Horrible experience in the gym tonight
LizHR
Posts: 16 Member
I'm interested to know what people think about this and what I should do.
I've belonged to my gym for 18 months, been seeing a personal trainer regualrly most of that time aas well as coming in on my own. I have always used the freeweights area as part of my programme which and am lifting fairly decent sized weights. I'm not on Stronglifts or anything like that but I am lifting. I've lost weight, got leaner, can see muscles emerging, feel stronger and gone down nearly 2 dress sizes. All good.
BUT over the time I've been there the gym has progressively got less and less friendly feeling, especially if you are a woman. OK if you want to faff around on some of the machines, run on the treadmills or prance about in Zumba but not when using the weights area. It was always used a lot by big muscly guys admiring themselves in the mirrors and there were never enough weights in the ranges commonly used by women. And they did tend to take up more space than they really needed. But usually they were OK. and made room for you.
But lately it feels like they have got a lot worse. Spreading out everywhere, dominating the area, turning the Tv channel to sports or MTV and putting the volume right up loud, sitting on the benches checking texts between sets, three guys taking over 2-3 machines or the chin up area and rotating amongst themselves so that no one else can get at it for ages. Basically acting as it they own it. The staff, virtually all male, also seem to encourage this, or at least don't discourage it. Not that they leave reception that often.
So tonight .....
I wanted to do some shoulder presses using a weighted bar (I am getting up to 17.5kg, not that heavy matbe but heavy for me). But there is no benches free, and 3 of the weights bars I might use are not on the rack but over with a group of guys, who are not actually using them but placed in a difficult to get to way that makes it clear they have commandeered them. So that is deadlifts out if the question as well. The TV is at max volume on some horrible rap music type channel. There are huge dumb bells and weights bars with massive plates all over the floor. There is lots of joking about and laughter going on but no a lot of actual lifting. I lurk, uncomfortable and unsure. One guy can see I want the bench he is sitting on (not doing anything) but tries to not catch my eye. Another guy makes a big deal of going around me to get some weights, as if I am in his way (I'm not). I I feel unwelcome. There are definitely no other women anywhere near this area.
So I give up and go back to the floor area, thinking I wll do some weighted lunges or glute bridges or dorsal raises, something.... It's crowded as usual. And one guy has collected up virtually all the available equipment - bosu ball, swiss ball, 2 step benches, a range of dumbells, you name it, and is hoarding them in the corner whilst doing his workout in front of them. The message is clear. What he doesn't have in his pile, the personal trainers are using with clients. 2 other guys are boxing (not together) over by the mirrors, taking up loads of floor space. Going over there is out of the question. There is only one girl in the area and she is also looking a bit lost and uncertain. She gives up and I see her head for a treadmill.
So I leave. Fed up and p*d off at the selfish, inconsiderate behaviour and the air of testosterone everywhere I come home and rant here. So am I being over sensitive? I am a professional female over 40 for pete's sake. Why do I feel so unable to stick up for myself? Should I complain to the manager about it? Why do guys do this? Or should i just find another gym...
I've belonged to my gym for 18 months, been seeing a personal trainer regualrly most of that time aas well as coming in on my own. I have always used the freeweights area as part of my programme which and am lifting fairly decent sized weights. I'm not on Stronglifts or anything like that but I am lifting. I've lost weight, got leaner, can see muscles emerging, feel stronger and gone down nearly 2 dress sizes. All good.
BUT over the time I've been there the gym has progressively got less and less friendly feeling, especially if you are a woman. OK if you want to faff around on some of the machines, run on the treadmills or prance about in Zumba but not when using the weights area. It was always used a lot by big muscly guys admiring themselves in the mirrors and there were never enough weights in the ranges commonly used by women. And they did tend to take up more space than they really needed. But usually they were OK. and made room for you.
But lately it feels like they have got a lot worse. Spreading out everywhere, dominating the area, turning the Tv channel to sports or MTV and putting the volume right up loud, sitting on the benches checking texts between sets, three guys taking over 2-3 machines or the chin up area and rotating amongst themselves so that no one else can get at it for ages. Basically acting as it they own it. The staff, virtually all male, also seem to encourage this, or at least don't discourage it. Not that they leave reception that often.
So tonight .....
I wanted to do some shoulder presses using a weighted bar (I am getting up to 17.5kg, not that heavy matbe but heavy for me). But there is no benches free, and 3 of the weights bars I might use are not on the rack but over with a group of guys, who are not actually using them but placed in a difficult to get to way that makes it clear they have commandeered them. So that is deadlifts out if the question as well. The TV is at max volume on some horrible rap music type channel. There are huge dumb bells and weights bars with massive plates all over the floor. There is lots of joking about and laughter going on but no a lot of actual lifting. I lurk, uncomfortable and unsure. One guy can see I want the bench he is sitting on (not doing anything) but tries to not catch my eye. Another guy makes a big deal of going around me to get some weights, as if I am in his way (I'm not). I I feel unwelcome. There are definitely no other women anywhere near this area.
