Quite Frankly I'm Stumped...
Replies
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Thank you for the only nice comment I've read.
My comment was nice and helpful. This ^ is a rude comment.
Exactly, but it probably isn't what she wanted to hear.
Most of us are blunt and honest. If you came looking for enablers or people telling you he's horrible for doing that, you're not going to find that here. Sorry things are not sugar coated nicely so you wouldn't think they weren't nice comments.
We are all adults who can make our own decisions.
wasn't looking for sugar coating but perhaps a nice way of saying "hey honey" I would really like it if you supported me in this/."
Well what exactly isn't nice about "hey honey, I would really like it if you supported me in this?"
I'm really confused about what you are looking for. I shared my own experience and offered suggestions on how you might find compromise. I didn't even say anything about your accountability in the matter. But apparently, my comment wasn't any more acceptable than any of the others in this thread.
Let me help you out with this. If this guy isn't going to keep his bad habits to himself, you can't avoid indulging with him, and you can't even have a discussion with him about it without strangers on the internet telling you what to say, then I will dare say this guy might not be the right one for you after all.
A real relationship involves open and honest communication with willing compromise on both sides.
Sorry didn't see your original post. When I say that he says. "when you're fat I'll tell you. If I didn't like the way you looked I wouldn't be here." so I guess when I get too fat he'll just leave. lol. Guess I'm on my own
This is exactly why I think this guy is not right for you!! Your weight shouldn't matter to him and your health goals should. Sounds like his priorities in your relationship are out of whack.0 -
He's set in his ways and I am not like his ex who catered to him. I cook healthy, I suggest activity dates and he moans and groans and wants to always eat crap. I guess I just say no and let him go off to KFC on his own
You nailed it. Just say no and tell you him it's cool with you if he wants to grab some takeout. What kind of food does he like to eat when it's homemade? I bet people here could help you figure out a way to include that in the healthier meals (if you aren't already) without hurting your calorie budget.0 -
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I did the same thing when me and my boyfriend started practically living together
It took me six months to learn to control what I was eating again. Now I eat basically what he does...but a lot smaller portions
it works well...you just have to remind yourself that being healthy will be more worth it than an extra helping of ice cream :') 0 -
I have only read about half of the responses here.
I am aware it's my own fault. however, when you tell someone I am watching what I'm eating and they ask you to make nachos and cheese for a snack or ask you to order pizza 3 days a week or want to go for ice cream, or ask you to bake cookies or muffins all the time. It's just not fair. My question was not whose fault it is my question was how to get him to take me seriously.
When I told him how much weight I gained he laughed and said ya I noticed.
You can't "get him" to take you seriously, you have to show him you are serious. By having ONE piece of pizza and a big salad on the side. By watching your portions and fitting them into your calories (well that part is for you, not necessarily for him to see). By making adjustments and substitutions, as others have mentioned. Whether this changes his behavior or attitude is another story. Expecting him to change isn't realistic, so you just have to adapt. Maybe he will become more supportive when he sees you are serious, but maybe not. Does it make things more difficult? Sure, but it's not anything you can't overcome, many others have and you can too.0 -
OMFG- he makes you bake for him and take you places to get crappy food?
Are you kidding me?
What is he 5 years old kicking an screaming in your back seat?
Seriously- move on. He's a grown *kitten* man who cannot cook for himself. My roommate is a useless 32 year old boy- he's pretty much emotionally 16 years old. Even HE can cook. He doesn't- he just eats wawa and primo hoagies but he is at the very least capable of cooking.
Tell him to go get his own crap. My boyfriend gets to eat crap on his own time. I'm not dragging him to get salads- we agree on some place mutual tasty to us both for eating out- and if he wants chinese- he eats chinese and I either find a subsitute near by or I don't eat that. He hates sushi- he goes with me- and gets hibachi.
Find compromises but you gotta stand up for yourself- you aren't married- don't just blow over and say sure okay honey.0 -
She's talking about food. Good grief.I'm not sure I would admit to a love interest that I can't resist temptation. That might not bode well for the future.
She's right. You should not communicate and lie about it.
<shrug> I would never date a guy who told me he couldn't resist temptation. That's just begging for trust issues. But to each her own.
It was supposed to be a joke. I guess it did not come across that way. I apologize for offending.
