Skinny girl and her obese boyfriend

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mistertug

Do him a favor and dump him

BUMPSTEAD

Empty threats never work. You either except him and his behavior or you don't. I'm on the flip side of this coin I'm heavy and he's got the skinny genes he never bothers me about my weight . He has to realize that his weight does effect you. All that weight laying on you during intimacy. You deserve to apprieciate the look of your partner. He probably would not except you at his weight. Men somethime have double standard. One thing that I find different between men and women is..... Men always have a preference and we always settle. My husband does prefer a larger women. Do you prefer a larger man?

astartig

can i just add this Keto diet sounds absolutely unhealthy. it might burn fat but what about your cholesterol. if you truly claim it isnt about the weight and its about his health i dont think you would be considering this Keto diet.

just make healthy tasty meals it really isnt that hard. i live with a vegan and i was surprised to find that a lot of the meals she cooks taste better than the stuff i eat. delicious stir fry's and curries, fried rice, cous cous there really is a lot of options if you look.

morrocan chicken and soups. they can be delicous they just take a little extra work to prepare

good Cholesterol is actually improved with the keto diet. It is NOT unhealthy.

newmanel

I can relate to the original post. It really is distressing when you see your partner gain weight with abandon, all the more so when you are trying hard to be conscientious about what you eat. In a way, it's not so much about the weight itself but the differing attitudes about how to treat your own body. When those values aren't shared, it is a legitimate source of tension. I've been there with my ex, and there was nothing I could do. While I think it's healthy for you to chill out, it's not like this is totally outside your purview, either, when you have made a commitment to each other.

WDEvy

6" 198 lbs is like perfect weigh for a guy. It's perfectly healthy and nowhere near overweight or obese. If you're not attracted to him don't concern troll him. That's just sad, honey.

grentea

Why don't you just dump him if he is so fat? If I was him, I would be absolutely mortified by your words. Accept him for who he is or dump him.

reneeisnowhere

its sweet you care, but either love him for who he is, where he is, or move on.

This is truly important, take care of yourself, you are not his mother.

silken555

My ex was model material, I'm not. He noticed every lb gained on me and told me. This made me eat more. Sometimes for comfort, sometimes to SPITE him and show him I do what I want my body is my concern and being 9 stone is not the end of the world. And not obese for my height.

Every time he mentioned it, I liked him a little less. ( Of course, I still LOVED him ) And it made me distance myself from him until when we broke up, I was completely relieved, after 5 years. As he was never happy with me and felt we were mismatched. He was gorgeous, I was short and fat. And going to die young.

My partner was most likely more harsh than you are, I get that. But with every comment, harsh or not, I felt less attracted to him and less like a team. And that he didnt love me for who I was, but how I looked or healthy I was.

It's completely normal to worry about your partner. My boyfriend was 16.5 stone at one point this year, and a smoker, and I have lost sleep worrying. The solution? I started MFP and he saw great results and joined me. He is now 2.7 stone down and doing well. Soft encouragement...

Sorry you had that relationship and felt that way. Your picture caught my eye because your tummy looks awesome, and it was such a contrast to how your boyfriend perceived you. Looking at your other pictures, you're quite striking and pretty. Love the red hair. It's nice for him that he was so good looking, but your pictures weren't what I was expecting from the above post.

QFT!

meltedsno

I have experienced the same situation as the OP...except in reverse... my ex husband could eat anything and everything and not gain an ounce. It seemed all I had to do was look at what he was eating and I would gain a ton....

After listening to his demeaning comments on a daily basis, I finally got the message and lost weight -- I managed to dump 180 lbs in one day -- 22 years of his nagging finally took its toll and I got rid of of him and have never been happier. I have been with someone for the past 3 years who has looked beyond my few extra pounds to love me for who I really am... and guess what??? The pounds have been miraculously dropping...

The "skinny girl" needs to worry about her own health rather than that of her boyfriend. Skinny is not any healthier.... in fact if she were to get sick, she'd have no weight to fight with.

Just lay off the poor guy.... Either you love him the way he is, or save you both a lifetime of misery and get out. As for the OP's concern about his health/dying young -- he could get hit by a bus tomorrow and die -- and that would have nothing to do with his weight. If you truly love this man, enjoy the days, the moments you have with him because that bus could be right around the corner.

blah2989

You can't make him do anything, especially if he's happy the way he is. You're naturally skinny? That's great but it doesn't make you any healthier than him, thin ≠ healthy. Perhaps if you made changes to your diet, he might too, especially if you share meals together.

Exactly. Besides he has to WANT it, you cant make him want it. You also need to practice what you preach. Btw, my fiance is 6' and 215, he is barely overweight. Even if he IS overweight, as I said before, realize he has to want it. You cant FORCE it. Setting an example, would help, esp if you make the meals.

glovepuppet

I recognise that he feels annoyed at being nagged at, but I really wish i could do something for him. I mean, is it really too paranoid of me to equate his weight with health? I'm getting inundated with "findings" that go "A beer belly increases heart disease by two folds" etc, and it scares me to think that one day he might get a heart attack and die at 35 or something.

