Body Image and Relationships
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Leave leave leave!
There's nothing wrong with you!
I'm seriously overweight but my S.O. adores me and he's not a chubby chaser, he just likes me, all of me, because I'm the girl he fell for. I had some loose skin too, but most of it has toned up because my previous big weight loss happened over a period of two years (I lose weight slowly). I think a lot of your loose skin will tone up over time, so do not panic, but do moisturize.
And find someone that likes you because of what you have to offer to a relationship.
Someone like that, who is trying to fixate on perceived flaws, is just trying to find an excuse to leave anyway.0 -
Ditto on all the above. You seem like a kind person, and you're determined to better yourself. You need someone who understands you and is proud of what you've accomplished.
Someone who can look at your body and say, wow its incredible what this man has done to change his life.
She's not that one.
But there will be someone that is.
You just need to carry the confidence and faith that you are indeed worth more than you valued yourself.0 -
Seriously dude.
One life to live.
Move on...0 -
Pretty sure you know this isn't ok. No one should make you feel unattractive, especially not the person you're dating. I would leave now. Don't give her a chance to explain or make it better, if it's not your body now.. it'll be something else down the road.0
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He/she worded it very hurtfully. You are only 4 months in, and it might be a good time to take stock.0
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I am in the best shape of my life but I am dating someone who does not like my body. I have loose skin from having been over 300 lbs. I sensed the lack of attraction... "Your mid section looks like a viola" "your butt reminds me of my mothers' "
Dude, my butt looks like a Shar Pei from losing close to 70 pounds, but my wife is ecstatic that I've lost the weight, and sexy times are better than ever.We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.
Big red flag here.Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?
This is not normal.
Cut her lose. You deserve better...someone who really appreciates ALL of you.0 -
Thank you for all of the feedback! I forgot one of the most hurtful ones....you would be so hot if you lost 25 pounds. :::((((0
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That is just horrible...You're already good looking! You've come so far and have done such an amazing job...You should be proud of yourself. It is sad you feel hurt because of it. This doesn't sound healthy or happy. Please, don't put yourself down! You sound like such an amazingly nice person, don't let her drag you down.
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Thank you for all of the feedback! I forgot one of the most hurtful ones....you would be so hot if you lost 25 pounds. :::((((
You're obviously hurt by her perception of you. It's not okay for someone to treat you that way. You've only been dating four months and haven't had sex.I have to ask, why put up with her for any longer? What is keeping you?0 -
You're with the wrong girl.0
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Yeah, that was really hurtful what she said. I mean, it's maybe even to the point of being emotionally abusive to have phrased things in that way, and it's clearly taken a toll on you. I would wonder why she was even with you, if she feels that way. It's like she wants to hurt you. You can definitely find a women that would not think that or treat you that way. That women has her own issues and problems to think and say stuff like that. Sorry someone treated you like that.0
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ditto to what everyone else said. are you in berk? let me know if you need a wing man when you dump her!0
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I would ditch that *****0
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It's not worth being in a relationship like this. I got a tiny bit of it myself and I hope I don't ever have to deal with that negativity. Dump her and move on.0
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I'm not sure her comments were totally out of line if you pushed and pushed for them. HOWEVER, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't attracted to you? Why put yourself through that? You can do better. You deserve better.0
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Adding my two cents (same opinion as everyone): RUN AND FAST!!!!
After having been through, and seen people go through, a relationship where you are just not being treated right, let alone DOWNRIGHT INSULTED, let that person go. Why keep someone who makes you feel bad about a huge accomplishment? That's surely not fair to your heart, let alone your self-confidence. Be kind to yourself and your emotions by ditching this chick!!! EEEP!0 -
Thank you for all of the feedback! I forgot one of the most hurtful ones....you would be so hot if you lost 25 pounds. :::((((
Dude, get out of there! Seriously, I learned the hard way it's better to be Single and alone, than in a relationship and lonely. That's why I gained over 100lbs and took me the 3 1/2 years since we split up to lose again.
The right one is out there for you, don't settle for less than you deserve, and you deserve more than this person! You can do better!
