Horrible experience in the gym tonight
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Yeah, you just have to make yourself walk over there and pick up what you need or ask if you can use the bench. They probably are just doing their own thing and don't mean to be intimidating to you. Most people will share the equipment if you ask nicely.
If you asked and they said no, then that would be grounds to speak to a manager and/or take your business elsewhere.0 -
Just tell them you need to use it. This happened to me, a big muscly guy was sitting and texting on a machine I needed, so I just politely asked to work in and he moved his *kitten* quite quickly. I think you're being a little sensitive. You pay money and you have the right to use it. If it's a real issue, talk to a manager.0
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Oh, boy! I have experienced this at my gym too. I was eyeballing a weight machine for my arms and two guys were taking turns doing sets on it and hogging it up. Thankfully, they finally got their tails up and moved to the free weights once I made my way to it, but I did not think they were ever going to release the machine to the public. There are not many people at my gym which is a good thing and most of the guys stick to the free weights and dumbbells side, while the ladies usually stick to the weight machines. But I understand what you mean to the fullest extent! I would complain or go over the trainer's head.0
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I would have probably done the same as you in my early gym days, not because I thought they were big evil men, but simply because I'm incredibly shy and introverted. I agree that you should try being friendly and/or going at a less busy time first before complaining. You say you are a confident professional woman. Pretend they are clients and act like you know what you are doing.0
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so what;s stopping you from going over and saying that if no one is using a bench/space that you want to work in? every gym i've ever belonged to has been the same in that regards where usually people spread out without thinking and all you have to do is say is hey can you move over a bit and they will do so.
i've done it at my gyms (and the one i go to now tends to be very "bro-ish") and the guys are always pretty cool about being like "oh no i wasnt using that" and tidying up a bit so they take up less space.
closed mouths dont get fed and people cant mind read (well most cant)0 -
So, I've lifted weights in 3 different gyms over the last 10 or so years, and I've never had that problem.
I mean, I have no issue going up to a guy and saying "are you using that bench" or "how many sets do you have" or even "can I work in between sets?" And usually the response is something like "We have one more set" or "go ahead" and they're actually pretty nice about it. Maybe it's because, whether or not I "look like" I belong there, I act like it. I'm polite, I try to be considerate of others (although I do circuits and so sometimes take up a bench for 20-30 minutes, but I try to be aware of whether someone else is waiting or not … "try" being the operative word there), and I will give a friendly smile to anyone who looks me in the eye.
I hate to say it, OP, but I think your insecurities might be the issue more than anything. Unless you have actually asked for the weights/bench/to work in/whatever, and they've been rude. If that's the case, talk to the people working there, or take it up to management if necessary.0 -
I've never been to a gym that's not like this. I hear there are fabled places that are different, but I assume they are on Mars.
I train in my basement because I have zero time for dude bros.
I live on Mars. Seriously though, I guess I'm really fortunate that I have a gym (actually a recreation center that has outdone itself) that is huge, has tons of equipment, and pretty awesome people. I've been going there 10 months and have yet to encounter anything other than people minding their own business and going about their workouts. I think maybe the worst thing I've encountered is being there in the evening and having to stretch while waiting for a machine to open up. But I don't do machines anymore, so I don't worry about it.
OP: Were it me, I would have gone over to those guys, politely confronted them and asked for use of the bar. Assert yourself- you have every right to be there and use the equipment! If it's too uncomfortable for you, maybe another gym is a better option?0 -
Oh, boy! I have experienced this at my gym too. I was eyeballing a weight machine for my arms and two guys were taking turns doing sets on it and hogging it up. Thankfully, they finally got their tails up and moved to the free weights once I made my way to it, but I did not think they were ever going to release the machine to the public. There are not many people at my gym which is a good thing and most of the guys stick to the free weights and dumbbells side, while the ladies usually stick to the weight machines. But I understand what you mean to the fullest extent! I would complain or go over the trainer's head.
Is there like a set time that one is permitted to use a machine while not being a jerk? Because when I am doing, oh let's say, squat day, I have to do two sets of five, on set of three, one set of five, one set of three, one set to failure, then five sets of ten, all at different weights with rest in between. It takes time. If people working out constitutes "hogging" equipment, then everyone at the gym is hogging equipment. Also, these two guys were working sets in, each using while the other rests- which means they were maximizing use of the machine for the time they had.
wow.
i'm glad I don't have y'all's mentality about working out. I don't view myself as at odds with other folks. I view us as all being there for the same damned thing.0 -
If you are tied into the gym then I would put a complaint in writing about there not being enough equipment to go around and/or the practice of stockpiling without blaming any individuals. If not tied to the gym then I would look elsewhere for somewhere where you feel more comfortable. Just a note to add, stating that women are 'prancing' around at zumba probably puts you in the league with those men that you accuse of making judgements. It takes all sorts of ways to lead a fit and healthy life and plenty of people enjoy zumba but still use weights and even if not, it can be quite serious business, though I do understand what you were trying to express rather badly.0
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I've never been to a gym that's not like this. I hear there are fabled places that are different, but I assume they are on Mars.
I train in my basement because I have zero time for dude bros.
I live on Mars. Seriously though, I guess I'm really fortunate that I have a gym (actually a recreation center that has outdone itself) that is huge, has tons of equipment, and pretty awesome people. I've been going there 10 months and have yet to encounter anything other than people minding their own business and going about their workouts. I think maybe the worst thing I've encountered is being there in the evening and having to stretch while waiting for a machine to open up. But I don't do machines anymore, so I don't worry about it.