I admit i've also said some unpleasant words about his looks hoping it might knock him awake and i do regret that.

Anyhow, thanks for all the harsh words. I guess i really need to take a step back.

you sound like you're the one with issues, not him. multiple issues.

I hope either you change or he leaves before he ends up emotionally damaged by you.

Fiercely_Me

A guess a big booty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm 5'9" and 179 lbs (down from 265) and my elementary school students call me "pig" because, here in Korea, a 5'9" guy may weigh around 125-135 lbs. If you don't like the way he looks and it's too much for you to handle, move on and let him find someone who can handle it - literally.

I know this feel, I live in Japan and I am the height of an average Japanese man, and about 15-20kg heavier. Students have commented often on me being fat.

We're Japanese, and my bf is a GIANT amongst the little people

OOHHHHHH!!!! Okay. Now I understand. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I'm an American, but I lived in Japan for several years and yes, your boyfriend is obese by Japanese medical standards. All of my expat friends and I got a kick out of always being labeled "metabo" by our doctors no matter what kind of shape we were in. Even marathon runner friends were metabo by those standards.

Look, there is little you are going to do to be able to change him. Cook meals like you suggested and make healthy food available, but be patient.

My guess is that he would benefit by some weight training.

That's the same reaction I had when I read that post!! That's why context and culture are so important in understanding issues. What may be "normal" in American culture may not be "normal" to other cultures.

nelinelineli

What I find even stranger is that even though the OP clarified their ethnicity, no one seemed to care. I live in Japan too and my bf is Korean... He's, by our standards, at perfect mid-range BMI but his beer belly is clearly not "perfectly fit". A waist-hip ratio might be more helpful to determine his health.

laineyluma

Wow, if you think HE'S obese... I'd hate to know what you think of me!

ferrytrip

Honestly - he doesn't sound obese - maybe more muscle would be better but I would be worried about the booze. I'm not really a drinker so it sounds like a lot to me. But all that being said - you BF is 5 inches taller than me and I outweigh him by 40 - 50 lbs - so who am I to judge?

nelinelineli

In Japan a BMI over 24.9 is considered *Obese*.

It's just a terminology issue, since there's no "overweight" category.

I know there's no way to make people stop attacking the OP for using that term since no one actually reads the whole thread but...
Here's to hoping!

Edited to add: There's even research showing that Japanese people with a BMI over 23 (which they call Overweight in the context of that paper) have a higher prevalence of Obesity-related diseases.

gallowglasslass

What I find even stranger is that even though the OP clarified their ethnicity, no one seemed to care. I live in Japan too and my bf is Korean... He's, by our standards, at perfect mid-range BMI but his beer belly is clearly not "perfectly fit". A waist-hip ratio might be more helpful to determine his health.

He probably has a small bone structure, and it really does make a difference. From what I have read, just as people with large bone structures should add 10% to their BMI range for a more accurate overweight/obesity gauge, so people with small bone structure should subtract 10%. Since he is likely not carrying the same weight in lean body mass, a "mid-range" BMI would translate to a higher fat percentage (unless he is very muscular).

In the OP's boyfriend's case (6', 196 lbs), assuming he has a light bone structure, overweight would then start at 166lb (BMI over 22.5), and obesity at 200lb (BMI over 27). A man with large bones of the same height and weight would not even be overweight at 196 lbs, but a small-boned person is only 4 pounds from obesity.

purple_tux1

You are waaaay too controlling. Are you forgetting that it's HIS body, not yours. You have no right to be nagging him or making suggestions. Worry about your own body. And stop trying to be his mother. If he wants to change his diet, that's his business.

Personally, I would suggest some counselling....for you, not for him. If you're going to be like this in all your relationships, they are doomed to failure.

Gee_24

Sorry you had that relationship and felt that way. Your picture caught my eye because your tummy looks awesome, and it was such a contrast to how your boyfriend perceived you. Looking at your other pictures, you're quite striking and pretty. Love the red hair. It's nice for him that he was so good looking, but your pictures weren't what I was expecting from the above post.

QFT!

Thank you both very much. What a lovely boost to my day! Well all is well, because he's actually GAY. haha! He came out and now has admitted he was jealous of my ability to be myself and laugh in public, making him pick on me in turn. ( Men. Nuff said. ) Being in the closet, he was very aware of every move he made, thing he said, and how he looked. So my outgoingness and comfortability in myself intimidated him. We're now like brother and sister. Oh, and he is WELL aware of what an asshat he was. Ha!

To the OP: I too never realised your origin. So I'm sorry if I came across as harsh. However, I maintain that being " mean " even if you only tried it briefly, is not the way to go. Good luck! xx