my husband isn't supportive...
Replies
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^^^ This is solid advice.
I've been married for 20 years now, and married my husband when we were 20. He's a wonderful, kind man. However, at times he lacks tact and certain social graces. Early on, especially, he said some thoughtless things that hurt. We talked, I realized that I had overreacted to something that he said without thinking and he realized that sometimes it's good to think before you speak (I'm guilty of this as well), and all was well. It happens.
If it was a 1 time thing I'd shrug it off... but he's said it multiple times on different days.
Then it's time to address it.0 -
^^^ This is solid advice.
I've been married for 20 years now, and married my husband when we were 20. He's a wonderful, kind man. However, at times he lacks tact and certain social graces. Early on, especially, he said some thoughtless things that hurt. We talked, I realized that I had overreacted to something that he said without thinking and he realized that sometimes it's good to think before you speak (I'm guilty of this as well), and all was well. It happens.
If it was a 1 time thing I'd shrug it off... but he's said it multiple times on different days.
If it's really bugging you then you need to chat about it.0 -
Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.0
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^^^ This is solid advice.
I've been married for 20 years now, and married my husband when we were 20. He's a wonderful, kind man. However, at times he lacks tact and certain social graces. Early on, especially, he said some thoughtless things that hurt. We talked, I realized that I had overreacted to something that he said without thinking and he realized that sometimes it's good to think before you speak (I'm guilty of this as well), and all was well. It happens.
If it was a 1 time thing I'd shrug it off... but he's said it multiple times on different days.
Then it's time to address it.
^^ this.
OP:
I think it's very easy when you're in a relationship to take everything the other guy says incredibly seriously and get very upset about it... and then not do this with what you say yourself.
I think you need to calm down, back the bus up. your whole complaint "he's not supportive" - is he supposed to carry you is he? Is he supposed to diet for you?
you need to calm down. You are a married woman. This isn't playtime any more. You have to play fair. You have to see his comments as being as slight and as meaningless as your own.
Young people can be so resentful! They take things so seriously! It's not worth a marriage.
Lose weight if you're going to, don't lose weight if you're not going to. But don't use his comments as an excuse for not losing weight, and don't use any comments from him as an excuse for any behaviour of your own.
You are a grown woman now. What goes into your mouth is your own damn fault, and your own damn business. He's not your mother, he's your spouse.0 -
Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.
Chit-chat, by its very definition, is the most likely place a post will be made fun of.
That said, what are you talking about? I didn't go back and reread the entire thread, but I don't remember anyone making fun of you. Sure, there were some differences of opinions, and people argued/defended their opinions, but that isn't making...
*sigh*
I give up.
OP, best of luck in all your health and fitness goals. :flowerforyou:0 -
Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.
Good grief. Who made fun of you?0 -
^^ this.
OP:
I think it's very easy when you're in a relationship to take everything the other guy says incredibly seriously and get very upset about it... and then not do this with what you say yourself.
I think you need to calm down, back the bus up. your whole complaint "he's not supportive" - is he supposed to carry you is he? Is he supposed to diet for you?
you need to calm down. You are a married woman. This isn't playtime any more. You have to play fair. You have to see his comments as being as slight and as meaningless as your own.
Young people can be so resentful! They take things so seriously! It's not worth a marriage.
Lose weight if you're going to, don't lose weight if you're not going to. But don't use his comments as an excuse for not losing weight, and don't use any comments from him as an excuse for any behaviour of your own.
You are a grown woman now. What goes into your mouth is your own damn fault, and your own damn business. He's not your mother, he's your spouse.
I'm calm. The bible says when you get married you become one. And that's how we base our marriage. So, When my husband should be supportive of me and isn't. Instead of harping on him, I brought it where I thought some could relate and give advice. Never once did I say "zomg my dh is being a **** i'm leaving his *kitten*". I'm venting. I'm *****ing. I'm doing what some women do. No one forced you to read this thread.0 -
Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.
Good grief. Who made fun of you?
Yeah. You were born on the internet yesterday right?0 -
NvmndThanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.0 -
Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.
Good grief. Who made fun of you?
I didn't see it happen anywhere.0 -
Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.
Good grief. Who made fun of you?
Yeah. You were born on the internet yesterday right?
I think maybe you are being oversensitive and took something the wrong way...0 -
Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.
Good grief. Who made fun of you?
Yeah. You were born on the internet yesterday right?
There has been no mocking of you.
If you are speaking of the supportive belt post...that is a parody thread. That is common in these parts. Not intended to mock you.
If you are speaking of my post in that thread, that was me venting about someone getting unnecessarily snippy at me and had NOTHING to do with you.
If you are perceiving mocking where there is none then that may be something that carries over into other interactions.
