A one year commitment….

54ShadesOfBlue

Today I woke up and realized I have mentally hit rock bottom.

I’m going to be 54 in a few weeks and have decided enough is enough after far too many failed attempts to get healthy. I feel utterly disgusted in that I have left myself down….

I am starting this thread as a daily personal accountability log, documenting my thoughts and challenges over the next 365 days where I will consistently choose my health first. Will vanity be a factor ? Yes even in one’s fifties, it is part of the mix, but the main focus will be to steer clear of preventable illness.

My goal - a healthy rate of weight loss of one to two pounds a week.

I probably will share some raw thoughts here….because of this, I want to remain anonymous. If successful perhaps this journal will be useful to others.

The beginning of every journey has a first step.

It’s my time to start…..

AnnPT77

Now 68, I started kind of accidentally on fitness in my late 40s, and weight loss much later at 59. I predict that you can amaze yourself at what you can accomplish in 365 days, with a good plan and reasonable consistency. (Extremes will not - I think - be necessary, and can even be counterproductive.)

Wishing you success - the results IME are worth it!

54ShadesOfBlue

Thank you very much Ann!

54ShadesOfBlue

Day 1.
Well, calorie-wise first day was a failure..

I was already close to my calorie limit in the afternoon without being able to exercise in the evening.

This was because I went out to listen to one of my friends play in a rock band.

I knew this would disrupt things, but rationalized that since I had not been out for a long time doing something I wanted to do (vs a social / family obligation) that I would live with the decision.

I agree with Ann that extremes can backfire (They have for me! )


That being said, there is a bit of an embarrassment factor at play having to write here that I failed on my very first day.

I did not need to have 2 beers while out even if I felt a socially anxious because I went alone. I also should have made myself healthier meal for dinner before going rather than eating crappy bar food.

So, I embrace that sting … long enough to motivate me to do better. Then I will let it go as holding on to negative thoughts for too long is one of the root causes that put me where I am.

As for this weekend, I have 2 work-free days to plan and execute without as much stress.

I intend to use them wisely.

history_grrrl

Please don’t beat yourself up. You’re here, after all. You’re ready to do things differently. Don’t let it be a punishment; let it be an act of self-love. And as I’ve learned from folks here, so what if you went off course yesterday? Today is a new day.

On a practical note, a few things have really helped me: getting a kitchen scale and using it for everything, planning meals and snacks ahead of time, freezing reasonably sized meal portions of leftovers, not eating out of containers (too easy to eat big handfuls of nuts or whatever), not eating back most of my exercise calories (I was eating them back at first but that just didn’t work for me; I know this varies widely, though), having flash-frozen veggies on hand for easy prep, and not having certain things in the house (ice cream especially). You’ll discover what works best for you. Good luck!

54ShadesOfBlue

Thank you history_grll. I recognize there needs to be a small slop factor, especially for the holidays. So far so good today …
Already got the scale - but can’t control the absence of contraband food as I am not the only one in the house.

history_grrrl

6m7rg4kkfv wrote: »

Thank you history_grll. I recognize there needs to be a small slop factor, especially for the holidays. So far so good today …
Already got the scale - but can’t control the absence of contraband food as I am not the only one in the house.

I do have the advantage of living alone, but in line with Ann’s point about extremes, I find it helps to have alternatives to “contraband” on hand that I enjoy so I don’t feel deprived. I love nuts and chocolate, so my go-to daily snack is 10-20 grams of cashews and a half (or sometimes whole) square of Baker’s 70% chocolate. It’s amazing to me that I can portion these out without eating the whole thing as I would have done just a few months ago. And as I’ve learned, we don’t have to deny ourselves, just have less of it.

AnnPT77

history_grrrl wrote: »

6m7rg4kkfv wrote: »

Thank you history_grll. I recognize there needs to be a small slop factor, especially for the holidays. So far so good today …
Already got the scale - but can’t control the absence of contraband food as I am not the only one in the house.

I do have the advantage of living alone, but in line with Ann’s point about extremes, I find it helps to have alternatives to “contraband” on hand that I enjoy so I don’t feel deprived. I love nuts and chocolate, so my go-to daily snack is 10-20 grams of cashews and a half (or sometimes whole) square of Baker’s 70% chocolate. It’s amazing to me that I can portion these out without eating the whole thing as I would have done just a few months ago. And as I’ve learned, we don’t have to deny ourselves, just have less of it.

Also, for some, when others in the house have tempting foods we can't moderate, it can be helpful to define that as "not my food". If it works for all involved, some families are willing to keep "their foods" in a special cupboard, or section/drawer/box in the refrigerator, so they're out of sight, and within a boundary.

You're doing fine, @6m7rg4kkfv. My advice: Don't beat yourself up when things aren't perfect: That doesn't burn a single extra calorie, and it feels icky.

It's a process. We experiment. Some experiments succeed, and we keep that strategy in our routine. Some experiments fail, and we learn from them, revise the plan, and go on. Both of those things represent progress. Persistence and patience pay off.

54ShadesOfBlue

Day 2 -
A mixed bag.
Not as much physical activity as I had planned, and was over goal, but by a shorter margin. The main culprit for the excess calories were the zeppole my son and I made. It was a practice sesson. It’s a tradition I do with the family around Christmas every year (they came out a little more crispy than I wanted this time, thus the practice session)




On the plus size, no alcohol was consumed,
and the vicious cycle of feeling too low/overwhelmed/drained to do anything because I am not doing anything is beginning to break up - like a polar icecap in the summer.

Unfortunately the weather forecast prevents outside stuff today. So, the plan will be staying offline as much as possible, and instead visiting my parents, de-cluttering my surroundings and eating better today than yesterday.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/11/2023 - Day 3

Calories closer to goal yesterday, had an overall deficit.

