FWB ignored me at bar ...

Docmahi

that was an amazing read - bahahahaha

KayLasMack

Women are emotional beings and men are physical beings. FWB is never a good situation for any woman for as long as you let it go on... just my opinion... :huh:

Unknown

This content has been removed.

myprana

]

This may sound harsh, and perhaps old fashioned, but please understand there's absolutely no judgment here......But if you already disrespected yourself by sleeping with him only a couple weeks in to your "friends with benefits" relationship, what did you honestly think would happen? You forfeited any rights to his respect in return. I am truly sorry if this is painful, but you asked.

Many people will try to argue this as "back in the days" times. But it is what it is, and no amount of arguing will change it. Intimacy is for married couples, it is Biblical, and the way God intended it to be saved for.

Now having said that, you ended things with him, and rightly so, why would you let him get to you, and worse yet, let him know he got to you?

You deserve to find someone whom shares your same values, someone whom will treat you right, and in turn, you treat him right as well. A relationship takes a lot of understanding, communication, and give and take. Hopefully you do things differently next time.

Best Wishes to you.

You say you aren't judging her, but then you go on to say she disrespected herself by having sex early on with this guy? Hmm. If you want to believe that God (or really, the founders of your brand of religion) intended for only married couples to have sex, that's fine and dandy. But that's an unsubstantiated claim at best. There's nothing disrespectful about two willing adults having sex.

Jacwhite22

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

ekz13

[If he ever needed me as a friend (not physical/sexually at all) I want to be there...........

....and back to square 1 again of trying to make it into something that it's not.

metaphoria

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

I believe the bovine metaphor was established in previous posts, but thank you for your input. By the way, is the milk 1% or skim?

Carl01

What did you do to be treated this way? You let him think his Johnson was dipped in gold and you let him have you and tell you he didn't want you. The problem that women make which took me years to learn is that men pretty much tell you the truth from the beginning and we think we can persuade them or we talk ourselves into thinking we are so fabulous that he will eventually see how great we are and want us. He just wanted the "cookie" as Steve Harvey says and he will keep telling you he didn't mean any harm and he just didn't see you ect ect. He knows the game, you are part of the game whether you want to play or not but you don't know the rules. Stop asking yourself why you are being treated this way. He won't be the last if you don't learn how these guys play the game. I learned and what a difference it took 7 years of my life to learn the game and I have learned to set my standards because my happiness and quality of life is important and I am now very happily married. Here is some advice so you don't spend years getting played. Read Steve Harvey's book, "Act like a lady, think like a man". Trust me you will learn that game these guys play of all ages. It is real and men that play women don't want you to know. I also had a friend that was a true player. He even bought Steve Harvey's book so he could use it to learn what Steve Harvey was teaching women so he knew what to say to keep his game going on women who were getting enlightened by the book. Eventually it gets old because it's hard to keep up a play when the women know and understand the game. Good Luck, don't get used. My husband always says, women can get a nice, good man, Men are not unicorns!

So a lady who is trying to use sex to make a guy fall for her is not playing a game?

Jacwhite22

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

I believe the bovine metaphor was established in previous posts, but thank you for your input. By the way, is the milk 1% or skim?

full fat

ironanimal

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

I believe the bovine metaphor was established in previous posts, but thank you for your input. By the way, is the milk 1% or skim?

full fat

rude

So_Much_Fab

So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!

Yes I do ... more then I ever imagined when I posted my situation to this site! In a positive way though ... it's all good!

It was totally meant for me to deal w/ what I saw Friday, opened my eyes even more to what's right in front of me! I do need to heal myself, not punish myself for what I chose to allow, learn and grow from this! I do believe that he came into my life for a reason and now he is out of my life ... that reason will be clearer soon! I know that deleting him from my life is the best thing to do, but easier said then done. If he ever needed me as a friend (not physical/sexually at all) I want to be there b/c that's just genuinely who I am at heart, but by no means would I initiate anything at all ... EVER!!!

Thank you for the advice ... I am seriously taking it in

See the part I bolded? No. He is not a part of your life now, so let him go. Maybe you can be friends a couple years from now, when your feelings have faded or you've found a new beau. Being available for him even as a friend is to your detriment, because your feelings obviously ran deeper and it will hurt you even when you least expect it. The sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be.

I was going to quote that line too...OP, he isn't going to need you as a friend. Your saying that means that you have hope for "something" with him. You need to get him out of your head 100%. Let. It. Go.

highervibes

OP: You've already established that you will allow yourself to be treated like garbage so why are you surprised that you're receiving such treatment? Move on. I'm sure there are plenty of men willing to treat you better, you just haven't met them yet.

metaphoria

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

I believe the bovine metaphor was established in previous posts, but thank you for your input. By the way, is the milk 1% or skim?

full fat

rude

Yes, but is it organic?