I got it!!! LOL0 -
PS: My eating habits could not be more opposite to my partner's. Because we love each other and each accept it as just a part of our relationship, it doesn't really affect our relationship. We each pretty much do our own thing food wise, and restaurants are not a frequent part of our time together (this is for financial reasons, too.) We don't assume we'll each eat the same meal-that's much more rare. There's a very automatic sense of "his" and "her" foods in our place, not in a hands off way, just by happenstance. Just be considerate-if you eat some of his stash, replace it and vice versa. (For two people with very different food styles, this is much easier than trying to compromise. Both people are happy and each is responsible for their own health and sustenance. It's no more work than if each of you were single.)0
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I am aware it's my own fault. however, when you tell someone I am watching what I'm eating and they ask you to make nachos and cheese for a snack or ask you to order pizza 3 days a week or want to go for ice cream, or ask you to bake cookies or muffins all the time. It's just not fair.
Seriously, life is not fair. You know what else is not fair? Making HIM change his eating habits because you have no self control.0 -
I understand, my husband and teenage sons can eat large amounts of food and not gain weight. They are all fit and healthy. They are all very active. When I was obese and starting to lose weight, I initially was upset with them for not changing their eating habits. I resented the pizza once a week, the ice cream 2-3 days a week, the requests for me to bake cookies, etc. BUT once I finally understood that I was capable of controlling what I ate then it no longer mattered what they ate! Even if they were eating it in front of me.
Also try moderation. For example, my sons LOVE to get Speedy Freezes (slushies). They get the biggest size, the 64 ounce. I used to get that size too, but it is 960 calories!!! And after I had it, I just sat around. Whereas my sons did something active, like one went to football practice and the other marching band practice or up to the park to play basketball. Now, when we get Speedy Freezes, I get the smallest size, the 22 ounces. That one is only 330 calories. See? I get to have my treat just like them but at a size my body can handle without packing on the pounds.
When your dude orders pizza, just have a slice or two. If he orders a large whatever from DQ, you get the small. When you bake cookies or whatever, just have 2-3. Moderation. And then follow it up with activity.0 -
Thank you for the only nice comment I've read.
My comment was nice and helpful. This ^ is a rude comment.
Exactly, but it probably isn't what she wanted to hear.
Most of us are blunt and honest. If you came looking for enablers or people telling you he's horrible for doing that, you're not going to find that here. Sorry things are not sugar coated nicely so you wouldn't think they weren't nice comments.
We are all adults who can make our own decisions.
wasn't looking for sugar coating but perhaps a nice way of saying "hey honey" I would really like it if you supported me in this/."
Well what exactly isn't nice about "hey honey, I would really like it if you supported me in this?"
I'm really confused about what you are looking for. I shared my own experience and offered suggestions on how you might find compromise. I didn't even say anything about your accountability in the matter. But apparently, my comment wasn't any more acceptable than any of the others in this thread.
Let me help you out with this. If this guy isn't going to keep his bad habits to himself, you can't avoid indulging with him, and you can't even have a discussion with him about it without strangers on the internet telling you what to say, then I will dare say this guy might not be the right one for you after all.
A real relationship involves open and honest communication with willing compromise on both sides.
Sorry didn't see your original post. When I say that he says. "when you're fat I'll tell you. If I didn't like the way you looked I wouldn't be here." so I guess when I get too fat he'll just leave. lol. Guess I'm on my own
This is exactly why I think this guy is not right for you!! Your weight shouldn't matter to him and your health goals should. Sounds like his priorities in your relationship are out of whack.
Perhaps0 -
I have only read about half of the responses here.
I am aware it's my own fault. however, when you tell someone I am watching what I'm eating and they ask you to make nachos and cheese for a snack or ask you to order pizza 3 days a week or want to go for ice cream, or ask you to bake cookies or muffins all the time. It's just not fair. My question was not whose fault it is my question was how to get him to take me seriously.
When I told him how much weight I gained he laughed and said ya I noticed.
