WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2023
Replies
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Mother issues: In my case there is more involved than who calls who. I was the oldest of 5 and was the one responsible for everything the younger ones did or did not do. As soon as a child was born, everyone older was ignored and given to me to care for. From babies to pre-teens. My sister who is 15 years younger than me was raised her first 3 years by me. Mom was sick with surgeries and recovery during that time. When I left at 18, it was such a relief. I don’t even want to talk about my dad. Mean alcoholic. I resented my mom for making me do all the child rearing and for shrinking from my dad with my younger brother and I protecting her during his drunken fits. She never protected us from him. I put a non-pickable lock on my bedroom door to keep him out. He almost broke the door down once then realized he could no longer threaten me.
Each person has things they carry around fro, childhood into senior life. We all deal with things differently. My mother blames me for the other kids moving out and not calling her. My sibs are in Arizona, me in New Mexico, Kentucky, and Pennsylvania, the one that still lives in CT near my mom cleans her house and takes he shopping twice a week. The Kentucky sister, the youngest, calls her every day. The depression and blame she shoves my way makes me not want to call her. But, I do call her once a week. Even with all this, I still love her, and she is 87 and on the downside of life. So I will probably continue to call her, then vent here, to my DH or my therapist.
RVRita9 -
Who made the rules? Jake believes that children should call their parents so if they don't call him then they don't talk. Some of you think your parents should call you so you don't call them. My rule is that the person who is the most disturbed is the one who should take the action.
Barbie in NW WA
In my case, my parents and I email frequently and comment back and forth on FB. But we only "call" (Zoom) a couple times a year. We're not phone people.
This works for us.
Machka in Oz
My mom had a tablet but only looks at emails sent to her. She does not reply or send emails. She has had several cell phones from the cricket to a basic smart phone with big numbers on my account. She never wanted to even use them. Says she always forget to charge them and doesn’t want to bother. She only has a landline. She does not like technology, but does enjoy her cable tv, computer to play solitaire on (only), and the tablet to see pictures people send her. FB is a big NO-NO for her, but, she enjoys the things my sister tells her she saw on FB. I people are just different! “Different strokes for different folks!”
RVRita3 -
One more comment on phone calls ...I am not deaf, but since my early 30s at least, I have had slightly reduced hearing ability which might be gradually getting worse. Since my husband's accident I have also developed Tinnitus which gets really loud when I'm stressed.
So, talking on the phone is my least favourite method of communication because I can't rely on visual cues.
The chances I will call someone is low at the best of times. I prefer to walk to a clinic and talk to them in person to make an appointment, rather than calling. And I'm thrilled that many medical places allow me to book online now.
The chances I will call someone to chat is right about 0.
I also find telephones the most intrusive and demanding form of communication. The thing rings, and we're expected to answer ... and spend time talking. Even if we're doing something nice like watching TV, reading, colouring, studying, cleaning the house, exercising etc.
I recall both my grandmother and mother being reluctant to call ... my grandmother being reluctant to call my mother when my mother was young and had a young family, and my mother being reluctant to call me when I was younger ... because they knew we were busy and knew that a phone call could be very disruptive. So they would leave it up to us to call ... my grandmother would leave it up to my mother to call, and my mother would leave it up to me to call ... when it was convenient.
Thankfully, email came along!!
M in Oz
I completely agree! I know my kids are very busy with life and work, so text them to talk or ask them to call me when they have time. I understand younger families have a lot on their plates these days. I also agree with finding the phone intrusive! My parents and grandparents lived within 1/2 mile of each other when I was growing up, so walks to talk to them was the norm. The phone was barely used until I became a teenager! LOL
RVRita
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Good morning ladies!
I'm worried about my dad. He is 88 and decided to fast today. Then he went on his usual three mile walk. He will be driving to church in ten minutes. Mom and I pitched a fit and made him eat a banana. Poor choice because his blood sugar will spike.
