FWB ignored me at bar ...
Replies
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1. Lol (brace yourself this will not be sugar-coated)
2. Its FOB as you've just said yourself, I don't get why you keep getting the impression that all of a sudden its going to bloom into a magical romance. You're more into him than hes into you.. unfortunately everythings not going to come out equal and like the films etc etc. People have different aims, interests - you both want sex, but he doesnt want to get tied up because he doesn't see himself committing to you/ doesn't want to be tied to you long term. He should of outright said it but people are cowards and want to tip toe around the obvious instead of admitting it and dealing with the initial hardship. Lifes tough eh.0 -
He was not a friends with benefits. You were a little fleshlight that he pulled out when ever he wanted to get off and nothing more.
I just googled "fleshlight".... :frown:
ahhh curiosity is killing me now........must go google fleshlight
Hope you're not at work!
*sighing head lowered to desk* I am but that's ok I work at a doc's office and they google crazy **** all the time.............words like micropenis......my first week here I saw them google that and I knew I would fit right in. Oh and one for you guys to google......*kitten*
shudder....I kinda felt lucky for not having to google *kitten* as I already knew that one but fleshlight (which I DID have to google) made me feel unlucky again.0 -
All of his actions say he's not interested but will have sex if you make it available.
All of your actions point to insecurity and a futile hope that he will want a relationship with you.
You are headed in opposite directions so delete his number and put your energy and thoughts into something constructive and emotionally healthy. That way, when Mr. Right does come moseying along in the most unexpected of places, you'll have something to talk about other than The One Who Got Away.0 -
He was not a friends with benefits. You were a little fleshlight that he pulled out when ever he wanted to get off and nothing more.
I just googled "fleshlight".... :frown:
ahhh curiosity is killing me now........must go google fleshlight
Hope you're not at work!
*sighing head lowered to desk* I am but that's ok I work at a doc's office and they google crazy **** all the time.............words like micropenis......my first week here I saw them google that and I knew I would fit right in. Oh and one for you guys to google......*kitten*
shudder....I kinda felt lucky for not having to google *kitten* as I already knew that one but fleshlight (which I DID have to google) made me feel unlucky again.
Damn it. I shouldn't have opened this one. I'm about to google them all...0 -
Stop trying to understand the 'why'. You will never understand why he did what he did or why he wasn't your friend or why this or why that. Even if he told you straight to your face the WHY, you wouldn't be satisfied with the answer anyway. You will either still not understand the motivation to his WHY, or otherwise to try rationalize it all by asking nonsense questions like 'But if we weren't friends or if he didn't care about me, why did he <insert nice thing he did for you once/nice gesture/etc>?' The best thing you can do is look at his actions, take them at face value and move on. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. Stop asking yourself or anyone else questions like this: "So you think maybe he thought the depth of my friendship was only sexually motivated?". You are trying to selectively analyze his behavior in a way to convince yourself he feels for you more than he does (ie he acted this way because he was mistaken about your motivations). Stop getting excited about the notion that he didn't say anything to you because he was following your directions and letting that make you hopeful that could mean he does actually care for you. You are only hurting yourself. This person is not a person you need in your life (regardless of the argument of whether or not he did anything 'wrong') because having him in your life will only cause you more and more pain. And more importantly, don't take any of his actions/behavior personally (ie being so caught up over him "disrespecting" you). I know it's easier said than done, but the sooner you actively try to move on, the better for your mental and emotional wellbeing.0
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He was not a friends with benefits. You were a little fleshlight that he pulled out when ever he wanted to get off and nothing more.
I just googled "fleshlight".... :frown:
ahhh curiosity is killing me now........must go google fleshlight
Hope you're not at work!
*sighing head lowered to desk* I am but that's ok I work at a doc's office and they google crazy **** all the time.............words like micropenis......my first week here I saw them google that and I knew I would fit right in. Oh and one for you guys to google......*kitten*
shudder....I kinda felt lucky for not having to google *kitten* as I already knew that one but fleshlight (which I DID have to google) made me feel unlucky again.
Damn it. I shouldn't have opened this one. I'm about to google them all...
