Marriage - is it that important?

vrandal

I don't believe in god or all that crap ...

But you do believe in crap, so that's good.

THIS!!

LosingExtraKristy

It is to my husband and I. We wanted to be married before starting a family. While others don't agree, I feel there is an extra feeling of commitment there. I really...I would rather refer to him has my husband rather than my boyfriend or partner. That has nothing to do with why we got married, though. But yes. I find married to be important.

joe_madre

to whom? in what context?

because i'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you mean "in general," that some people will find it very important and some people will find it not important, and the rest will be degrees in between.

and then there will be a silly argument, possibly from a religious angle.

and then "lock."

Don't know if I'd actually call that "going out on a limb" so much. Maybe better of calling it "stating the obvious"

jefftprice

Younger people and in to their 20's you find allot of people saying I just want to have fun, I don't want to get married, meeting new partners and trying out as many possibilities as possible seems to be the best plan. That's a part of becoming a true adult; finding yourself and who your are, many people go through the stage.

Most people though as they get older ( out of their 20's but sometimes longer) find that they want companionship more then fun.

When you are with someone for a significant amount of time and as you grow older you personality changes, many find sex isn't the most important thing in their lives.

Companionship starts to take a higher priority and when your with someone for a significant point of time, marriage in many cases is a sign of fully committing to your relationship.

In short companionship is an very important part of a healthy long life mentally, physically and to some spiritually.

Is it important? Well married people; the ones that make it, usually live longer happier lives then people who choose to live alone.

Its always nice to look back on your life and have shared experienced, intimidate experiences with someone that can remember them with you

so marriage to someone you love and care for? I saw why not?

whierd

I dont think it is anymore.

What's the divorce rate now 50%?

Marriage would be a detriment to me and hurt my tax status and make my coming child's health insurance too expensive.

I'm not seeing the benefit to marriage. In the case of death I can still name him as the beneficiary to my life insurance. His credit hurts me. Yeah, no benefit,

The ideal of marriage is to seal land agreements and for resources. Marriage is a contract it's never been about love.

Whoops, guess the fact that divorces are so common and easily obtained make it not so great a committment.

Myhaloslipped

Yes, it is extremely important for me personally.

sportyredhead01

I think it is. Actually having a *good marriage* is important.

P.S. Also you can have a cheap meaningful wedding for next to nothing and mean just much as a $15,000 shin-dig.
I had 8 guests, no bridesmaids and a $50 green & black dress. Paid the lady who married us like $80 bucks. Went out to eat afterwards. And we're just as married as our friends who had to take out huge loans to make some big production happen. :drinker:

BusyRaeNOTBusty

I think the statistic is 50% of all marriages, which includes second and third marriages. I think the rate for first marriages is lower.

BlueBombers

It really is up to each individual person.

jefftprice

Younger people and in to their 20's you find allot of people saying I just want to have fun, I don't want to get married, meeting new partners and trying out as many possibilities as possible seems to be the best plan. That's a part of becoming a true adult; finding yourself and who your are, many people go through the stage.

Most people though as they get older ( out of their 20's but sometimes longer) find that they want companionship more then fun.

When you are with someone for a significant amount of time and as you grow older you personality changes, many find sex isn't the most important thing in their lives.

Companionship starts to take a higher priority and when your with someone for a significant point of time, marriage in many cases is a sign of fully committing to your relationship.

In short companionship is an very important part of a healthy long life mentally, physically and to some spiritually.

Is it important? Well married people; the ones that make it, usually live longer happier lives then people who choose to live alone.

Its always nice to look back on your life and have shared experienced, intimidate experiences with someone that can remember them with you

so marriage to someone you love and care for? I saw why not?

