FWB ignored me at bar ...

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  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    Bad plan. Because as soon as he is at loose ends again with no other girl, he'll probably come sniffing around again, under the pretense of "friends", so he can get his itch scratched until the next girl comes along. Wash, Rinse, Repeat. It is better for you to decide that you weren't really friends after all. Even if you are that person, genuine at heart, he has showed you who he really is, and he'll do exactly the same thing again. Believe it.


    I can see him doing this too ... being very "Hi sorry to bother you, but just wanted to see how you've been?". I fell for it thinking he's being cordial cause he's my "friend", but really he's being sneaky trying to "scratch that itch" for sure. Now, I am on to this part of the "game" and I pray that I hold true to my new outlook and don't give in to the sneakiness.

    All the more reason to respect yourself enough to decide to just move on. Stay away from all the places he might be. Lose his contact info. If he tries to contact you, do not respond, it won't end well otherwise. Make new friends, both men and women. Stay busy. Take up new hobbies or start doing more previous hobbies. You need to work on yourself before you can be in another relationship.
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
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    You told him you're done with him... then you wonder why he stopped texting you and didn't say hi?

    Guy is just following directions.
  • ginchrst
    ginchrst Posts: 49
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    Couple of questions:
    1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
    2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???

    Thanks for your time and no judgement please ... just honest advice!

    1) Because you are his backup plan...not his main option. He wants to stick it in someone else first. Someone prettier/sexier/with bigger boobs/skinnier/etc. If they are not available then he comes back to you to get it wet.

    2) Oh he saw you.....But he is trying to keep you as an option on the side. Wouldn't be likely to get it again if he admitted that....but as long as he says he didn't see you, there is a glimmer of hope and maybe he can get it in again.


    I guess I knew deep down that he did see me, chose not to acknowledge me and out of my own curiosity I had to see what he would say when I confronted him w/ that. Him calling me "sweetie" and apologizing kinda gave me the impression that he is trying to maintain that "glimmer of hope" ... I'm not his backup plan ANYMORE!!!
  • ginchrst
    ginchrst Posts: 49
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    You told him you're done with him... then you wonder why he stopped texting you and didn't say hi?

    Guy is just following directions.

    I AGREE!!!

    i have to respect that about him ... I was shocked and hurt and I have nobody to blame for that but me!
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    I guess you're right. This is just one side of the story.

    Yup, just the drama side. I'd love to see the non-drama side...
  • ginchrst
    ginchrst Posts: 49
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    I guess you're right. This is just one side of the story.

    Yup, just the drama side. I'd love to see the non-drama side...
    [/quote/]

    I don't think me expressing things on my mind to him is cause for drama ...there are women out there that would've made huge scenes at the bar!
    For the last two yrs it's been drama free ... Discussing feelings doesn't fall under that category!
  • ginchrst
    ginchrst Posts: 49
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    Hi y'all it's me ... the OP!

    I just want to thank those that took the time to reply w/ advice and/or insight into what I posted on here. I have read each & everyone and I never thought in a million years it would be 14 pages strong ... yikes!

    I am going to work hard each & everyday to learn from this experience that I put myself in willingly, it's not going to be easy, but I am doing my best w/ what I have. I'm pushing fwd w/ clearer vision and lots of objective insight ... Thanks again :smile:

    If you want to be my "friend" on here request me and I can continue to get some great advice and a cyber-slap in my face if I go astray.:noway:

    Take care and good luck on this weight loss journey!!!
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,951 Member
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    I guess you're right. This is just one side of the story.

    Yup, just the drama side. I'd love to see the non-drama side...
    [/quote/]

    I don't think me expressing things on my mind to him is cause for drama ...there are women out there that would've made huge scenes at the bar!
    For the last two yrs it's been drama free ... Discussing feelings doesn't fall under that category!

    You do realize that your initial post was so drama free it made dramarama rethink their claim to the name?
  • emmawoolf84
    emmawoolf84 Posts: 243 Member
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    1. He is not into you.
    2. You need to put HIM on ignore.

    NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.


    THIS.
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
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    He's just not into you.

    Delete him from your contacts and move on. Stop thinking about him because he is not thinking about you. Your mental energy is better spent on people that want more than just a piece of azz.
  • ginchrst
    ginchrst Posts: 49
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    He's just not into you.

    Delete him from your contacts and move on. Stop thinking about him because he is not thinking about you. Your mental energy is better spent on people that want more than just a piece of azz.
    [/quote/]

    I know ... My energy is being put on my workout currently!
  • ctatchuan
    ctatchuan Posts: 50
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    2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???

    Its possible.....
    a%3E

    this made me LOL
  • ctatchuan
    ctatchuan Posts: 50
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    1. He is not into you.
    2. You need to put HIM on ignore.

    NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.


    THIS.

    THIS

    to put quite simply, get over it, the sooner you do the better for you, you deserve more
  • ginchrst
    ginchrst Posts: 49
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    1. He is not into you.
    2. You need to put HIM on ignore.

    NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.


    THIS.

