Body Image and Relationships
Replies
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So if 'this person' is so good, why are they wasting their time with you? Seeing as they think you are so ghastly.0
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We don't live together. My overnight company is required apparently lol
Misery loves company, right? :frown:0 -
6 words for you:
Dude: time to find another girl.......0 -
We don't live together. My overnight company is required apparently lol
Wait, so you sleep together, but you're not boning and he thinks you look disgusting?
DUDE, WTF ARE YOU STILL DOING EVEN TALKING TO THIS PERSON?!?!?!?!?!?! :noway:0 -
OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.0
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OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.
bingo0 -
pfft figures. Yeah you could totally do better.0
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OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.
Good observation! I can't believe it took this long for someone to ask... everyone just assumed it was a girl.0 -
OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.
bingo
Why the hell are you still with him?? Do you like abuse?0 -
So you're his cuddle buddy that he finds too unattractive to do the dirty with? Is that what you want to be? I truly don't get it. What are you waiting and hoping for - that he'll wake up some day and decide he's attracted to you? I mean, you have to know by now that it's going nowhere. At this point you're just a glutton for punishment. It's not like he isn't showing and telling you everything you need to know to make an informed decision about your relationship. I give up.
Edited to change gender. Everything else applies.0 -
So you're her cuddle buddy that she finds too unattractive to do the dirty with? Is that what you want to be? I truly don't get it. What are you waiting and hoping for - that she'll wake up some day and decide she's attracted to you? I mean, you have to know by now that it's going nowhere. At this point you're just a glutton for punishment. It's not like she isn't showing and telling you everything you need to know to make an informed decision about your relationship. I give up.
Edited to reflect that you acknowledged gender change... other than that, yeah... "glutton for punishment" is what I was thinking. Harsh? Maybe. But everyone told OP to get out of that situation a month ago. And nothing has changed.0 -
OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.
Good observation! I can't believe it took this long for someone to ask... everyone just assumed it was a girl.
I was going to but I didn't know how to ask without making it awkward or making it sound like it was a big issue...But many times I wanted to say this is something a guy would pull.0 -
Sounds like you both have self esteem issues. I'd understand your reluctance to leave if this was like a ten year relationship but it's only been a matter of months and you haven't even had sex. I don't know why you're staying. One of the most joyous things in the early stages of a relationship is the intense physical attraction, the anticipation and the excitement at the thought of finally sealing the deal. You guys are cuddling and talking with the insensitive frankness of an old married couple. That's depressing. You both deserve more.0
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Wow thats jacked up on so many levels, if she doesnt like you the way you are than the relationship is doomed for failure. Leave, go find someone who will care for you the way you deserve!0
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seriously thats not nice. cick her *kitten* to the curb....you deserve someone better0
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You guys obviously have an emotional attachment to each other...but from my experience, that happens naturally whether or not there is love involved, because of the time spent. You get sort of used to each other, and trick yourself into feeling dependent on each other. It becomes an unhealthy addiction.
Maybe both of you have commitment issues, so you're with each other to avoid a real, deep and connected relationship.
This person is obviously abusing you. So many people hit the nail on the hit when they said that he probably has major self esteem issues that he is trying to project onto you.
You obviously feel you can't do any better.
This relationship is not going to evolve. I can understand why you hope it might, but i think it will just further degrade, and in the end you'll end up feeling so bad about yourself, stupid for letting yourself waste time, and used by this guy. It's not a healthy friendship.
What you are doing is preventing yourself from meeting another awesome person. You're emotionally involved with someone who is not available to you.
We need sex in our relationships. It's important. Real sex. You are not teenagers. This cuddle buddy relationship is holding you back, and creating major self esteem issues that will scar.
You need to untangle yourself from this trap. You are not a teddy bear. No amount of talking and reasoning, understanding, weight loss, or surgery is going to change this relationship. Just because you guys can talk about your issues, doesn't mean it's going to get better. Even if you end up having sex with this guy, he's going to hurt you.
You need to get out of this relationship completely. Use the 30 day no contact rule, no friendship, no cuddle nights, no more talking. No facebook, no texting. Nothing. Cut yourself off for a month. This guy needs to get his **** together, and you need to get a grip on your priorities.
This guy is manipulating you, and will boot you out of his bed the moment he meets someone he does want to ****.
It's not your problem this guy isn't physically attracted to you. Really, it's not. You are attractive. You are sweet. You're communicative. Dedicated. Obviously into physical health...Loose skin, being overweight, being the ugliest person in the world does not stop anybody from being in a loving, sexual, romantic relationship. Love is love. Romantic love needs sexiness. This guy is not allowing you to be sexy. You should not have to beg anyone for sex. This type of relationship can happen to the best looking people in the world. It comes down to self respect. You are not ugly.
I was griping about my body once to my boyfriend, who is in awesome shape. He said to me "it's the body of my girlfriend, and i love it."
The man told you he's not attracted to you. No pheromones, whatever. That's his loss. It's not your body. It's his own issues. Maybe he has sex issues...whatever. He needs to go to a therapist and work them out by himself. You cannot help him. He is not going to love you even if you were his ideal body composition. Not real love, anyway. This dude is shallow. He doesn't love you as a lover. You are wasting your time. maybe you need to go to a therapist too, to find out why you are letting yourself be used this way.
Extract yourself from his power trip. Deal with sleeping alone. It's lonely, but it's better than feeling like **** trying to be loved by someone who's like a toxic vampire.
Get yourself back to a healthy state of mind, and then go be with someone who wants to **** your brains out (and talk and cuddle, and treat you like gold).0 -
You guys obviously have an emotional attachment to each other...but from my experience, that happens naturally whether or not there is love involved, because of the time spent. You get sort of used to each other, and trick yourself into feeling dependent on each other. It becomes an unhealthy addiction.
