Marriage - is it that important?
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What do you mean? Is it important to get married if you love someone? Or is it important to make sure you get married even if you never meet the right person?
I'm married. Yes, it is very important and special. Does that mean I think everyone needs to be married? No, I don't think it's important for everyone nor do I think everyone thinks my marriage is important based on their thought process.
Marriage IS special and should always be viewed as that. Some other human being has made that vow to you which is very serious to me. Anytime another person vows to be with you for the rest of their life should be considered important. Doesn't mean everyone views it that same way, but that's just my opinion.
And I do know that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but that would never be an option for me unless very specific things occured in the marriage to drive me to divorce.
AND I have been married 15 years and with the same man for 19 years.
This!
My two cents....It used to be important when people took the commitment & vows seriously. I believe anytime you give yourself an option (whether it's diet or marriage) to quit when things get hard you will do just that. Marriage is important to people who make it important. For me, it's important. Married 11 years been with the same man 15 years
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You can't know that, though. Unless you've been through it, you can't know that.
I don't know about that ...While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.
However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.
But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.
Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.
I'll let you know once I make it to "the other side." 
And one person in here who was in a similar situation to mine has already said that isn't the case.
Everyone I have spoken to has told me it is no different.
You will need to make sure to let me know! For science! 0 -
If you like it than you shoulda put a ring on it.
Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!0 -
For me marriage is abosulutely important and awesome. It's an individual choice though, some people may not want to be married and that's fine.
My husband would have been happy being together and not making it "offical" but he went through the wedding and legal aspects becuase it was important to me.
I love us having the same last name!
Our first anniversary is Sunday.0 -
For my husband and me, marriage was making a lifetime commitment to each other. Have we had some bad times? You betcha! Would it have been easier to throw in the towel if we hadn't been married? I don't think so, even before we married, we co-mingled our income and bank accounts. The emotional attachment is there whether you are married or not, in my opinion. We've been together for 23 years, married for almost 22 years, we have a lot of history to fight for. Plus we share core values. He's my best friend and (yes) my soul mate.
As I said in a previous thread about marriage, when we first moved in together, he had recently moved down to my state from NY where he had been in an on and off 5-6 year live-in relationship. I had just separated from my ex (horrible marriage) after 4 1/2 years of marriage. I told him that if we were still just living together after 3 years, let's just go our separate ways. I wasn't going to be the live-in girlfriend indefinitely. I wanted a real marriage with someone who I not only loved, but who I genuinely liked.0 -
In my 20's I thought marriage was improtant. Now that I'm in my 30's it is way less important. If I could re-do my wedding it would be a pig roast in my backyard vs the debocle that it was.0
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Marriage is the recognition of another individual as a family member. Your spouse cannot be compelled to testify against you in a court of law, and is allowed to make decisions on your behalf if you are unable to speak for yourself.
Of course there are lots and lots of legal benefits of getting married, there are also biological benefits. Married people live longer than singles. Married people suffer less stress, catch cancer earlier (better chance of cure) and are more likely to seek medical help in the case of illness.
There are, of course, financial advantages to being married. A two income household has the ability to earn more than a single person can. Also, married people tend to earn more over their lifetimes than single people. Married men's salaries are higher than single men's salaries for the same work.
Married men have professional advantages over single men. They are more likely to be hired over a single candidate with the same qualifications. Married men are also more likely to be promoted before a single man is promoted.
Society holds married couples in higher esteem than their single counter-parts.
So yes, marriage is pretty important even though the taboo of single parenthood is pretty much gone.0 -
I don't know about that ...While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.
However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.
But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.
Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.
just curious, are you married?0 -
My husband and I dated for seven years before we got engaged. Besides changing my last name and putting a sparkly diamond on my finger nothing has changed, but it was nice to make things official.
I'm just glad we didn't go crazy and throw a $20,000 bash. We kept things simple and spent $7,000. Since we kept the costs down our generous parents covered the rehearsal dinner, reception and honeymoon.0 -
Marriage matters very little to me. It's a piece of paper with an overpriced ceremony involved.