*kitten* is a major I hate the way it sounds word for me. However, Smeghead I have no issue with as I loved Red Dwarf.0 -
TL;DR
I did.... But no idea why... He didn't see her in a crowded bar, and she got butthurt.... End of story.0 -
:indifferent:
The things I've missed out on...0 -
You didn't do anything wrong, and you are not naive or unintelligent in any way. You showed friendship to someone who did not deserve it. It has happened to the best of us. Yes, he did show that he was not interested, but he also strung you along knowing that you were an easy target he could toy with, bring back, hook up with and then throw away whenever he felt like it. If a guy acts like he doesn't give a crap, then he truly doesn't give a crap. He is not having a bad week, a bad month or whatever stops him from calling or texting for so long. I can promise you that. He just isn't interested. It sucks, and it definitely isn't cool to treat another human being this way who has been nothing but nice to you, but it happens. Just see it as a lesson learned and beware of those red flags in the future.0
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The man you were with from what you stated was 100% honest with you. When you initially wanted a "relationship" he told you what he wanted. He didn't lie and say yes you are his gf and then creep around. He let you know what this was. Then when you heard he was with another women(whether it was a platonic dinner or not) YOU GOT "emotional" and told him you wanted nothing to do with him b/c you could not handle your feelings for him. Then after telling him you could not handle your relationship, you are upset that he may have walked past you b/c he did not want to stir up more drama. I do not mean to be harsh with you, but this is entirely your fault. He did not disrespect you in any manner. He was honest from the beginning with what he wanted, and you could not separate your feelings from the reality of your relationship. I would let him go before you end up twisting what is happening in your mind and manufacture things which did not happen to blame him for your being upset. Next time I would consider whether you can handle FWB relationships as not everyone can and that is ok we all have different personalities and I would never say one person's personality is more correct than another. Just look out for yourself and listen to the realities of your relationship. Since he was the only one 100% honest from the beginning I would just let this walking past you thing slide and just not contact him.0
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Stop trying to understand the 'why'. You will never understand why he did what he did or why he wasn't your friend or why this or why that. Even if he told you straight to your face the WHY, you wouldn't be satisfied with the answer anyway. You will either still not understand the motivation to his WHY, or otherwise to try rationalize it all by asking nonsense questions like 'But if we weren't friends or if he didn't care about me, why did he <insert nice thing he did for you once/nice gesture/etc>?' The best thing you can do is look at his actions, take them at face value and move on. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. Stop asking yourself or anyone else questions like this: "So you think maybe he thought the depth of my friendship was only sexually motivated?". You are trying to selectively analyze his behavior in a way to convince yourself he feels for you more than he does (ie he acted this way because he was mistaken about your motivations). Stop getting excited about the notion that he didn't say anything to you because he was following your directions and letting that make you hopeful that could mean he does actually care for you. You are only hurting yourself. This person is not a person you need in your life (regardless of the argument of whether or not he did anything 'wrong') because having him in your life will only cause you more and more pain. And more importantly, don't take any of his actions/behavior personally (ie being so caught up over him "disrespecting" you). I know it's easier said than done, but the sooner you actively try to move on, the better for your mental and emotional wellbeing.
I have allowed his actions get the best of me cause I do pick & analyze why or why not and it's not getting me anywhere. I have to start thinking that maybe this is who he is, his character and no matter what i've said or done or not said or done, he would've shown the same kind of actions! Honestly, your are so right ... even if i had all of the answers i still wouldn't be satisfied. I'm mad at myself for allowing for so long cause it is now harder to get over him ... life does go on though!0 -
The lesson for the day.......LIVE AND LEARN.0
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I can honestly say I have rarely seen a FWB relationship end well. My best male friend from college will not speak to me to this day because of a FWB situation, but in the reverse. It can work, but it can easily go very, very badly.0
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1. He is not into you.
2. You need to put HIM on ignore.
NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.
^^^^^^hit the nail on the head right there. This is dude is not interested. Move on.0 -
heres a crazy idea, and im just putting it out there. perhaps he isnt lying when he said he didnt see you.
its a crazy idea to think that a man, of all people, wasnt lying, but stranger things have happened.
i know when ive been in bars ive walked straight past people i know and didnt see them until the tapped me on the shoulder.
as for the rest of the stuff, how is he the bad guy. you knew what he wanted and allowed it, when you said you wanted more he said no.
i dont see how the man is the bad guy here, its not like he led you on thinking that there was a relationship blooming.0 -
I can honestly say I have rarely seen a FWB relationship end well. My best male friend from college will not speak to me to this day because of a FWB situation, but in the reverse. It can work, but it can easily go very, very badly.
