30 mins T’ai Chi & 1 hr pack walk. Thurs=15 mins BB&B. Fri=30 mins T’ai Chi. Sat=1 hr pack walk. Sun=15 mins pilates, yoga or wii balance games.
    October
    21: Let go of the expectations of others and focus on what matters to you: dog group instead of BGBS.
    22: Share a hopeful quote, picture or video with a friend or colleague: this is a hard one. T is worried about my booster choice, sent a video with love and prayer. Tried to respond likewise.

    Short on steps and energy. YouTube bagpipe massed bands to the rescue. 55 minutes counting as today’s half hour of Line Dancing ;)

    Machka I’ve heard that thymol (a component of Oregano) has demonstrated some anti-viral properties as well. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7571078/https://www.researchgate.net/publication/256932459_Antiviral_and_antimicrobial_activity_of_Thymus_transcaspicus_essential_oil
    KJ I do want to be one of your kiddos, but not sure about the googly eyes in slime…
    Heather good idea to “sleep” on the format problem. Is there a FAQ or support board you can search for help?
    Vicki I do not like the medical provider’s “if they don’t call its ok” attitude. Insufficient information. Insufficient followup.
    Glad your DH is getting a monitor, really glad you’re getting some good help at work.
    Pip 3500? Bravisima!
    Margaret glad no serious injury or repairs being rear-ended.
    Debbie does your DH take the lozenges for pain? A half gallon of half and half? WOW!
    Rebecca I too was disappointed in my last tomato soup/sandwich lunch, it came out too “white.” Back to good ol’ Campbell’s condensed. Beautiful turnovers, I couldn’t have them here, we’d eat them all at once.
    Beth smoked paprika, yes! Gently, gradually (takes a loooong time) heat to 175F and hold it there for 15 seconds. Pastor read on the internet that boiling it would cause the pectin to break down, whatever that means ;) Will look for dried green peas at Freddie’s for you tomorrow.
    Allie could your kidney doctor recommend a nutritionist to work with? What Kim and Beth said about making it a game.
    Carol sometimes I’m sad when I see elders working at “menial” tasks. Then I remember how lonely Mama was and how she would have loved to have been of service to, and with people. Maybe it isn’t so sad after all?
    Katla my dermatologist recommends good old fashioned pure Vaseline Petroleum Jelly for wherever she’s dug… Hope the traffic and parking weren’t as bad as you expected.
    Tracey yes apple juice. Not sure why in the US we call it cider, or sweet cider, when we press it and juice when we buy it at the grocer’s. This is not the alcohol containing hard cider that other English speaking peoples mean when they say “cider.” Ain’t communication grand?

    Booster tomorrow morning. Will lidocaine both arms and hope for the best. ;)

    Lighter, lovelies!
    f8qt1s098sxm.gifBarbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD
    October: leaner/stronger/kinder than September.
    daily: sit with Joe:21, weigh/wii: 12/3/46; steps>7228=5102 vits=21, log=21, CI<CO=21, CI<250<CO=17, Tumble=19, Shadow=19, mfp=21, outside=24, up hill=20, clean 10=16.
    wkly: Sun:P, Y or W=3, Mon:SWSY=3 , Tue:LD=3 , Wed:TC=1.87 , PW=2, Thurs: BB&B=3.2, Fri:TC=2.77, Sat:PW=3, rX x4=3.
    wt=1/31:141.3 2/28:142.4 3/31:145.3 4/30:141.5 5/31:142.4 6/30:141.5 7/31:140.2 8/31:140.0 9/30:141.2 10/3:141.3 10/10:141.8 10/17:141.8 :astonished: 10/24: 10/31:
    mnthly: board mtg=1 , grant=2, plan=, waist=42.
    bonus: AF=13, play=46 sew=
    2021: choose to be leaner/stronger/kinder NOW

    I'm sorry your tomato soup and sandwich experience was not up to par🙃🙄💖. We have these expectation and when a meal doesn't meet that, well sure we eat it, but its like gaah....
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Washington
  • Whidislander
    Whidislander Posts: 3,799 Member
    I have been using a spoonful of my olive bruschetta sauce in my soups, my salads, and pasta dishes. It adds a dense "umami" flavor, along with a nice sheen to my soups. I spread it on my avocado toast as well.

    Lee got this 3rd shot the other day at the clinic. He was a bit ache but no feeling under the weather or anything. He's my battery bunny, just going going......

    My Navy Mom Strong group posted an article on "Toxic Positivity". It was interesting. How there are some people that believe in " all will be well", put on a happy face, and "I am fine, everything is fine. But everything is not fine, and showing the true feelings, and emotions is somehow making them less than, in their mindset. I am all for processing, and feeling my feelings. The article talked about the messiness of emotions, and to give yourself grace about feeling them. I equate it to my normal way of cleaning. I usually pull stuff off stuff, move things and there is a moment when looking at the room its nothing but chaos. Then vacuum this, turn couches right side up, move things back to where they were, and I am done. I remember as a little girl I used to play this game in my kitchen. I would open every cabinet, every drawer then sit in the middle of the kitchen. Looking at it, lying, upside down. Take a regular normal thing and seeing it look so different. Then I of course had fun shutting each cabinet and drawer, kinda loudly.😁. Reading this article it made me think of my middle sister. How when I ask her how she's doing, its always fine. In the article it talked about how certain people say things like "get over it" you'll be fine. In other words saying I care but I don't want to invest my emotions in you. So much my sister. I sent it to my older sister, and we agreed our middle sister has many of the issues they mentioned in the article. I love how my older sis and I rely on each other. How she trusts me enough to call me, on days when she feels broken, and we process the problems she is experiencing together. We worked together to clean up the chaos. I feel privileged that she reaches out to me, and in turn, I do the same. That's how relationships are. We see the messy, the emotionally tough things, and the seeing and recognizing, is the most important part. I never mention my younger sailor to my middle sister. It brings up situations when she told me to "get over it". First, she didn't want to help me deal with the messiness of my emotions. Second, supporting me, she would have to be relied upon, a place she doesn't want to be in.

    Today is a gray, gray day. Rained all last night. I have my side table light on at 11:00 am!
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Washington
  • Whidislander
    Whidislander Posts: 3,799 Member
    Katla, glad everything went ok. Do you feel us all in your back mental pocket, cheering you on?👍💖
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Washington
  • KetoneKaren
    KetoneKaren Posts: 6,412 Member
    Heather

    Congrats on finishing the book. A lifetime accomplishment. Well done!

    What formats will it be available in? Print and Kindle?

    Karen in Virginia
    .
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,698 Member
    Karen - yes, both. Details tomorrow. Phew! :p

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,088 Member
    Afternoon ladies
    Well I got the hang of the baby blanket sorr of i fear most of it will need to be torn out and started over but i think i have the hang of it.
    Went and got Dan and we stopped at DQ and picked up lunch and started his laundry ,2 loads second load in the dryer now. He is walking back and forth from work over here. Its right next door..
    Ive been good,havent hung out in my room,or laid down,though I am tired.. but will wait and go to bed later on.. I crocheted,watched YouTube and folded laundry,then fed Alfie and took him for a walk.. i need to get up and moving .cant be a lump on a log..
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,187 Member
    Whidislander wrote: »
    I have been using a spoonful of my olive bruschetta sauce in my soups, my salads, and pasta dishes. It adds a dense "umami" flavor, along with a nice sheen to my soups. I spread it on my avocado toast as well.

    Lee got this 3rd shot the other day at the clinic. He was a bit ache but no feeling under the weather or anything. He's my battery bunny, just going going......

    My Navy Mom Strong group posted an article on "Toxic Positivity". It was interesting. How there are some people that believe in " all will be well", put on a happy face, and "I am fine, everything is fine. But everything is not fine, and showing the true feelings, and emotions is somehow making them less than, in their mindset. I am all for processing, and feeling my feelings. The article talked about the messiness of emotions, and to give yourself grace about feeling them. I equate it to my normal way of cleaning. I usually pull stuff off stuff, move things and there is a moment when looking at the room its nothing but chaos. Then vacuum this, turn couches right side up, move things back to where they were, and I am done. I remember as a little girl I used to play this game in my kitchen. I would open every cabinet, every drawer then sit in the middle of the kitchen. Looking at it, lying, upside down. Take a regular normal thing and seeing it look so different. Then I of course had fun shutting each cabinet and drawer, kinda loudly.😁. Reading this article it made me think of my middle sister. How when I ask her how she's doing, its always fine. In the article it talked about how certain people say things like "get over it" you'll be fine. In other words saying I care but I don't want to invest my emotions in you. So much my sister. I sent it to my older sister, and we agreed our middle sister has many of the issues they mentioned in the article. I love how my older sis and I rely on each other. How she trusts me enough to call me, on days when she feels broken, and we process the problems she is experiencing together. We worked together to clean up the chaos. I feel privileged that she reaches out to me, and in turn, I do the same. That's how relationships are. We see the messy, the emotionally tough things, and the seeing and recognizing, is the most important part. I never mention my younger sailor to my middle sister. It brings up situations when she told me to "get over it". First, she didn't want to help me deal with the messiness of my emotions. Second, supporting me, she would have to be relied upon, a place she doesn't want to be in.

