Horrible experience in the gym tonight
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Staring at people and making stink faces at them and immediately expecting them to get the hint of exactly what you're asking is not how human communication works, countless people have said it before, but you have to actually ASK people to use the things they're using. The reason they're probably sitting around with all the equipment is because they're assuming for the most part that at that moment in the time, nobody else was using it, which is true. Nobody else was using it, except them, so they decided to use it, if someone is being "too slow" with their workout (and that's always subjective anyway) then ask if you can work in with them using the equipment, 9 times out of 10 they will oblige.
People aren't as nasty and testosterone ridden as you're making them out to be, you're projecting. Stop staring at what other people are doing and sitting around looking lost and confused and ask if you want something.
I've had people give me the same stink eye when I'm taking minute rests between sets of squats, like I'm going to be able to do my lift with around with just 30 seconds of rest like they do when they're pushing 95lb in 15 rep ranges, meanwhile I'm pushing 340lb with five reps a set. Their conditions are different, they're probably doing different things, maybe today they decided to take it easier because they didn't get a good meal in the day before, maybe they're just having a slower lifting sessions so they can do it more socially with their friends. They probably KNOW that they're taking up a little more space and time, so if someone comes up and politely asks them if they can work in, they will oblige.
I guarantee you, 90% of the stereotypes you've written out have nothing to do with those people trying too hard to be "bros" or overcompensating, or trying to act like they own the place, they're just doing their workout and not worrying so much about what's going on around them, which is what you should be doing as well.0 -
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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They were probably uncomfortable with your ogling.0
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Does your gym have an area for women? If so, this would be the obvious solution. If not, does the gym have a circuit weight area where you progress from one weight equipment to the next, which requires people to use each weight for a given amount of time, i.e., 30 seconds and move to the next one. If neither of these are available I would talk to your trainer, and see what he recommends. Being assertive is difficult for a woman in a male dominated environment too, I sympathize with you.
Whatever you do keep up the good work, and focus on the good energy and the goals you have accomplished, do not let the negativity you are feeling from the male dominated weight area overwhelm you.
I would talk to your trainer, and if no solution is available then I would talk to someone in administration, if you are feeling this way, chances are in your favor that there are other women who also feel this way.
I have no doubt you can find a solution. Keep a smile on your face, and keep up the good work too!0 -
This isn't a female/male thing. Stop making it out to be. This is a "I was too shy to ask someone to work in when the gym was busy, so my solution was to get mad and leave then post a rant on the internet about people hogging my weights."
I have seen men do the same thing.0 -
Life is too short. Find another gym.
And then what when this happens at another gym? Screw that.
Speak up. There's a solid chance that you're misreading them...or at least not all of them are being jerks...or at least not intentionally. Ask if they're using the piece of equipment you want to use. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. If they're jerks about it at this point, then consider saying something to management (if you don't feel comfortable challenging them for their behavior on the spot).
Unless you actually are in fear for your physical safety, take a stand.
All of ^that^ said before I read the other replies...which I'll go do right now.
ETA: Okay, caught up. I'm sticking with my answer as is.0 -
That video is hilarious!0 -
I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!
She didn't even speak to a single person. All you have to say is "hey can I use this?" Having a vagina doesn't mean you're a frail little thing who can't speak to a man without the fear of assault or verbal abuse.
This isn't the first post like this. Muscled/fit men at the gym are thought to be sexist and rude to women for some reason. This perceived gym prejudice is really outdated.0 -
A lot of people want to maximize their time by working in a circuit. If I want to use something at the gym when one person is using several pieces of equipment, I ask if I can use some of the equipment between his sets. No one has ever said no, and I'm always willing to let someone else work in with me.0
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Life is too short. Find another gym.
Absolutely.
Good luck finding a gym where no one uses the equipment.0 -
It seems that you feel the gym members are all part of some grand sexist plot against you (e.g. TV loud and set to "sports" channels (cuz only dudes watch sports, amirite?)) and all the other male pi...err workers there allow it, due to the mass conspiracy.
You need to use equipment? Then ask.
It seems like you expect everyone to take notice of you, and anticipate your needs. Time to start relishing your equality.
this. this this.
I see a huge "perceived slight" due to gender differences.
