Quite Frankly I'm Stumped...

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jbella99
jbella99 Posts: 596 Member
in Motivation and Support
About 7 months ago I met a guy who I am completely head over heels for. Since that time I have gained almost 30 pounds. He has no sense of healthy eating and enjoys taking me out for dinner, having ice cream for dessert. Lately I have noticed my sex drive is dwindling and I just feel ill all the time. I have tried to tell him I can't continue to eat this unhealthy lifestyle and his response is he's not holding a spoon to my mouth. This is true and i have over indulged for the last 7 months and my waistline sure shows it. How do i get him to understand that the tempatation is more than I can handle? that I need support in my journey to a healthy weight.

Sometimes I feel like he's trying to make me fat....
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Replies

  • ViktoryaC
    ViktoryaC Posts: 124 Member
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    He may never understand your dietary needs. You have to be responsible for setting your own boundaries and standards, and eat healthily even when he's gorging right in front of you. You cant control his habits, just you're own. Of course, if this was easy, I wouldn't have eaten myself 53 pounds heavier since last June......
  • jbella99
    jbella99 Posts: 596 Member
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    Tell me about it. I have been super good for the last three days even when he's eating dq blizzards right in front of me.
  • ViktoryaC
    ViktoryaC Posts: 124 Member
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    It's hard and un-fun, isn't it? I gained my weight by working in an office where everyone is overweight and snacks all day. I acquired both their habits and their waistline. I was the skinniest girl there when I started. You can't let others influence you.
  • babyj0
    babyj0 Posts: 531 Member
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    He's not trying to make you fat. You just gotta be stronger than that. I was the same, until I said **** it. I'm not eating that crap anymore.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
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    his response is he's not holding a spoon to my mouth.

    Sounds like a smart guy to me.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
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    There is ALWAYS going to be temptation in life, you need to learn to say no to over indulgence. You can still eat all of the foods you love just make sure it all fit into your calorie goals. If you can't control yourself might as well lock yourself up at home.
  • SkinnyFatAlbert
    SkinnyFatAlbert Posts: 482 Member
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    I have tried to tell him I can't continue to eat this unhealthy lifestyle and his response is he's not holding a spoon to my mouth.

    I'll play devil's advocate and agree with him. You're totally responsible for yourself. Now if you're two lifestyles are incompatible then it's time to have a discussion with him about where you both can find a common ground or whether or not you should be together.
  • DashDeV
    DashDeV Posts: 545 Member
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    You're blaming the wrong person. It's nobodies fault or responsibility but your own. Rather than trying to change him, try to change yourself.

    You're the weak one giving into temptation.
  • Mouse_Potato
    Mouse_Potato Posts: 1,499 Member
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    I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.

    She's right. You should not communicate and lie about it.
  • dawnmcneil10
    dawnmcneil10 Posts: 638 Member
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    This is a tough one but it's your journey and your battle. There are always healthier food options available but you have to look. One thing that helped with my hubby was I mentioned yes we can go for pizza but that means if you get to vote pizza I get to vote for a walk after dinner. He still offers me bites of candy, mentions going out for ice cream but that doesn't mean I have to eat the candy and yes I can go out for ice cream but I can have an iced coffee instead of the ice cream. It's about finding your own personal balance.
    Good luck to you!
  • KMasz
    KMasz Posts: 2,666 Member
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    I know what you mean! Me and my boyfriend went out ALL THE TIME (at least 4 nights a week & for breakfast on the weekends) from the day we started seeing eachother up until about a month ago (so roughly 8 months). My strategy lately is to plan what I'm going to eat for the night, I can't plan out a whole week like some people can, and stick to my guns. I will make the food at home and tell him that if he wants some I will make enough for him, but if he doesn't he can do his own thing for dinner. About 90% of the time he will eat with me and has been offering to make dinner for us as well. We still go out, but only about once a week now.

    I think you need to just plan what you are going to do and do it. What you eat is your choice. Realize that if he wants to join you in your healthy eating habits he will, but if he doesn't that's his choice.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Tell me about it. I have been super good for the last three days even when he's eating dq blizzards right in front of me.

    this is the issue:


    You (female)
    You're making him out to be a bad guy- and blaming him for your lack of self control- and you feel guilty because you are getting fat- and you resent him because he doesn't care and you have to and you wail and gnash your teeth because you want a blizzard to and he's taunting you OH he's taunting you with that delicious blizzard knowing you can't have one- and he is really just wanting a chubby chubby chubby girl because he's a chubby chaser and he deep down hates himself so he wants you to hate you do and everyone's just miserable but fat and happy because they eat what they want... and on and on and on-(trail off into mindless phsycobabbling)

    Man:
    I want a delicious frosted ice cream treat. So I'm going to have a blizzard because it's what I want.