IF I wanted to make fun of someone, trust me, they'd know.0 -
One last piece of friendly advice for OP:
Venting is totally fine...and where you choose to do it is your business...but if you want to control the responses to it better (since you obviously have a sensitivity problem to advice that differs from your preconceived notion of what is acceptable), I suggest your next vent be made on your wall or in your blog.
And here's a flower: :flowerforyou:0 -
wow.0
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Thanks for the real advice from everyone that gave it. Thought this was chit-chat.. Just wanted to vent.. Didn't know I'd end up getting made fun of.
Lawd.0 -
^^ this.
OP:
I think it's very easy when you're in a relationship to take everything the other guy says incredibly seriously and get very upset about it... and then not do this with what you say yourself.
I think you need to calm down, back the bus up. your whole complaint "he's not supportive" - is he supposed to carry you is he? Is he supposed to diet for you?
you need to calm down. You are a married woman. This isn't playtime any more. You have to play fair. You have to see his comments as being as slight and as meaningless as your own.
Young people can be so resentful! They take things so seriously! It's not worth a marriage.
Lose weight if you're going to, don't lose weight if you're not going to. But don't use his comments as an excuse for not losing weight, and don't use any comments from him as an excuse for any behaviour of your own.
You are a grown woman now. What goes into your mouth is your own damn fault, and your own damn business. He's not your mother, he's your spouse.
I'm calm. The bible says when you get married you become one. And that's how we base our marriage. So, When my husband should be supportive of me and isn't. Instead of harping on him, I brought it where I thought some could relate and give advice. Never once did I say "zomg my dh is being a **** i'm leaving his *kitten*". I'm venting. I'm *****ing. I'm doing what some women do. No one forced you to read this thread.
No. You are talking yourself into hating him. Your venting is superficial. The rules you require him to follow are superficial and immature. A christian marriage doesn't mean he has to be a good christian and you can let it all hang out. A christian marriage means you have to be a christian.
If you say you're a christian, you should not be backstabbing him. I've seen so many marriages go this way. If you have a problem with him: talk to him. Don't take it behind his back to a website and expect everyone there to prop you up.
Some people will because they can't see the big picture. But those of us who have had marriages know that what you are doing here is utterly destructive.
You are also expecting him to carry you. I have seen SOOOO many marriages where the woman wants encouragement, wants enthusiasm, wants utter interest in every single thing she does from a man who's just come home from work and is shattered, and needs a bit of space. You need to do your thing privately.
What you eat is your business. Do NOT make it his business. If it is his business he has a right to control it. Do you want him to control it?
This is what I mean when i say he is not your mother. Tell your mother. Get her to be supportive. But if you carry on with this expectation of your husband you will utterly lose his respect and trust.
And that's just marital advice from someone who knows. Take it very, very seriously because I'm going out on a limb in public to tell you this.0 -
Was it my "drawers"comment? I'm from the WAAAY Deep South... That's not meant to make fun, just typing as I speak.0
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You're right! He's abusive and you deserve sooooooo much better! OMG. I can't believe you've put up with his worthless self for so long. Call a divorce attorney RIGHT NOW!!!!!0
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You're right! He's abusive and you deserve sooooooo much better! OMG. I can't believe you've put up with his worthless self for so long. Call a divorce attorney RIGHT NOW!!!!!0
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You're right! He's abusive and you deserve sooooooo much better! OMG. I can't believe you've put up with his worthless *kitten* for so long. Call a divorce attorney RIGHT NOW!!!!!0
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You don't need him to define your self worth! You are doing this for you... And that's what matters
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^^ this.
OP:
I think it's very easy when you're in a relationship to take everything the other guy says incredibly seriously and get very upset about it... and then not do this with what you say yourself.
I think you need to calm down, back the bus up. your whole complaint "he's not supportive" - is he supposed to carry you is he? Is he supposed to diet for you?
you need to calm down. You are a married woman. This isn't playtime any more. You have to play fair. You have to see his comments as being as slight and as meaningless as your own.
Young people can be so resentful! They take things so seriously! It's not worth a marriage.
Lose weight if you're going to, don't lose weight if you're not going to. But don't use his comments as an excuse for not losing weight, and don't use any comments from him as an excuse for any behaviour of your own.
You are a grown woman now. What goes into your mouth is your own damn fault, and your own damn business. He's not your mother, he's your spouse.
I'm calm. The bible says when you get married you become one. And that's how we base our marriage. So, When my husband should be supportive of me and isn't. Instead of harping on him, I brought it where I thought some could relate and give advice. Never once did I say "zomg my dh is being a **** i'm leaving his *kitten*". I'm venting. I'm *****ing. I'm doing what some women do. No one forced you to read this thread.
No. You are talking yourself into hating him. Your venting is superficial. The rules you require him to follow are superficial and immature. A christian marriage doesn't mean he has to be a good christian and you can let it all hang out. A christian marriage means you have to be a christian.
