my husband isn't supportive...

LurveTheDoctor
LurveTheDoctor Posts: 303
in Chit-Chat
So, I just started working out and eating better 4 days ago.. any time I talk about it to my husband he says "why are you trying me this? You're not going to lose any weight..." or says he gives it knew week... or I won't go back after my rest day... or that we're wastefully spending our money on the gym.. just a bunch of mean ****..

It's hard being motivated when he acts this way. How do I get him to realize I'm determined?

This really hurts my feelings more than anything.. I'm a pretty girl.. I just want the body to complete it.. I don't like being put down this way.

Sorry.. just venting.
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Replies

  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    You don't need him to know you are determined. You need him to know that you don't like being talked down to, and that you will not tolerate it. I'm *not* saying "break up," and I'm not saying the relationship isn't a two way street; we know very little about it except what you said in this post. Let him know you don't appreciate being put down. If you are putting him down or being negative to him too, stop it and ask him if the two of you can work on that together.
  • LurveTheDoctor
    LurveTheDoctor Posts: 303
    You don't need him to know you are determined. You need him to know that you don't like being talked down to, and that you will not tolerate it. I'm *not* saying "break up," and I'm not saying the relationship isn't a two way street; we know very little about it except what you said in this post. Let him know you don't appreciate being put down. If you are putting him down or being negative to him too, stop it and ask him if the two of you can work on that together.

    I told him that he needs to support me or I'll drop 160# real fast. :/

    He just laughs and says he's just stating facts. Our marriage is typical and "fine" otherwise. Normal kinks and bumps.

    Day one of working out he said "if you lose the weight then I'll have to worry about how I look and act. (Act as in drinking and being a **** when he's drunk)
  • Willbenchforcupcakes
    Willbenchforcupcakes Posts: 4,955 Member
    Do it for yourself, by yourself. Maybe he'll be more supportive once he sees you stick with it, maybe it'll get worse. But if you're doing it for you, it won't matter. Your body, your choice.
  • bennysammysofie
    bennysammysofie Posts: 331
    What she ^^^ said!!!
  • tx_mom72
    tx_mom72 Posts: 96
    My husband has been supportive but he's also become a little bit insecure. I've had several friends lose a lot of weight & leave their husbands for other guys. He flat told me I better not leave him....well I got him like I was.....you fill in the blanks. BUT he's never talked down to me, loves me the way I am. Could insecurity be part of the issue? And make some friends on here. The support here is phenomenal! :flowerforyou:
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    You don't need him to know you are determined. You need him to know that you don't like being talked down to, and that you will not tolerate it. I'm *not* saying "break up," and I'm not saying the relationship isn't a two way street; we know very little about it except what you said in this post. Let him know you don't appreciate being put down. If you are putting him down or being negative to him too, stop it and ask him if the two of you can work on that together.

    I told him that he needs to support me or I'll drop 160# real fast. :/

    He just laughs and says he's just stating facts. Our marriage is typical and "fine" otherwise. Normal kinks and bumps.

    Day one of working out he said "if you lose the weight then I'll have to worry about how I look and act. (Act as in drinking and being a **** when he's drunk)

    He should worry about that anyways. Look him in the eye and tell him, "It's not if, it's when." Then walk away and do what you need to do. I'm not saying leave him, I'm just saying you should blow his mind with what you're capable of.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    Unfortunately you are going to come across people who aren't as supportive as they can be. And his attitude really is horrible but it does seem to stem from his own insecurities and fears and is really a reflection on him.

    In all honesty, to do this and succeed and keep it off you're going to need to rise above the nonsense from anyone you come across and just do it for you and focus on that. There will always be haters. But it is you that will have the last laugh when you succeed despite their efforts to derail you.

    You CAN do this. You came here because you want it. Take baby steps. Take it a day or week at a time....educate yourself on food and metabolism,etc. Stop thinking about the bigger picture so much and focus on small, healthy losses. They will add up fast. And most of all, know that you can develop the confidence you need to never doubt yourself again, no matter what others say and do.

    :flowerforyou:
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Your husband is being an asshat.
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
    So, I just started working out and eating better 4 days ago.. any time I talk about it to my husband he says "why are you trying me this? You're not going to lose any weight..." or says he gives it knew week... or I won't go back after my rest day... or that we're wastefully spending our money on the gym.. just a bunch of mean ****..

    It's hard being motivated when he acts this way. How do I get him to realize I'm determined?

    This really hurts my feelings more than anything.. I'm a pretty girl.. I just want the body to complete it.. I don't like being put down this way.

