Body Image and Relationships

Options
1246789

Replies

  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Options
    Um, get the **** out?

    You had to come on here to realize you should've left this ***** as soon as that **** started?
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    Options
    So I am sort of in a funny position. I am in the best shape of my life but I am dating someone who does not like my body. I have explained that I have loose skin from having been over 300 lbs but this extenuating circumstance seems to make no difference. I sensed the lack of attraction so I pushed and pushed to understand what was causing it specifically. "Your mid section looks like a viola" "your butt reminds me of my mothers' "

    I do not look that bad naked. Yes I have loose skin, but it's not like I am wearing my former belly as a skirt or something. I have NEVER been so unattractive to someone. We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.

    Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?

    I am in the best shape of my adult life and yet I have the worst self-esteem about my body I have ever had. Caused by you know who.

    It is time to move on. If she thinks you look that hideous, she doesn't love you, and she isn't the right girl for you.

    When it comes to physical...issues...love should be blind. Hubby has seen me at 135lbs, and he has seen me at 230lbs. He much prefers me on the lower end of the scale.

    I'm not saying she should make you feel like an underwear model, but she also shouldn't make you feel like you have to feel horrid about your body.She should be telling you things more along the lines of " your abs kinda suck right now...However, look how far you have come in the months we have been together!" I've been blessed to have several very supportive men in my life ( my husband, a friend, and my trainer). Hubby isn't really good about using words to tell me that he sees a change...but when he lays there at night and strokes my (new) muscles like it is the first time he's touched me, or he can't take his hand off my butt, it says it all. I could have just about kissed my friend Justin ( who used to be my trainer) this spring when he looked at me and told me I needed to make SURE to go to the beach this summer and show off all my hot new muscles (it didn't happen because my son broke both wrists). It definitely put a smile on this obese old lady's face though! And my current trainer...sigh...Brian. he's not one to flatter me, but he acts in a way that tells me he doesn't SEE me as an obese lady. He does NOT like it when I make jokes about my height or weight. I think he felt a little better when I explained to him that I was just trying to keep it real. The truth is that I am 5"2' tall, and I am obese. I still have a good 55lbs to lose to have a normal BMI.
  • snsmyth
    snsmyth Posts: 35 Member
    Options
    You are adorable. Look at your smile, your eyes, your dimple! This girl isn't even your friend, let alone your girlfriend. We don't hurt our friends.
  • Gwibbertronii
    Gwibbertronii Posts: 15
    Options
    Wow. The right person in your life should make you feel good about yourself. I suggest leaving a big boot print on her haughty butt.

    You are a cute guy, there is a beautiful woman out there for you who will be proud of you every day for your immense achievement. You should be celebrating that, not hiding away. She isn't the girl for you.
  • XXElmaXX
    XXElmaXX Posts: 34
    Options
    Wow....how cruel can a person be?

    You should be proud of yourself. It isn´t easy to lose weight. You have worked hard and you deserve time to recover, your skin as well. It takes a long time for skin to go back to what it was before because it has been stretched.

    You are a good looking man, be proud and don´t let her break you down. If she wants 25pounds less of you then I think she should go look for that person somewhere else.

    It doesn´t sound like it will work. I´m sorry to say that.

    *hug* from me, focus on you and your happiness. You are worth it. She isn´t.
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
    Options
    What the hell are you sticking around for? Why is this even something that you're preoccupied with? Move on and find someone who appreciates you for everything that you are, loose skin and all.
  • crystalrp
    crystalrp Posts: 113 Member
    Options
    This does NOT sound like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Are you sure she KNOWS she is your gf, because it sounds like she considers you to be acquaintances. At the 4 month mark, the mutual attraction should be running rampant! How does someone even get into a relationship with someone who doesn't find them attractive? This whole thing boggles my mind. Is she using you for something? Maybe you should think of moving on. After all the work you have done on yourself, don't settle because you think this is all there is!!
  • anorangie
    anorangie Posts: 975 Member
    Options
    Not sure what I can add that hasn't already been expressed...

    except I would say that your weight loss is a major life accomplishment, such a positive change. If I were in your place, I would want my partner to jump up and down and celebrate that with me, to see all the good and awesomeness in that change. :flowerforyou:

    I could not be comfortable with someone who was critical of my body and who could not find me desirable in the present (but maybe, just maybe, could if I lost more weight). Good heavens, that would hurt me too much!
  • MightyDomo
    MightyDomo Posts: 1,265 Member
    Options
    Definitely as so many have already said and I will note that I agree with them, this girl doesn't sound like she is right for you. If she cannot love you with the faults and is not able to look past them (I consider loose skin to be a very minor and usually temporary fault, heck I got loose skin from having a baby!) then she is not the girl for you and you certainly deserve a girl that can look past something like that and be proud of what you have accomplished.

