Guys in relationships.

moosegt35

Never and I mean NEVER date some one at work. It could do way too much damage to your career if things go bad, which we all know things USUALLY dont work out. No matter how innocent you are or were, you will come out of things looking unprofessional and that is never beneficial to your career.
There are millions of men in this world you DON’T work with. Stick to them. That way whatever happens between you will not be top story in the office gossip pool.
Cut ties with this guy completely; other than in a strickly professional manner.

Bad advice. Nothing makes work better than bringing your work home.

fitmomhappymom

Never and I mean NEVER date some one at work. It could do way too much damage to your career if things go bad, which we all know things USUALLY dont work out. No matter how innocent you are or were, you will come out of things looking unprofessional and that is never beneficial to your career.
There are millions of men in this world you DON’T work with. Stick to them. That way whatever happens between you will not be top story in the office gossip pool.
Cut ties with this guy completely; other than in a strickly professional manner.

Bad advice. Nothing makes work better than bringing your work home.

:laugh: yeah, as if it isn't stressful enough. Lets add dating drama and work talk at home to the mix.
NO THANKS!

moosegt35

Never and I mean NEVER date some one at work. It could do way too much damage to your career if things go bad, which we all know things USUALLY dont work out. No matter how innocent you are or were, you will come out of things looking unprofessional and that is never beneficial to your career.
There are millions of men in this world you DON’T work with. Stick to them. That way whatever happens between you will not be top story in the office gossip pool.
Cut ties with this guy completely; other than in a strickly professional manner.

Bad advice. Nothing makes work better than bringing your work home.

:laugh: yeah, as if it isn't stressful enough. Lets add dating drama and work talk at home to the mix.
NO THANKS!

I've really never had a bad experience. Met my current GF of 3 years working together with a staff size of like 20. I have never really seriously "dated" anyone else from work per say but still haven't had any drama from it.

LadyofLight08

Oh wow, sorry I haven't been on here, I was working. Damn, thanks for all the advice everyone, I can't respond to you all, but I told him I can't get on a personal level with him in fear of losing my job and ruining his relationship.
Taking it real slow and if he wants to break up finally when he has los cojones to do so, then I'll think about it in time.

Timshel_

He said his relationship has been deteriorating for quite a while, but he can't break up, because he lives with her and pity's her.

And you don't see the BIG AZZ RED FLAG right there? Gurrrrrl....grow a pair and don't be a doormat. You are MUCH better than that!

LadyofLight08

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

I actually really like this response, considering you read my past conversation about how he hasn't tried anything on me ( :
I genuinely think he's a nice guy, he has told me has never cheated on his girlfriend and he supports her financially and does everything for her (even cooks, really? what woman doesn't know how to cook?? lol) I told him already and he understood that he needs to grow a pair and break up finally. However long it takes I'm still gonna work there and be civil with him so I told him lets just take it slow and not make it obvious.
Thank you.

CookNLift

gettin' all dr who deep up in her

Myhaloslipped

Classic. I'm quite a bit older than you - but cannot count the number of times I've heard that exact scenario come out of a man's mouth who is trying to "get to know me."

Yep. I've also heard the exact same excuses from men as to why they're looking for some side action. She's psycho, they don't have sex, they're just living together for the kids or financial reasons, they have separate rooms, she's given him permission to "date other women" (this one is great - just say "Okay, can I meet her and ask her about it?" and watch him squirm), she's got mental or physical health issues and he just can't abandon her...

And these are just the guys that admit to being in a relationship. Then there are the ones who will outright lie and say they're single when they're not. They'll say they have a female roommate, or like your situation, will say they just have a girlfriend when really what they have is a wife and kids. Have you Googled his name, his email addresses, his phone number, his usernames? You might find some surprises.

A guy told me he lived with his ex-wife "for the sake of the kids" and that they were just friends who were free to date other people. I found her email and had a talk with her, and she was definitely not cool with it! I guess he didn't think I would go that far, but I do not like when someone insults my intelligence.

Myhaloslipped

i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.

Yup.

I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.

People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.

We, on the outside, cannot discern that.

That is how I feel. People are too quick to jump to a conclusion about this situation when it is gray at best. He didnt make a move, sleep with her, kiss her, or anything. Up until he admitted his feelings and said he had a girlfriend, they were just hanging out as friends. After admitting it, some might say that he is having an emotional affair, though I think it needs more context to be sure. I am just not willing to condemn him as "scum" until he reveals his true character. Not to mention that there are some holes in the whole story anyway.

