WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2023
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Good Evening,
Man......what a day......Took old migraine med this morning as I didn't know how I would react with the new med. Went to work, routed pick up and deliveries, restarted computers. Left for electrical cardiologist. He said that my heart is really healthy. The tachycardia is so rare and short lived in most instances, that he is not concerned. He would really like my heart to stay slower during the day, but with me getting dizzy on this med, he isn't changing it right now. He is not concerned with BP. More concerned with it dropping so low after taking the medicine (another reason to not change the dosage). So for now, keep taking the medicine, keep eating well, and start exercising. I am allowed to walk, dance, or yoga. He wants me to build up endurance. No HITT exercises and no jogging, skipping, or hopping. HR no more than 145. So for now I can't walk the driveway (hills) but can walk around house. Yay.....All in all good appointment. I go back in 3 months. Oh, and Magnesium down to 2 times a day instead of 2. So now I take medicines at 7am and 7 pm instead of 7, 2, 7, and 10! Afterwards, I walked over and spent a short time talking with my youngest daughter. I think that was good for both of us. She works at the hospital supplying the medical equipment people need when they are released home. She is the liaison for Medical Supply Company. Then I headed back to work....................................
So much for limiting STRESS!!!! Computers acting up again-rrrrr! My mouse died, changed batteries, restarted computer, still had issues with mine, but the other was working okay. Called California again. He got me back up and running but things were still off. He said my computer needed upgraded. Not enough RAM now that we have a couple of years of data on it. So shopping on line I went. Yes, I could have just added RAM, but the computer is 4 y/o which is old for our shop computers. So the new computer will be at shop on Friday. I still couldn't get mine to work properly. Then I couldn't get my mouse to work again!!!!! By now all I wanted to do was close up shop and cry. SIL says, so close up (of course) as she was leaving at 2 pm. I messed with the mouse for the next 30 mins. Finally I found an old corded mouse, plugged it in, and wala! It all worked much better!!!!!!!! Still really need the upgraded computer, but at least workable. I need to get a new home laptop, but am holding out for now. I will deal with that in a calmer mind. DH says the shop should buy it as I use it mainly for work, so will wait for a little while. We will see.....
Made dinner when got home. Eggs and toast.....easy right.......the bread I bought last week had started to mold-REALLY???? I just pulled off the moldy part, ate dinner, and threw out the loaf.
Took new migraine medicine. Yes, it seemed to help I think, but made me so tired! Head still achy after 4 hours, will take old med shortly. Should be working, but am spending time with you.
Kim Vent all you need and know that we are here for you! We all just really wish we could be there to help you and hug you. The only advice I have is to continue your countdown and take care of you! Relationships especially with parents are always complicated. Only you know how you can handle this situation.
Ladies, I appreciate you all! All of our differences, all of our goals, all of our life lessons, all of our sharing, all of these things have made such an impact on me and my life.
We survived our "storms". LOTS of Rain, No wind, some thunder and lightening. But I am safe.
Sleep well and good Morning!
Welcome to the new ladies!
Tomorrow or Today may you make the best choices you can at any given moment!
Much Love,
Kylia in Ohio
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Kim, you are a strong woman. I am glad that you got some coping advice/strategies from your counselor as well as wording suggestions. My sincerest hope is that you can some answers from your mom about the pressing issues. Good luck!
Evelyn, Vancouver Island3 -
from my yard. I love the red stripe on the one, there were just 4 when I planted them a number of years ago, and they have had more and more "babies"
Kim11 -
I’m up to $447 on my MS donations!5
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SophieRosieMom wrote: »OregonMother wrote: »
Medicare paid for 21 days of rehab for my mom in Washington. She had long-term care insurance that paid $200 day for her assisted living after that, but that didn't cover it all. I think she paid another $1000 or so a month. Thankfully, she had resources.