I wish I had more influence. It really is stupid and dangerous at his age to fast and then leave the house. He has a history of fainting and pre-diabetes.
Annie in Delaware10 -
Who made the rules? Jake believes that children should call their parents so if they don't call him then they don't talk. Some of you think your parents should call you so you don't call them. My rule is that the person who is the most disturbed is the one who should take the action. Barbie in NW WA
In my case, my parents and I email frequently and comment back and forth on FB. But we only "call" (Zoom) a couple times a year. We're not phone people.
This works for us.
Machka in Oz
My mom had a tablet but only looks at emails sent to her. She does not reply or send emails. She has had several cell phones from the cricket to a basic smart phone with big numbers on my account. She never wanted to even use them. Says she always forget to charge them and doesn’t want to bother. She only has a landline. She does not like technology, but does enjoy her cable tv, computer to play solitaire on (only), and the tablet to see pictures people send her. FB is a big NO-NO for her, but, she enjoys the things my sister tells her she saw on FB. I people are just different! “Different strokes for different folks!”
RVRita
My father has enjoyed technology since the mid 80s when we got our first computer. He's not keeping up with it as much as he used to but that's OK.
He has taught my mother how to use some things like email and FB.
It's no wonder I work in technology.
M in Oz3 -
Morning ladies
]
Kyle did a great job,got him down for naps,gave him waffles and changed messy diapers.. very proud of my son in law lol 😆
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Rita - Big hugs for your messy childhood trauma. You have done so well to become the person you are. Respect!
There are a lot of 'survivors' on this thread. Cheers for all of us!
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx2 -
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I think I should get my hearing checked. There have been many times when I am talking to husband and he starts doing the "pumping hands movement" meaning that I am talking too loud. Does that mean I am getting hard of hearing? I happens not every week though so not every time we talk to each other.
My phone situation is fairly simple. I don't have a phone. We have the phone upstairs that is an answering machine and plugs into our modem. Our 1957 phone is plugged into the modem as well as she is the loudest ringing phone between the two. One day she'll be back on her special side table with the built in seat. Most people that call us know to let the phone ring a bit longer, because we have to hoof it up the stairs and down the hallway. You are thinking, "why not plug it in downstairs". Well for one, none of the phone plugs work. Its a daisy chain situation, and our management company said when we were moving in, " no one uses land lines anymore, so we're not going to fix that".
I use my handy dandy tablet here, to do video calls with sons, sisters and friends. When husband and I go out, we always carry his cheap Tracfone if we need to make or receive phone calls.
Rebecca
Whidbey
WA
My phone table, phoneless.🙃
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Well I swallowed my feelings and drove my dad to church. I didn't want him to drive and I wanted to be there if he fainted. The idiot decided to fast today, then walked three miles. We persuaded him to eat a banana but I felt better going with him. So of course nothing happened. He is definitely harder to care for than my mother, who generally sits safely on the couch.
Now a bit of rest and then I can start the lamb stew.
Annie in Delaware6 -
Karen--Glad to hear your brother is doing well. Sounds like he is in a good place thanks to you.
Kylia--I would tell DH maybe if you had some decent help at work, you would not have to stay late.
Tracey--Sorry to hear about your niece. I prayer they find some answers for her. Sorry things at work are not going well. I can understand, almost everyday this week I have thought of walking out. Sometimes being responable s**ks.
I picked up some chicken bone both and some carrots and celery. Going to put in slow cooker in the morning. Have enough to put in 1 cup containers and will take to work for 1 cup a day. See how that works. Also picked up some ACV pills.
I would rather text than call as I have so much trouble hearing on the phone, which I think is just me as I answer phones all day at work with no problems. I just know by the time I get off work most nights I don't want to people anymore except with DH. Sometimes my DOS will call to see how I answer as sometimes when I have been really busy I answer my phone like I am at work. Makes him laugh.
Machka--Beautiful pink flowers.
Rita--I agree we all have things from growing up and we deal the best we can. Somedays are easier than the others.
I have a 3 day weekend and I am looking forward to it. Tomorrow I will take my friend home from the hospital and get her settled in. Than Sunday DH and I are going to Kansas to go to church with his sister and her DD and have lunch. Then Monday I am taking another friend to the doctor as she can not drive yet, she had a 2 way heart bypass 2 weeks ago to today.
Happy Easter, Blessings, Vicki GRAND ISLAND, NE 7 -
Dr. Katie— I am reading Virgin River currently & I’m enjoying it. I checked out Return to Virgin River from the library at the same time. Both books are due back to the library at the end of the month.
Katla in Illinois
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Vicki you’re going to love the bone broth, and the apple cider vinegar effects on your body!!
We made it to Florida! Not quite to our destination yet probably another four hours of driving. This is the first day that I am proudly, wearing short shorts and a tank top, because I do not feel like everybody is looking at creepy skin!! I feel so good!6 -
In the UK it is a four day weekend for Easter. DH drove back from cricket in record time. No traffic and no lorries! Nothing much will be open on Monday - certainly not the doctors!
I've always hated bank holidays, even when I was much younger. I'm a bit better now, but still prefer an average day. I used to have terrible FOMO, and feel everyone had something to do and people to see, except me. My father always refused to do anything on a bank holiday, because he said everyone else would be doing it and it would be too crowded. I used to get very frustrated.
Luckily, this year we have been coopted by my son into hosting Easter Sunday.
Not my preference, but we are happy to help. I think DH should write some clues for the garden.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx5 -
Whidislander wrote: »I think I should get my hearing checked. There have been many times when I am talking to husband and he starts doing the "pumping hands movement" meaning that I am talking too loud. Does that mean I am getting hard of hearing? I happens not every week though so not every time we talk to each other.
My phone situation is fairly simple. I don't have a phone. We have the phone upstairs that is an answering machine and plugs into our modem. Our 1957 phone is plugged into the modem as well as she is the loudest ringing phone between the two. One day she'll be back on her special side table with the built in seat. Most people that call us know to let the phone ring a bit longer, because we have to hoof it up the stairs and down the hallway. You are thinking, "why not plug it in downstairs". Well for one, none of the phone plugs work. Its a daisy chain situation, and our management company said when we were moving in, " no one uses land lines anymore, so we're not going to fix that".
I use my handy dandy tablet here, to do video calls with sons, sisters and friends. When husband and I go out, we always carry his cheap Tracfone if we need to make or receive phone calls.
Rebecca
Whidbey
WA
My phone table, phoneless.🙃
my dh is the one that talks too loud. I try and signal to him to talk a little quieter but he gets really mad when I do and storms off. He does have trouble hearing. Keeps his tv up loud/phone volumn up loud. Many nights I have to put ear plugs in just to block out some of it and he is in the other room. It is terrible when he is watching tv or on his phone in bed and I am trying to sleep. My hearing is really good, at least I think it is and can't stand the loud noise of the tv/phone or his voice. There have been a few times I actually plug my ears with my fingers while in the car because it is so loud.3 -
Well, I gained a pound. It might have been more time of day than anything else. I use the scale in my parents room, so I usually wait until they are both napping to go in there. Anyway I had two days of improper eating/exercise so I'm not surprised.
Right now I should be in the basement doing yoga, but I'm also watching the lamb simmer on the stove. I will have time tonight for yoga.
Annie in Delaware4 -
We’ve been doing some excavating work. Honestly, I think the guy who is doing it underestimated how much work was involved. The person using the skid steer had to do it over again since I can only guess that he was not told how it needed to be.