QuietBloom

Women are emotional beings and men are physical beings. FWB is never a good situation for any woman for as long as you let it go on... just my opinion... :huh:

I happen to agree with you. IMO, this is true 99% of the time.

Jacwhite22

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

I believe the bovine metaphor was established in previous posts, but thank you for your input. By the way, is the milk 1% or skim?

full fat

rude

I happen to prefer whole milk

deksgrl

So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!

Yes I do ... more then I ever imagined when I posted my situation to this site! In a positive way though ... it's all good!

It was totally meant for me to deal w/ what I saw Friday, opened my eyes even more to what's right in front of me! I do need to heal myself, not punish myself for what I chose to allow, learn and grow from this! I do believe that he came into my life for a reason and now he is out of my life ... that reason will be clearer soon! I know that deleting him from my life is the best thing to do, but easier said then done. If he ever needed me as a friend (not physical/sexually at all) I want to be there b/c that's just genuinely who I am at heart, but by no means would I initiate anything at all ... EVER!!!

Thank you for the advice ... I am seriously taking it in

Bad plan. Because as soon as he is at loose ends again with no other girl, he'll probably come sniffing around again, under the pretense of "friends", so he can get his itch scratched until the next girl comes along. Wash, Rinse, Repeat. It is better for you to decide that you weren't really friends after all. Even if you are that person, genuine at heart, he has showed you who he really is, and he'll do exactly the same thing again. Believe it.

Myhaloslipped

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

I believe the bovine metaphor was established in previous posts, but thank you for your input. By the way, is the milk 1% or skim?

full fat

rude

I happen to prefer whole milk

lol

bluestarlight19

Hi,
I'm glad to see your moving the the right direction after thinking this through.

It seems to me, as an outsider looking in, that he only saw you as someone to have casual conversation and sex with while you read more into it and started having feelings overtime. I think some of it may have had to do with the length of the FWB, 2 years is a long time to be with someone.

Anyways, I have been in that trap before, and it was during a low point in my life where I didn't value myself too much, mostly because of my weight. It actually happened in reverse, we dated for a bit, broke up, then had FWB for a long time. Eventually I just broke it off because it was no longer healthy for me and at the same time I made a fresh change and started losing weight. I really had strong feelings for him, and I did let him know about it but I was only causing my own suffering that whole time. He had shown by his actions that while he did care about me, we weren't going to be anymore than we already were.

That was many years ago, and although I still struggle with my weight, I am now happily married to a wonderful man (we just celebrated out 3 year anniversary) and 2 little girls. So time moves on and I bet an awesome man is waiting for you. You just have to get passed this failed relationship and continue to move on to a brighter future.

ginchrst

Hi,
I'm glad to see your moving the the right direction after thinking this through.

It seems to me, as an outsider looking in, that he only saw you as someone to have casual conversation and sex with while you read more into it and started having feelings overtime. I think some of it may have had to do with the length of the FWB, 2 years is a long time to be with someone.

Anyways, I have been in that trap before, and it was during a low point in my life where I didn't value myself too much, mostly because of my weight. It actually happened in reverse, we dated for a bit, broke up, then had FWB for a long time. Eventually I just broke it off because it was no longer healthy for me and at the same time I made a fresh change and started losing weight. I really had strong feelings for him, and I did let him know about it but I was only causing my own suffering that whole time. He had shown by his actions that while he did care about me, we weren't going to be anymore than we already were.

That was many years ago, and although I still struggle with my weight, I am now happily married to a wonderful man (we just celebrated out 3 year anniversary) and 2 little girls. So time moves on and I bet an awesome man is waiting for you. You just have to get passed this failed relationship and continue to move on to a brighter future.

Glad to hear that you were able to move beyond your fwb situation and in a happy place in your life!

This situation I am dealing w/ has def made me think why I chose to settle for 2years ... insecure, low self-esteem, unresolved emotions from a very brutal break-up from my child's father??? I was so angry and sad for so long after the break-up and recently just forgave him ... for my own well-breing and it was such a physical/mental release. He took so much joy away from my daily life and I didn't want to allow another man do that to me, no matter the circumstances. Think that's why I took a more light-hearted approach w/ this b/c I didn't want to deal w/ the drama. Even though I did speak up about my wants, desires and feelings for him, my actions didn't follow through until this last incident. Still, in the end I feel like I should be the bigger person, not to hold onto any grudges for him not feeling the same and just moving on ... happy!

ginchrst

So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!

Yes I do ... more then I ever imagined when I posted my situation to this site! In a positive way though ... it's all good!

It was totally meant for me to deal w/ what I saw Friday, opened my eyes even more to what's right in front of me! I do need to heal myself, not punish myself for what I chose to allow, learn and grow from this! I do believe that he came into my life for a reason and now he is out of my life ... that reason will be clearer soon! I know that deleting him from my life is the best thing to do, but easier said then done. If he ever needed me as a friend (not physical/sexually at all) I want to be there b/c that's just genuinely who I am at heart, but by no means would I initiate anything at all ... EVER!!!