    Sorry.. just venting.

    The charitable view would be that he's trying to instigate anger, not depression - and is hoping to inspire (ignite) you into proving him wrong.

    the uncharitable view would be that you married a total c**nt and it's time to stop letting your emotions be dragged around by the rotten stuff that comes out of his mouth. That's HIS soul he's showing you, not yours. :D

    the even more uncharitable view would be that you've done this many times before and he's jaded.

    Either way the answer is the same.

    1. don't tell him about it. Don't talk to him about it, don't discuss it. I would never tell a man I was dieting anyway. it never works.
    2. carry on doing it.
    3. prove him wrong.

    Editing: your'e 23. That means he's probably around that age too. Don't take that stuff seriously. If he was forty and saying it that'd be a big deal, but men in their 20's talk all sorts of crap.

    Just ignore it. :p do what you decide to do.
  • iamihobo
    iamihobo Posts: 232 Member
    1. he's being an *kitten*.
    2. he doesn't define what you do and don't do or who you are or are not
    3. there's tons more people who won't believe you

    4. all that matters is You believe you, cause if you do it for anyone else you might as well not start. it won't stick.

    Be the hero in your own dreams :heart:
  • schondell
    schondell Posts: 556 Member
    You don't need to force your new healthy lifestyle on him or talk to him about it at all. Just do what you have to do to see results and maybe he will come around?
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Day one of working out he said "if you lose the weight then I'll have to worry about how I look and act. (Act as in drinking and being a **** when he's drunk) ....................................

    WTF is that supposed to mean????? Does he not feel the need to do that now? And why would your weight loss have anything to do with it???? He sounds abusive.
  • sprocketism
    sprocketism Posts: 56 Member
    That's abuse in my book. Use his negativity as fuel, and get your revenge by getting your body back! Don't let it hurt you, just prove to him that he's an *kitten*!!!

    :heart:
  • Jlennhikes
    Jlennhikes Posts: 290 Member
    If I were you, I'd try to flip around my attitude toward his negativity and have it spur me on to success rather than tear me down. Just decide you're not going to let it get under your skin, don't react, and let the results speak for themselves. It sounds like he may be worried how you'll view him if you get into great shape.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    If I were you, I'd try to flip around my attitude toward his negativity and have it spur me on to success rather than tear me down. Just decide you're not going to let it get under your skin, don't react, and let the results speak for themselves. It sounds like he may be worried how you'll view him if you get into great shape.

    Bingo!
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    You get him to realize that you're determined by sticking with it and succeeding! That'll shut up the "Why are you bothering, it'll never work" talk. He'll probably find some other way to put you down, but that's a different problem.
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
    Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.
  • RunningForeverMama
    RunningForeverMama Posts: 261 Member
    1. he's being an *kitten*.
    2. he doesn't define what you do and don't do or who you are or are not
    3. there's tons more people who won't believe you

    4. all that matters is You believe you, cause if you do it for anyone else you might as well not start. it won't stick.

    Be the hero in your own dreams :heart:
    You get him to realize that you're determined by sticking with it and succeeding! That'll shut up the "Why are you bothering, it'll never work" talk. He'll probably find some other way to put you down, but that's a different problem.

    Exactly, convince him with your actions not your words.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    I seriously cannot wrap my head around some people. I say show him this discussion then go about your kicking *kitten* and getting fit!
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.

    Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.
  • jjscholar
    jjscholar Posts: 413 Member
    I would say that your husband needs to be reminded about how lucky he is to be married to you.

    That is the problem with most guys. They are not smart enough to be able to appreciate the fact that they are married to a woman.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    It has been 4 days. Maybe you have done this before and not followed through? If you stick to it, he will realise that you're serious.
  • yustick
    yustick Posts: 238 Member
    So, I just started working out and eating better 4 days ago.. any time I talk about it to my husband he says "why are you trying me this? You're not going to lose any weight..." or says he gives it knew week... or I won't go back after my rest day... or that we're wastefully spending our money on the gym.. just a bunch of mean ****..

    It's hard being motivated when he acts this way. How do I get him to realize I'm determined?

    This really hurts my feelings more than anything.. I'm a pretty girl.. I just want the body to complete it.. I don't like being put down this way.

    Sorry.. just venting.

