Quite Frankly I'm Stumped...

FlaxMilk

I have been trying to do this.

Which part do you think isn't working?

jbella99

I was in a similar position with someone. Fortunately, I was not emotionally attached so I cut him loose.

Hope you guys can get on the same page with this. Maybe you can plan some activity-focused dates or introduce him to some healthier foods and desserts.

I do try with the healthier alternatives then he says he's starving and wants something else. Thank you for your comments.

jbella99

Oh man, I completely get where you're coming from.

If someone's not concerned with their eating habits and don't seem to be extremely supportive in the food department, you need to fend for yourself, but in a way that isn't negative or accusatory to the other person.

For example, if your bf gets ice cream and is eating it in front of you, arm yourself with a low calorie treat (small fruit parfait, low sugar sherbert, etc.) and have your own treat alongside him as long as it fits within your daily calorie goal. That way it doesn't feel like you're trying to put up a wall between him and you, but just taking care of your own needs. Too many times I would feel like I had to eat whatever he was eating, that's not true. You can eat two entirely different meals together! Just cook a single portion for each of the meals, or adjust the portion/ingredients of your half accordingly to meet your goal. For example I'm a vegetarian and my bf eats meat, we can eat the same meals by simply cutting the meat or whatever else out of my portion of the meal. Or if I splurged during the day and he wants something that would put me over my limit I'll just make something else entirely and eat that for my dinner with no hard feelings.

You guys can coexist if you don't see eye to eye on dietary issues. Whatever you do don't lecture him on what he's doing and just do your own thing. As long as you're happy, you two can adjust! Best of luck, and hang in there.

I will try thanks

Sham571

You don't need to make him understand anything. You need to take back your power and just say no to ice cream and fatty foods..order healthy foods in restaurants and eat slowly. If this guy has your best interest at heart he will begin to take your goals seriously, if not then mayb he isn't for you.

jbella99

Thank you for the only nice comment I've read.

My comment was nice and helpful. This ^ is a rude comment.

Exactly, but it probably isn't what she wanted to hear.

Most of us are blunt and honest. If you came looking for enablers or people telling you he's horrible for doing that, you're not going to find that here. Sorry things are not sugar coated nicely so you wouldn't think they weren't nice comments.

We are all adults who can make our own decisions.

wasn't looking for sugar coating but perhaps a nice way of saying "hey honey" I would really like it if you supported me in this/."

Well what exactly isn't nice about "hey honey, I would really like it if you supported me in this?"

I'm really confused about what you are looking for. I shared my own experience and offered suggestions on how you might find compromise. I didn't even say anything about your accountability in the matter. But apparently, my comment wasn't any more acceptable than any of the others in this thread.

Let me help you out with this. If this guy isn't going to keep his bad habits to himself, you can't avoid indulging with him, and you can't even have a discussion with him about it without strangers on the internet telling you what to say, then I will dare say this guy might not be the right one for you after all.

A real relationship involves open and honest communication with willing compromise on both sides.

Sorry didn't see your original post. When I say that he says. "when you're fat I'll tell you. If I didn't like the way you looked I wouldn't be here." so I guess when I get too fat he'll just leave. lol. Guess I'm on my own

FlaxMilk

I do try with the healthier alternatives then he says he's starving and wants something else. Thank you for your comments.

"What do you want me to do, hold the spoon to your mouth?"

Not really, I wouldn't say that, but I don't see how him being hungry is your problem. He'll find something to eat.

christybarras

If you want a low cal treat that takes a while to eat, nuke two giant marshmallows for 1 full minute, then let cool just a bit before you eat them. They are ,100 calories, very sweet, chewy, and easy to do.

jbella99

I have been trying to do this.

Which part do you think isn't working?

He's set in his ways and I am not like his ex who catered to him. I cook healthy, I suggest activity dates and he moans and groans and wants to always eat crap. I guess I just say no and let him go off to KFC on his own

jbella99

You don't need to make him understand anything. You need to take back your power and just say no to ice cream and fatty foods..order healthy foods in restaurants and eat slowly. If this guy has your best interest at heart he will begin to take your goals seriously, if not then mayb he isn't for you.

Thank you

jbella99

If you want a low cal treat that takes a while to eat, nuke two giant marshmallows for 1 full minute, then let cool just a bit before you eat them. They are ,100 calories, very sweet, chewy, and easy to do.

sounds good thanks

UsedToBeHusky

Thank you for the only nice comment I've read.

My comment was nice and helpful. This ^ is a rude comment.

Exactly, but it probably isn't what she wanted to hear.

Most of us are blunt and honest. If you came looking for enablers or people telling you he's horrible for doing that, you're not going to find that here. Sorry things are not sugar coated nicely so you wouldn't think they weren't nice comments.