If you say you're a christian, you should not be backstabbing him. I've seen so many marriages go this way. If you have a problem with him: talk to him. Don't take it behind his back to a website and expect everyone there to prop you up.
Some people will because they can't see the big picture. But those of us who have had marriages know that what you are doing here is utterly destructive.
You are also expecting him to carry you. I have seen SOOOO many marriages where the woman wants encouragement, wants enthusiasm, wants utter interest in every single thing she does from a man who's just come home from work and is shattered, and needs a bit of space. You need to do your thing privately.
What you eat is your business. Do NOT make it his business. If it is his business he has a right to control it. Do you want him to control it?
This is what I mean when i say he is not your mother. Tell your mother. Get her to be supportive. But if you carry on with this expectation of your husband you will utterly lose his respect and trust.
And that's just marital advice from someone who knows. Take it very, very seriously because I'm going out on a limb in public to tell you this.
My husband encourages me to vent online if I feel the need. He's more than welcome to read this thread.
I'm not asking him to cook for me, or decide on what I eat. I'm asking him to not be a d*ck when I tell him about a class I'm thinking about trying.. or not to be rude when I mention that I'm sore. He's my husband, my best friend. I'm not asking him to help me plan a work out. I'm mentioning small stuff that makes him blow up.
At the advice of others on this thread, I've determined he's insecure and thinks I'll leave him or smething if I get skinny and wants me to stay fat.. OR he's trying to "motivate me" by doing the "i'll be a **** so you have to prove me wrong" method.
Either way, I'm not back stabbing him. I'd say all of this to his face.0 -
You're right! He's abusive and you deserve sooooooo much better! OMG. I can't believe you've put up with his worthless self for so long. Call a divorce attorney RIGHT NOW!!!!!
I never once said he was abusive and deserve better. You guys are just being trolls now. whatever.0 -
You're right! He's abusive and you deserve sooooooo much better! OMG. I can't believe you've put up with his worthless *kitten* for so long. Call a divorce attorney RIGHT NOW!!!!!0
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You're right! He's abusive and you deserve sooooooo much better! OMG. I can't believe you've put up with his worthless self for so long. Call a divorce attorney RIGHT NOW!!!!!
This crap is exactly what you want to hear, isn't it.0 -
You're right! He's abusive and you deserve sooooooo much better! OMG. I can't believe you've put up with his worthless self for so long. Call a divorce attorney RIGHT NOW!!!!!
This crap is exactly what you want to hear, isn't it.
No, That's the exact opposite. I wanted to vent.0 -
im sorry and in not trying ro be mean, if he will not support you we will. that is what we are here for. I love my husband dearly and he is extremely supportive, he always tell me that he love me not matter if im 500 lbs or 150 lbs ( not that this will happen) but just the fact he will love me no matter what my weight will be is enough for me. Now, as far as you go, you will loose the weight as long as you want to do it and please make sure your doing it for yourself first. if he wont support you now, its his loss. im here if you ever need a friend to listen or give you that extra push. just drop me a msg.0
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Don't rely on his support then. If you've failed in the past and spent a lot of money on it, then this may be why he's opining. Get the work done and let actions speak for themselves.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
im sorry and in not trying ro be mean, if he will not support you we will. that is what we are here for. I love my husband dearly and he is extremely supportive, he always tell me that he love me not matter if im 500 lbs or 150 lbs ( not that this will happen) but just the fact he will love me no matter what my weight will be is enough for me. Now, as far as you go, you will loose the weight as long as you want to do it and please make sure your doing it for yourself first. if he wont support you now, its his loss. im here if you ever need a friend to listen or give you that extra push. just drop me a msg.
Thanks girl!0 -
To everyone that was supportive and encouraging and gave real advice, Thank you. I really appreciate it and it helps. I'll just ignore him from now on and focus on myself.
I cook all the meals and he eats what I cook or he doesn't eat or makes himself something.. And he actually likes eating healthy.. And he's 150-160 (goes back and forth) and 6'1". He actually needs to gain some muscle... And he said if I get skinny then he feels that he'd have to actually work on himself.
He also said that if I got skinny/lostweight/stuck with it... that it'd motivate him to gain weight and muscle.. but then adds in all the negative comments too.
You know, I would just ignore him and his comments and do it for YOU. I am hoping that he will come around for you and be the support that you expect him to be.
My husband and I had "loud discussions" when I was at the gym a lot and when we finally talked about it, he didn't like that I was spending that much time away from him. I got it but I told him that I have to take care of my health. I don't bug him about his unhealthy habits. He bought me a digital scale to help me weigh my food. And I overheard him tell some co-workers how hard I have been working to lose weight and how proud he was of me. I was so surprised because he never told me any of those things.
I think that it is great that you are already cooking healthy meals and wanting to improve your fitness levels is awesome.0
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