    THIS

    to put quite simply, get over it, the sooner you do the better for you, you deserve more

    Thx! I know I deserve better ... I want better!
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    36-friends-with-benefits-funny-sheldon-gif.gif


    ALL kinds of lolz in this thread...
  • Kanohane
    Kanohane Posts: 112 Member
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    Let me give a little background here --
    -- we met Aug 2011 at my bro-n-law's bar, exchanged numbers, hit it off, and strarted talking immediately. We became physical a fews weeks into talking and it was immediate chemistry. Three months into it I brought up the "relationship" subj and he said he wasn't ready, blah-blah-blah. Instead of walking away like I should have we continued our casualness for another 9months and I brought it up again. He had same response, so I walked away and we said that we'd remain friends. After a few months of no contact, talking or physical he started to text casually again. Yes, I allowed him back in & I didn't bring up any relationship type talk b/c I didn't want to ... again!!! In my hopeless romantic mind I figured that he decided to come back, wanted to see me and it would progress naturally w/out harping on "the talk"!!! About 6months into us "reuniting" I heard that he brought a girl to my bro-n-law's & it was a physical date b/c the bartender working wanted to capture the moment to show us. I was lividhearing this b/c we just had a convo about honesty & if he's w/ someone in anyway let me know. I was shocked, hurt, and sad! I confronted him immediately, which is not my persoanlity type, but I had to w/ this situation. I felt so disrespected b/c what if I was there hanging out & I know he didn't owe me much w/out commitment, but basic human decensy is nice! Anyway, he acknowledged this girl saying it was an old friend he ran into, he's sorry for taking her there, didn't intend to hurt me, but doesn't mean we can't be friends. If I didn't confront him w/ what I found out he would've never told me and what, kept me on the backburner ... Def not!!! I told him that I have to end all knowing he can just push me aside after 2years, that I should've walked away first time I brought up "the talk" b/c I started developing feelings for him and it was hard. He was sad, said he was speechless and apologized yet again. I ended by saying this was something I shouldn't have allowed or settled for ... bye.

    That was over 6weeks ago ... he hasn't tried to contact me at all. Not even to say "hi, how are you?"

    Well, this past Friday I was in there w/ my sis and a couple of married male friends. My bro-n-law didn't tell me, bu t he was in there already and the way I found out was that he walked right past me. I was shocked cause I was looking straight ahead and I see his face, didn't expect that at all. I knew we would eventually be in that place at same time, but I never thought he'd outright disrespect me like that. I ended up sending him a text later saying "Thanks for not even saying Hi..." He replied next day saying "Hey sweetie! Honestly I did not see you! Sorry! Hi!!" I replied back "Hi! Hope you & girls have been well .. take care :)" I didn;t want to get into anything w/ him, just let him know he's not gonna get to me, change who I am as a true friend in the end.
    WTH did I ever do to him to be treated this way???

    Couple of questions:
    1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
    2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???

    Thanks for your time and no judgement please ... just honest advice!
    By texting him those msgs, you only showed that he did get to you and you're still jealous and chasing after him..he probably thinks you're stalking him. In the future, say hi when you see him..but don't wait till later and go home and txt him sarcastic msgs, letting him know you're stuck on him when he already told you, he is NOT interested up front...stop looking for him to care...
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,206 Member
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    First off your a booty call plane and simple...when you asked him if he wanted to date and he gave you an excuse multiple times that says he wants to continue to **** you until something better comes along and takes him off the market.

    Secondly he walked by you and you care that he didnt say hi...after all that **** you should have found a hot guy to dance with or make out with right in front of him to show that you moved on to something better and dont need him. Now he is just blazing in the glory that you still infact want his nuts.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    So yeah, 14 pages later and I see that yes, I was the only one who saw FWB in the title and thought it meant Fat White B1tch. (I can't keep up with the acronyms.)

    Anywhoo, this was a fun read late at night with insomnia. So glad the OP kept her cool on this thread and seems to have taken what I saw as SO MUCH GREAT advice. Can't really add to it just wanna highlight the truest parts.

    1) dude did nothing wrong
    2) FWB is prolly not a thing for OP to try again
    3) people are incredibly quick to google unknown gross terms
    4) old fashioned thinking is old fashioned
    5) sexism is alive and well
    6) so is womanizing

    ...and finally I'd like to add my own take that I got from the subtext of OP's replies. She never mentioned anything about his personality or character per se that prompted her growing feelings for him which were hard to shake. This lead me to conclude that he is apparently quite adDIC.Ktive and she should replace him with another sexual object to facilitate the getting over since maybe he could lay the smack down real well and she needs to actively find a better man for that to stop thinking he's the only game in town. I mean I've known men like that. Hard to get over. Not trying to sound crass or funny but that's truly the only gist I got re: barguy. So yeah the way to get over a man like that is to get under a new one.
  • pyrowill
    pyrowill Posts: 1,163 Member
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    He saw you, trust me, get over it, get over him, move on.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,206 Member
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    That was over 6weeks ago ... he hasn't tried to contact me at all. Not even to say "hi, how are you?"

    I'm sorry, are you his girlfriend? No? You're an FB. Port of the moment.

    As for him not seeing you... he has no reason to lie, or care, chalk it up to him not seeing you.

    Relax, it's ok. That's why people keep groups of FBs. To avoid neurosis.

    "Port of the moment" priceless I needed this lol

    As for him not contacting you in 6 weeks..that should be a pretty clear sign of how he feels right there dont you think. Men arent like women, alot of women think about the guy and hope to be contacted...men if they are thinking about you...they will contact you they arent afraid, if they arent contacting you they are probably contacting someone else (both verbally and physically) lol

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