Quite Frankly I'm Stumped...
jbella99
Posts: 596 Member
About 7 months ago I met a guy who I am completely head over heels for. Since that time I have gained almost 30 pounds. He has no sense of healthy eating and enjoys taking me out for dinner, having ice cream for dessert. Lately I have noticed my sex drive is dwindling and I just feel ill all the time. I have tried to tell him I can't continue to eat this unhealthy lifestyle and his response is he's not holding a spoon to my mouth. This is true and i have over indulged for the last 7 months and my waistline sure shows it. How do i get him to understand that the tempatation is more than I can handle? that I need support in my journey to a healthy weight.
Sometimes I feel like he's trying to make me fat....
Sometimes I feel like he's trying to make me fat....
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Replies
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He may never understand your dietary needs. You have to be responsible for setting your own boundaries and standards, and eat healthily even when he's gorging right in front of you. You cant control his habits, just you're own. Of course, if this was easy, I wouldn't have eaten myself 53 pounds heavier since last June......0
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Tell me about it. I have been super good for the last three days even when he's eating dq blizzards right in front of me.0
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It's hard and un-fun, isn't it? I gained my weight by working in an office where everyone is overweight and snacks all day. I acquired both their habits and their waistline. I was the skinniest girl there when I started. You can't let others influence you.0
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He's not trying to make you fat. You just gotta be stronger than that. I was the same, until I said **** it. I'm not eating that crap anymore.0
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his response is he's not holding a spoon to my mouth.
Sounds like a smart guy to me.0 -
There is ALWAYS going to be temptation in life, you need to learn to say no to over indulgence. You can still eat all of the foods you love just make sure it all fit into your calorie goals. If you can't control yourself might as well lock yourself up at home.0
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I have tried to tell him I can't continue to eat this unhealthy lifestyle and his response is he's not holding a spoon to my mouth.
I'll play devil's advocate and agree with him. You're totally responsible for yourself. Now if you're two lifestyles are incompatible then it's time to have a discussion with him about where you both can find a common ground or whether or not you should be together.0 -
You're blaming the wrong person. It's nobodies fault or responsibility but your own. Rather than trying to change him, try to change yourself.
You're the weak one giving into temptation.0 -
I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.0
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I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.
She's right. You should not communicate and lie about it.0 -
This is a tough one but it's your journey and your battle. There are always healthier food options available but you have to look. One thing that helped with my hubby was I mentioned yes we can go for pizza but that means if you get to vote pizza I get to vote for a walk after dinner. He still offers me bites of candy, mentions going out for ice cream but that doesn't mean I have to eat the candy and yes I can go out for ice cream but I can have an iced coffee instead of the ice cream. It's about finding your own personal balance.
Good luck to you!0 -
I know what you mean! Me and my boyfriend went out ALL THE TIME (at least 4 nights a week & for breakfast on the weekends) from the day we started seeing eachother up until about a month ago (so roughly 8 months). My strategy lately is to plan what I'm going to eat for the night, I can't plan out a whole week like some people can, and stick to my guns. I will make the food at home and tell him that if he wants some I will make enough for him, but if he doesn't he can do his own thing for dinner. About 90% of the time he will eat with me and has been offering to make dinner for us as well. We still go out, but only about once a week now.
I think you need to just plan what you are going to do and do it. What you eat is your choice. Realize that if he wants to join you in your healthy eating habits he will, but if he doesn't that's his choice.0 -
Tell me about it. I have been super good for the last three days even when he's eating dq blizzards right in front of me.
this is the issue:
You (female)
You're making him out to be a bad guy- and blaming him for your lack of self control- and you feel guilty because you are getting fat- and you resent him because he doesn't care and you have to and you wail and gnash your teeth because you want a blizzard to and he's taunting you OH he's taunting you with that delicious blizzard knowing you can't have one- and he is really just wanting a chubby chubby chubby girl because he's a chubby chaser and he deep down hates himself so he wants you to hate you do and everyone's just miserable but fat and happy because they eat what they want... and on and on and on-(trail off into mindless phsycobabbling)
Man:
I want a delicious frosted ice cream treat. So I'm going to have a blizzard because it's what I want.