GeorgieLove708

Yes and no. If it's important to the individual, sure. Marriage for me meant mostly legal rights for myself, my husband, and our kids. We were together for 4 years before we got married and our kids were 2 & 3 years old when we got married. Marriage does not equal commitment. It does not equal love. It is not a guarantee for a stable or enjoyable home life. And I've known plenty of people who said the pressure of being married destroyed a previously wonderful relationship (just as the pressure of not getting engaged has ruined relationships). Not everyone is meant for it.

mikeschratz

only for tax reasons and health insurance. commitment is much more important and you don't necessarily need marriage for that.

^^ This ^^

SmartAlec03211988

Marriage is very important to me, and when I did get married it felt different. Addressing my spouse as my husband has an elevated status that makes me feel different than if I simply said boyfriend or fiance. It tells me he is serious about committing to a lifelong partnership with me.

twooliver

It's important that the option be available to those who choose to enter this type of institution, including our gay brothers and sisters. The marriage institution has been held hostage by those with the power and it's time to set it free to those who want to take their relationship to this level. There are many legal resources available to those within a marriage than without, which is why it's an important choice.

csuhar

I'm genuinely interested in opinions on this. What's your view?


*I Threw it out there as a random question really. Clarifying I'm not asking from a religious stand point (cheers wolverine)

I see the notion of marriage coming up frequently in the relationship threads. Just wondered if people see it as something important to themselves or not.

Much of it will depend on context. Should you consider your life a waste becaue you've never gotten married? Certainly not.

Should you do everything you can so you can say "I'm married!" as early in your life as possible? DEFINITELY not.

One challenge that comes up is that it seems a good number of people treat marriage like a checklist item that must be checked off before considering their life complete.

I more than willingly tell people it's better to be single and lonely than to poision your life or someone else's life with a relationship that was rushed into.


For me, the big thing about marriage is that it demonstrates a particular degree of commitment. If and when I get to say "I do", I will be telling the woman in front of me that I am committed to her, our relationship, and our family. In fact, she will know that I am so committed to her that I'm willingly abandoning the easy-out solution of just breaking up. At that point, our relationship is such that I am no longer allowing inconvenience to be a reason for me to terminate it. If, for example, there's a conflict regarding our life together and my job, I am obligated to sit down with her and work it out. I don't get to say "I like my job, so bye".

Can this degree of commitment exist without marriage? Yes. I'm sure there are people out there who are lovingly and wholly committed to each other without making anything official.

But to me, marriage means that I'm willing to stand in front of the State, my friends, my family, and my god and say that that committment is there, which, in turn, invites their scorn and enmity if I volate that commitment.

escloflowneCHANGED

I'm not really sure I understand the question....

My marriage is important to me...marriage may not be important to someone else.

I don't believe in god or all that crap so it's not for me but if it makes my future wife happy, then whateves, just an expensive party!

My wife and I aren't religious at all and did not have any kind of religious ceremony for our wedding. It was rather small, just close personal friends and family...the wedding itself was an exercise signifying our commitment to each other, with that promise being witnessed by said friends and family.

All my friends have gotten married in a non religious way, much better than the whole church thing, those damn wooden pews are uncomfortable. I would do it that way personally, I would do it in a church if the girlfriend wanted it though, I really couldn't care less, what ever makes her happy.

rml_16

While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.

I don't know about that ...

I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.

But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.

Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.

You can't know that, though. Unless you've been through it, you can't know that.

I'll let you know once I make it to "the other side."

And one person in here who was in a similar situation to mine has already said that isn't the case.

MagicalLeopleurodon

Ive been with hubby for 8 years, engaged for nearly 4. We're common law, and im in no real hurry to formalize it. That piece of paper wont make us love each other more.

escloflowneCHANGED

I don't believe in god or all that crap ...

But you do believe in crap, so that's good.

I do now! I was always under the impression that girls don't fart, boy was I proven wrong by MFP!!!

2b_perfect00

Honestly I'd be happy never getting married. Just a waste of money and I have to change all my stuff over. I don't think it's important. Other than filing taxes together and having the same last name I don't see a difference in being married and just being together.

jefftprice

I have to respectfully disagree, when you get married you state in the vowes you are committing. If you choose not to after that then well that's a choice you made.

