my husband isn't supportive...
Options
Replies
-
I would say that your husband needs to be reminded about how lucky he is to be married to you.
That is the problem with most guys. They are not smart enough to be able to appreciate the fact that they are married to a woman.0 -
It has been 4 days. Maybe you have done this before and not followed through? If you stick to it, he will realise that you're serious.0
-
So, I just started working out and eating better 4 days ago.. any time I talk about it to my husband he says "why are you trying me this? You're not going to lose any weight..." or says he gives it knew week... or I won't go back after my rest day... or that we're wastefully spending our money on the gym.. just a bunch of mean ****..
It's hard being motivated when he acts this way. How do I get him to realize I'm determined?
This really hurts my feelings more than anything.. I'm a pretty girl.. I just want the body to complete it.. I don't like being put down this way.
Sorry.. just venting.
The charitable view would be that he's trying to instigate anger, not depression - and is hoping to inspire (ignite) you into proving him wrong.
the uncharitable view would be that you married a total c**nt and it's time to stop letting your emotions be dragged around by the rotten stuff that comes out of his mouth. That's HIS soul he's showing you, not yours.
the even more uncharitable view would be that you've done this many times before and he's jaded.
Either way the answer is the same.
1. don't tell him about it. Don't talk to him about it, don't discuss it. I would never tell a man I was dieting anyway. it never works.
2. carry on doing it.
3. prove him wrong.
Editing: your'e 23. That means he's probably around that age too. Don't take that stuff seriously. If he was forty and saying it that'd be a big deal, but men in their 20's talk all sorts of crap.
Just ignore it.
do what you decide to do.
I can't say it better than this.
You can do this with or without his support. Stick with it and prove him wrong. Best wishes.0 -
I don't think I could live with my husband if he said that to me. Maybe he's afraid you'll leave him when you get skinny. I dunno, I know you are just venting, so I don't want to talk bad about your hubby. But he needs to get a clue!
On the other hand - my hubby LOVES me being fat and didn't like it when I was at my skinniest. He calls himself a chubby chaser. lol
Does he ever tell you that you are sexy or anything?0 -
Yep!If I were you, I'd try to flip around my attitude toward his negativity and have it spur me on to success rather than tear me down. Just decide you're not going to let it get under your skin, don't react, and let the results speak for themselves. It sounds like he may be worried how you'll view him if you get into great shape.
Bingo!
Stop talking to him about it, just do it. Take his words and turn the into determination to prove he is wrong. Once you've proven him wrong, let him apologize to you.0 -
So, I just started working out and eating better 4 days ago.. any time I talk about it to my husband he says "why are you trying me this? You're not going to lose any weight..." or says he gives it knew week... or I won't go back after my rest day... or that we're wastefully spending our money on the gym.. just a bunch of mean ****..
It's hard being motivated when he acts this way. How do I get him to realize I'm determined?
This really hurts my feelings more than anything.. I'm a pretty girl.. I just want the body to complete it.. I don't like being put down this way.
Sorry.. just venting.
My hubby was just like that .. until I proved it was happening You have to keep your
fire lit and not let him stop you. Eventually he will join in your crusade or not. Whatever
way it goes, just take care of you!!
My hubby finally decided to care about himself too .. no matter what you think, this is
a lifestyle change.He'll need to be flexible to be in your life ..you're not going to be the
'same woman' you were before!! All the best to you!! :drinker:0 -
Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.
Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.
While I've not experienced this in my marriage I have had a close friend start every fad diet/pill out there. She never stuck with any of them. Would I say anything negative to her? No (well, the pills, yes). But I can see how close proximity with someone who repeats certain behaviors might let their incredulity get the better of them and say something unkind. That is why I asked for clarification. To equate that with abuse is overboard, IMO.
But super sweet, well thought out response on your part. :drinker:0 -
I think I may just send you a friend request. I expressed my desire to get into weight lifting with my husband, and he flipped his lid. He still believes lifting will make a woman bulky, and he looked at me like I said I wanted a sex change. He thinks I need to wait at least a year and be able to run a few miles a day, do 200 pushups a day, and do zillions of crunches and situps. Now, it seems like he tries to stop me from working out because he refuses to watch the kids so I can go out and run.
I told him that even if I got really in shape, I would still be the same woman: I'd still be his wife and the mother of our children. I'd increase my confidence from all the awesome stuff I'd be able to do, and I'd increase my stamina. Both would be beneficial in bed! :smokin: But he says that if I get too muscular, he won't be attracted to me and he'll want to move on. :brokenheart:0 -
It has been 4 days. Maybe you have done this before and not followed through? If you stick to it, he will realise that you're serious.