I agree Monkey FWB relationships are very hard to work out. Usually one party will start developing feelings and want to take the relationship to a level where the other party does not. Also, sometimes people feel awkward about telling their FWB partner that they have found someone and want a relationship with the other person b/c they feel that telling the FWB partner about this is like a "break up" of a non committed relationship. I had two FWB relations in my life. 1st ended horribly and we no longer speak as she wanted more than I was willing to give. The second (we are still friends but didn't talk for 4 months) as she got a bf but wanted to still screw around which I thought was tacky and broke it off.0 -
Just read the OP's post and I have a co-worker who is very interested in meeting her......he wants to exchange pics.....0
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OP:
just remember:
Jennifer Aniston got dumped. Jennifer... Aniston....
If SHE can get dumped, anyone can.
I'll bet she doesn't have to sit home moping about it if she doesn't want to. Neither do you.0 -
I would be willing to bet that OP would go running back to this guy if he told her that he wanted to see her. Or she'd respond immediately if he suddenly sent her a text.0
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This may sound harsh, and perhaps old fashioned, but please understand there's absolutely no judgment here......But if you already disrespected yourself by sleeping with him only a couple weeks in to your "friends with benefits" relationship, what did you honestly think would happen? You forfeited any rights to his respect in return. I am truly sorry if this is painful, but you asked.
Many people will try to argue this as "back in the days" times. But it is what it is, and no amount of arguing will change it. Intimacy is for married couples, it is Biblical, and the way God intended it to be saved for.
Now having said that, you ended things with him, and rightly so, why would you let him get to you, and worse yet, let him know he got to you?
You deserve to find someone whom shares your same values, someone whom will treat you right, and in turn, you treat him right as well. A relationship takes a lot of understanding, communication, and give and take. Hopefully you do things differently next time.
Best Wishes to you.
Wow... no judgement but you had sex with somebody outside a relationship, so you disrespected yourself and forfeited any right to be treated with respect.
Dear lord...0 -
2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
LOL. NO.
Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.
I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......
If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....
Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.
I think you are assuming that all meaningful relationships have to end in marriage. Or that all/most men are looking to avoid long term relationships in favor of causal ones.
My very best friend and I had a FWB arrangement for several years. Like 6. Did we marry each other? No. But he is still my absolute best friend and he's been absolutely wonderful to my husband and daughter. If somebody is actually your friend with benefits, THEY ARE YOUR FRIEND and they respect you independent of sex.
I don't really care when you were born -- sexism can happen at any age.
Don't get how my opinions are sexism. (especially since usually I get accused of wearing the pants in the family)
My understading of FWB relatinship correct me if i'm wrong. Two FRIENDS who agree to have sex to fulfill a phsyical need with the understanding that it is not going to be a relationship.
She wanted a relationship he wanted a f+++ budy. So she gave into one hoping for the other. Not two people agreeing ( which is entirely differnt) Your situation sounds healthy emotionally, hers does not.
I honestly do not think from her post that he deserved the title of friend but that is another post.
You don't understand how suggesting that a woman is "easy" because she had sex outside of a relationship is sexist? You don't understand how suggesting men "like a challenge" is sexist? You don't understand how implying women should use sex to have the upper hand is sexist? You don't understand how implying a woman's body is something for a man "to get and keep" is sexist?
I don't care who wears what in your family, your opinions and advice are the very definition of sexist.0 -
OP:
just remember:
Jennifer Aniston got dumped. Jennifer... Aniston....
If SHE can get dumped, anyone can.
I'll bet she doesn't have to sit home moping about it if she doesn't want to. Neither do you.
I love it! I thought that about Jennifer Aniston myself, how can someone so pretty, rich, etc be cheated on and ultimately dumped ... WTH!!!
She's human though and she might've had her "bad days" ... she just was able to vacay in Mexico LOL!!!0 -
Oh, one more thought. To prevent making same mistakes in future. People's actions have to match up with their words. Just because he said or you said, "we're friends" doesn't actually make it so. People have to follow through with actions that match their words, or else, guess what, they are just words that don't mean anything.
I agree! I showed him that I was a real friend, was there for him and not just the physical aspect of what we had! I was his TRUE friend and in the end ... he wasn't mine.
Beyond giving him sexual pleasure,which at least in part,had an ulterior motive how were you the true friend?
I am not being mean but is it not possible upon discovering what you were doing he might not think the friendship was so honorable or honest?
So you think maybe he thought the depth of my friendship was only sexually motivated?
Whoosh, the sound of the point being missed entirely.
He didn't want a friend, he wanted sex. You didn't want a friend, you wanted a relationship. You gave sex thinking it would lead to a relationship. He got what he wanted, you didn't. You missed the part about him not wanting a friend or a relationship, though his actions made it pretty clear. He did not miss the part about you wanting a relationship. Therefore I doubt he thought your "friendship" was only sexual.0 -
WTH did I ever do to him to be treated this way???