This is a VERY common issue with people- communication and often with men and women- men want something. So they eat it. Women go on and on about the emotional aspects of it... he just wants the damn blizzard. You're putting WAY to much thought into it. I bet you if you just said no I'm trying to lose weight he wouldnt' give a rats *kitten*. Don't justify it- don't rationalize it- just be a dude about it and say it- then do it.
(and yes I realize it isn't black and white gender specific- but there is a STRONG trend line that supports the emotional/food issues and want/need between men and woman).
He doesn't want to get you fat. He just wants to spend time with his love bug- and one of the most common ways that happens- is through food. trust me- my BF packed on some weight- he wasn't' working out- but he likes to take me to dinner- I'm a total foodie- but I am conscious of what I eat- so in the last 3 years- he put on weight- I have actually lost weight. I have had to had a talk with him occasionally- he knows I like junk food and it makes me feel better- but there are times when I go on "challenges" and don't eat certain things and I finally had to put my foot down and tell him- knock if off- I know you're trying to make me feel better- but stop bringing me crap when I clearly stated I wasn't eating X, Y or Z. (gave up processed sugar and he brings me peeps- I LOVE peeps- they sat there for 6 weeks till I could eat them- I was a sad panda- but we all know slightly stale peeps are best anyway LMAO)
Once you state your intentions clearly and request his support- usually it's much easier- then it' son you to realize- your food choices are yours' and not his. And 9/10 he isn't doing it to spite you- the man just wants a blizzard LOL0 -
There is ALWAYS going to be temptation in life, you need to learn to say no to over indulgence. You can still eat all of the foods you love just make sure it all fit into your calorie goals. If you can't control yourself might as well lock yourself up at home.
If you can resist these temptations when they are slapping you in the face, then it won't be so hard when you're out with your friends and family and they all eat like garbage disposals. I have the same situation in my home. My bf is skinny and fit as can be and I'm 70 lbs overweight, trying not to budge on my calories. Award yourself every so often but fight the urge, you'll love the result!0 -
He's most likely not trying to make you fat, just blinded by his own habits. Anyone that has ever lived with me gained between 60 and 100 pounds in a year. Its because they started eating like me (who was way overweight). What it comes down to is you are responsible for yourself and your own intake. If he is a man and most likely much taller and heavier you should not be eating anywhere near the same amount of calories as him. My husband's tdee is more than 1000 calories higher than mine. I simply cannot eat like him. Even if that means drooling over his icecream and French fries.0
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You cant change someone else, only yourself. Like...I like to run and my husband doesnt but I am the type of person that I need motivation so I just didnt run and he didnt motivate me. One day I just decided to sign myself up for a half marathon and started to run....guess what? He decided to do it with me. I took my own health in my hands and he followed my lead. Maybe he needs motivation BUT he is his own person and will do what he wants. You need to take control of your own health and maybe he will follow.0
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What a wonderful relationship THAT would be!I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.
OP -- I gained when I got together with my BF. It was up to me to take control, start eating better and exercising.
When you go out for dinner, choose foods that are fewer calories or just start cooking for him and saying you want to stay in instead. And make time to exercise. He really shouldn't have to change his own diet or activities because you're having trouble. It would be nice if he would be active with you, but if that isn't who he is, it isn't going to happen. Sometimes, you just have to separate in certain areas. This may be one of them.
But do explain to him how difficult it is for you to maybe have certain foods around all the time. He can get single servings or keep that stuff at his own house.0 -
My husband is the same way. He likes ice cream, candy, chips, all that stuff. I can't just chow down with him like I used to. At the beginning, it was really difficult to not eat all that stuff too. Then I reached a point where he could sit eating a big bowl of ice cream and I could sit there with my apple (or some ice cream in a mug if I had the room!) and be perfectly content. Later, he even reached a point where he saw what my new lifestyle was doing for me and wanted to give it a go. I still ask him when I go shopping if he wants all those goodies he used to eat every day, but now he usually says no.