Careful. That kind of mildly worded logical response instead of an emotional jump to abuse/*kitten* will have people jumping all over you. :laugh:0 -
My husband was the same at the start. I showed him, he thought I was a person who would not stick to it. I showed him didn't I. Over 600 days later, 38kg lighter & healthier than I've ever been & he knows I can do ANYTHING I say I can do.
I didn't NEED him to be supportive at all. I didn't do it for him.
Just do it, don't talk to him about it unless HE brings it up. You do not NEED his support.0 -
It's reading about men who say crap like this that makes me ashamed to be a man.I think I may just send you a friend request. I expressed my desire to get into weight lifting with my husband, and he flipped his lid. He still believes lifting will make a woman bulky, and he looked at me like I said I wanted a sex change. He thinks I need to wait at least a year and be able to run a few miles a day, do 200 pushups a day, and do zillions of crunches and situps. Now, it seems like he tries to stop me from working out because he refuses to watch the kids so I can go out and run.
I told him that even if I got really in shape, I would still be the same woman: I'd still be his wife and the mother of our children. I'd increase my confidence from all the awesome stuff I'd be able to do, and I'd increase my stamina. Both would be beneficial in bed! :smokin: But he says that if I get too muscular, he won't be attracted to me and he'll want to move on. :brokenheart:0 -
Your profile says you've been married 5 years and have always been a big girl. Do you have a history of good intentions to lose weight that fall to the wayside after a while? If so, while his words aren't the most tactful, they are somewhat understandable.
Are you serious? SMH.........Go get drunk and act dumb with her husband.
Wow. So do you always get so defensive and aggressive when someone else presents a different point of view on a situation?0 -
My husband was a bit unsupportive at first, I think it was coming a bit from what he thought he should be saying rather then any nastiness, you know "tell your wife you like her just the way she is, or suffer the wrath of a woman scorned". "Tell her you support her getting fit and she may mistake it for "your fat". (Yes we all know those girls give us a bad name) But actions speak louder then words and on his next grocery run he bought me home some apples and air popped popcorn instead of the usual block of choc and bag of chips. So I guess unless he's bringing you home KFC...........
Oh AND his best mates marriage is recently over after his wife left him for her karate teacher after loosing a heap of weight too....ouch! I tell my HB he's stuck with me.0 -
Just remember you have to do it for YOU!!
My husband doesn't really understand my desire to lose weight and look better either - but I have finally decided I am sick of looking the way I do and I don't care what anyone else thinks! Fortunately my kids are grown up and now I can be a little bit selfish and say this is for ME and I am going to go the the gym BEFORE I come home and fix anyone dinner and if they don't like it they can cook for themselves! I've started and not followed through before but this time I'm serious!
Surprisingly enough I have made a whole new group of friends at the gym that are very supportive and have become friends outside of the gym. But they have helped make the gym a place I look forward to going to every day!
Just saying do it for you!0 -
As bad as it hurts you by his words be determined that you are doing this for you. To be healthier and feel better about yourself. He might not want you to do it because he would rather other men not notice you as you get your figure back and are filled with confidence!
Just be a great example and don't consider it a diet but a lifelong change. am proud of you for making this step. don't let anything stand in your way. you are going to do great! I believe in you! "I can do all things through Christ, who strengtheneth me"!0 -
Do it for yourself, by yourself. Maybe he'll be more supportive once he sees you stick with it, maybe it'll get worse. But if you're doing it for you, it won't matter. Your body, your choice.
Exactly this. Don't mention it to him anymore, and if he says something nasty out of the blue, take it with a grain of salt. If he continues to make you feel like crap though, I might be rethinking things if I were you.0 -
How much support were you hoping for by the 4 day mark, exactly? If you want him to take you seriously then behave seriously and put the work in. Getting upset 4 days in because he isn't acting like you've done something amazing isn't the sort of behavior that is going to garner his support or his seriousness.
Yeah yeah, I know. So mean, not supportive, go get drunk with her husband.0 -
Do it for you...If he isn't supportive, that is an indication that really must DO IT FOR YOU!!!0
-
I have to go along with the "it's only been 4 days" crowd on this one. 4 days is nothing really. Give it a month or more then question his 'support'
It takes 3 weeks to build a habit.0 -
It has been 4 days. Maybe you have done this before and not followed through? If you stick to it, he will realise that you're serious.
It only takes one day to make a life style change...0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 393 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 934 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions