FWB ignored me at bar ...
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2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
LOL. NO.
Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.
I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......
If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....
Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.
I think you are assuming that all meaningful relationships have to end in marriage. Or that all/most men are looking to avoid long term relationships in favor of causal ones.
My very best friend and I had a FWB arrangement for several years. Like 6. Did we marry each other? No. But he is still my absolute best friend and he's been absolutely wonderful to my husband and daughter. If somebody is actually your friend with benefits, THEY ARE YOUR FRIEND and they respect you independent of sex.
I don't really care when you were born -- sexism can happen at any age.
Don't get how my opinions are sexism. (especially since usually I get accused of wearing the pants in the family)
My understading of FWB relatinship correct me if i'm wrong. Two FRIENDS who agree to have sex to fulfill a phsyical need with the understanding that it is not going to be a relationship.
She wanted a relationship he wanted a f+++ budy. So she gave into one hoping for the other. Not two people agreeing ( which is entirely differnt) Your situation sounds healthy emotionally, hers does not.
I honestly do not think from her post that he deserved the title of friend but that is another post.
You don't understand how suggesting that a woman is "easy" because she had sex outside of a relationship is sexist? You don't understand how suggesting men "like a challenge" is sexist? You don't understand how implying women should use sex to have the upper hand is sexist? You don't understand how implying a woman's body is something for a man "to get and keep" is sexist?
I don't care who wears what in your family, your opinions and advice are the very definition of sexist.0 -
OP:
just remember:
Jennifer Aniston got dumped. Jennifer... Aniston....
If SHE can get dumped, anyone can.
I'll bet she doesn't have to sit home moping about it if she doesn't want to. Neither do you.
I love it! I thought that about Jennifer Aniston myself, how can someone so pretty, rich, etc be cheated on and ultimately dumped ... WTH!!!
She's human though and she might've had her "bad days" ... she just was able to vacay in Mexico LOL!!!0 -
Oh, one more thought. To prevent making same mistakes in future. People's actions have to match up with their words. Just because he said or you said, "we're friends" doesn't actually make it so. People have to follow through with actions that match their words, or else, guess what, they are just words that don't mean anything.
I agree! I showed him that I was a real friend, was there for him and not just the physical aspect of what we had! I was his TRUE friend and in the end ... he wasn't mine.
Beyond giving him sexual pleasure,which at least in part,had an ulterior motive how were you the true friend?
I am not being mean but is it not possible upon discovering what you were doing he might not think the friendship was so honorable or honest?
So you think maybe he thought the depth of my friendship was only sexually motivated?
Whoosh, the sound of the point being missed entirely.
He didn't want a friend, he wanted sex. You didn't want a friend, you wanted a relationship. You gave sex thinking it would lead to a relationship. He got what he wanted, you didn't. You missed the part about him not wanting a friend or a relationship, though his actions made it pretty clear. He did not miss the part about you wanting a relationship. Therefore I doubt he thought your "friendship" was only sexual.0 -
WTH did I ever do to him to be treated this way???
You got attached
You showed jealousy and an implicit claim on him, that he didn't feel comfortable with. Maybe, according to him, you 'changed the terms' of the agreement. FWB is supposed to be no strings, right?
I think a lot of people get attached, though, in those situations, especially if it's any longer than a couple of months. Easy to get strung.
When that happens though, you owe it to yourself, first of all, and then your partner, to be honest about what you want and need, & communicate that.
Sorry, sucks 0 -
Okay people let me clarify something here ... I am NOT EASY!!! I'm not claiming to be a saint, but I just didn't meet him that first night, do him and just see each other once every three months for sex! We talked about each other's families, kids, work, we've met each others friends, went out for drinks. Sure, it wasn't everyday, didn't express love, but DANG we enjoyed each other greatly ... I fell for him and that doesn't require I get the scarlet letter!
Interesting thing is I reconnected w/ a childhood friend a few years ago, he showed me so much more daily, and ended up being the shadiest. He took me out on dates, paid for everything, promised vacations together, holidays, showed me lots of attention. We didn't have our first kiss until 2months into dating and sex 3months into it. So, to me, the amount of time you wait doesn't matter ... each one was a different situation, but the childhood friend was the worst! Needless to say, the childhood friend ended up getting married and divorced w/ in one year timeframe. GEEZ!!!0 -
No not at all! I'm just saying, if you start developing the lovey-dovey feelings, be honest about it. What complicated things here, sounds like, is you kept it to yourself.
FWB is hard to do for any length of time without someone getting hurt 0 -
Okay people let me clarify something here ... I am NOT EASY!!! I'm not claiming to be a saint, but I just didn't meet him that first night, do him and just see each other once every three months for sex! We talked about each other's families, kids, work, we've met each others friends, went out for drinks. Sure, it wasn't everyday, didn't express love, but DANG we enjoyed each other greatly ... I fell for him and that doesn't require I get the scarlet letter!
Interesting thing is I reconnected w/ a childhood friend a few years ago, he showed me so much more daily, and ended up being the shadiest. He took me out on dates, paid for everything, promised vacations together, holidays, showed me lots of attention. We didn't have our first kiss until 2months into dating and sex 3months into it. So, to me, the amount of time you wait doesn't matter ... each one was a different situation, but the childhood friend was the worst! Needless to say, the childhood friend ended up getting married and divorced w/ in one year timeframe. GEEZ!!!