Wait a minute...you're cooking for this guy? Plus he sounds like he is a jerk. Not at all worth the weight you have put on. IMHO.0 -
I did the same thing when me and my boyfriend started practically living together
It took me six months to learn to control what I was eating again. Now I eat basically what he does...but a lot smaller portions it works well...you just have to remind yourself that being healthy will be more worth it than an extra helping of ice cream :')
Yes I worked so hard to get it off the first time. grrr0 -
I understand, my husband and teenage sons can eat large amounts of food and not gain weight. They are all fit and healthy. They are all very active. When I was obese and starting to lose weight, I initially was upset with them for not changing their eating habits. I resented the pizza once a week, the ice cream 2-3 days a week, the requests for me to bake cookies, etc. BUT once I finally understood that I was capable of controlling what I ate then it no longer mattered what they ate! Even if they were eating it in front of me.
Also try moderation. For example, my sons LOVE to get Speedy Freezes (slushies). They get the biggest size, the 64 ounce. I used to get that size too, but it is 960 calories!!! And after I had it, I just sat around. Whereas my sons did something active, like one went to football practice and the other marching band practice or up to the park to play basketball. Now, when we get Speedy Freezes, I get the smallest size, the 22 ounces. That one is only 330 calories. See? I get to have my treat just like them but at a size my body can handle without packing on the pounds.
When your dude orders pizza, just have a slice or two. If he orders a large whatever from DQ, you get the small. When you bake cookies or whatever, just have 2-3. Moderation. And then follow it up with activity.
Thanks for the advice. I will try that0 -
Most of us are blunt and honest. If you came looking for enablers or people telling you he's horrible for doing that, you're not going to find that here. Sorry things are not sugar coated nicely so you wouldn't think they weren't nice comments.
There's a difference between being honest and being rude. It's called tact, and most posters in this thread so far seem lacking in it. You can be polite to someone while still being supportive, you know; they're not antonyms of one another.
I agree that she has responsibility of herself. But that doesn't excuse a boyfriend from being unsupportive of his girlfriend. We should be kind and respectful to each other and their choices for their life. If anything, he should be happy for her because she's wanting to change her life around for the better and become healthier! A healthier partner means a happier partner, means a more active partner, and means (potentially, unless other incidents get in the way) a longer living partner. All of these are wins. As someone who cares for her, he should at least be considerate of her feelings and needs.
Does that mean he has to give up his food? No. But he could at least be there with her every step of the way and encourage her to stay on her track.
And if he's not willing to do that, well, maybe he really isn't the one. Or maybe he's still worth it and food is just something you will have to fight solo (or with close friends). I hope things work out for you.
I'm also a little bummed because my comment was also nice.
But I can see why you'd want to skip half of the posts here. People haven't been the kindest. I apologize. 0 -
I have only read about half of the responses here.
I am aware it's my own fault. however, when you tell someone I am watching what I'm eating and they ask you to make nachos and cheese for a snack or ask you to order pizza 3 days a week or want to go for ice cream, or ask you to bake cookies or muffins all the time. It's just not fair. My question was not whose fault it is my question was how to get him to take me seriously.
When I told him how much weight I gained he laughed and said ya I noticed.
Ya I am a virgo, a mother and perhaps have a little florence nightengale syndrome. LOL
Wait a minute...you're cooking for this guy? Plus he sounds like he is a jerk. Not at all worth the weight you have put on. IMHO.0 -
I have only read about half of the responses here.
I am aware it's my own fault. however, when you tell someone I am watching what I'm eating and they ask you to make nachos and cheese for a snack or ask you to order pizza 3 days a week or want to go for ice cream, or ask you to bake cookies or muffins all the time. It's just not fair. My question was not whose fault it is my question was how to get him to take me seriously.
When I told him how much weight I gained he laughed and said ya I noticed.
Wait a minute...you're cooking for this guy? Plus he sounds like he is a jerk. Not at all worth the weight you have put on. IMHO.
Yeah, he is a total jerk. Just dump him.0 -
you have to be stronger than him. he is not making you fat.0
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Start choosing the places where you go out to eat...or at least places where there are healthy meal choices on the menu.
On a side note - If my woman's sex drive was dwindling because of what I was feeding her then that would get my attention.
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So what you are really looking for is advice on howvto make him eat better out of consideration for you?0
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So what you are really looking for is advice on howvto make him eat better out of consideration for you?