I'd rather be a good mom than ever be in a relationship again, actually.0 -
to whom? in what context?
because i'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you mean "in general," that some people will find it very important and some people will find it not important, and the rest will be degrees in between.
and then there will be a silly argument, possibly from a religious angle.
and then "lock."
Don't know if I'd actually call that "going out on a limb" so much. Maybe better of calling it "stating the obvious"
Maybe we need an agreed upon "sarcasm indicator" like italics or something? Because when I was "going out on a limb" i was being completely sarcastic because it was, as you said, stating the obvious :happy:0 -
Ive been with hubby for 8 years, engaged for nearly 4. We're common law, and im in no real hurry to formalize it. That piece of paper wont make us love each other more.
This is me 6 years together, 2 years engaged, kid on the way and no rush to formalize. I have the ring, but not the desire.0 -
depends on the person.0
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My marriage is very important to me. I make it a point to stay out of everyone else's relationships. Do what makes you happy.0
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I don't know about that ...While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.
However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.
But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.
Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.
just curious, are you married?
Nope.0 -
It is interesting that you rule out a religious reasons. The only reason IMO to get married is a religious reason. In marriage, we made a covenant agreement before God to stay together for better or worse and the rest of our vows. As far as, is it important that depends. I would be complete without marriage, but I am happier and more fulfilled in marriage. If just "being married" is the goal then you have missed the point. If your reasons for marriage are insurance or tax breaks then that is what is important to you not marriage.0
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Not in my current relationship. We are as devoted to each other and all of the vows of marriage apply in our relationship, so we don't consider marriage to be of much importance........ because if/when we get married that only thing that is going to change is maybe my last name..... maybe being the operative word.0
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As far as things changing when you get married, it's fun when you get to suddenly call each other "husband" or "wife" but if you are already living together, I don't think it changes much. We got engaged, bought a house, THEN got married, so really it was the buying the house thing that changed things. Once both names go on the mortgage/deed you're kind of stuck anyway.0
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It's an individual thing. Of course, you could be in a fully committed relationship without getting married, but getting married does provide some benefits that are important to have!0
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As far as things changing when you get married, it's fun when you get to suddenly call each other "husband" or "wife" but if you are already living together, I don't think it changes much. We got engaged, bought a house, THEN got married, so really it was the buying the house thing that changed things. Once both names go on the mortgage/deed your kind of stuck anyway.
QFT... owning a house together is MUCH more binding than a marriage license. trust me, I have dealt with many divorced clients stuck dealing with each other years after the marriage is done because of a jointly owned home.0 -
Aside from the committment thing, in my relationship, marriage has some signifigance because he;s in the military reserves. he was up for deployment earlier this year (got cancelled) and I went to deployment readiness training with him. While they do offer services for unmarried partners, the vast majority of what they talked about didn't apply to me at all and it was very disheartening because I was essentially in the same place emotionally as any spouse, but wouldn't have access to a lot of stuff because we weren't married. It made me kind of sad to sit through all of that.0
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I don't know about that ...While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.
However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.
But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.
Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.
just curious, are you married?
Nope.
I did not want to assume that to be the case, but I pretty much suspected as much. And to be honest, before I was married, I felt much the same way. However, marriage DOES enrich your relationship in a way that is very hard to describe. I guess the only way I can explain it is to say that I knew by your comments that you weren't married. Please be aware that this is in no way intended to belittle your point of view. As I said, I felt much the same way before I was married.0 -
It depends on the person and situation. People abuse the marriage title, which is sad.0
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I don't know about that ...While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.
However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.
But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.
Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.
I am married, and while I cannot speak for anyone but my own situation, this is how we felt. We were told over and over how different things would be after marriage. The biggest difference to me was I now wore a ring.
But I think nothing changed because maybe we already took it as a given? I don't know why. It's just how we were.0 -
In theory, yes. In practical application, it is basically a contract in which a man transfers wealth to woman (except in the rare case where the woman makes more).
So, for a guy, if you get REALLY lucky it can probably be great.