Told I didn’t need to work on Sat. since they’re having their health inspection. I did offer to give them the extra prep and the store manager was happy about that. Only she hasn’t been ordering enough tomatoes. Oh well….she somehow got another box for yesterday and they will have to wait for their truck (delivery) today. Only I won’t be there. To me, it just seems that having someone else who is probably paid more than I am do it isn’t real smart. But whatever… Maybe she’s anticipating having Jerry do it, I don’t know (and not going to worry about it). I could have offered to come in this afternoon to do to after the truck came, but I didn’t. They need to order enough until their delivery is there and my going in will make them feel that they can just put things off.
But the good news is that I can exercise tomorrow. The plan is to do a Jane Fonda Fit & Strong DVD.
Went for a walk yesterday after dinner and got caught in the rain. Fortunately, it was warm out so it didn’t feel real bad. Good thing I don’t melt….lol
Raining right now so I’ll probably do a Leslie Sansone DVD after dinner.
Jess and Colby are supposed to be here this weekend. If it’s warm enough, maybe Colby can help get the pool cover off. Otherwise...Vince thinks that he and I can do it. I’ll have to do the hard part and he’ll do the easier part. Truthfully, I’d rather have Colby do the hard part.
Kim – feel free to vent as much and as often as you need to
After work today stopped at Food Lion since they have a ham on sale (less expensive than Aldi). Also got a fruit basket for Jess and Colby. They need candy like they need a hole in the head. I did include a chocolate bunny, tho. They also had sweet potatoes on sale so I got some for me, got the ice cream cake and some asian pears. I didn’t realize it until I got home, but the gal charged me for yellow onions (which are cheaper per pound than asian pears).
Went to the Green Room to volunteer. I looked and they did have sign ups for today. But when I got there, they were closed. Why would you have sign ups when you’re closed? So I just came home and did a few things, now here,
Betsy – I’m so sorry your trip will have to be postponed. But better to get your eyes taken care of
Jess calls us just about every day. The last time I talked to Denise on the phone was in Jan. I know that she’s just overwhelmed with being a mother and working. How many times we’ve called and left messages. She’s never called back. How many times I’ve texted her and she’s never once responded. Well, that’s just the person she is. Now if we call and leave a message for Jess, she calls us back (not even having listened to the message) wanting to know if we’re OK. Like I said, she’s the worrier which is why we didn’t tell her Vince hurt his back in FL. I remember my father used to call my grandmother (his mother) ever week, same day, same time. Well, as she got older if he called ½ hour later, she’d get real upset. That’s why I’d call him maybe once/week but never on the same day or at the same time.
Rosemarie – I didn’t know that you had to take calcium tablets in order to have Prolia. I’ve just always take calcium and the Prolia
Happy Passover or Easter to all. Have to lector on Easter
Jerry still gives me attitude, especially about the pickles. But I’ve gotten to the point where I realize that’s just him, he’ll do it. So I just ignore it. Like today I said “I’ll need the pickles in a few minutes”. Then, later I asked him for them. He threw down the rag he had in his hand and mumbled something. I don’t even know what because I just walked away. But he did it. So that’s what’s important.
Mary – is that place, New Orleans, a chain? We have a New Orleans restaurant in FL.
Karen VA – your brother’s painting in a way reminded me of that scene from Titanic where Jack is drawing Rose
This weird weather is making my throat “scratchy”. I hate this feeling. Yogurt seems to help some, but only temporarily. I’m drinking tea right now hoping that that’ll help
Michele NC3 -
Michele yes it is a chain. This restaurant really has good cooks. My husband owned a restaurant for almost 20 years and was a food distributor for 20 years and he said that the burger was one of the best he ever had. I have never had better. But remember different restaurant different cooks. If you never tried them you probably should!
Debbie and anyone else with tinnitus I’ve had it for about a year now and I just the other night researched causes and cures. I found out that the number one culprit is ear plugs. I have been using them because of my husband’s cpap machine being so loud. I haven’t used them for a week now and the tinnitus went away. That’s great but the downside is now I can’t sleep because of the noise. I might have to sleep in a different room!!!