Maybe both of you have commitment issues, so you're with each other to avoid a real, deep and connected relationship.
This person is obviously abusing you. So many people hit the nail on the hit when they said that he probably has major self esteem issues, he is trying to project onto you.
You obviously feel you can't do any better.
Your relationship is not going to evolve. I can understand why you hope it might, but i think it will just further degrade, and in the end you'll end up feeling so bad about yourself and stupid for letting yourself waste your time and get used by this guy.
What you are doing is preventing yourself from meeting another awesome person, because you're emotionally involved who is not available for you.
We need sex in our relationships. It's important. Real sex. You are not teenagers. This cuddle buddy relationship is holding you back, and creating self esteem issues. Major self esteem issues that will scar.
You need to untangle yourself from this mess. You are not a teddy bear. No amount of talking and reasoning and or understanding, or weight loss, or surgery is going to change this relationship. Just because you guys can talk about your issues, doesn't mean it's going to get better.
You need to get out of this relationship completely. Just completely use the 30 day no contact rule, no friendship, no cuddle nights, no more talking. Nothing. Cut yourself off for three months. This guy needs to get his **** together, and you need to get a grip on your priorities.
This guy is manipulating you, and will boot you out of his bed the moment he meets someone he does want to ****.
It's not your problem this guy isn't physically attracted to you. Really, it's not. You are attractive. You are sweet. You're communicative. Dedicated. Obviously into physical health...
I was griping about my body once to my boyfriend, who is in awesome shape. I am very floppy. He said to me "it's the body of my girlfriend, and i love it."
The man told you he's not attracted to you. No pheromones, whatever. That's his loss. It's not your body. It's his own issues. Maybe he has sex issues...whatever. He needs to go to a therapist and work them out by himself. You cannot help him. He is not going to love you even if you were his ideal body composition. Not real love, anyway. This dude is shallow. He doesn't love you as a lover. You are wasting your time.
Extract yourself from his power trip. Deal with sleeping alone. It's lonely, but it's better than feeling like **** trying to be loved by someone who's like a vampire.
Get yourself back to a healthy state of mind, and then go be with someone who wants to **** your brains out (and talk and cuddle, and treat you like gold).
THISTHISTHIS!!!0 -
Epic first post, Driven. Hit the nail right on the head.0
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leave her. you deserve better. comments like that shouldn't even be made! after your hard work you deserve some real love and compliments. I bet you will find a girl much better than your current one, one who will love you and appreciate you and support you.0
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also...i understand that using words like "abusive, toxic, vampire, needs to see a therapist, manipulative, etc" is not a very nice way to describe someone who you consider a friend/lover.
Just remember no matter how great this person may be despite everything, you guys are obviously not sexually compatible, and your best interest and health is not important to him.
You had the strength and will power to get yourself into the best shape of your life. You can use the same strength and self respect to recognise when you need to leave a relationship.0 -
We don't live together. My overnight company is required apparently lol
Maybe it annoys her that you haven't jumped her bones.
There's a thing... a guy who asks for sex is not allowed it. It's got to be one of the fundamental laws of the universe. If he's so weak he has to beg, he's not a man.
If she let you in her bed - just go for it. If she slaps you down, get out of the bed and leave. And don't come back.
That's the rule. What the heck are you in her bed for if you're not bonking? That's absurd.
I am wondering if you've created your own avalanche - being too sensitive, not daring to just make a move... poking about in her head wanting verbal psychological reassurance when she wants domination and masculinity. Maybe she doesn't even know what is in there, but is on some level annoyed and dissatisfied.
Basic question: have you kissed her? Has she kissed you back? That's the request. That's the consent. If she doesn't want to kiss you, leave. She doesn't find you attractive. If she kisses you back.. move to level two. Forget your body. Forget your insecurities. Shut your eyes and just go with it.
And as I say: if she slaps you down, that's goodbye forever. Unless of course she's a virgin waiting for marriage, in which case what are you doing in her bed?0 -
OP, you look great. Being in a healthy relationship should make you feel better about yourself, not worse. I adore my boyfriend's naked body; he's far from what Men's Health magazine would consider physical perfection, but to me he is absolutely perfect. Because I love him, I love all of him. Everyone deserves to be loved like this, and especially someone like you who has achieved so much through hard work, determination and general awesomeness. You want someone who can't wait to get your kit off and get their hands all over your hot new bod! Good luck!! :-))0
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GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!! This person doesn't deserve to be with someone who puts some much effort into getting better.
YOU, on the other hand deserve WAY MORE THAN THAT!!!0 -
a relationship is supposed to be two people who mutually support each other. and not make one another feel insecure about their looks. I would rethink what you want out of a relationship, because what you want matters as well0
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OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.
bingo
wow good observation. when OP didn't correct anybody I assumed it was also a girl! it still doesn't change the fact that you need to get the **** away from this person, man or woman. I will say it again - stop being a doormat!0 -
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So why is she still dating you?
More importantly, why have you waited 4 months and had no sex yet??0 -
It's funny that people are still talking "she" and "her" when it's been established at the top of this page that the person he sleeps with every night has a wang.
Because we haven't read all the posts0 -
Hate to say this man but isn't just you.the relationship I'm in I really don't care about appearance after seeing them for years cause its always the same person but for some reason she has confidence issues in herself and for some reason blaming something else is more easily acceptable.dont worry bro if it wasn't that it would be a head ache I'd rather honesty even if its confidence or just can't be bothered.0
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