The plan today is to re-introduce regular physical activity.


Weighed in this morning as an official starting point - 211 pounds. Will measure on Mondays. 1 pound per week for a year would put me a 159, a weight I have not seen in over 30 years.

Now the work week begins….

54ShadesOfBlue

12/12/2023 Day 4.
Got in a mild amount of exercise yesterday
Overall caloric deficit was larger than the previous day, but not quite at goal.

Today I plan to hit the goal. 😀

itrackeverything

I can not count the times I have felt 'disgusted with myself'...today being one. You have inspired me to also write down what I plan to do different tomorrow. 'Social events" are my downfall.

54ShadesOfBlue

@itrackeverything take a 🤗 or fist bump 👊 … for me the biggest challenge is between my ears, I expect many of my entries over my journey here will be sprinkled with a little ‘psycho-babble’ (I’m a math and science person, so clueless by nature with other things).
Poor stress management and combatting feeling ‘low’ are my the daily ‘jab…’
Social / family events are the ‘right cross’ for me. But the fight is not over when you get knocked down …. Only when you decide not to get back up.

I’ll be rooting in your corner for you tomorrow 😀 good luck and good strength 💪 to you.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/13/2023 Day 5.

Not a great day...

Overate a bit…

But finally got to the gym for the first time in way too long…




Got to exercise back a portion of the calories but got sidetracked when one of my kids needed some words of encouragement after the 3rd call in an hour….this pattern has been going on for about a week so it’s taken a bit out of my patience level, but I listened, talked and helped get things into a manageable state.
Fortunately finals end on Friday, so this too shall pass.

Two hours later, someone very close to me said something so hurtful, it made me wonder why I even bother doing what I am doing, like you want to get in the car to go out for cigarettes, move to key west and just not come back…yeah it cut deep like that…

I had some choices:

1. I could eat or drink something counterproductive

2. I could release the fireball I had in response and just blow everything up.

3. I could drive back to the gym at 10pm and burn off those remaining calories till it closed. To make ME better….

I selected option 3.

So a poor day ended with some good choices. Respect starts with ones own decisions.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/13/2023 Day 6.
A good day - eating was on target. No life drama.

I have an upcoming food challenge this weekend…
Taking my sons skiing.
The 6 hour ride there and another 6 back, plus the meals out will not be ideal food wise. Going to have fun while making the best choices I can.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/14/2023 Day 7.

A good day with fair fitness. Calories over goal but still an overall deficit. Not great, but still moving in the desired direction.

Intended to exercise the excess off but forgot I had to attend parent teacher conferences for my youngest child. Received good reports from the teachers which was nice.

Additionally, I also got to spend some much needed time with an old friend.

Leaving tonight to do a little skiing on Saturday, returning on Sunday. Preparing food in advance with little baggies and containers will kill the vibe of the trip, so I will just make the best choices I can on the road and at the mountain.

xbowhunter

I'm also 54yrs old 5'7" 148lbs today. Currently maintaining my weight.

I shed 30lbs in 3months...

If I can lose the weight anybody can. lol

history_grrrl

6m7rg4kkfv wrote: »

12/14/2023 Day
Leaving tonight to do a little skiing on Saturday, returning on Sunday. Preparing food in advance with little baggies and containers will kill the vibe of the trip, so I will just make the best choices I can on the road and at the mountain.

This surprises me! Isn’t it fairly standard, when going on a ski trip or camping or similar, to bring a supply of snacks and other food? It seems like an ideal opportunity to have some control over what you’re eating. Or maybe I’m missing something?

54ShadesOfBlue

Not standard in my world. Two young men with their dad doing a skii weekend, the point of the trip is to escape and not have to do any ‘work’. For me, would not go away to a resort with packaged food. From my point of view it’s the same.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/15/2023 Day 8.
Yesterday’s logging was ok.
Trip up to the mountain last night went smoothly. Only took us 5 hours.

Did not manage to get a workout in but that will be addressed today ⛷️
Looking forward to seeing my older son.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/16/2023 Day 9
Yesterday was very good.
Skiing was good / time with my kids was great! Stayed within my calorie goal. 👍

Driving home today. Decorating tree tonight now that we have a complete family unit all in one place 😀

54ShadesOfBlue

12/17/2023 Day 10
Travel day nothing eventful - stuck to my eating plan.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/18/2023 Day 11
Weighed in -down 0.6 pounds.
Food was on plan
Got the tree decorated, feel the holidays are here..

54ShadesOfBlue

12/19/2023 Day 12
Food goal accomplished for today, getting a little easier to hit the mark without feeling ‘deprived’.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/20/2023 Day 13
Another day meeting my goal - getting into the groove again 😀.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/21/2023 Day 14
Another day meeting my goal - feeing a little more confident and positive 💪. I think I have reached an inflection point - just like today the shortest day of sunlight, now every day will be a little brighter for a while.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/22/2003 - Slipped a little today - will be back on track tomorrow

54ShadesOfBlue

12/23/23 - day 15: over goal but under maintenance, due to a ‘date night’ dinner.
Felt more motivated to do things in general. Cleaned up my shop, and took the first steps in building a new workbench.
I always feel better when starting a new project..

54ShadesOfBlue

12/24 day 16 - not going to log today or tomorrow as there are two family dinners.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/25/2023 - day 17 - Merry Xmas.
Monday weigh in 209 - so down 1.4 pounds from last week and 2 pounds from my start.

54ShadesOfBlue

12/26/2023 - day 18- back on track, food came on on goal. Feeling a that small post Xmas letdown. Have another travel car trip tomorrow to see more family and then new years, so one more week of ‘celebrating’ then things should get much easier logging and exercise wise.