So I give up and go back to the floor area, thinking I wll do some weighted lunges or glute bridges or dorsal raises, something.... It's crowded as usual. And one guy has collected up virtually all the available equipment - bosu ball, swiss ball, 2 step benches, a range of dumbells, you name it, and is hoarding them in the corner whilst doing his workout in front of them. The message is clear. What he doesn't have in his pile, the personal trainers are using with clients. 2 other guys are boxing (not together) over by the mirrors, taking up loads of floor space. Going over there is out of the question. There is only one girl in the area and she is also looking a bit lost and uncertain. She gives up and I see her head for a treadmill.
So I leave. Fed up and p*d off at the selfish, inconsiderate behaviour and the air of testosterone everywhere I come home and rant here. So am I being over sensitive? I am a professional female over 40 for pete's sake. Why do I feel so unable to stick up for myself? Should I complain to the manager about it? Why do guys do this? Or should i just find another gym...
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Replies
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Did you happen to ask them if you could get a bar?
Did you ask anyone that worked there about the situation?0 -
Life is too short. Find another gym.0
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You should report it to the staff. It is totally inconsiderate and I'm sure not part of gym etiquette. If you do say something you should say it isn't just affecting you but other people.0
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do standing press instead of sitting press
better for you
and then you dont use a bench for something you should be doing standing0 -
Unless they really do own the place, then you have just as much right as them to use the kit. I'd complain and if nothing improves then I'd cancel my membership. You should also speak to the girl who couldn't train either.0
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I've never been to a gym that's not like this. I hear there are fabled places that are different, but I assume they are on Mars.
I train in my basement because I have zero time for dude bros.0 -
the best approach is to be friendly and just ask to use the equipment. obviously there is tension in the air but it might be unnecessary and they may be friendly after all.0
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^ThisDid you happen to ask them if you could get a bar?
Did you ask anyone that worked there about the situation?0 -
never enough weights in the ranges commonly used by women.
Just firstly: lift the same as the men
Secondly: Did you ask the guys whether you could use the equipment? Were they rude in their response?
If they were rude and/or intimidating then you should definitely speak with one of the staff members: if they just said no it might just be worth looking at how you're EXPECTING to be treated. Sometimes we put filters on situations that look worse than they are - I know sometimes I expect blokes to be looking at me oddly because I'm female lifting, but actually, often at a second glance they're just resting between sets preoccupied in what they're doing.
If you're really uncomfortable though maybe find another gym
:flowerforyou: 0 -
You just described my gym in the afternoons. You have to go over there (to the guy that's hoarding) and ask him if he's using the dumbbells that very moment and you'd like to switch off in between sets. I highly doubt he would say no. If he did, just take them. Kidding. Sort of. You have to step out of your comfort zone and let them realize that you know what you're doing and you have a right to the equipment also. Speaking from experience. They can smell fear.
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Did you happen to ask them if you could get a bar?
Did you ask anyone that worked there about the situation?
MityMax96 is right. Get over there and ask for the equipment. Sometimes it's not you. I'm doing stronglifts right now and I sit and text between sets. I also get over there and ask people for their equipment when they clearly aren't using it and haven't racked their weights.
Don't let them make you feel like you don't belong. You're there to do your thing and you're a paying member too. The more confident you act the less c**p they'll give you. 0 -
You won't know for sure if what you feel is their intention actually is unless you go over and ask for the equipment you need. Next time you go walk over and ask when a bench will be free or a bar or whatever it is you want to do. If there are continuing issues talk to management. If that doesn't work look for another gym. There's no reason to spend your money somewhere that doesn't value you.0
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You want me to come down there and handle that S%@$...??? Boys will be boys....they are just trying to be cool in front of each other...They all want you to think they are the Alpha...Just walk right in the midst of them and own that equipment...that will do wonders to their precious little egos...0
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It sounds intimidating, but in most of my experience, if you just ask to use equipment, most members oblige.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Talk to them...believe it not, they are human :laugh:0
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the best approach is to be friendly and just ask to use the equipment. obviously there is tension in the air but it might be unnecessary and they may be friendly after all.
Try this first. Even if they are being ****ty on purpose, you might be able to shame them into proper behavior... YOu know, kill 'em with kindness. And if that doesn't work, call 'em out.0 -
um. you just interpreted a full gym of people working out as a gender issue, in which you are the unwanted one.
go to therapy.
And consider hitting the gym at a less busy hour.
jesus.0 -
When I started working out I would do the same thing you did with the guys.