    This is a VERY common issue with people- communication and often with men and women- men want something. So they eat it. Women go on and on about the emotional aspects of it... he just wants the damn blizzard. You're putting WAY to much thought into it. I bet you if you just said no I'm trying to lose weight he wouldnt' give a rats *kitten*. Don't justify it- don't rationalize it- just be a dude about it and say it- then do it. :)

    (and yes I realize it isn't black and white gender specific- but there is a STRONG trend line that supports the emotional/food issues and want/need between men and woman).

    He doesn't want to get you fat. He just wants to spend time with his love bug- and one of the most common ways that happens- is through food. trust me- my BF packed on some weight- he wasn't' working out- but he likes to take me to dinner- I'm a total foodie- but I am conscious of what I eat- so in the last 3 years- he put on weight- I have actually lost weight. I have had to had a talk with him occasionally- he knows I like junk food and it makes me feel better- but there are times when I go on "challenges" and don't eat certain things and I finally had to put my foot down and tell him- knock if off- I know you're trying to make me feel better- but stop bringing me crap when I clearly stated I wasn't eating X, Y or Z. (gave up processed sugar and he brings me peeps- I LOVE peeps- they sat there for 6 weeks till I could eat them- I was a sad panda- but we all know slightly stale peeps are best anyway LMAO)

    Once you state your intentions clearly and request his support- usually it's much easier- then it' son you to realize- your food choices are yours' and not his. And 9/10 he isn't doing it to spite you- the man just wants a blizzard LOL
  • NickiG724
    NickiG724 Posts: 47
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    There is ALWAYS going to be temptation in life, you need to learn to say no to over indulgence. You can still eat all of the foods you love just make sure it all fit into your calorie goals. If you can't control yourself might as well lock yourself up at home.

    If you can resist these temptations when they are slapping you in the face, then it won't be so hard when you're out with your friends and family and they all eat like garbage disposals. I have the same situation in my home. My bf is skinny and fit as can be and I'm 70 lbs overweight, trying not to budge on my calories. Award yourself every so often but fight the urge, you'll love the result!
  • jaecamp1
    jaecamp1 Posts: 120 Member
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    He's most likely not trying to make you fat, just blinded by his own habits. Anyone that has ever lived with me gained between 60 and 100 pounds in a year. Its because they started eating like me (who was way overweight). What it comes down to is you are responsible for yourself and your own intake. If he is a man and most likely much taller and heavier you should not be eating anywhere near the same amount of calories as him. My husband's tdee is more than 1000 calories higher than mine. I simply cannot eat like him. Even if that means drooling over his icecream and French fries.
  • zsaoosh
    zsaoosh Posts: 402 Member
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    You cant change someone else, only yourself. Like...I like to run and my husband doesnt but I am the type of person that I need motivation so I just didnt run and he didnt motivate me. One day I just decided to sign myself up for a half marathon and started to run....guess what? He decided to do it with me. I took my own health in my hands and he followed my lead. Maybe he needs motivation BUT he is his own person and will do what he wants. You need to take control of your own health and maybe he will follow.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.
    What a wonderful relationship THAT would be!

    OP -- I gained when I got together with my BF. It was up to me to take control, start eating better and exercising.

    When you go out for dinner, choose foods that are fewer calories or just start cooking for him and saying you want to stay in instead. And make time to exercise. He really shouldn't have to change his own diet or activities because you're having trouble. It would be nice if he would be active with you, but if that isn't who he is, it isn't going to happen. Sometimes, you just have to separate in certain areas. This may be one of them.

    But do explain to him how difficult it is for you to maybe have certain foods around all the time. He can get single servings or keep that stuff at his own house.
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member
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    My husband is the same way. He likes ice cream, candy, chips, all that stuff. I can't just chow down with him like I used to. At the beginning, it was really difficult to not eat all that stuff too. Then I reached a point where he could sit eating a big bowl of ice cream and I could sit there with my apple (or some ice cream in a mug if I had the room!) and be perfectly content. Later, he even reached a point where he saw what my new lifestyle was doing for me and wanted to give it a go. I still ask him when I go shopping if he wants all those goodies he used to eat every day, but now he usually says no.

    Over time, he's gotten to be very supportive. If you can just hang in there and just eat things that fit in with your goals, it'll get a little easier all the time. He might even join you.

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