No one takes "my" workout stuff without asking. They ask- or they get told what I'm doing and I'll see about letting them rotate in. I'm not letting someone come do deadlifts while I'm trying to squat. It's nonsensical.
Suck it up butter cup- go ask before just ASSUMING they are being ignorant to you.0 -
4) Grunting and other "macho" behavior should stop.
The gym should build some kind of loud alarm to stop these people. I'm sure that will be less intrusive and intimidating.0 -
Im from VENICE BEACH CALIFORNIA HOME OF GOLDS GYM AND THE APES THAT LIVE IN IT. Just take what you need cuz theyre just TESTING you to see if you will GO AWAY and sounds like theyre doing a pretty good job. theres a lot of good advice here. Yea nice first THEN TAKE WHAT YOU NEED AND DONT BLINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im kindof a *****... i give what i get
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Any chance you might join a ladies only gym. I used to belong to a regular gym and switched over to a ladies gym a couple of years ago and just love it.. For the most part the members are extremely supportive and helpful to each other. Also I find the equipment is made for women and tends to be a bit smaller and therefore easier to manage. Might be worth a try.0
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As an aside, this can be the awkward part for me.I see a huge "perceived slight" due to gender differences.
No one takes "my" workout stuff without asking. They ask- or they get told what I'm doing and I'll see about letting them rotate in. I'm not letting someone come do deadlifts while I'm trying to squat. It's nonsensical.
Suck it up butter cup- go ask before just ASSUMING they are being ignorant to you.
Oh, the power racks are all being used for bench/incline bench. I want to do squats. Guess I gotta wait for someone to finish. Ho-hum, maybe I'll awkwardly pretend to watch TV while it's plainly obvious that I want to use a power rack (there are no dedicated bench press benches at the gym I go to).
I have, on occassion, had people ask if I want to work in when doing this and then I tell them I'm waiting to do something completely different but thanks anyway.0 -
Speak up! They don't read minds.
Be strong, but not rude. Be kind, but not weak. Be bold, but don`t bully. Be humble, but not shy. Be confident, but not arrogant.
Remember to smile when you ask. It's disarming and people will usually repay kindness with kindness. If it becomes a problem that you can't handle on your own, ask to speak to a manager privately. (Write an email if you're uncomfortable with that, but again, be polite.)0 -
Wow I live in a completely different world. The guys at my gym go out of their way to help the women with anything they can. Thank you guys.0
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Ok, I tried to stay out of this, but I just can't. I get so fed up with this type of thinking. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL because of your sex. This is not a male only thing. If a guy hogs the equipment, don't you think other guys are annoyed at it as well, but they will probably ask for the equipment. Another of my pet peeves is this "only for women" thing, like most women won't get upset if the gym had an area clearly stating "Men Only" (Not counting the locker rooms before someone gets juvenile) What happened to we all want to be equal? Seriously, if ppl make you angry at the gym because they don't share, learn to speak up for yourself, or buy home gym equipment, because this in my opinion is the only two choices.0
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Complaining on the internet while silently doing nothing will surely improve your gym experience.0
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In my time I have trained heavy for competition and have "hogged" the squat stand, but if someone were to ask to set in with me then fine. Even better when it was a man who thought he could squat my weight and I ended up having to help him out of it!
Joking aside, yes I agree, it is intimidating, particularly if you are a shy person like me. Nowadays, I don't lift heavy at the moment as my training has been more off than on over the last few years. However whenever I restart at the gym, eventually I want to use the heavier free weights and squat stand, and I just have to get over the feeling that I am intruding into a "private club".
The last time I started doing heavier bench presses where I felt I needed the stand, I also felt that I wanted to push myself a little harder, but there were no staff around to help. I eyballed somebody around my age (60) and asked him if he would mind helping me for a few minutes as I was unsure what weight I could handle. I'm sure at first he thought I was "coming on" to him but he agreed. After I finished he also asked if I wanted to do another set. It wasn't easy asking him, but I really wanted to use more weight and that was the only way.
Some men are oblivious yes, but I think some put up a deliberate exclusion zone that you have to break through, with good manners. Having said that, I don't find it any easier now that I did 20 years ago!!0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-91_iXATY8
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