I think people let bad past relationships influence their judgement too strongly. And I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" because sometimes people make stupid decisions.

Ok. I can maybe buy into this. Although, if my boyfriend was talking to a new friend for countless hours, day and night, I'd be pretty hurt and, considering that he has now admitted he has feelings for her, I'd be right to leave if I found out.

Now that he has admitted he has feelings for her he either needs to leave his girlfriend or leave her alone. Period.

And I agree with you.

Ditto. Men in serious relationships who are living with their girl do not talk on the phone with a new female friend for countless hours day and night. Something is way off about that.

fitmomhappymom

i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.

Yup.

I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.

People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.

We, on the outside, cannot discern that.

That is how I feel. People are too quick to jump to a conclusion about this situation when it is gray at best. He didnt make a move, sleep with her, kiss her, or anything. Up until he admitted his feelings and said he had a girlfriend, they were just hanging out as friends. After admitting it, some might say that he is having an emotional affair, though I think it needs more context to be sure. I am just not willing to condemn him as "scum" until he reveals his true character. Not to mention that there are some holes in the whole story anyway.

I think people let bad past relationships influence their judgement too strongly. And I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" because sometimes people make stupid decisions.

Ok. I can maybe buy into this. Although, if my boyfriend was talking to a new friend for countless hours, day and night, I'd be pretty hurt and, considering that he has now admitted he has feelings for her, I'd be right to leave if I found out.

Now that he has admitted he has feelings for her he either needs to leave his girlfriend or leave her alone. Period.

And I agree with you.

Ditto. Men in serious relationships who are living with their girl do not talk on the phone with a new female friend for countless hours day and night. Something is way off about that.

Agreed. My views may be off, but I dont see this as "innocent" like some people are arguing. There is nothing I would have to discuss with a new male "friend" that I wouldnt rather talk to my fiance about or my girlfriends. To quote Drake, "No new (male) Friends". :laugh:

italian_bella_xo

walk! a real man leaves his current situation before starting a new one!

^ love this.

fitmomhappymom

Plus, what if he leaves his current girlfriend and gets with you. Fast forward a few years. Now he meets some one new, and you know he isnt the type to LEAVE rather than start a new situation behind your back. So now YOU will be the girl he says he stays with out of pity, and you will never know until he leaves you for the next one.
This guy sounds very immature.
A real man makes his mind up, and acts on it. He doesnt putter around in the gray area, disrespecting his SO.

moosegt35

Plus, what if he leaves his current girlfriend and gets with you. Fast forward a few years. Now he meets some one new, and you know he isnt the type to LEAVE rather than start a new situation behind your back. So now YOU will be the girl he says he stays with out of pity, and you will never know until he leaves you for the next one.
This guy sounds very immature.
A real man makes his mind up, and acts on it. He doesnt putter around in the gray area, disrespecting his SO.

You don't throw away your old couch in anticipation of getting a new one. What if you can't find one you like or can't afford a new one? Now you have no couch. Smart guy, this one is.

LilMissTalyn

Plus, what if he leaves his current girlfriend and gets with you. Fast forward a few years. Now he meets some one new, and you know he isnt the type to LEAVE rather than start a new situation behind your back. So now YOU will be the girl he says he stays with out of pity, and you will never know until he leaves you for the next one.
This guy sounds very immature.
A real man makes his mind up, and acts on it. He doesnt putter around in the gray area, disrespecting his SO.

You don't throw away your old couch in anticipation of getting a new one. What if you can't find one you like or can't afford a new one? Now you have no couch. Smart guy, this one is.

HAH! Gold!

gym_king_carlie

this is a deceitful boy, not worthy of the title man because a man would not disrespect his relationship or woman to someone else.

this guy lacks class.

ldrosophila

Never and I mean NEVER date some one at work. It could do way too much damage to your career if things go bad, which we all know things USUALLY dont work out. No matter how innocent you are or were, you will come out of things looking unprofessional and that is never beneficial to your career.
There are millions of men in this world you DON’T work with. Stick to them. That way whatever happens between you will not be top story in the office gossip pool.
Cut ties with this guy completely; other than in a strickly professional manner.

Bad advice. Nothing makes work better than bringing your work home.

:laugh: yeah, as if it isn't stressful enough. Lets add dating drama and work talk at home to the mix.
NO THANKS!

it works if you are in different deparments. Even though the fiance and I work in the same building our jobs are so different and we are so busy it doesnt get overwhelming. Plus I always get a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my tummy when I see him walk by.