You got attached
You showed jealousy and an implicit claim on him, that he didn't feel comfortable with. Maybe, according to him, you 'changed the terms' of the agreement. FWB is supposed to be no strings, right?
I think a lot of people get attached, though, in those situations, especially if it's any longer than a couple of months. Easy to get strung.
When that happens though, you owe it to yourself, first of all, and then your partner, to be honest about what you want and need, & communicate that.
Sorry, sucks 0 -
Okay people let me clarify something here ... I am NOT EASY!!! I'm not claiming to be a saint, but I just didn't meet him that first night, do him and just see each other once every three months for sex! We talked about each other's families, kids, work, we've met each others friends, went out for drinks. Sure, it wasn't everyday, didn't express love, but DANG we enjoyed each other greatly ... I fell for him and that doesn't require I get the scarlet letter!
Interesting thing is I reconnected w/ a childhood friend a few years ago, he showed me so much more daily, and ended up being the shadiest. He took me out on dates, paid for everything, promised vacations together, holidays, showed me lots of attention. We didn't have our first kiss until 2months into dating and sex 3months into it. So, to me, the amount of time you wait doesn't matter ... each one was a different situation, but the childhood friend was the worst! Needless to say, the childhood friend ended up getting married and divorced w/ in one year timeframe. GEEZ!!!0 -
No not at all! I'm just saying, if you start developing the lovey-dovey feelings, be honest about it. What complicated things here, sounds like, is you kept it to yourself.
FWB is hard to do for any length of time without someone getting hurt 0 -
Okay people let me clarify something here ... I am NOT EASY!!! I'm not claiming to be a saint, but I just didn't meet him that first night, do him and just see each other once every three months for sex! We talked about each other's families, kids, work, we've met each others friends, went out for drinks. Sure, it wasn't everyday, didn't express love, but DANG we enjoyed each other greatly ... I fell for him and that doesn't require I get the scarlet letter!
Interesting thing is I reconnected w/ a childhood friend a few years ago, he showed me so much more daily, and ended up being the shadiest. He took me out on dates, paid for everything, promised vacations together, holidays, showed me lots of attention. We didn't have our first kiss until 2months into dating and sex 3months into it. So, to me, the amount of time you wait doesn't matter ... each one was a different situation, but the childhood friend was the worst! Needless to say, the childhood friend ended up getting married and divorced w/ in one year timeframe. GEEZ!!!
There are very few people saying you are easy.
Most people are telling you this dude was NEVER your friend because he was acting like a tool, which you accepted, apparently because you've experienced worse?0 -
Yep. She had her bad days, too. We all do. But I guess the 'moral' of the story is that she was with someone she didn't belong with. She's amazing... most guys would burn their favorite sweatpants to be him for one day (my hubby included... I'm not jealous tho... I'm pretty sure I'm safe... Lol) but it didn't happen for her.OP:
just remember:
Jennifer Aniston got dumped. Jennifer... Aniston....
If SHE can get dumped, anyone can.
I'll bet she doesn't have to sit home moping about it if she doesn't want to. Neither do you.
I love it! I thought that about Jennifer Aniston myself, how can someone so pretty, rich, etc be cheated on and ultimately dumped ... WTH!!!
She's human though and she might've had her "bad days" ... she just was able to vacay in Mexico LOL!!!
Frankly, I think she's better for it... She's been wildly successful post-Brad and she looks even better than ever!
Okay, my girl-crush is showing! Lol.
Keep going forward, girl. Don't look back. You'll be okay. :-)0 -
Basically, when you allow physical and expect nothing in return you will always just be a booty call. You let him get away with getting what he wanted for months, shelved your own expectations so he probably saw it *kitten* a free ride, pardon the pun. No judgement. He probably saw you and is too gutless to say so.
IMO 'good men' don't use women for booty calls period.....but then perhaps I am old fashioned
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Couple of questions:
1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???
Thanks for your time and no judgement please ... just honest advice!
The easiest, simplest answer is . . . He was just not that into you. He may have enjoyed being physical with you. But that is where it ended for him. He was not interested in having a relationship with you, outside of that.
He didn't say hi, or acknowledge you because he didn't want to talk to you. If he wanted to be with you, he would do everything in his power to make that happen. If he wanted to talk to you, he would have done everything in his power to make that happen.
Anything outside of that doesn't really matter.
My advice, move on. Someone better suited for you is out there. Keep looking.0
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