I was just quoting Mary, so I get no credit for finding the California information. I was a little appalled by the statute, because it seemed to burden families unnecessarily. If no one has resources, what options are there? And is it fair to require families to give up their time and resources for elder care?
When my husband was spending the money for his mother and was a little cranky about it, I told him to stop doing it that the state wouldn't put her on the street, but perhaps that wasn't true? In any case, like Kim, he felt responsible, so he continued to do it. When she died, Medicaid took from the value of her house everything they had spent on her care, but we were just out the money we had spent.
Not complaining. Just stating.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR
Flea - OK, I see the 100 day coverage depends on a person's supplemental insurance - whether they have an Advantage plan or a Medigap plan that gives that benefit. I have Medigap Plan G. Coverage in "skilled nursing" is covered for 100 days. So it will cover after the 21 Medicare pay days run out.
I did a supplemental insurance cost comparison for DH and me when we signed up for Medicare way back when. Based on our health and doc/hospital past history, we were better off paying a higher premium for a Medigap policy that covered literally everything to the max (except the $226 Part B Deductible). We initially had plan F but I switched to G after DH died - much lower premiums and the only difference was the Part B Deductible.
I'm with you, I find it very troubling that the state can go after kid's resources when the parent runs out of funds, although in our grandparent's time, kids just naturally took the old folks in. Many of them didn't live as long either. Medical advances come with a downside.... granny lives a lot longer but her chances of dementia, fractures and other quality of life issues increase, and someone has to pay for that.
Lanette
SW WA State
One of the reasons why they go after kids money is because a lot of people sign over their assets to their children before they die so that their estate goes to the children and they don’t have to pay for their nursing home care… beat the system. They only usually go after children to pay if the parents did the above and now don’t have enough funds and the kids have the money. You can fill out paperwork and fight it especially if it’s a hardship for you. I actually thought that Kim was interpreting the law as children had to physically care for their parents and that is not the case. So, first parents pay until they run out of money then kids if it’s not a hardship then the state pays. I looked up Minnesota law and they said that they rarely go after the children.
Kim it is honorable that you are taking care of your mom. That’s always how it used to be. I know that sometimes the blank stare can be a sign of dementia as well as anger and name calling. I couldn’t believe the way that my very sweet always proper mother in law yelled at me with an angry mean face just because I tried to help her. She looked like pure rage 😡
One of my husband’s daughter’s that won’t talk to him for years now lives in California and he laughingly said that when he gets too old to care for himself he’s going to move to California and she will be responsible to care for him!
💕Mary from Arizona/Minnesota6 -
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Hi Gals,
Thanks for all the kind words and reminders that I am doing a good thing. My counselor helped with some coping skills and we talked about what it would mean to hire help and comply with the law. It would eliminate all inheritance (fine) and probably mean both my sister and I would end up in enough debt that we would never recover. My brother is indigent so would not be expected to contribute. So I am going to work with the coping skills and her support. I need all the kindness you all can offer, and the pats on the back. I will not be posting for suggestions or corrections on my behavior just support and a place to vent.
Easter Sunday – no plans here. I like ham but am not planning on making one… I might do a quiche.
Debbie – the info and sharing with your DH helps – I will remember the chocolates ! I did get all nuts this time LOL my favorite is a chocolate baileys truffle…. in answer to DH’s question about language, she is truly American her relations came on the Mayflower. American English is her only language. My counselor is helping me figure out boundaries I am ok with and how to word them. It is hard but it would be so worse without them.
Kim in N. California
I wish dh would set boundaries with his mother. I tried to get him to set some in the beginning of this but it was easier, short term, to just do what ever she wanted. Now, all these months later, he is still doing it.
Here for support and a listening ear!!!
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1911910
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Kim - I'm so glad you are working on boundaries with your counsellor. I could never choose to do what you are doing. I just don't have it in me. Fortunately, in the UK, when a person's savings have run down to a certain level, I can't remember the exact amount, the state takes over. Not well, but they are obliged to do it. The house would have to be sold.