💕Mary from Arizona/Minnesota3 -
It’s beautiful around here!
Lots of cottage dwellers take pride in their little yards, and the retirement community provides all the hardwood mulch, which they would be putting down whether residents had plants or not, so it’s a win-win.
One cottage has purple hyacinth, pink & white dwarf double tulips, and roses.
Another has pansies, daffodils and peonies.
One yard has fuchsia plants scattered throughout a low chartreuse ground cover.
Taking a walk is a garden show!
It’s been raining all day. The dogs are wet. We are home.
Karen in Virginia
p.s. This is Penny. She belongs to our Marketing Director Amy.
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Stats for the day-
Walk w/family- 1hr 56min 38sec, 3.11ap, 74elev, 87ahr, 113mhr, 6.08mi= 563c
Strava app= 745c
Walk home to gym- 10.45min, .53mi= 51c
Strava app = 66c
Lateral machine- 25min, 10wide, lvl5, 118ahr, 138mhr, 10laps, 2.51mi= 161c
Walk gym to salon, then gym then home- 20min, 1mi= 88c
Strava app = 123c
Zwift home spin bike- strava stats- 35.25min, 364elev, 104aw, 17amph, 34gear, 105ahr, 120mhr, 10.02mi= 214c
Strava app= 210c
Zwift stats- 35.30min, 357elev, 104aw, 47arpm, 16.90amph, 10mi= 211c
Total cal 1077
Up’s my MS donation goal to 10003 -
Karen penny is so sweet looking!3
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Rebecca ... As you know, I am crossing the threshold of certifiably deaf. I have a difficult time determining how loud I'm talking.
Mary ... since my bout with covid, my tinnitus is out of control and really kind of frightening. I need to talk to a doctor about it.
Katla ... my mom is an avid reader too and she goes to her senior living facility's library on a weekly basis. It's really quite large. She is always asking others if they enjoy reading and sadly, a lot of the residents do not. That's a shame. She was hoping to start a book club.
Phones ... Not a fan. I use a captioning landline. I use a captioning service on my cell phone that is amazing in its accuracy, but I prefer emails and texts. My mom, whose hearing has declined significantly, has lost the ability to type so doesn't email. She will text and she will talk at you on a regular phone. It's a one-way conversation for the most part. Cell phones now confuse her and her dexterity limits how much she can do. Even with the ipad/text, she makes a lot of errors and I have to fix it when I visit because she's reduced the page or lost the keyboard or some other such thing.
Today I made the kolachki and it split horribly. You know we'll still eat them though.
I have been asked to provide a children's message at our church's Easter service on Sunday. I've had my head buried in the details. I'm hoping it goes better than my kolachki!
I'm focusing on the "surprise" element of the first Easter morning and have ordered a surprise that I will only open at the service. Watching online videos "results vary." Then I've been assembling little handouts for afterwards ... it all involves flying butterflies (not real). It should be an interesting morning.
Getting ready to make an easy dinner.
Beth near Buffalo
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Watched the Greatest Story ever told this is morning/afternoon its 3 and 1/2 hrs and was made in 1965
Had the window open and the patio door open most of the day..
I made myself a cup of hot cocoa and put some heavy cream in it.. well lets just say I can't do that anymore.. ugh.
Going to see friends tomorrow. Celebrate Toms 1st wifes 80th birthday and her 1st husbands birthday he is in his 80s.. you have heard me speak of him Duane.. he is a peach..
Will bring birthday cards and fruit platter..
Just talked to my brother. Ive told you about his eye issues.. his surgeon basically told him his optic nerve is shot and basically he can see shadows in that eye and he gets shots in the eye for the pain..