    Hope you find a good solution for yourself no matter what you decide to do with this girl, you have done the best thing for yourself already and that's getting into the best shape of your life :)
  • TamaraKat
    TamaraKat Posts: 533 Member
    Options
    Definitely as so many have already said and I will note that I agree with them, this girl doesn't sound like she is right for you. If she cannot love you with the faults and is not able to look past them (I consider loose skin to be a very minor and usually temporary fault, heck I got loose skin from having a baby!) then she is not the girl for you and you certainly deserve a girl that can look past something like that and be proud of what you have accomplished.

    Hope you find a good solution for yourself no matter what you decide to do with this girl, you have done the best thing for yourself already and that's getting into the best shape of your life :)

    I agree with this and every other person that said something like this - getting into shape is the hardest but one of the most rewarding and best things you can do in your life.
    Amen.
  • taiyola
    taiyola Posts: 964 Member
    Options
    Wow. Get out.

    A relationship without any sexual chemistry is just a friendship, and she doesn't sound like someone I would want to be friends with...
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,520 Member
    Options
    From your pic, I'm assuming you are a man, and you are dating a woman. If the roles were reversed...a female dating a man that made rude comments about her body...all of us ladies would go after him with pitchforks (so to speak).

    The advice remains the same despite your gender. Dump her. It sounds like she wants to be with someone that she views as "weak," and she can verbally abuse. My biggest question (in your situation) is why would YOU want to be with someone that destroys your self-esteem? Obviously, she has problems, so let's not even discuss her.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Options
    Honestly, you should end the relationship. She sounds like a c*nt. Yea, you have loose skin, but that's NO EXCUSE for her to insult you like that. At all. And lack of sex in an adult relationship? Red flag right there. I'm pretty sure neither of you are abstaining or "saving it for marriage", right?

    Seriously, just break up. You'll feel better and you'll find someone who isn't a judgemental c*nt.

    And yes, I dropped the "c bomb". I save that word for people who deserve it.
  • tlou5
    tlou5 Posts: 497 Member
    Options
    You deserve better. Get out.
  • justbeachy01
    justbeachy01 Posts: 53 Member
    Options
    If that person can't accept you (and is MEAN) they are not worth your time. You have accomplished something AMAZING and any significant other should be supportive and proud!
  • salemsaberhagen
    salemsaberhagen Posts: 54 Member
    Options
    Okay dude, the above advice is good but here is what you do:
    Tell her that you want to take her to a to a really nice fine dinning restaurant of her choosing. Say that you want to show her how much you care for and want her in your life.
    Take her to said restaurant and ensure that she orders whatever she wants.
    Order a bottle of some of the oldest wine they have.
    Make sure you get your fill of that wine.
    Mid-meal, excuse yourself to use the restroom.
    Instead, divert to the entrance, tell the host/hostess that your date will be picking up the check.
    Leave the restaurant. Delete her number.
    She will learn a valuable lesson.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Options
    Okay dude, the above advice is good but here is what you do:
    Tell her that you want to take her to a to a really nice fine dinning restaurant of her choosing. Say that you want to show her how much you care for and want her in your life.
    Take her to said restaurant and ensure that she orders whatever she wants.
    Order a bottle of some of the oldest wine they have.
    Make sure you get your fill of that wine.
    Mid-meal, excuse yourself to use the restroom.
    Instead, divert to the entrance, tell the host/hostess that your date will be picking up the check.
    Leave the restaurant. Delete her number.
    She will learn a valuable lesson.

    Dine-n-dash? Really? They did that on That 70's Show. :yawn:
  • salemsaberhagen
    salemsaberhagen Posts: 54 Member
    Options
    I'm not surprised; some setups are timeless classics. Dude, do it. Either she will respect you more for your balls for pulling that stunt or you will never hear from her again- win win for you.
  • happydaze71
    happydaze71 Posts: 339 Member
    Options
    Seriously? Who needs that s**t? Tell her to take a hike!! You want to feel good about yourself, not ashamed because you have loose skin. I've had 4 kids, I know all about loose skin, it's an unfortunate side effect of the skin stretched to breaking point.
    Get rid of her, take a deep breath and get back to where you felt great about yourself and your achievements.
  • silverteacup
    silverteacup Posts: 46 Member
    Options
    It's probably time to assess why you are attracted to someone who does not find you appealing. Genuine feelings about a person are not appearance driven. They come from inside the person so I am going to ask if she finds you unattractive is the reason you are with here because she is physically beautiful....because ultimately no outer beauty will matter if the person is unattractive inside.

Categories