Thank you for the advice ... I am seriously taking it in

Bad plan. Because as soon as he is at loose ends again with no other girl, he'll probably come sniffing around again, under the pretense of "friends", so he can get his itch scratched until the next girl comes along. Wash, Rinse, Repeat. It is better for you to decide that you weren't really friends after all. Even if you are that person, genuine at heart, he has showed you who he really is, and he'll do exactly the same thing again. Believe it.

I can see him doing this too ... being very "Hi sorry to bother you, but just wanted to see how you've been?". I fell for it thinking he's being cordial cause he's my "friend", but really he's being sneaky trying to "scratch that itch" for sure. Now, I am on to this part of the "game" and I pray that I hold true to my new outlook and don't give in to the sneakiness.

deksgrl

Bad plan. Because as soon as he is at loose ends again with no other girl, he'll probably come sniffing around again, under the pretense of "friends", so he can get his itch scratched until the next girl comes along. Wash, Rinse, Repeat. It is better for you to decide that you weren't really friends after all. Even if you are that person, genuine at heart, he has showed you who he really is, and he'll do exactly the same thing again. Believe it.

I can see him doing this too ... being very "Hi sorry to bother you, but just wanted to see how you've been?". I fell for it thinking he's being cordial cause he's my "friend", but really he's being sneaky trying to "scratch that itch" for sure. Now, I am on to this part of the "game" and I pray that I hold true to my new outlook and don't give in to the sneakiness.

All the more reason to respect yourself enough to decide to just move on. Stay away from all the places he might be. Lose his contact info. If he tries to contact you, do not respond, it won't end well otherwise. Make new friends, both men and women. Stay busy. Take up new hobbies or start doing more previous hobbies. You need to work on yourself before you can be in another relationship.

NikkiSixGuns

You told him you're done with him... then you wonder why he stopped texting you and didn't say hi?

Guy is just following directions.

ginchrst

Couple of questions:
1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???

Thanks for your time and no judgement please ... just honest advice!

1) Because you are his backup plan...not his main option. He wants to stick it in someone else first. Someone prettier/sexier/with bigger boobs/skinnier/etc. If they are not available then he comes back to you to get it wet.

2) Oh he saw you.....But he is trying to keep you as an option on the side. Wouldn't be likely to get it again if he admitted that....but as long as he says he didn't see you, there is a glimmer of hope and maybe he can get it in again.

I guess I knew deep down that he did see me, chose not to acknowledge me and out of my own curiosity I had to see what he would say when I confronted him w/ that. Him calling me "sweetie" and apologizing kinda gave me the impression that he is trying to maintain that "glimmer of hope" ... I'm not his backup plan ANYMORE!!!

ginchrst

You told him you're done with him... then you wonder why he stopped texting you and didn't say hi?

Guy is just following directions.

I AGREE!!!

i have to respect that about him ... I was shocked and hurt and I have nobody to blame for that but me!

dbmata

I guess you're right. This is just one side of the story.

Yup, just the drama side. I'd love to see the non-drama side...

ginchrst

I guess you're right. This is just one side of the story.

Yup, just the drama side. I'd love to see the non-drama side...
[/quote/]

I don't think me expressing things on my mind to him is cause for drama ...there are women out there that would've made huge scenes at the bar!
For the last two yrs it's been drama free ... Discussing feelings doesn't fall under that category!

ginchrst

Hi y'all it's me ... the OP!

I just want to thank those that took the time to reply w/ advice and/or insight into what I posted on here. I have read each & everyone and I never thought in a million years it would be 14 pages strong ... yikes!

I am going to work hard each & everyday to learn from this experience that I put myself in willingly, it's not going to be easy, but I am doing my best w/ what I have. I'm pushing fwd w/ clearer vision and lots of objective insight ... Thanks again

If you want to be my "friend" on here request me and I can continue to get some great advice and a cyber-slap in my face if I go astray.:noway:

Take care and good luck on this weight loss journey!!!

dbmata

I guess you're right. This is just one side of the story.

Yup, just the drama side. I'd love to see the non-drama side...
[/quote/]

I don't think me expressing things on my mind to him is cause for drama ...there are women out there that would've made huge scenes at the bar!
For the last two yrs it's been drama free ... Discussing feelings doesn't fall under that category!

You do realize that your initial post was so drama free it made dramarama rethink their claim to the name?

emmawoolf84

1. He is not into you.
2. You need to put HIM on ignore.

NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.

THIS.

madworld1

He's just not into you.

Delete him from your contacts and move on. Stop thinking about him because he is not thinking about you. Your mental energy is better spent on people that want more than just a piece of azz.