We are all adults who can make our own decisions.

wasn't looking for sugar coating but perhaps a nice way of saying "hey honey" I would really like it if you supported me in this/."

Well what exactly isn't nice about "hey honey, I would really like it if you supported me in this?"

I'm really confused about what you are looking for. I shared my own experience and offered suggestions on how you might find compromise. I didn't even say anything about your accountability in the matter. But apparently, my comment wasn't any more acceptable than any of the others in this thread.

Let me help you out with this. If this guy isn't going to keep his bad habits to himself, you can't avoid indulging with him, and you can't even have a discussion with him about it without strangers on the internet telling you what to say, then I will dare say this guy might not be the right one for you after all.

A real relationship involves open and honest communication with willing compromise on both sides.

Sorry didn't see your original post. When I say that he says. "when you're fat I'll tell you. If I didn't like the way you looked I wouldn't be here." so I guess when I get too fat he'll just leave. lol. Guess I'm on my own

This is exactly why I think this guy is not right for you!! Your weight shouldn't matter to him and your health goals should. Sounds like his priorities in your relationship are out of whack.

FlaxMilk

He's set in his ways and I am not like his ex who catered to him. I cook healthy, I suggest activity dates and he moans and groans and wants to always eat crap. I guess I just say no and let him go off to KFC on his own

You nailed it. Just say no and tell you him it's cool with you if he wants to grab some takeout. What kind of food does he like to eat when it's homemade? I bet people here could help you figure out a way to include that in the healthier meals (if you aren't already) without hurting your calorie budget.

IvyWhispers

I did the same thing when me and my boyfriend started practically living together
It took me six months to learn to control what I was eating again. Now I eat basically what he does...but a lot smaller portions it works well...you just have to remind yourself that being healthy will be more worth it than an extra helping of ice cream :')

deksgrl

I have only read about half of the responses here.

I am aware it's my own fault. however, when you tell someone I am watching what I'm eating and they ask you to make nachos and cheese for a snack or ask you to order pizza 3 days a week or want to go for ice cream, or ask you to bake cookies or muffins all the time. It's just not fair. My question was not whose fault it is my question was how to get him to take me seriously.

When I told him how much weight I gained he laughed and said ya I noticed.

You can't "get him" to take you seriously, you have to show him you are serious. By having ONE piece of pizza and a big salad on the side. By watching your portions and fitting them into your calories (well that part is for you, not necessarily for him to see). By making adjustments and substitutions, as others have mentioned. Whether this changes his behavior or attitude is another story. Expecting him to change isn't realistic, so you just have to adapt. Maybe he will become more supportive when he sees you are serious, but maybe not. Does it make things more difficult? Sure, but it's not anything you can't overcome, many others have and you can too.

JoRocka

OMFG- he makes you bake for him and take you places to get crappy food?

Are you kidding me?

What is he 5 years old kicking an screaming in your back seat?

Seriously- move on. He's a grown *kitten* man who cannot cook for himself. My roommate is a useless 32 year old boy- he's pretty much emotionally 16 years old. Even HE can cook. He doesn't- he just eats wawa and primo hoagies but he is at the very least capable of cooking.

Tell him to go get his own crap. My boyfriend gets to eat crap on his own time. I'm not dragging him to get salads- we agree on some place mutual tasty to us both for eating out- and if he wants chinese- he eats chinese and I either find a subsitute near by or I don't eat that. He hates sushi- he goes with me- and gets hibachi.

Find compromises but you gotta stand up for yourself- you aren't married- don't just blow over and say sure okay honey.

QuietBloom

I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.

She's right. You should not communicate and lie about it.

<shrug> I would never date a guy who told me he couldn't resist temptation. That's just begging for trust issues. But to each her own.

She's talking about food. Good grief.

It was supposed to be a joke. I guess it did not come across that way. I apologize for offending.

I got it!!! LOL

FlaxMilk

PS: My eating habits could not be more opposite to my partner's. Because we love each other and each accept it as just a part of our relationship, it doesn't really affect our relationship. We each pretty much do our own thing food wise, and restaurants are not a frequent part of our time together (this is for financial reasons, too.) We don't assume we'll each eat the same meal-that's much more rare. There's a very automatic sense of "his" and "her" foods in our place, not in a hands off way, just by happenstance. Just be considerate-if you eat some of his stash, replace it and vice versa. (For two people with very different food styles, this is much easier than trying to compromise. Both people are happy and each is responsible for their own health and sustenance. It's no more work than if each of you were single.)

fbmandy55

I am aware it's my own fault. however, when you tell someone I am watching what I'm eating and they ask you to make nachos and cheese for a snack or ask you to order pizza 3 days a week or want to go for ice cream, or ask you to bake cookies or muffins all the time. It's just not fair.

Seriously, life is not fair. You know what else is not fair? Making HIM change his eating habits because you have no self control.