If you want it. Go and get it. There aren't always nice people at the gym.0 -
^this. I get on my phone in between sets and check my ORM or log my progress or sometimes post on MFP. I have to rest in between sets. If someone asks to work in, I work in. I can't believe OP complained that 3 guys worked in together. And if I'm using the bench for a long time because i'm doing a lot of sets, Tough luck. Right? That's what I'm here for. Just like everyone else.Did you happen to ask them if you could get a bar?
Did you ask anyone that worked there about the situation?
MityMax96 is right. Get over there and ask for the equipment. Sometimes it's not you. I'm doing stronglifts right now and I sit and text between sets. I also get over there and ask people for their equipment when they clearly aren't using it and haven't racked their weights.Don't let them make you feel like you don't belong. You're there to do your thing and you're a paying member too. The more confident you act the less c**p they'll give you.
I don't think they are doing anything to her. She's the one interpreting their being in the space and using equipment personally. It's her making her feel that way. It's not hard to just ask for stuff. People do it all the time.0 -
also, I'm female and I enjoy watching games at the gym and listening to rap.0
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is feeling very spoiled about now. I use the gyms here on post. I have two options if the big gym is full the other one usually isn't and everyone seems to be just fine with sharing equipment.0
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First go up say excuse me and smile and say you want to do your weights, they will move.0
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Talk to them...believe it not, they are human :laugh:
yeah probably the best advice just remember you catch more flies with honey than vinegar...0 -
^ThisDid you happen to ask them if you could get a bar?
Did you ask anyone that worked there about the situation?
^ I second this. Ask nicely if you can borrow a piece that is just laying around or ask if you can squeezer in btwn sets ... most guys are cool with someone working in from my experience.0 -
Definitely go talk to them before complaining, it may be all "attitude" they are giving off to appear "buff", but none of it is really directed at you. Could even be the guy is not meeting your eyes because he's shy with a girl around, not because he's reading your mind that you want the bench. "Excuse me, can you hand me one of those bars" might be all you need to cause a massive shift of "attitude" from "tough and buff" to "I'm the one helping the girl" 0
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I've never been to a gym that's not like this. I hear there are fabled places that are different, but I assume they are on Mars.
I train in my basement because I have zero time for dude bros.
dude bros......that literally made me LOL!!!0 -
most of the big gyms have rules that are enforced that prohibit this type of behavior. If there is not another gym in your area stay strong and smile and remain polite but "commandeer" what you need to complete your workout. It sounds like an awful situation though and I hope you will be able to find a more user friendly atmosphere soon!:flowerforyou:0
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^ThisDid you happen to ask them if you could get a bar?
Did you ask anyone that worked there about the situation?
^ I second this. Ask nicely if you can borrow a piece that is just laying around or ask if you can squeezer in btwn sets ... most guys are cool with someone working in from my experience.
well... and in my gym, people typically don't put things back so if you want something, you have to get it. And the normal polite thing to do in a crowded gym where you need to get around someone to get to some equipment that's not being used is to talk to them.
Am I the only person who sees the irony in OP complaining that someone went around her to get to equipment they had to, but blaming "dude bros" for being between her and the unused equipment she wants in a CROWDED GYM?0 -
Already a couple of good responses, but adding in my own 2c ... I am 50 years old and do not look like I belong in the "dude's" area of the gym ... but I pay my membership dues on the same day of the month that the "dude's" do ... and I politely put on my friendliest smile and ask if I can borrow [whatever it is I need] and then thank them. As long as I approach them in a polite manner, they have never been anything but polite back to me. In the best cases, they jump up and apologize (i.e. if they are just sitting on the bench I want to use) and in the worst cases, they let me know they have xx more sets to do and then I can have it - inconvenient, but at least we have both drawn our territories in the sand ...
In all fairness, sometimes when I lift with my own sons, I get wrapped up in conversation myself, sit on a nearby bench to wait my turn in our rotation, and lose track of my surroundings until my own son excuses me to move for another member waiting for the bench I am sitting on ... so I know the mentality is not necessarily meant to be rude. :happy:
So hold your ground sister, in a friendly manner of course, and you may find that they are just wrapped up in themselves and what they are doing and oblivious to their own (unintentional) rudeness ... Besides, if you don't at least ask [to work in, borrow a weight for a set, etc.] then you are allowing this behavior to continue ... and if you speak your voice, it still continues and management does nothing, take your money elsewhere.0 -
I had a similar situation. I just asked to use the bench when they were done. Then I stood near the bench not hawking it but close enough to remind I was waiting to use it next. I even asked them how many sets they had left. I just used another piece of equipment. After that things were fine. Some guys and girls can be jerks not just at the gym. guess I was in a bit of a mood myself that day..LOL. BUT if that persists say something to management and if doenst get resolved bounce yourself over to another gym. Good luck0
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