Body Image and Relationships

Options
1234689

Replies

  • froeschli
    froeschli Posts: 1,292 Member
    Options
    i once dated someone because i was flattered that anyone would be interested in me... but it didn't make me feel any better...
    i won't tell you to leave the girl, even less to do so in a mean way.

    instead, examine your own motivations. what is is about her that makes you want to stick around? what are your expectations of her, and yourself? if the issue is just lack of attraction, then maybe you are meant to be friends, not a couple.
    maybe maybe maybe....

    in the end, i wouldn't stick around anyone who made me feel less than i deserve to be. though it's usually me making myself feel that way, so i look to surround myself with people who make me want to be more... if that makes any sense....
  • RachyLovesRattys
    RachyLovesRattys Posts: 143 Member
    Options
    LEAVE FAST! She sounds like a horrible person. Love isn't about looks- when you love someone they are always beautiful to you no matter what. 30 pounds or 300 pounds....only way I would ever suggest a change in appearance is if it was detrimental to their health. Clearly, you're a healthy guy now. She should be PROUD of you and all you've accomplished! The loose skin is proof of that! She should go kick rocks. What a disgusting human being to have said those things to you.
  • 4daluvof_candice
    4daluvof_candice Posts: 483 Member
    Options
    Sorry for being blunt but,

    F--- HER!!!!!!!!!!!:angry:
  • hawkeygal
    hawkeygal Posts: 133 Member
    Options
    I'm sorry for being blunt, but if you're in a relationship, and they are negatively talking about you and your body now, GET OUT now. You don't need that. You're busting your *kitten* (literally) to do something for yourself that YOU feel good about, and she's degrading you comparing you to her mom? You need a sweet girl that loves you for you. Period. You deserve better.
  • JanMarie2BHealthy
    JanMarie2BHealthy Posts: 159
    Options
    So I am sort of in a funny position. I am in the best shape of my life but I am dating someone who does not like my body. I have explained that I have loose skin from having been over 300 lbs but this extenuating circumstance seems to make no difference. I sensed the lack of attraction so I pushed and pushed to understand what was causing it specifically. "Your mid section looks like a viola" "your butt reminds me of my mothers' "

    I do not look that bad naked. Yes I have loose skin, but it's not like I am wearing my former belly as a skirt or something. I have NEVER been so unattractive to someone. We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.

    Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?

    I am in the best shape of my adult life and yet I have the worst self-esteem about my body I have ever had. Caused by you know who.

    Hi aren't you glad you asked :smile: Since it is a new dating relationship only four months - I say RUN RUN SAVE YOURSELF. How she made the comments is so disrespectful, uncaring and mean. I cannot imagine how she words things to people she does not like! She could easily become one of those "ladies" that speak out and embarrass their significant others and/or friends in public. Potential for emotional abuse and trying to jockey into a superior position.

    Good luck in finding a woman with a good heart who appreciates everything about you. :) People can be honest but don't have to be degrading / mean, etc.
  • emmawoolf84
    emmawoolf84 Posts: 243 Member
    Options
    You've received a ton of good advice so Im not going to ramble on...
    Long story short I TRULY believe you (or anyone in your situation) DESERVES and needs a more supportive person as your significant other - if anything they should be the one to uplift, not be the source of your low self esteem.
    Time to move on. :flowerforyou:
  • xraygal84
    xraygal84 Posts: 13 Member
    Options
    You deserve someone who loves you the way you are, not the way she wants you to be.
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
    Options
    Thank you to all who contributed to the thread. This is a bit of an update. Last night was sort of a breaking point. I asked and pushed again about the attractiveness issue. I was told that not only is my body an issue, but that I lack certain intangibles such as a compatible pheremonal scent! LOL There were other intangibles but they were not revealed.

    I was given a priority list of my bad parts. Worst is my stomach, followed by my hips and butt.

    I was told "well you know how sometimes someone inexplicably makes you feel queasy?"