GeorgieLove708

And to be perfectly honest, excluding the legal stuff nothing changed in our relationship after getting married. If it weren't for the legal reasons I doubt we would be married now (still together, just not married).

I DO however feel that it is important for everybody to have the right to marry the person they love if it is something that is important to them.

quicklabs

In my life, it means "til death do us part." I honestly believe that "good times and bad", "better or worse" stuff in the marriage vows. Married 33 years.

jabarih

If you are in a relationship with someone and you are shacking with them, then I think it is important. Why not go ahead and finish the commitment?

However, marriage may not be for everyone. There are plenty of singles functioning in society happily today with no worries. To these singles, I wouldn't say marriage is that important.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I have to respectfully disagree, when you get married you state in the vowes you are committing. If you choose not to after that then well that's a choice you made.

People can write their own vows....

k8blujay2

As a Christian, it is to me and my family. I also feel that it is important for there to be a strong family unit for children to grow up. While I realize that the strength can manifest itself in many forms... I think for the majority of families, the strength comes from a unity of two people deeply committed to each other, not just in word but in all aspects of life. And in my opinion, that piece of paper is a public showing of that deep committment.

LosinItAll2012

While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.

However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.

My opinion differs here...

My husband and I were together for 10 years before we got married...living together...sharing the money, bills..etc... At that time, I honestly believed that getting married would just be a piece of paper..that nothing would change about our relationship.

BUT....

After being married (for another 11 years), I feel that it has solidified our relationship. Making us closer. I can't say MORE committed...because we were both equally as committed living common law...but it is a different kind of committment. I take my vows seriously, and as a previous poster mentioned, without being married, maybe when times were tough, as they sometimes were, it would've been a little easier to just walk away.

Just my honest opinion... everyone is entitled...

kkzmom11

What do you mean? Is it important to get married if you love someone? Or is it important to make sure you get married even if you never meet the right person?

I'm married. Yes, it is very important and special. Does that mean I think everyone needs to be married? No, I don't think it's important for everyone nor do I think everyone thinks my marriage is important based on their thought process.

Marriage IS special and should always be viewed as that. Some other human being has made that vow to you which is very serious to me. Anytime another person vows to be with you for the rest of their life should be considered important. Doesn't mean everyone views it that same way, but that's just my opinion.

And I do know that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but that would never be an option for me unless very specific things occured in the marriage to drive me to divorce.

AND I have been married 15 years and with the same man for 19 years.

I agree completely with the above. Marriage is special and important to ME. and my husband. I don't think everyone should be married, or even in a committed relationship because there are people that don't know what that means and mess around and cheat on their significant other. I take my marriage seriously and i wouldn't get divorced unless EVERY other option had been tried and failed.

GeorgieLove708

I have to respectfully disagree, when you get married you state in the vowes you are committing. If you choose not to after that then well that's a choice you made.

You can be committed without marriage and commitment being in the vows doesn't mean someone is actually committing. Especially given the ease with which one can get an annulment and relative ease with which one can get a divorce.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

In theory, yes. In practical application, it is basically a contract in which a man transfers wealth to woman (except in the rare case where the woman makes more).

So, for a guy, if you get REALLY lucky it can probably be great.

It's a contract in which a man and woman commit to making a life together, to sharing all things in order to work as a unit and move forward. And I don't know that finding the right partner can be considered "luck". It takes a lot of work and patience. We've always had joint accounts. "We" owe the vehicles, "we" own the house, our debts are joint as is our income. When I worked part time with the kids, and then later went back for a master's most of "our" money was "his". Right now I make more and when he retires probably 10 years before I do most of "our" money will be mine. We truly share everything and it works out well for the most part. Furthermore we are really happy together. We've had hard times but have come through it. We enjoy each other's company, we are proud of each other, we have great sex, awesome family time, great couple time, adequate and fulfilling alone time. It makes me sad when people are so bitter about marriage (and either men or women in general) because marriage can be great, and I like to believe that most people (men and women) are good.