I sincerely hope I will never have to put my children into such a position. I dread getting helpless. Getting old s...s.
Carry on working on those boundaries. We care about you. Very much.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
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Lisa ... I had to think about your comment on my perceived "failure" to reach my March goals. The rational part of my brain knows that any weight loss should be considered a success. And that's what I really try to focus on. But there's a part of me ... regardless of practicality or reality, Machka, that wants things to be easy and quick. Those 7 pounds came on fast, I wanted them to leave just as quickly. I've since settled in to accepting that they will be slow to lose. Thank you, both, for your input.
Beth near Buffalo
I hear you! I gained weight in the first couple of weeks of March while we were on holiday. Some of it has come off which is great but I wish the whole lot would disappear!
It's scary how easy it is to put on weight!
M in Oz
Agreed. It is scary.
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I got my hair cut!!
First time in over a year.
Roughly 8-10 inches were lopped off.
Now I need to dye it ... I can see too much of the real me.
Oh also ... I've got mild synovitis in two joints in my right index finger which is probably what's causing the pain.
"Synovitis refers to inflammation of the synovium, a membrane that lines your joints."
https://injurycarecenter.net/signs-you-might-have-synovitis/
At least it's not fractured.
M in Oz
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I LOVE the tulips! I tried to grow them years ago. First the dogs knocked off the beds. Then they just never came back. I am thinking squirrels or other such rodents ate the bulbs. Why don't they eat the daffodils?
Today's targets- starting with 8 oz water (yucky), trash out, finish folding laundry, stretching, and 20 minutes dedicated walking. While my eating might be funky, I feel I need to work on "pruning" the extra chatter (quick chores)from my life and establishing a few other healthy habits. I don't think peeing twice a day is healthy (just saying).
Machka and Allie Hair cuts look good!
Easter.....just not up to entertaining. Will meet up with youngest daughter and family at some point in time. She is on call on Easter which is also her birthday. Oldest daughter will meet up with us either here or at the farm. It is an hour drive either way for her. I am not planning anything else. I will probably pick up a few cards and give $ to kiddos. Usually they have to find eggs to get it. I just don't have the energy. Other things priority like me .
Off to get some things done!
❤️
Kylia in Ohio still with migraine3 -
ACTIVE APRIL1. Commit to being more active this month starting today. Yes!
2. Spend as much time as possible outdoors today. Yes!
3. Listen to your body and be grateful for what it can do. Yes! I can garden, which requires all sorts of body motion, and cycle.
4. Eat healthy and natural food today and drinks lots of water. Yes! Ate my usual food and drank lots of water up till about 8 pm. We won't talk about what happened after that.
5. Turn a regular activity into a playful game today. Hmmm ... Walking around the shops? Climbing stairs?
6. Do a body-scan meditation and really notice how your body feels. Achy.7. Get natural light early in the day. Dim the lights in the evening
9. give your body a boost by laughing or making someone laugh
10. Turn your housework or chores into a fun form of exercise
11. Have a day with less screen time and more movement
12. Set yourself an exercise goal or sign up to an activity challenge
13. Move as much as possible, even if you’re stuck inside
14. Make sleep a priority and go to bed in good time
15. Relax your body & mind with yoga, tai chi or meditation.
16. Get active by singing today (even if you think you can’t sing)
17. Go exploring around your local area and notice new things
18. Be active outside. Dig up weeds or plant some seeds
19. Try a new online exercise, activity or dance class.
20. Spend less time sitting today. Get up and move more often.
21. Focus on eating ‘a rainbow of multi-colored vegetables today.
22. Regularly pause to stretch and breathe during the day.
23. Enjoy moving to your favorite music. Really go for it.
24. Go out and do an errand for a loved one or neighbor.
25. Get active in nature. Feed the birds or go wild-life spotting.
26. Have a ‘no screens’ night and take time to recharge yourself.
27. Take an extra break in your day and walk outside for 15 minutes
28. Find a fun exercise to do while waiting for the kettle to boil (or pan of water.)
29. Meet a friend outside for a walk and a chat.
30. Become an activist for a cause you really believe in
31. Make time to run, swim, dance, cycle or stretch today
Machka in Oz
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My BP is ALL over the place! This morning it was 91/61. Now at doctor's 144/72. This is crazy! Waiting on Dr now.
