FWB ignored me at bar ...

ginchrst
ginchrst Posts: 49
in Chit-Chat
Let me give a little background here --
-- we met Aug 2011 at my bro-n-law's bar, exchanged numbers, hit it off, and strarted talking immediately. We became physical a fews weeks into talking and it was immediate chemistry. Three months into it I brought up the "relationship" subj and he said he wasn't ready, blah-blah-blah. Instead of walking away like I should have we continued our casualness for another 9months and I brought it up again. He had same response, so I walked away and we said that we'd remain friends. After a few months of no contact, talking or physical he started to text casually again. Yes, I allowed him back in & I didn't bring up any relationship type talk b/c I didn't want to ... again!!! In my hopeless romantic mind I figured that he decided to come back, wanted to see me and it would progress naturally w/out harping on "the talk"!!! About 6months into us "reuniting" I heard that he brought a girl to my bro-n-law's & it was a physical date b/c the bartender working wanted to capture the moment to show us. I was lividhearing this b/c we just had a convo about honesty & if he's w/ someone in anyway let me know. I was shocked, hurt, and sad! I confronted him immediately, which is not my persoanlity type, but I had to w/ this situation. I felt so disrespected b/c what if I was there hanging out & I know he didn't owe me much w/out commitment, but basic human decensy is nice! Anyway, he acknowledged this girl saying it was an old friend he ran into, he's sorry for taking her there, didn't intend to hurt me, but doesn't mean we can't be friends. If I didn't confront him w/ what I found out he would've never told me and what, kept me on the backburner ... Def not!!! I told him that I have to end all knowing he can just push me aside after 2years, that I should've walked away first time I brought up "the talk" b/c I started developing feelings for him and it was hard. He was sad, said he was speechless and apologized yet again. I ended by saying this was something I shouldn't have allowed or settled for ... bye.

That was over 6weeks ago ... he hasn't tried to contact me at all. Not even to say "hi, how are you?"

Well, this past Friday I was in there w/ my sis and a couple of married male friends. My bro-n-law didn't tell me, bu t he was in there already and the way I found out was that he walked right past me. I was shocked cause I was looking straight ahead and I see his face, didn't expect that at all. I knew we would eventually be in that place at same time, but I never thought he'd outright disrespect me like that. I ended up sending him a text later saying "Thanks for not even saying Hi..." He replied next day saying "Hey sweetie! Honestly I did not see you! Sorry! Hi!!" I replied back "Hi! Hope you & girls have been well .. take care :)" I didn;t want to get into anything w/ him, just let him know he's not gonna get to me, change who I am as a true friend in the end.
WTH did I ever do to him to be treated this way???

Couple of questions:
1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???

Thanks for your time and no judgement please ... just honest advice!
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Replies

  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
    the sheer size of this post just cracked the earths mantle
  • RunWinterGarden
    RunWinterGarden Posts: 428 Member
    TL;DR
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    I didn't read this because it was too long but I think the key term here is "friend with benefits." in this case you were an "acquaintance with benefits." sorry, it sucks, but next time make sure you are sleeping with someone who has the same relationship ideals as you do.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    I can't believe I read the whole thing...one question, are you 12? because it sounds like you were at a jr. high dance and your crush walked by.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    1. He is not into you.
    2. You need to put HIM on ignore.

    NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.
  • ercaface
    ercaface Posts: 45 Member
    Sadly, sounds to me like a case of 'he's just not that into you'. Bummer. But that also means you have to opportunity to find someone who is.
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
    You weren't going to let him get to you. But you did let him get to you. And you let him know he got to you. You cut him out of your life. He was staying out of your life. Can't have your cake and eat it to. Grow up and move on.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    1. He is not into you.
    2. You need to put HIM on ignore.

    NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.

    quoting and emphasizing for the great advice. fo reals.
  • Raynne413
    Raynne413 Posts: 1,527 Member
    He didn't say anything because he doesn't care about you, and no, I'm quite sure he is probably lying about not seeing you. That's just an easy excuse. Move on.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Couple of questions:
    1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
    2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???

    Maybe he did see you but saw you were with other people and didn't want to interrupt. Maybe he didn't see you. All you have to go by is what he said... In the end though, does it really matter?