It's a contract in which a man and woman commit to making a life together, to sharing all things in order to work as a unit and move forward. And I don't know that finding the right partner can be considered "luck". It takes a lot of work and patience. We've always had joint accounts. "We" owe the vehicles, "we" own the house, our debts are joint as is our income. When I worked part time with the kids, and then later went back for a master's most of "our" money was "his". Right now I make more and when he retires probably 10 years before I do most of "our" money will be mine. We truly share everything and it works out well for the most part. Furthermore we are really happy together. We've had hard times but have come through it. We enjoy each other's company, we are proud of each other, we have great sex, awesome family time, great couple time, adequate and fulfilling alone time. It makes me sad when people are so bitter about marriage (and either men or women in general) because marriage can be great, and I like to believe that most people (men and women) are good.
Your relationship is what you make it, legal contract aside. It does not refute my statement.0 -
After living with my guy for over 4 years (and owning a house together) I did not believe that marriage would change our relationship. However, since our engagement our relationship has changed in a way that's difficult to portray in words and I only hope that the actual marriage has the same effect cause it is awesome. Its like after committing to make the commitment we became more aware of eachother and our needs.
Sooo... Yes, I think marriage can be an important aspect to relationships0 -
I don't know about that ...While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.
However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.
But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.
Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.
just curious, are you married?
Nope.
I did not want to assume that to be the case, but I pretty much suspected as much. And to be honest, before I was married, I felt much the same way. However, marriage DOES enrich your relationship in a way that is very hard to describe. I guess the only way I can explain it is to say that I knew by your comments that you weren't married. Please be aware that this is in no way intended to belittle your point of view. As I said, I felt much the same way before I was married.
Read the posters who are married and substantiated what I said.:P0 -
I don't know about that ...While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.
However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.
But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.
Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.
just curious, are you married?
Nope.
I did not want to assume that to be the case, but I pretty much suspected as much. And to be honest, before I was married, I felt much the same way. However, marriage DOES enrich your relationship in a way that is very hard to describe. I guess the only way I can explain it is to say that I knew by your comments that you weren't married. Please be aware that this is in no way intended to belittle your point of view. As I said, I felt much the same way before I was married.
I AM married and marriage has not enriched my relationship in any way. We have a wonderful relationship, but it was not made better or worse by marriage.0 -
Some agreed and others didn't.
I don't know about that ...While I am not religious, I am a bit of a traditionalist, so I personally find it important from a traditional standpoint and a legal standpoint.
However, I do not find it important in the context of committment. I think that it really changes nothing in a relationship, especially if you are already living together and have children. At that point you are only doing it for a piece of paper.
I've lived with someone for nearly nine years. We don't have kids together, but we both have kids. We're starting to talk marriage and it's kind of scary. We're definitely committed. It isn't just a piece of paper.
But I don't think you can understand that until you live it because the idea didn't scare me until it started becoming reality.
Once you are married, you will feel and act exactly the same. You might feel happy and squishy on the inside a bit, but I rather doubt it will do anything, in and of itself, to enrich your relationship.
just curious, are you married?
Nope.
I did not want to assume that to be the case, but I pretty much suspected as much. And to be honest, before I was married, I felt much the same way. However, marriage DOES enrich your relationship in a way that is very hard to describe. I guess the only way I can explain it is to say that I knew by your comments that you weren't married. Please be aware that this is in no way intended to belittle your point of view. As I said, I felt much the same way before I was married.
Read the posters who are married and substantiated what I said.:P
So, it seems it comes down to the person and maybe it's all about your personal view of marriage that matters. Mine is pretty serious, so I think I will feel different.0 -
I personally don't care about marriage, because honestly if I wanna sign a legal contract with someone else, I can do that the civil way, if I wanna celebrate my union I can throw one big *kitten* party that won't involve a white dress and rings. I also probably won't have to spend to much money on it cause let's face it, getting married CAN cost a lot. I would rather spend that money travelling or on my futur child, let's say.
My boyfriend on the other end is religious, he absolutely wants to get married and in a church at that, it has to be before we have a kid, cause you know, the kid will be a ''*kitten*'' if we are not married. In his eyes and the eyes of his familly, marriage is very very important. They also believe that we should want them to be happy and get married the way they want us to.
Needless to say this is causing some major issues ... lol
TLDR, I don't believe in marriage, for me it's just a legal contract and an excuse to throw money out the window on rings and dresses and whatever else. I also hate the religious aspect of it, deeply.
But that's just me 0
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