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I likes you!!!:flowerforyou:Ugh. My boyfriend is the same way. He doesn't even workout everyday! Damn that man for taking me out to nice dinners and introducing me to the best ice cream in Denver. (insert eyeroll here)
I make my own decisions. I have gained a few pounds since we've been together but that is ALL MY FAULT. He is fully aware of my goals and I have every opportunity to make wise decisions. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. It's not his problem. He is who he is and I do not expect him to change because I have goals. He's a good man and I would never sacrifice our relationship because I am obsessed about my fitness.0 -
OP, From above, and other comments you've made, I am getting that you believe bf's and gf's should support each other. I completely agree. But, what I see on here, is you looking for ways to get HIM to support YOU. From everything I've read, you haven't even contemplated how YOU can support HIM. It's gotta be a two way street, and if your coming at it from a perspective of "what can I tell him to get him to fix this", it isn't ever gonna work. Ya gotta communicate, compromise and come up with solutions you can both live with,The part of this that's interesting is how we as a culture have become more comfortable putting expectations on girlfriends and boyfriends as if they are husbands and wives.
They aren't.
The whole point of not getting married is to lower the commitment and expectation level.
In my experience a bf or gf should be supportive of your goals. didn't think that was only reserved for spouses.0 -
you hate men
also wear flannel and shave my head... so- what of it LMFAO0 -
Instead of going out why don't you cook for the two of you and let him buy the ingredients? Or, have him take you out to a place that specializes in serving healthier food. Instead of just going out to eat why not tell him you would love it if you two jogged or played tennis together? Make your dates active, instead of sitting down and face stuffing.0
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Most of us are blunt and honest. If you came looking for enablers or people telling you he's horrible for doing that, you're not going to find that here. Sorry things are not sugar coated nicely so you wouldn't think they weren't nice comments.
There's a difference between being honest and being rude. It's called tact, and most posters in this thread so far seem lacking in it. You can be polite to someone while still being supportive, you know; they're not antonyms of one another.
I agree that she has responsibility of herself. But that doesn't excuse a boyfriend from being unsupportive of his girlfriend. We should be kind and respectful to each other and their choices for their life. If anything, he should be happy for her because she's wanting to change her life around for the better and become healthier! A healthier partner means a happier partner, means a more active partner, and means (potentially, unless other incidents get in the way) a longer living partner. All of these are wins. As someone who cares for her, he should at least be considerate of her feelings and needs.
Does that mean he has to give up his food? No. But he could at least be there with her every step of the way and encourage her to stay on her track.
And if he's not willing to do that, well, maybe he really isn't the one. Or maybe he's still worth it and food is just something you will have to fight solo (or with close friends). I hope things work out for you.
I'm also a little bummed because my comment was also nice. But I can see why you'd want to skip half of the posts here. People haven't been the kindest. I apologize.0 -
Most of us are blunt and honest. If you came looking for enablers or people telling you he's horrible for doing that, you're not going to find that here. Sorry things are not sugar coated nicely so you wouldn't think they weren't nice comments.
There's a difference between being honest and being rude. It's called tact, and most posters in this thread so far seem lacking in it. You can be polite to someone while still being supportive, you know; they're not antonyms of one another.
I agree that she has responsibility of herself. But that doesn't excuse a boyfriend from being unsupportive of his girlfriend. We should be kind and respectful to each other and their choices for their life. If anything, he should be happy for her because she's wanting to change her life around for the better and become healthier! A healthier partner means a happier partner, means a more active partner, and means (potentially, unless other incidents get in the way) a longer living partner. All of these are wins. As someone who cares for her, he should at least be considerate of her feelings and needs.
Does that mean he has to give up his food? No. But he could at least be there with her every step of the way and encourage her to stay on her track.
And if he's not willing to do that, well, maybe he really isn't the one. Or maybe he's still worth it and food is just something you will have to fight solo (or with close friends). I hope things work out for you.
I'm also a little bummed because my comment was also nice. But I can see why you'd want to skip half of the posts here. People haven't been the kindest. I apologize.
thank you very much. I appreciate your tact0 -
Start choosing the places where you go out to eat...or at least places where there are healthy meal choices on the menu.
On a side note - If my woman's sex drive was dwindling because of what I was feeding her then that would get my attention.
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he complains. trust me0 -
My husband and I eat totally different. We try to compromise on restaurants that accommodate us both, but otherwise, we each watch what we eat and are responsible for ourselves. He eats very low-fat, but tons of carbs. I eat low-carb and don't watch fat. It's our respective responsibilities to watch our for ourselves.0
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