    The charitable view would be that he's trying to instigate anger, not depression - and is hoping to inspire (ignite) you into proving him wrong.

    the uncharitable view would be that you married a total c**nt and it's time to stop letting your emotions be dragged around by the rotten stuff that comes out of his mouth. That's HIS soul he's showing you, not yours. :D

    the even more uncharitable view would be that you've done this many times before and he's jaded.

    Either way the answer is the same.

    1. don't tell him about it. Don't talk to him about it, don't discuss it. I would never tell a man I was dieting anyway. it never works.
    2. carry on doing it.
    3. prove him wrong.

    Editing: your'e 23. That means he's probably around that age too. Don't take that stuff seriously. If he was forty and saying it that'd be a big deal, but men in their 20's talk all sorts of crap.

    Just ignore it. :p do what you decide to do.

    I can't say it better than this.

    You can do this with or without his support. Stick with it and prove him wrong. Best wishes.
  • OnlyICanDoIt
    OnlyICanDoIt Posts: 31 Member
    I don't think I could live with my husband if he said that to me. Maybe he's afraid you'll leave him when you get skinny. I dunno, I know you are just venting, so I don't want to talk bad about your hubby. But he needs to get a clue!

    On the other hand - my hubby LOVES me being fat and didn't like it when I was at my skinniest. He calls himself a chubby chaser. lol

    Does he ever tell you that you are sexy or anything?
  • SteveHunt113
    SteveHunt113 Posts: 648 Member
    If I were you, I'd try to flip around my attitude toward his negativity and have it spur me on to success rather than tear me down. Just decide you're not going to let it get under your skin, don't react, and let the results speak for themselves. It sounds like he may be worried how you'll view him if you get into great shape.

    Bingo!
    Yep!

    Stop talking to him about it, just do it. Take his words and turn the into determination to prove he is wrong. Once you've proven him wrong, let him apologize to you.
  • 43932452
    43932452 Posts: 7,246 Member
    So, I just started working out and eating better 4 days ago.. any time I talk about it to my husband he says "why are you trying me this? You're not going to lose any weight..." or says he gives it knew week... or I won't go back after my rest day... or that we're wastefully spending our money on the gym.. just a bunch of mean ****..

    It's hard being motivated when he acts this way. How do I get him to realize I'm determined?

    This really hurts my feelings more than anything.. I'm a pretty girl.. I just want the body to complete it.. I don't like being put down this way.

    Sorry.. just venting.



    My hubby was just like that .. until I proved it was happening You have to keep your
    fire lit and not let him stop you. Eventually he will join in your crusade or not. Whatever
    way it goes, just take care of you!!

    My hubby finally decided to care about himself too .. no matter what you think, this is
    a lifestyle change.He'll need to be flexible to be in your life ..you're not going to be the
    'same woman' you were before!! All the best to you!! :drinker:
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
    Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.

    Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.

    While I've not experienced this in my marriage I have had a close friend start every fad diet/pill out there. She never stuck with any of them. Would I say anything negative to her? No (well, the pills, yes). But I can see how close proximity with someone who repeats certain behaviors might let their incredulity get the better of them and say something unkind. That is why I asked for clarification. To equate that with abuse is overboard, IMO.

    But super sweet, well thought out response on your part. :drinker:
  • 5n0wbal1
    5n0wbal1 Posts: 429 Member
    I think I may just send you a friend request. I expressed my desire to get into weight lifting with my husband, and he flipped his lid. He still believes lifting will make a woman bulky, and he looked at me like I said I wanted a sex change. He thinks I need to wait at least a year and be able to run a few miles a day, do 200 pushups a day, and do zillions of crunches and situps. Now, it seems like he tries to stop me from working out because he refuses to watch the kids so I can go out and run.

    I told him that even if I got really in shape, I would still be the same woman: I'd still be his wife and the mother of our children. I'd increase my confidence from all the awesome stuff I'd be able to do, and I'd increase my stamina. Both would be beneficial in bed! :smokin: But he says that if I get too muscular, he won't be attracted to me and he'll want to move on. :brokenheart:
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
    It has been 4 days. Maybe you have done this before and not followed through? If you stick to it, he will realise that you're serious.

    Careful. That kind of mildly worded logical response instead of an emotional jump to abuse/*kitten* will have people jumping all over you. :laugh:
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    My husband was the same at the start. I showed him, he thought I was a person who would not stick to it. I showed him didn't I. Over 600 days later, 38kg lighter & healthier than I've ever been & he knows I can do ANYTHING I say I can do.

    I didn't NEED him to be supportive at all. I didn't do it for him.

    Just do it, don't talk to him about it unless HE brings it up. You do not NEED his support.

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