    Today is a gray, gray day. Rained all last night. I have my side table light on at 11:00 am!
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Washington

    Check out this song- it is exactly like what you are talking about- I say I'm fine, yea I'm fine but I'm not;
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4wYkS8Z3Io
  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    I've exchanged some very very angry mails friend- colleague today. I whinged about him about a month or so ago here.

    long, long whinge
    We have been working together for a good year. He's been mostly easy to deal with one on one - usually very polite and thanking me for my work but then he doesn't have my back at all when many other people are around.

The following I think is a male thing: 
when exchanging mails I am clearly most active and knowledgeable. All the guys in the group thanked one another and answered one another quickly and no one thanked me AT ALL THIS WEEK when I answered their questions that I had to look up stuff for, and this work friend didn't answer or acknowledge any questions that he had asked me to ask him.

it felt like the straw that broke the camel's back - maybe we shouldn't have coffee anymore (is usually half work- and half coffee) if he's gonna be a big negative towards of about me pretty often when others around. (about a month ago story told)

He responded very curtly -  "I'm an awful person you are right not to want to have coffee together with an awful person like me", and also - said of course everyone knows I do so much and they owe me so much,  - but they dont thank me because I do so much. 
what the ?

this answer rather than questioning his behaviour - trying to find a solution -

(I later wrote no they don't, they don't not owe me a simple thank you nor an answer, they don't owe me anything at all. everything is owed to them )(since they don' bother with a thank you for things requested or in answering my mail).

 We work maybe every 2 or 3 weeks together/phone+ google doc for an hour average lets say plus the odd mail or call not that much and have a quick meal or coffee about every 2 weeks or so which is half work. We work well together for the most part- session are efficient, and effective, with long-reaching results. but it seems like when there are only guys from our group there (which is often -there is only 1 other active women - who is there about half the  time) he is negative towards me- like this instinctive male thing support other males - or respect males or somethings like that. from our parents generation something like that. 

I don't think he's like that with all women, but his very old friend of 30 years,  F, you may remember, was really horrible with me and  basically F has been aiming to discredit me for well over a year..(another woman friend explained how he was subtly aiming to discredit me during a conversation)  And though when I talk to my colleague he is reasonable, when we are all together and no women are there - he seems to go to that mode - last time - alarm alarm - even when F wasn't there he was kind of condescending -that was really upsetting.  And there was absolutely no basis. I was speaking little, only factually in the meeting, I was low profile. and I'm indisputably the most knowledgeable on the subject. 

It stinks. 

I said I didn't think we should have coffee anymore if he is not gonna have my back as a friend-colleague. 
He is pretty much in counter attack mode,.
I started relatively neutral but then he was kind of snappy and mocking in his responses.(see above) so that I got more critical. He didn't dream of  apologising nor trying to rectify. then he says - wait for it - that I am oversensitive (is that not a stock response and counter attack- to deflect responsibility?)

Maybe it's to be expected counter attack since I was basically suggesting an end to the friendship aspect of our work relation or even notworkign together one on one anymore. In reality it would be good  for it to be a wake up call - but I also think that if after a good year-and a good number of conversations-  he hasn't set his STUFF straight  - he probably never will. MAYBE A strong action will be a wake up call. but I really don't expect it.

It's possible to change at 60 but I don't count on it.

He seems really polite and he is very well-respected BUT I think he has this not obvious old-boy thing. He is not very Alpha - so you dont expect it but it's just old-fashioned and then it's this bad dynamic that he has become parti of.

it's a double thing - losing the work-friendship and getting distance from the collective at the same time - since most of the work in the collective is being done by us two.

I was the main co-founder of this collective about a year and a half ago. it's now got a lot of visibility. and some people are taking over some - which is great. I told this work-friend I was planing to be present for the next meeting but in view of his mocking critical answers and apparent  total lack of concern for having my back - maybe not.  

up to a point I was not, but I think I'm getting ready to let go, or at least develop great distance.  I know in their letter writing they are going to make a lot of mistakes - they don't know the stuff as well as I do - but they will have to make do. and deal with the mistakes.

I'll have to play it by ear. Last time I was the 1st one ready to leave the meeting and indeed the 1st to leave. That has never happened.  I've been keeping meetings down to an hour.