There are very few people saying you are easy.
Most people are telling you this dude was NEVER your friend because he was acting like a tool, which you accepted, apparently because you've experienced worse?0 -
Yep. She had her bad days, too. We all do. But I guess the 'moral' of the story is that she was with someone she didn't belong with. She's amazing... most guys would burn their favorite sweatpants to be him for one day (my hubby included... I'm not jealous tho... I'm pretty sure I'm safe... Lol) but it didn't happen for her.OP:
just remember:
Jennifer Aniston got dumped. Jennifer... Aniston....
If SHE can get dumped, anyone can.
I'll bet she doesn't have to sit home moping about it if she doesn't want to. Neither do you.
I love it! I thought that about Jennifer Aniston myself, how can someone so pretty, rich, etc be cheated on and ultimately dumped ... WTH!!!
She's human though and she might've had her "bad days" ... she just was able to vacay in Mexico LOL!!!
Frankly, I think she's better for it... She's been wildly successful post-Brad and she looks even better than ever!
Okay, my girl-crush is showing! Lol.
Keep going forward, girl. Don't look back. You'll be okay. :-)0 -
Basically, when you allow physical and expect nothing in return you will always just be a booty call. You let him get away with getting what he wanted for months, shelved your own expectations so he probably saw it *kitten* a free ride, pardon the pun. No judgement. He probably saw you and is too gutless to say so.
IMO 'good men' don't use women for booty calls period.....but then perhaps I am old fashioned
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Couple of questions:
1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???
Thanks for your time and no judgement please ... just honest advice!
The easiest, simplest answer is . . . He was just not that into you. He may have enjoyed being physical with you. But that is where it ended for him. He was not interested in having a relationship with you, outside of that.
He didn't say hi, or acknowledge you because he didn't want to talk to you. If he wanted to be with you, he would do everything in his power to make that happen. If he wanted to talk to you, he would have done everything in his power to make that happen.
Anything outside of that doesn't really matter.
My advice, move on. Someone better suited for you is out there. Keep looking.0 -
Basically, when you allow physical and expect nothing in return you will always just be a booty call. You let him get away with getting what he wanted for months, shelved your own expectations so he probably saw it *kitten* a free ride, pardon the pun. No judgement. He probably saw you and is too gutless to say so.
IMO 'good men' don't use women for booty calls period.....but then perhaps I am old fashioned
[/quote,
I did express what I wanted and first time I allowed us to continue, but second time I walked away both saying we'd remain friends. After he contacted again, we built it up to where I allowed him back into my "bedroom" ... I definitely shelved my own expectations! I assumed he already knew what I wanted, so after seeing him come back i honestly felt that it would naturally progress into more ... I was naive & just clouded w/ my thougts. I didn't want to be that type that harped and harped on something we've discussed twice already ... my fault!0 -
Wait a minute. I had to look at your profile. You are 39 years old and are acting like some teeny bopper whose ex-pretend boy friend just got caught with Sally at the Malt shop. Seriously. You texted him? Believe it or not, you brought this on yourself. He told you, he didn't want a relationship. What part of that didn't you understand. This man did not disrespect you. He didn't want to deal with the drama. He also didn't want a simple "hello" from him making you think he was madly in love with you again. This man owes you nothing, not even a hello.0
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Couple of questions:
1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???
Thanks for your time and no judgement please ... just honest advice!
The easiest, simplest answer is . . . He was just not that into you. He may have enjoyed being physical with you. But that is where it ended for him. He was not interested in having a relationship with you, outside of that.
He didn't say hi, or acknowledge you because he didn't want to talk to you. If he wanted to be with you, he would do everything in his power to make that happen. If he wanted to talk to you, he would have done everything in his power to make that happen.
Anything outside of that doesn't really matter.
My advice, move on. Someone better suited for you is out there. Keep looking.
In the end, especially what happened Friday, I definitely see what I ultimately meant to him and I didn't want to believe it at all! Saying it out load hurts ... but I know moving on and not replying to any contact from him going fwd!!!0 -
In the end, especially what happened Friday, I definitely see what I ultimately meant to him and I didn't want to believe it at all! Saying it out load hurts ... but I know moving on and not replying to any contact from him going fwd!!!
High five!!! It won't hurt forever, I promise 0 -
In the end, especially what happened Friday, I definitely see what I ultimately meant to him and I didn't want to believe it at all! Saying it out load hurts ... but I know moving on and not replying to any contact from him going fwd!!!
High five!!! It won't hurt forever, I promise
I hope for not much longer ... 0 -
So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!0
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So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!
I think this is really good advice 0 -
So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!
I think this is really good advice
^^ this.0 -
I guess you're right. This is just one side of the story.0
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So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!
Yes I do ... more then I ever imagined when I posted my situation to this site! In a positive way though ... it's all good!
It was totally meant for me to deal w/ what I saw Friday, opened my eyes even more to what's right in front of me! I do need to heal myself, not punish myself for what I chose to allow, learn and grow from this! I do believe that he came into my life for a reason and now he is out of my life ... that reason will be clearer soon! I know that deleting him from my life is the best thing to do, but easier said then done. If he ever needed me as a friend (not physical/sexually at all) I want to be there b/c that's just genuinely who I am at heart, but by no means would I initiate anything at all ... EVER!!!
Thank you for the advice ... I am seriously taking it in 0
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