    I guess I don't produce that effect. :( I cried a lot.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
    Options
    DUDE!
    You are flogging a dead horse, get the hell out of there. Be with someone that loves you for who you are not what you look that & who says nasty things about you. All I gotta say is this person would want to look like a freaken super model to be spurting all these hurtful things at you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
    Options
    So I am sort of in a funny position. I am in the best shape of my life but I am dating someone who does not like my body. I have explained that I have loose skin from having been over 300 lbs but this extenuating circumstance seems to make no difference. I sensed the lack of attraction so I pushed and pushed to understand what was causing it specifically. "Your mid section looks like a viola" "your butt reminds me of my mothers' "

    I do not look that bad naked. Yes I have loose skin, but it's not like I am wearing my former belly as a skirt or something. I have NEVER been so unattractive to someone. We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.

    Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?

    I am in the best shape of my adult life and yet I have the worst self-esteem about my body I have ever had. Caused by you know who.

    If you pushed for it you're getting what you deserve, but there's a negative attitude inside her already that is coming out at you. Eg you could push me for the truth and I might say 'your bum's wobbly' but 'reminds me of my mother's' is pretty damn harsh (unless mum's gorgeous.)

    She doesn't sound like a very nice person. You, however, look like a lovely person. You can do better. :p
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
    Options
    Thank you to all who contributed to the thread. This is a bit of an update. Last night was sort of a breaking point. I asked and pushed again about the attractiveness issue. I was told that not only is my body an issue, but that I lack certain intangibles such as a compatible pheremonal scent! LOL There were other intangibles but they were not revealed.

    I was given a priority list of my bad parts. Worst is my stomach, followed by my hips and butt.

    I was told "well you know how sometimes someone inexplicably makes you feel queasy?"

    I guess I don't produce that effect. :( I cried a lot.

    Some people need to hurt other people in order to feel whole. we could go into the psychology of it but I think the point is, she's a total thing that starts with a "c" and ends in "unt"

    apart from that she's a complete materialist. Only values that which she can show off to others... does not recognise intrinsic value in you. She sounds like a complete hideous nightmare and you need to get the hell away from her before she totally destroys your self esteem and confidence.

    You can do better. :p
  • erinxo13
    erinxo13 Posts: 892 Member
    Options
    This person does not sound like someone you should be with. If a person truly loves you they aren't going to make you feel horrible, they aren't going to point out your flaws... they are going to love you, flaws and all and she should be PROUD of your progress and so should you. I really hope you can find someone who deserves to have someone like you in their lives, instead of making you feel ashamed. She shouldn't be doing that to you and I don't think it's a healthy relationship... All the best.
  • withoutaname
    withoutaname Posts: 64 Member
    Options
    I would suggest to leave. If my partner was treating me like that I would not be able to spend a day longer with them.
  • teagirlmedium
    teagirlmedium Posts: 679 Member
    Options
    You asked and she told you. It sounds like if you had not pushed the issue she would not have told you the truth. From the posts you made it sounds like there may be a lot more she is not telling you that she does not like about you. This is probably not a good relationship for you two to be in. If you are one of those people that need to know everything about something then you may want to push more, but if you don't need to know everything then this would probably be a good time to break up. Your feelings are probably going to get hurt more if you keep trying to get her to tell you what the issue is. You may want to find someone that does not have a problem with your loose skin or whatever things you may be self-conscious about.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    Options
    What the actual ****? Why are you still kicking around with this chick? Break up already and stop being a doormat. And in your next relationship, do not press and push the girl about why you havent had sex after 5 months. Obviously there is a problem if two adults take that long to get busy. Punt and move on, seriously.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    Options
    Are you sure you're dating? Or does she just have you in the friend zone and you're imagining the rest? I can't for the life of me figure out what either of you is doing with the other. Her because she's obviously not attracted to you, and you because I can't imagine why you would stick around with someone says those things to you. Let it go!
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
    Options
    Are you sure you're dating? Or does she just have you in the friend zone and you're imagining the rest? I can't for the life of me figure out what either of you is doing with the other. Her because she's obviously not attracted to you, and you because I can't imagine why you would stick around with someone says those things to you. Let it go!

    We sleep together every night!
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    Options
    Are you sure you're dating? Or does she just have you in the friend zone and you're imagining the rest? I can't for the life of me figure out what either of you is doing with the other. Her because she's obviously not attracted to you, and you because I can't imagine why you would stick around with someone says those things to you. Let it go!

    We sleep together every night!

    You live together? Are you paying her bills?
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
    Options
    We don't live together. My overnight company is required apparently lol

Categories