I'm not sure but I think I've already grieved the friendship.
I don't know and maybe it will change (that certainly can happen) - but maybe that is the dynamic - that I am really letting go already and he understands that is really the case and is at least minimally upset, whereas I have already grieved.

finally a so-called work friend - who doesn't have my back is. no friend at all, and better not to spend time around if can be avoided.



  • bananasandoranges
    bananasandoranges Posts: 2,410 Member
    an article on "Toxic Positivity". It was interesting. How there are some people that believe in " all will be well", put on a happy face, and "I am fine, everything is fine. But everything is not fine, and showing the true feelings, and emotions is somehow making them less than, in their mindset. I am all for processing, and feeling my feelings.

    Rebecca hum how to say this. here in France people tend to be more critical and more complain - y ... so they are not the biggest victims of toxic positivity! they are aware of USA positivity - and are, on average, very wary of it. In fact there are good sides of both. it's a pain in the butt to always have to be cheery and "on" when we are not. it is nice to process to be honest... but being with complain-y, critical people is not enviable either... balance is a good thing.
  • TerriRichardson112
    TerriRichardson112 Posts: 19,016 Member
    Had my Covid booster today. (Flu jab last Wednesday). All set for winter. UK numbers are rising rapidly, mostly because of schools. My cousin got a letter from his daughters school about clusters, and they subsequently both tested positive. Doesn’t bode well for the winter. Hospitals are already feeling the strain.

    Haven’t much time for comments as I’m trying to sort out my bedtime routine and am switching off my devices early. It’s working well and my sleep has definitely improved. Just popped in to read posts. Hope to have time tomorrow to comment.

    ☘️ Terri
  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,703 Member
    B)
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,253 Member
    Stats for the day-

    Walk with family- 1hr 37min 43sec, 49elev, 87ahr, 111mhr, 3.14ap, 5.17mi= 463c
    Strava app= 624c
    Walk to gym- 11.56min, .54mi= 55c
    Strava app= 66c
    Treadmill jog- 1hr 30min 53sec, 152ahr, 182mhr, 10.06min mi, 5.7sp 1st 5mi, 5.9sp one song, 6.1sp next song, 6.3sp next song, rotate for the next 3-1/2mi, 6.5-7.0sp for last 1/2 mi, 9mi= 915c
    Walk gym to home- 10.43min, .54mi= 59c
    Strava app= 65c

    1st day running 9miles, felt good, could have ran longer

    Total cal 1492
  • Whidislander
    Whidislander Posts: 3,799 Member
    dlfk202000 wrote: »
    Whidislander wrote: »
    I have been using a spoonful of my olive bruschetta sauce in my soups, my salads, and pasta dishes. It adds a dense "umami" flavor, along with a nice sheen to my soups. I spread it on my avocado toast as well.

    Lee got this 3rd shot the other day at the clinic. He was a bit ache but no feeling under the weather or anything. He's my battery bunny, just going going......

    My Navy Mom Strong group posted an article on "Toxic Positivity". It was interesting. How there are some people that believe in " all will be well", put on a happy face, and "I am fine, everything is fine. But everything is not fine, and showing the true feelings, and emotions is somehow making them less than, in their mindset. I am all for processing, and feeling my feelings. The article talked about the messiness of emotions, and to give yourself grace about feeling them. I equate it to my normal way of cleaning. I usually pull stuff off stuff, move things and there is a moment when looking at the room its nothing but chaos. Then vacuum this, turn couches right side up, move things back to where they were, and I am done. I remember as a little girl I used to play this game in my kitchen. I would open every cabinet, every drawer then sit in the middle of the kitchen. Looking at it, lying, upside down. Take a regular normal thing and seeing it look so different. Then I of course had fun shutting each cabinet and drawer, kinda loudly.😁. Reading this article it made me think of my middle sister. How when I ask her how she's doing, its always fine. In the article it talked about how certain people say things like "get over it" you'll be fine. In other words saying I care but I don't want to invest my emotions in you. So much my sister. I sent it to my older sister, and we agreed our middle sister has many of the issues they mentioned in the article. I love how my older sis and I rely on each other. How she trusts me enough to call me, on days when she feels broken, and we process the problems she is experiencing together. We worked together to clean up the chaos. I feel privileged that she reaches out to me, and in turn, I do the same. That's how relationships are. We see the messy, the emotionally tough things, and the seeing and recognizing, is the most important part. I never mention my younger sailor to my middle sister. It brings up situations when she told me to "get over it". First, she didn't want to help me deal with the messiness of my emotions. Second, supporting me, she would have to be relied upon, a place she doesn't want to be in.