Mine usually sits around your higher BP when I'm relaxed these days. Actually, it's usually about 145/85. Fortunately, 2 or 3 GPs have told me that's normal.
When I'm stressed/upset, it soars!
In the pre-accident days, it was your lower number.
Oh also, look up White Coat Syndrome while you wait for the doctor. It is very normal to have a higher BP at the doctor's than at home. That's why they send you home and get you to record your BP at home twice a day for a couple weeks.
M in Oz
It is normal…if you are 80 years old.
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Kim,
I posted some advice but am editing it out since you said you didn’t want any.
Best of luck with your difficult mom.
Love,
Karen in Virginia
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Hi Gals,
some of this is just venting....
I know you just want to vent and aren't looking for advice. Vent away!for those of you also dealing with older parents.... I know my mom is very limited in her hearing (especially without her hearing aids - which she hates to wear) and that she processes slower, but she will look at me with a completely blank look - give me no visual or verbal clue that she is participating in the conversation or even knows that I am talking to her, but when I ask what do you think, or did you hear me -- she says okay.... so I know at some level she is listening... It's hard to turn everything into an open ended question but has anyone come up with something to say to get feedback that is meaning full? I suggested that we deal with her taxes, at least call her tax person (who she will not tell me their name, company or phone number) But I think it is H&R Block - I told her I would like to know if she could move the appointment to an office closer to us, or do it in a way that we would not need two appointments. I know what town the tax person is in and it is 1- 1 1/2 hours drive away from me. She looked at me blankly - then I asked if she would like me to make the call - response was quit bugging me. So I don't know if just talking to her is bugging her, or taxes are bugging her or maybe to quote Lisa her cheese has just fallen off her cracker.
This happens a lot in my home. So much so that I took my husband to an audiologist to get his hearing checked. I was hopeful that is all it was. And I also got an appointment at the audiologist to get him to go. Turns out he's got perfect hearing - even hyper hearing - and I'm the one going deaf.
Unfortunately, that means the reason he doesn't hear me is because the processing is slow and easily distracted.- If the TV is on and there is anything remotely interest on it ...
- If he's reading an online newspaper ...
- If he's thinking about something else ...
- If he's making dinner ...
- If he's doing something in the garden ...
He won't hear me.
Sometimes he won't even hear that I've made a noise. I can say a complete sentence in the same room with him, and he won't react at all. When I finally attract his attention, he won't have realised I said something.
If he does hear that I'm making noise, he won't know what I am saying, and he'll tell me that I don't speak loud enough.
Because of the brain injury, he has Aphasia (a brain disorder where a person has trouble speaking or understanding other people speaking), and connected with that, he also experiences Auditory Processing Disorder
https://www.acquiredbraininjury-education.scot.nhs.uk/impact-of-abi/communication-problems/auditory-processing-disorder/
Auditory processing difficulties:- Impair the person’s ability to distinguish between letters of similar sounds and therefore distinguish between words which sound similar e.g. ‘key’/’tea’.
- Make it difficult for the person to understand connected speech. This is made even worse if the speech is rapid.
- Impair the person’s ability to follow and keep up with conversation, especially in situations where there may be overlap of speakers and rapid exchanges of conversation.
- Are exacerbated by background noise and any other competing auditory demands. This will have a significant impact on the person’s ability to process and understand speech.
- Cause the person additional difficulties in situations where sound quality is poor e.g. poor quality T.V., railway station announcements.