Over time, he's gotten to be very supportive. If you can just hang in there and just eat things that fit in with your goals, it'll get a little easier all the time. He might even join you.0 -
I love my boyfriend
He supports my diet and ENJOYS my new body
He always makes sure to accomidate me at meal and snack times
We have a panrty full of junk food and a section of it is always nuts and other healthy stuff I can eat. He never forces me and loved me at 40 lbs overweight.
"not holding a spoon to your mouth" is a rude thing to say to you. I am sorry you have a mean not understanding boyfriend.
Lolwat?
Some girls are cray.0 -
Let him eat what he wants, and you do what you have to do to be healthy and happy. Leave one meal a week where you can indulge in something decadent, if you want. Make it a special night out. When you do go out, make healthier menu choices. You have to be happy with yourself first!0
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I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.
She's right. You should not communicate and lie about it.
<shrug> I would never date a guy who told me he couldn't resist temptation. That's just begging for trust issues. But to each her own.0 -
"not holding a spoon to your mouth" is a rude thing to say to you. I am sorry you have a mean not understanding boyfriend.
This is absurd. What you lack is self-control and willpower. NOT a good boyfriend.
(For the record, many people struggle with their willpower. This is not an attack on you, just my two cents on the root of the problem).0 -
Seriously, stop blaming him.
If you want things to change, then change it. Suggest places to go, don't order the ice cream, cook dinner for him (I hear men like that sort of thing), make better decisions when you're out, make different decisions when you're not together. Be responsible for yourself.0 -
I was in a similar position with someone. Fortunately, I was not emotionally attached so I cut him loose.
Hope you guys can get on the same page with this. Maybe you can plan some activity-focused dates or introduce him to some healthier foods and desserts.0 -
She's talking about food. Good grief.I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.
She's right. You should not communicate and lie about it.
<shrug> I would never date a guy who told me he couldn't resist temptation. That's just begging for trust issues. But to each her own.0 -
Same situation for me too! I am awful at self control, as is my hubby. Before, we would go out two or three times a week and then cook the rest of the time (but always go overboard on portions).
I definitely found a serious discussion helped with this. Really sitting him down and letting him know what I would do and wouldn't do anymore was really helpful.
I have found that I need to rely on myself more often to get to where I want to be. My husband is just at a different stage than I am on the weight loss.
Have you tried to cook for your man? Having a bunch of awesome recipes and mad cooking skills really helped me to ween us off of going out. If there's a dish he really likes in a restaurant, maybe try making a tasty and lighter version of it at home? Save some cash and allow better portion control and the like.
Personally, I am not the kind of person who could give up eating ice cream or go into a bakery and not buy something. I enjoy food so much that I refuse to limit myself to eating "healthy" food all the time. Try and work your treats in every once in a while and if you eat over your calories once a week, then try not to sweat it too much. The point of this is to be healthier, lose weight and make better choices, which I feel is not realistic if you give up everything you enjoy. Also, it's a bit of a buzz kill in relationships to be like 'nah, we can't have pizza tonight' etc.0 -
About 7 months ago I met a guy who I am completely head over heels for. Since that time I have gained almost 30 pounds. He has no sense of healthy eating and enjoys taking me out for dinner, having ice cream for dessert. Lately I have noticed my sex drive is dwindling and I just feel ill all the time. I have tried to tell him I can't continue to eat this unhealthy lifestyle and his response is he's not holding a spoon to my mouth. This is true and i have over indulged for the last 7 months and my waistline sure shows it. How do i get him to understand that the tempatation is more than I can handle? that I need support in my journey to a healthy weight.
Sometimes I feel like he's trying to make me fat....
:noway: WAIT! He takes you out to dinner??? What an *kitten*!!! :explode:
You're an adult hon. Take responsibility. :flowerforyou:0 -
Seriously, stop blaming him.
If you want things to change, then change it. Suggest places to go, don't order the ice cream, cook dinner for him (I hear men like that sort of thing), make better decisions when you're out, make different decisions when you're not together. Be responsible for yourself.
Yep, this.0
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