what would YOU do ?

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  • pkul85
    pkul85 Posts: 29 Member
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    I get the MYOB perspective- but if she were my sister, id say something. Id get on her *kitten*. IM sorry, but shes my sister and id honestly rather her hate me, then let her go by not doing everything i could. Sure, she may know what she's doing is bad- but doesn't mean you don't try and help her. know your heart is of course in the right place and eventually she will accept this too. Id do my best and try to use every idea in the book to try and help. If all else fails, then i guess id have to give up :-/
  • dewgirl321
    dewgirl321 Posts: 296 Member
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    I'd tell her about MFP and invite her to create an account. Then MYOB.
  • _jamieb
    _jamieb Posts: 15
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    Nothing, she is an adult and can do what she pleases!! Not to mention she knows damn well she isn't eating well, it needs to be up to her to change that
  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
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    You do nothing.

    a) she knows!
    b) things are obviously not bad enough yet for her to make a proper effort at addressing her health
    c) she won't thank you for it.
    d) it's not your responsibility
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    Well I was the overweight sister and I didn't really need anyone to tell me that I had to lose weight. I'm not blind. What I needed was motivation or willpower, and that's not something anyone could have given me.
  • laylaness
    laylaness Posts: 262 Member
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    Here's the thing: Do you have anything to tell her that she doesn't already know?
    Well honestly it seems like I or other family members *DO know* facts regarding health and wellness that she seems to be blind to. Maybe she knows these facts as well but is in total denial. (example: She keeps drinking DIET COKE ! ) Tell me if I am wrong but it seems to me that anyone who has even a tiny desire to start losing weight and being healthy should completely BAN all soft drinks regardless whether they are diet or not. They just cannot be good for someones health over the long term and/or weight loss goals. And yet she ordered it almost every day of the vacation on cape cod.

    Secondly CHEESE. She is always talking about, requesting and desiring CHEESE when she comes to visit us. Cheese is huge diet killer, but she keeps thinking about it requesting it.
    Does she know her habits are awful? Probably.
    Well I think she knows she is crossing the line. But I don't think she knows her habits are *awful*

    Does she know she is dangerously obese? Most likely.
    \

    I don't think she has fully connected or realized this concept. And her doctors should all be FIRED in my opinion. They should be telling her flat out it is time to take radical measures RIGHT NOW. And yet they slap her on the wrist and say she is not that bad.
    Do you have the magic solution for weight loss? No.

    I don't have a magic solution because there is no magic solution. My fear is maybe she thinks there is a magic solution. The magic solution is the greatest evil marketing pitch given to those who suffer from weight loss.
    The solution is real sacrifice, some pain and suffering from giving up unhealthy fatty foods, and the real hard work ethic of very active exercise. Problem is she always just seems to make a half attempt at it. She does not go 100% with a true burning desire to accomplish a certain goal.
    Does she know that weight loss requires diet and exercise and commitment? Probably.
    Yes, but she gives up too easily because of *distractions* (work stress, emotions, boyfriend issues and bad eating models etc. )

    Your heart is in the right place, but as others have said unless she asks for your help you have nothing to give her, except leading with your example.

    There's nothing wrong with CHEESE and DIET COKE while you're trying to lose. I love both. I'm losing. And I'm healthy.

    If you've just joined today, maybe get some footing and progress before trying to change other people. People don't change unless they want to anyway.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
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  • laylaness
    laylaness Posts: 262 Member
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    If she wants to eat onion rings she should order them herself or arrange to share the order from the start.

    Why are men so weird about this? You ask for a few bites and they go all: 'JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD' on you.

    girl_took_food_1.gif

    I'm like this too. Order your own food. I want mine. *hand slap*
  • coolia1212
    coolia1212 Posts: 2
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    Unfortunately, I don't think saying anything would help. I'm sure she already knows she has a problem and you pointing it out will probably just make her mad or sad. If she reaches out for help, that's different. Otherwise, just be supportive and loving.
  • greentart
    greentart Posts: 411 Member
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    You know what, I didn't realize how horrible I was eating. Okay, I would think, "I shouldn't eat this... oh well!" and laugh it off like it was nothing, because to me, it WAS nothing.

    It took my sister and my boyfriend both saying something before I came to grips with how I ate food was BAD. I think you know your family better than we do. How do you think she'd act? Obviously don't go up to her and say "You're fat! Eat better!"

    You could approach it from "Hey, you've mentioned before that you want to lose weight. I started using MFP. I was wondering if you'd want to join, and then maybe we could support each other in becoming healthier!" Come from a positive place of wanting to help her and not judging.

    Again, every family has their own inner workings, and every person will react differently. It helped me. I'm down 25 lbs from where I originally started before joining MFP. My sister got me into doing Zumba and my boyfriend helps me with my eating habits at home.

    Good luck with your decision.
  • DenyseMarieL
    DenyseMarieL Posts: 673 Member
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    A very good friend of mine, I've known her for 28 yrs, is morbidly obese. She was a size 10 or so when we graduated high school, not huge, but I always worried because all of the women on both her parents sides of the family were very large. By the time she had kid # 3, she had to be close to 300 lbs. And she's only 5'1. Now she's 42 and walks like she's 85.

    I've watched her live her sedentary lifestyle, but she lives three provinces away, and there is nothing I can do on a daily basis. She complains of sore knees, sore back.....all while knitting, quilting, constantly baking sweets, and sitting at a desk trying to write the 'next best selling book'. She needs to get off her *kitten*, she needs to quit aquiring hobbies that require her to SIT for long periods of time, and she needs to watch her eating.

