my husband isn't supportive...

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LurveTheDoctor
LurveTheDoctor Posts: 303
in Chit-Chat
So, I just started working out and eating better 4 days ago.. any time I talk about it to my husband he says "why are you trying me this? You're not going to lose any weight..." or says he gives it knew week... or I won't go back after my rest day... or that we're wastefully spending our money on the gym.. just a bunch of mean ****..

It's hard being motivated when he acts this way. How do I get him to realize I'm determined?

This really hurts my feelings more than anything.. I'm a pretty girl.. I just want the body to complete it.. I don't like being put down this way.

Sorry.. just venting.
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  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    You don't need him to know you are determined. You need him to know that you don't like being talked down to, and that you will not tolerate it. I'm *not* saying "break up," and I'm not saying the relationship isn't a two way street; we know very little about it except what you said in this post. Let him know you don't appreciate being put down. If you are putting him down or being negative to him too, stop it and ask him if the two of you can work on that together.
  • LurveTheDoctor
    LurveTheDoctor Posts: 303
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    You don't need him to know you are determined. You need him to know that you don't like being talked down to, and that you will not tolerate it. I'm *not* saying "break up," and I'm not saying the relationship isn't a two way street; we know very little about it except what you said in this post. Let him know you don't appreciate being put down. If you are putting him down or being negative to him too, stop it and ask him if the two of you can work on that together.

    I told him that he needs to support me or I'll drop 160# real fast. :/

    He just laughs and says he's just stating facts. Our marriage is typical and "fine" otherwise. Normal kinks and bumps.

    Day one of working out he said "if you lose the weight then I'll have to worry about how I look and act. (Act as in drinking and being a **** when he's drunk)
  • Willbenchforcupcakes
    Willbenchforcupcakes Posts: 4,955 Member
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    Do it for yourself, by yourself. Maybe he'll be more supportive once he sees you stick with it, maybe it'll get worse. But if you're doing it for you, it won't matter. Your body, your choice.
  • bennysammysofie
    bennysammysofie Posts: 331
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    What she ^^^ said!!!
  • tx_mom72
    tx_mom72 Posts: 96
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    My husband has been supportive but he's also become a little bit insecure. I've had several friends lose a lot of weight & leave their husbands for other guys. He flat told me I better not leave him....well I got him like I was.....you fill in the blanks. BUT he's never talked down to me, loves me the way I am. Could insecurity be part of the issue? And make some friends on here. The support here is phenomenal! :flowerforyou:
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
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    You don't need him to know you are determined. You need him to know that you don't like being talked down to, and that you will not tolerate it. I'm *not* saying "break up," and I'm not saying the relationship isn't a two way street; we know very little about it except what you said in this post. Let him know you don't appreciate being put down. If you are putting him down or being negative to him too, stop it and ask him if the two of you can work on that together.

    I told him that he needs to support me or I'll drop 160# real fast. :/

    He just laughs and says he's just stating facts. Our marriage is typical and "fine" otherwise. Normal kinks and bumps.

    Day one of working out he said "if you lose the weight then I'll have to worry about how I look and act. (Act as in drinking and being a **** when he's drunk)

    He should worry about that anyways. Look him in the eye and tell him, "It's not if, it's when." Then walk away and do what you need to do. I'm not saying leave him, I'm just saying you should blow his mind with what you're capable of.
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    Unfortunately you are going to come across people who aren't as supportive as they can be. And his attitude really is horrible but it does seem to stem from his own insecurities and fears and is really a reflection on him.

    In all honesty, to do this and succeed and keep it off you're going to need to rise above the nonsense from anyone you come across and just do it for you and focus on that. There will always be haters. But it is you that will have the last laugh when you succeed despite their efforts to derail you.

    You CAN do this. You came here because you want it. Take baby steps. Take it a day or week at a time....educate yourself on food and metabolism,etc. Stop thinking about the bigger picture so much and focus on small, healthy losses. They will add up fast. And most of all, know that you can develop the confidence you need to never doubt yourself again, no matter what others say and do.