- May affect the person’s quality of life and reduce enjoyment of activities previously enjoyed e.g. music, theatre, T.V., socialising.
- Cause difficulty locating where sounds come from.
- May be confusing, upsetting and highly stressful.
So I often get the blank look ... and if I repeat myself, I get the irritated "Stop interrogating me! Leave me alone!"
This is what they recommend ...
How to Help the Person with Auditory Processing Disorder:- Before speaking with the person with auditory processing disorder (APD), make sure you have their full attention, they are facing you and you are in good light.
- Slow speech down, use short sentences and give the person extra time to process what has been said.
- Give information in short chunks, one bit at a time.
- Repeat or rephrase information as necessary.
- Try to communicate in quieter environments when possible, reducing any background noise. Turn off radio, T.V., noisy equipment etc.
- Rooms with hard furnishings and an ‘echoing’ environment will present more challenges than a quieter room with softer furnishings to dampen down extraneous sound.
- Try to ensure, during conversations including several people, that speakers try to:
Avoid ‘overlapping’ each other’s speech.
Slow down the rate of conversational turn taking.
Keep sentences as short and simple as possible.- Be sensitive to any difficulties the person with APD may be experiencing. Modify your communication style if they appear to be having difficulty.
- Writing down information/instructions can be helpful for some people. Advice on augmentative and alternative communication strategies to support verbal understanding may be helpful, especially if the person is also dysphasic.
- Some people may benefit from auditory training, seek advice from audiology services.
I try to do those things most of the time, but I will admit that sometimes I get irritated.This is day 15 and It has been hard, I cry every day. I feel so alone and a complete failure.
Kim in N. California
You are absolutely NOT a failure!!dlfk202000 wrote: »edit- one other thing, have you found that she is worse in the evenings(the blank stares and odd comments?).
My husband is worse in the evenings ... it's because he's tired/fatigued.
He's also worse if he is stressed.
Machka in Oz6 -
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dlfk202000 wrote: »Question about Easter dinner-
Are you planning the traditional meal of ham, etc?
Or are you doing something else?
Debbie
Napa Valley,Ca
We're doing something else. We're eating what we normally eat on a Sunday or Monday. We're not having "Easter dinner".
M in Oz
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KetoneKaren wrote: »My BP is ALL over the place! This morning it was 91/61. Now at doctor's 144/72. This is crazy! Waiting on Dr now.
Mine usually sits around your higher BP when I'm relaxed these days. Actually, it's usually about 145/85. Fortunately, 2 or 3 GPs have told me that's normal.
When I'm stressed/upset, it soars!
In the pre-accident days, it was your lower number.
Oh also, look up White Coat Syndrome while you wait for the doctor. It is very normal to have a higher BP at the doctor's than at home. That's why they send you home and get you to record your BP at home twice a day for a couple weeks.
M in Oz
It is normal…if you are 80 years old.
Can happen to a range of ages.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320861#vs-other-types-of-hypertension
White coat hypertension
White coat hypertension is high blood pressure that typically occurs only at the doctor’s office or other medical centers. It may relate to anxiety about healthcare visits.
A 2013 study found that 15–30% of people with a high blood pressure reading at the doctor’s office might have white coat hypertension.
It appears to be more common in:- females
- older adults
- nonsmokers
- people with a recent diagnosis of mild hypertension
- people who are pregnant
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23989-white-coat-syndrome
White Coat Syndrome
White coat syndrome, or white coat hypertension, is the term for when you get a high blood pressure reading in a doctor’s office and a normal reading at home. The anxiety of being around doctors in white coats can make your blood pressure rise. Most people don’t need treatment if their blood pressure is normal at home.
Who gets white coat syndrome?
People who are more likely to have white coat syndrome include those who:- Are older than 50.
- Were assigned female at birth.
- Were diagnosed recently with high blood pressure.
- Have obesity.
- Don’t use tobacco products.
M in Oz2
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