    Today is a gray, gray day. Rained all last night. I have my side table light on at 11:00 am!
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Washington

    Check out this song- it is exactly like what you are talking about- I say I'm fine, yea I'm fine but I'm not;
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4wYkS8Z3Io

    Oh wow, yes, that! That song made me a wee bit weepy! 💖. I shared with my older sister! Thanks!
    Rebecca
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,088 Member
    Evening ladies,
    Watching the end of Love Boat and then will relax a bit,well like Katla i have to rip out and start over the baby blanket lol
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,187 Member
    edited October 2021
    Whidislander wrote: »
    dlfk202000 wrote: »
    Whidislander wrote: »
    I have been using a spoonful of my olive bruschetta sauce in my soups, my salads, and pasta dishes. It adds a dense "umami" flavor, along with a nice sheen to my soups. I spread it on my avocado toast as well.

    Lee got this 3rd shot the other day at the clinic. He was a bit ache but no feeling under the weather or anything. He's my battery bunny, just going going......

    My Navy Mom Strong group posted an article on "Toxic Positivity". It was interesting. How there are some people that believe in " all will be well", put on a happy face, and "I am fine, everything is fine. But everything is not fine, and showing the true feelings, and emotions is somehow making them less than, in their mindset. I am all for processing, and feeling my feelings. The article talked about the messiness of emotions, and to give yourself grace about feeling them. I equate it to my normal way of cleaning. I usually pull stuff off stuff, move things and there is a moment when looking at the room its nothing but chaos. Then vacuum this, turn couches right side up, move things back to where they were, and I am done. I remember as a little girl I used to play this game in my kitchen. I would open every cabinet, every drawer then sit in the middle of the kitchen. Looking at it, lying, upside down. Take a regular normal thing and seeing it look so different. Then I of course had fun shutting each cabinet and drawer, kinda loudly.😁. Reading this article it made me think of my middle sister. How when I ask her how she's doing, its always fine. In the article it talked about how certain people say things like "get over it" you'll be fine. In other words saying I care but I don't want to invest my emotions in you. So much my sister. I sent it to my older sister, and we agreed our middle sister has many of the issues they mentioned in the article. I love how my older sis and I rely on each other. How she trusts me enough to call me, on days when she feels broken, and we process the problems she is experiencing together. We worked together to clean up the chaos. I feel privileged that she reaches out to me, and in turn, I do the same. That's how relationships are. We see the messy, the emotionally tough things, and the seeing and recognizing, is the most important part. I never mention my younger sailor to my middle sister. It brings up situations when she told me to "get over it". First, she didn't want to help me deal with the messiness of my emotions. Second, supporting me, she would have to be relied upon, a place she doesn't want to be in.

    Today is a gray, gray day. Rained all last night. I have my side table light on at 11:00 am!
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Washington

    Check out this song- it is exactly like what you are talking about- I say I'm fine, yea I'm fine but I'm not;
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4wYkS8Z3Io

    Oh wow, yes, that! That song made me a wee bit weepy! 💖. I shared with my older sister! Thanks!
    Rebecca

    That is how I feel all the time- really hits close to home.

    He has another one "What If" that is really good
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt7dpZU6rUY


    The one that gets me very weepy is
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCc7TCmKcwQ
    The first few lines make me cry every time- thinking about the last time I saw my dad-
  • cormierannie
    cormierannie Posts: 5,421 Member
    It's been a relaxing day here today. My daughter says hello to everyone. I've been for a walk in the afternoon and I feel great! I'll be doing some dancing in a while. Hope that everyone is doing well. Take care and stay safe.
  • exermom
    exermom Posts: 6,521 Member
    Worked today. No work tomorrow….yea. I miss my exercise. The plan is to do part of the Toning Transformation DVD (this is a new one)

    M – how wonderful things have lifted!

    Katla – hope the results are fine

    Beth – so glad to hear that your leg is on a great road to healing. My best hopes for your son

    Kim Australia – good for you joining that gym! How I miss my aquaaerobics class!

    Julie – hope you’re feeling better real soon

    Heather – yea for the book being done

    After work went to CVS then Lowe’s Hardware to get wasp & hornet killer then Kohl’s for Halloween earrings. They didn’t have any but since I had $5 off I got a set of king sheets for $16. Then Target to see about the earrings but they didn’t have any either.

    Just came back from the Green Room where we saw “Dial M for Murder”. Pretty good.

    Michele NC

Categories