You have done amazingly awesomely well, don't let the ***** drag you down and put you back where you started.0 -
So I am sort of in a funny position. I am in the best shape of my life but I am dating someone who does not like my body. I have explained that I have loose skin from having been over 300 lbs but this extenuating circumstance seems to make no difference. I sensed the lack of attraction so I pushed and pushed to understand what was causing it specifically. "Your mid section looks like a viola" "your butt reminds me of my mothers' "
I do not look that bad naked. Yes I have loose skin, but it's not like I am wearing my former belly as a skirt or something. I have NEVER been so unattractive to someone. We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.
Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?
I am in the best shape of my adult life and yet I have the worst self-esteem about my body I have ever had. Caused by you know who.
Yes, while it might me undesirable to some, some will go pass that and still want you the way you are. ESPECIALLY if you are improving yourself. "Beauty fades, gray hair comes. Soul stays" look at it this way, if you grow old with you significant other will he/she go cheat just because you are saggy and have gray hair? When you love someone you DO care about appearance BUT it is not priority. It is all up to you, we all can give advices all we want, but it's YOUR life. I came to conclusion that all problems between couples need to be talked about. Ask them what they want/expect you to do about the problem.
Good luck, and don't let anyone make a decision for you.0 -
the loose skin from that level of weight loss will mostly (or sometimes completely) shore itself up, given enough time and continued diet/exercise. If it doesn't, there are always surgeries to help repair it. Like others have said, do you first. If the relationship is making you even more self-conscious, even after all you've achieved, it might not be right for you.0
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I have extra skin on my belly and it hangs. I find it embarrassing. I told that to my current boyfriend and he told me I should be proud of it. It shows I'm a mature woman who's worked hard to lose the weight. Its a sign of my victory.
The skin can tighten up or it can be surgically removed. I have a feeling her flaw can't be fixed that easily. I know its hard, but you deserve better.Well man, this is just a sucky situation to be in. Attraction is important and is (and should) be a factor in most relationships. But the issues she has, your loose skin, is pretty damn minor, in my opinion. And it is correctable, so it isn't something permanent.
The only other thing I have to add to this is congratulations for the amazing progress you've made. Don't let the opinions of a shallow person cause you to view yourself as less than you are. I know this is only a snapshot of her for us viewing your post (and not a complete view of the person that she is), but certainly it shows that she can't appreciate the fine qualities you've demonstrated - strength, determination, resiliency, and more. I promise you there are many who would.0 -
What a b****0
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you'll just hurt yourself if you stay.. leave that person
why would you want to be with someone who isn't even attracted to your body? 0 -
Thank you for all of the feedback! I forgot one of the most hurtful ones....you would be so hot if you lost 25 pounds. :::((((
You are dating the wrong kind of girl.
I'm sorry, but dump her! You earned every bit of loose skin and you should be proud of it!
She would be complaining even harder when your skin was still 'nice and tight'. What would she prefer?
And her telling you that you'd be hotter if you'd lose 25 pounds? Where did that come from?!
You should reply: "You'd be so much hotter if I'd see you walking down the front lawn with your bags. Bye b***!"
She doesn't deserve you. She really doesnt.0 -
What is her body like?
To me, this sounds like she has hang ups about her own body but prefers to make you feel bad so that she doesn't have to. Sometimes when people have a self esteem issue, they will project that onto others and make the other person feel bad instead. I wouldn't be surprised if she was too self conscious of her own body, and thats why your relationship hasn't moved on yet.
I'm sorry you have been treated this way, but it does sound like she has her own issues and I urge you not to take them personally. I highly doubt they are about you, so please remain happy and confident in yourself, you have achieved so much and you deserve to be proud of yourself for it!0 -
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You seem like a lovely person, and you look great in your pictures. You don't need to be with someone who doesn't appreciate you, and says hurtful things to you. End it with her, and I'm sure you will find someone you deserve, and who deserves you, very soon afterwards. Good luck!
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I would dump a guy so fast his head would spin if someone said these things to me. You should do the same. You have to love yourself before someone else can truly love you.0
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What a d!ck.0
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Those comments are verbally abusive, not normal. It's okay to not find someone attractive, but in that case you should break up, not stay and be a jerk about it.0
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Thank you for all of the feedback! I forgot one of the most hurtful ones....you would be so hot if you lost 25 pounds. :::((((
Personally, I think the only appropriate response to any statement beginning with "you'd be so hot if..." is to walk away while flipping them the bird.
On a side note, I'm very pleased to find a thread where no one has been a total a$$hat. Good job folks! :drinker:0
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