Sean said if he needs to stop with the treatment he could have the eye removed.. there are alot if vereables and its still sinking in.. so if your thr praying type.. keep him in yours please.3 -
I’m looking forward to the weekend. I expect to do some shopping with my daughter, and also spending time at her place along with the grandkids. 😊
Katla in Illinois5 -
1921921
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Hi Gals,
Ok odd one out here, I love meeting with friends with a cup of coffee/tea/wine, but the next best thing is a long phone call. Text is great for transactional items (ie; running late… home safe… stopping at the store do you need anything). Email is great for data – here is the invoice, recipe, directions…. But for relationships for me it is the closest I can get to face to face. But I am willing to use whatever form of communication that works for the situation or the other individual.
As for the calling thing I just decided to not worry about keeping tabs on who called last/most and if I want to talk to you I’ll call. And if you answer I’ll probably say I just thought of you and couldn’t resist calling to tell you I’m thinking of you, do you have time for a chat? With a few of the 20 somethings in my world I will text and ask them to call whenever they have time.
Karen- Penny is so cute!
Today has been overcast but tomorrow starts a few days of beautiful weather. I am looking forward to it.
I had a friend for dinner last night and my oh my did my Mom turn her attitude around and was a delight. I am starting that as a coping skill, company for dinner at least once a week – Mom wants the world to think we are the “Cleaver” family from Leave it to Beaver (a TV series from 1957-63) The mom was played by Barbara Billingsley I think she was my mom’s role model.
Also spoke to Mom’s surgeon today he read the Monday xray of her hip and has released her to weight bearing as tolerated, which means PT will be able to work on getting her to a standard gait, stairs and other challenges she’ll need to get to go home. hopefully 4-6 weeks left!!!!
Kim in N. California
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I would rather text than call as I have so much trouble hearing on the phone, which I think is just me as I answer phones all day at work with no problems. I just know by the time I get off work most nights I don't want to people anymore except with DH. Sometimes my DOS will call to see how I answer as sometimes when I have been really busy I answer my phone like I am at work. Makes him laugh.
Happy Easter, Blessings, Vicki GRAND ISLAND, NE
The temporary position I held last year this time involved a lot of dealing with people over the phone. I struggled with that and was constantly asking people to repeat themselves.
However, I do think it was a good experience. I feel slightly more comfortable using the phone in work situations and I know that a job which involves a lot of phone work is not for me!
ZOOM, Teams, etc. are OK because I can see the people and get the visual cues.
M in Oz
2 -
3 -
Hi Gals,
Ok odd one out here, I love meeting with friends with a cup of coffee/tea/wine, but the next best thing is a long phone call. Text is great for transactional items (ie; running late… home safe… stopping at the store do you need anything). Email is great for data – here is the invoice, recipe, directions…. But for relationships for me it is the closest I can get to face to face. But I am willing to use whatever form of communication that works for the situation or the other individual.
As for the calling thing I just decided to not worry about keeping tabs on who called last/most and if I want to talk to you I’ll call. And if you answer I’ll probably say I just thought of you and couldn’t resist calling to tell you I’m thinking of you, do you have time for a chat? With a few of the 20 somethings in my world I will text and ask them to call whenever they have time.
Karen- Penny is so cute!
Today has been overcast but tomorrow starts a few days of beautiful weather. I am looking forward to it.
I had a friend for dinner last night and my oh my did my Mom turn her attitude around and was a delight. I am starting that as a coping skill, company for dinner at least once a week – Mom wants the world to think we are the “Cleaver” family from Leave it to Beaver (a TV series from 1957-63) The mom was played by Barbara Billingsley I think she was my mom’s role model.
Also spoke to Mom’s surgeon today he read the Monday xray of her hip and has released her to weight bearing as tolerated, which means PT will be able to work on getting her to a standard gait, stairs and other challenges she’ll need to get to go home. hopefully 4-6 weeks left!!!!
Kim in N. California
Kim- the way your mom acted is exactly like MIL acts. She wants everyone to thing she is just the perfect mom and dh is just an a**
Most people don't believe dh when he tells them about how she is towards him and also towards me.
Once in a while she slips up and others see it- they are shocked at first but do see the real her1 -
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