    Look, all you can really do about this whole situation is take it as a life lesson and get over it. You know now that you should've never agreed to an FWB situation because of your personality. You're a self proclaimed hopeless romantic - I know what that's like. You may buck up and put on a front and say "sure, that works" but in your heart of hearts, you know you really can't deal with it. From now on, be honest with yourself as well as honest with the person you choose to spend time with.

    And for the love of Pete, stop texting him!
  • Raynne413
    Raynne413 Posts: 1,527 Member
    1. He is not into you.
    2. You need to put HIM on ignore.

    NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.

    quoting and emphasizing for the great advice. fo reals.

    And this^^^^^^^^^
  • creech6317
    creech6317 Posts: 869 Member
    I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but I am sure he probably saw you but didn't want to deal with the drama.
    You say it was a FWB situation, but you brought up a relationship what 3 times and got shot down. I would think after once, twice at the most, you would have realized that isn't what he wanted from you. You didn't have a relationship with him but got all butthurt when he was seen at the bar with another female? :huh:
    Being jealous and possessive isn't being FWB, just saying.
  • aschroeder2749
    aschroeder2749 Posts: 172 Member
    Sorry if I came across as mean, but I think the OP is a troll.
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    1. He is not into you.
    2. You need to put HIM on ignore.

    NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.

    quoting and emphasizing for the great advice. fo reals.

    ^This times a MILLION
  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
    I want a committed relationship with no benefits
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    My honest advice: You're just an occasional sex partner to him. If that upsets you, then cut off contact with him. It doesn't sound like he's done anything to mislead you as to his intentions, you're just caught up in your own desires and imagination. Face the facts as they've been presented: He's not into you.
  • SkinnyFatAlbert
    SkinnyFatAlbert Posts: 482 Member
    Just break up.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    I want a committed relationship with no benefits

    OK, this made me laugh!
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    he's just not that into you, but there for the sex with no strings.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    You devalued yourself several times by just letting him have what he wanted on his terms. IF you don't value yourself enough to have standards and stick to them, why should anyone else? That may sound harsh, but from the story you kinda knew what you were getting all along. He's moving on. You're going to need to learn to leave him in your past....even when he shows up as a face in the crowd in your present.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Dear,
    he's just not that into you..sorry to be so bold. You are over thinking this male. Men are simple creatures and his actions show his interest.

    For yourself, you've had your fun, now it's time to ignore him, and find someone better.

    The best bet for a female is always to play the one who got away.

    Hoping for better prospects for you. Keep your emotions in check, and never put too many expectations on anything.
  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
    I want a committed relationship with no benefits

    OK, this made me laugh!

    Its the graveyard most of us end up in anyhow...
  • shutyourpieholeandsquat
    shutyourpieholeandsquat Posts: 1,394 Member
    Just joined.... first post..... TROLL

    "trolls is gonna troll"
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    and do yourself a HUGE favor... DELETE his contact.....
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Not into you.

    You are a means to an end to him

    Don't confuse sex with affection.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    That was over 6weeks ago ... he hasn't tried to contact me at all. Not even to say "hi, how are you?"

    I'm sorry, are you his girlfriend? No? You're an FB. Port of the moment.

    As for him not seeing you... he has no reason to lie, or care, chalk it up to him not seeing you.

    Relax, it's ok. That's why people keep groups of FBs. To avoid neurosis.
  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
    That was over 6weeks ago ... he hasn't tried to contact me at all. Not even to say "hi, how are you?"



    Relax, it's ok. That's why people keep groups of FBs. To avoid neurosis.

    thats called a stable of *kitten*
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    That was over 6weeks ago ... he hasn't tried to contact me at all. Not even to say "hi, how are you?"



    Relax, it's ok. That's why people keep groups of FBs. To avoid neurosis.

    thats called a stable of *kitten*

    Ah, I forgot to say,
    In before the *****y prude.

    :D
  • da_bears10089
    da_bears10089 Posts: 1,791 Member
    solid first post
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    He liked banging you. He never ever wanted to be in a relationship with you. He got tired of dealing with you. He saw you at the party. He wishes he hadn't see you at the party because you're annoying and clingy.

    Don't agree to a FWB situation if you don't want to just be FWB.

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