    :flowerforyou:
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    Your husband is being an asshat.
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
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    So, I just started working out and eating better 4 days ago.. any time I talk about it to my husband he says "why are you trying me this? You're not going to lose any weight..." or says he gives it knew week... or I won't go back after my rest day... or that we're wastefully spending our money on the gym.. just a bunch of mean ****..

    It's hard being motivated when he acts this way. How do I get him to realize I'm determined?

    This really hurts my feelings more than anything.. I'm a pretty girl.. I just want the body to complete it.. I don't like being put down this way.

    Sorry.. just venting.

    The charitable view would be that he's trying to instigate anger, not depression - and is hoping to inspire (ignite) you into proving him wrong.

    the uncharitable view would be that you married a total c**nt and it's time to stop letting your emotions be dragged around by the rotten stuff that comes out of his mouth. That's HIS soul he's showing you, not yours. :D

    the even more uncharitable view would be that you've done this many times before and he's jaded.

    Either way the answer is the same.

    1. don't tell him about it. Don't talk to him about it, don't discuss it. I would never tell a man I was dieting anyway. it never works.
    2. carry on doing it.
    3. prove him wrong.

    Editing: your'e 23. That means he's probably around that age too. Don't take that stuff seriously. If he was forty and saying it that'd be a big deal, but men in their 20's talk all sorts of crap.

    Just ignore it. :p do what you decide to do.
  • iamihobo
    iamihobo Posts: 232 Member
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    1. he's being an *kitten*.
    2. he doesn't define what you do and don't do or who you are or are not
    3. there's tons more people who won't believe you

    4. all that matters is You believe you, cause if you do it for anyone else you might as well not start. it won't stick.

    Be the hero in your own dreams :heart:
  • schondell
    schondell Posts: 556 Member
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    You don't need to force your new healthy lifestyle on him or talk to him about it at all. Just do what you have to do to see results and maybe he will come around?
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    Day one of working out he said "if you lose the weight then I'll have to worry about how I look and act. (Act as in drinking and being a **** when he's drunk) ....................................

    WTF is that supposed to mean????? Does he not feel the need to do that now? And why would your weight loss have anything to do with it???? He sounds abusive.
  • sprocketism
    sprocketism Posts: 56 Member
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    That's abuse in my book. Use his negativity as fuel, and get your revenge by getting your body back! Don't let it hurt you, just prove to him that he's an *kitten*!!!

    :heart:
  • Jlennhikes
    Jlennhikes Posts: 290 Member
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    If I were you, I'd try to flip around my attitude toward his negativity and have it spur me on to success rather than tear me down. Just decide you're not going to let it get under your skin, don't react, and let the results speak for themselves. It sounds like he may be worried how you'll view him if you get into great shape.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    If I were you, I'd try to flip around my attitude toward his negativity and have it spur me on to success rather than tear me down. Just decide you're not going to let it get under your skin, don't react, and let the results speak for themselves. It sounds like he may be worried how you'll view him if you get into great shape.

    Bingo!
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    You get him to realize that you're determined by sticking with it and succeeding! That'll shut up the "Why are you bothering, it'll never work" talk. He'll probably find some other way to put you down, but that's a different problem.
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
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    Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.
  • RunningForeverMama
    RunningForeverMama Posts: 261 Member
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    1. he's being an *kitten*.
    2. he doesn't define what you do and don't do or who you are or are not
    3. there's tons more people who won't believe you

    4. all that matters is You believe you, cause if you do it for anyone else you might as well not start. it won't stick.

    Be the hero in your own dreams :heart:
    You get him to realize that you're determined by sticking with it and succeeding! That'll shut up the "Why are you bothering, it'll never work" talk. He'll probably find some other way to put you down, but that's a different problem.

    Exactly, convince him with your actions not your words.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    I seriously cannot wrap my head around some people. I say show him this discussion then go about your kicking *kitten* and getting fit!
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.

    Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.

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