    What do I say? Nothing. I can only try and be a good example with my running, my heavy lifting, and my healthy recipes that I email her every day. A grown up needs to come to this conclusion themselves. Otherwise, it won't be a lifestyle change, it will be a temporary one.
  • Hexahedra
    Hexahedra Posts: 894 Member
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    You say nothing, especially since the subject has been discussed before. What you can do is provide good example. If she cares about you, she would notice when you start losing weight. When she says something, that's the opening for you to discuss weight loss with her, to see if she's interested.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    She's on vacation, I would shut my pompous *kitten* up, that's what *I* would do. It's her life, her business. And why the hell is diet coke in quotations? I get 1/4lber combos w/fried and a "coke zero" all the time, because 900 calories is better than 1100. I'm glad you're not my brother.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    Other people's weight is a "Mind your own business" subject. You can make suggestions if she brings it up herself or complains about it, but other than that, no.
  • thomas2017
    thomas2017 Posts: 20
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    I keep hearing from folks on this board that a person who has a serious weight issue "already knows" they do and therefore know what to do about it. And for this reason they should not be bothered and just left alone.

    But I am not sure everyone who has a serious weight issue fully knows the gravity and seriousness of their situation. If they did, they would change their eating/exercise habits immediately. In my experience they do KNOW, but the wall of denial almost insurmountable to overcome. And thus they need some kind of snap back to reality to help break through the denial.

    On the topic of Diet Coke, well you are correct it is none of my business to decide if that is good for anyone to drink or not, but I still think that drinking any kind of soda should be permanently banned from my eating habits if I wanted to embark on a new healthy lifestyle.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    I keep hearing from folks on this board that a person who has a serious weight issue "already knows" they do and therefore know what to do about it. And for this reason they should not be bothered and just left alone.

    But I am not sure everyone who has a serious weight issue fully knows the gravity and seriousness of their situation. If they did, they would change their eating/exercise habits immediately. In my experience they do KNOW, but the wall of denial almost insurmountable to overcome. And thus they need some kind of snap back to reality to help break through the denial.

    On the topic of Diet Coke, well you are correct it is none of my business to decide if that is good for anyone to drink or not, but I still think that drinking any kind of soda should be permanently banned from my eating habits if I wanted to embark on a new healthy lifestyle.


    Some people get cancer and keep smoking... it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Absolutely NONE. If you care, you'll set a good example for her and IF and when she's ready she'll ask for your help.

    I think that nothing should be permanently banned from your diet if you want to embark on new healthy lifestyle, but you're free to do as you wish.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    But I am not sure everyone who has a serious weight issue fully knows the gravity and seriousness of their situation. If they did, they would change their eating/exercise habits immediately.

    That's just not true. There are people who keep smoking after being diagnosed with smoking-related illnesses, keep taking drugs despite near-death experiences, and there are even more people who keep eating themselves into obesity and beyond even though they have obesity-related health issues. They know it's killing them, but they can't or won't take meaningful steps to change it.

    Your question was "what you YOU do?". I would mind my own business unless my sibling asked for help. If you want to talk to your sister about how worried you are about her health, then by all means do that. Stage a full intervention confrontation if you want to. If you just can't sit by silently then you can't. Just realize that it may irreparably damage your relationship and that she won't change anything until she's ready.
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
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    Nothing. Unless she brings it up with you (which implicitly gives you permission), it isn't your business.

    My parents are morbidly obese and have been most of my life, my sister is overweight. I wouldn't dream of telling them how/why to lose weight. I love them, but I don't want to fight with them (and they are all smart people, they know the health risks they face).

    Telling people they should lose weight is like telling people to quit smoking: it might make you feel virtuous but it will either put them on the defensive or will hurt their feelings.

    This.

    Giving people advice that they have neither asked for nor apparently want is going to be a waste of time for you and them. If people aren't in an open, receiving place, advice is going to put them on the defensive, and they're even less likely to change.
  • Lichent
    Lichent Posts: 157 Member
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    obese people are not in denail , they know they are obese, they just don't want to give it up, they are getting something out of it, there is a payoff for poor eating habits. Same with an alcoholic, you can talk to him til you blue in the face, he is getting something out of the drinking even tho his life isn't working. People dealing with this stuff, they have to become sick and tired of being sick and tired , then they will make the change. Has to come from her not from you.
  • Ltlmis
    Ltlmis Posts: 9 Member
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    Keep quiet. Fat people know they are fat. You don't need to tell them.
    [/quote]

    Yep, this.
    [/quote]

    ***
    I"ve never had a burning desire to learn how to cross-stitch ... until I read this line. Now I want it on every pillow in the house. And one pillow in the office. And I'd probably keep one pillow in the car, too. You cannot live in the U S of A and NOT know you are fat. Our society is cruel to people who carry extra poundage, in many forms and fashions, some more insidious than others. Your 'caring' is very likely to be dispatched with extreme hostility ... and didn't you say something about YOUR OWN GUILT being the motivation for discussing this? You can't lose weight for someone else. It's a physical impossibility. Each person has to lose hizzer own weight.
    It's also extremely unlikely, IMHO, that living in America, you would not have the resources to get to a library and check out one of ten million books, CDs, videos, MP3s that are going to help you find what works for you to lose weight.

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