OP: Were it me, I would have gone over to those guys, politely confronted them and asked for use of the bar. Assert yourself- you have every right to be there and use the equipment! If it's too uncomfortable for you, maybe another gym is a better option?
but is an outright confrontation the best way to resolve it?
confronting just seems a bit aggressive for the situation especially since how are they supposed to know she wanted to use the equipment?confrontation usually implies that you've gone beyond he level of politely asking which the OP clearly hasnt done besides the eye daggers which really dont mean anything in real life communication0 -
I would've asked before leaving. You came to the gym to workout. I doubt they would have said no and if they did, report them. They need to know that you mean business and came there to workout.
I would also buy some sassy shirt about being at the gym to workout, not talk or text.0 -
I think guys are like that. But, sometimes they are just comfortable in the surroundings and make themselves at home. You have to go ask them if you can take a bar, or work in. See what response you get. They may be accommodating. If they are not, go to another gym where you don't have to deal with bad attitudes.
But, you owe it to yourself to be sure your perception is accurate first.
As someone said, life is too short.0 -
You should report it to the staff. It is totally inconsiderate and I'm sure not part of gym etiquette. If you do say something you should say it isn't just affecting you but other people.
Speaking to management would be a better option. Staff sometimes does nothing. Management can light a fire under someone or change policy.0 -
It seems that you feel the gym members are all part of some grand sexist plot against you (e.g. TV loud and set to "sports" channels (cuz only dudes watch sports, amirite?)) and all the other male pi...err workers there allow it, due to the mass conspiracy.
You need to use equipment? Then ask.
It seems like you expect everyone to take notice of you, and anticipate your needs. Time to start relishing your equality.0 -
If they are trying to intimidate you, you'll know it and it will be a lot more tense feeling than having to go around someone or ask them for something, yeah.
A lot of situations have a culture of making sure everyone is at ease and very cooperative (including very many professional situations), but the weights room isn't necessarily one of them. It's not really a social or business gathering, if that makes sense. It is for the guy friends who are there together, so it can feel cliquish, but that's just how it goes when some folks come together and others don't.
But if you are looking for professional cordialness, don't necessarily expect to find it in weight rooms or subways around the world, lol. Some are great, though. It depends on the people who go there.0 -
I'm a bit surprised by some of these comments. You have a legitimate issue here and I'm not sure most of the men here get it. How about going to management and suggesting a women's weight area/room? This is an intimidating issue at least. And yes there is value in confronting or asking them. But there is also such a thing as gym etiquette and you might look around and see if there are places that value such etiquette. At my gym there are busy periods, which I avoid if possible...personal preference.
Much luck on this!!! And don't give up!!0 -
OP states she has been a member there for 18mths & this wasn't that much of an issue to start with. It would make me wonder if there has been an influx of new members who don't suss the gym etiquette. I'd speak to management or staff first off. Chances are if it's that bad a few other folk will be hacked off too. I'd probably have wandered over to the other woman who was hanging about looking a bit lost too. Nothing like getting a few reinforcements. Failing that join another gym if situation isn't resolved after either, speaking to the guys directly, or speaking to staff/management. I switched to an all female gym after my old membership was up. Never had any issues with anything at the new one. Good luck OP.0
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That is exactly why I just bought my exercise equipment and train at home. It's available anytime I want it.0
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Under normal circumstances, I would recommend asking for what you need. But it is obvious that the gym etiquette doesn't appear to be in place at your gym. I would have a conversation with the manager. Explain that you are going to have to move on if they don't do a better job of managing. Be very clear what you are bothered by: 1) Television volume should be off. 2) Equipment should be returned when it isn't being used. 3) Benches are for people working out on a bench. 4) Grunting and other "macho" behavior should stop.
But be ready to walk, because it appears to be a pervasive issue.0 -
Thank you everyone, especially those who understand how it feels or were able to express themselves kindly even if disagreeing with me. It appears some people think 'tough love' works but not for me I'm afraid. I guess I brought that on myself.....
As I said, in the past it was a nicer atmosphere and I had less issues in asking someone if they were using something or finished. It is just lately that's not the case, it has changed. Even my personal trainer has commented on it, particulalry the messiness and the hoarding. He has clients (both genders) who flatly refuse to work out down there because of the atmosphere, at least I do give it a go.
I am not easily intimidated and work in a fairly male dominated industrial environment so am used to that. I also think you can read body language and behaviour at least a little and can tell when people are just preoccupied or being a bit thoughtless but would be open to be sharing space or equipment, and when they are not. And tonight felt like they weren't and it put me off trying. And whilst this may not be a "grand sexist plot' - yes this is a gender thing to a certain extent - I rarely see women behaving this way.
Naive maybe, I guess I just think weights areas shouldn't be exclusively for people lifting big weights or those sufficiently confident to barge on in regardless. Some basic courtesy and etiquette would not go amiss without being asked. On reflection, I think I will mention it to the manager so they have the option of acting if they choose to.
Int the meantime I'll try not to let it put me off , though maybe will go at quieter times when the equipment is not in such high demand & also when this particular group of people seem to be there. (I wish I had the space to train at home but no such luck!) I'm a bit limited in other gym options but might look into that too, just as a backup.
Thanks again to the sympathetic & encouraging responses. I will try not to be a wimp if there is a next time!0 -
I just ask if I can work in with them. Answer is always either yes, or I have only one set to go.0
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So I give up...So I leave.
Why?
Why not just go up and ask?0 -
Girl, Find another gym! I have never heard of such foolishness!!!!!:noway:0
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I think if you are going to lift with the big boys you need to learn how to ask for the equipment. A quick, " you using that?" or " can I have that bench if you're done?" should suffice.
If they are truly giving you attitude, go find some help from someone in the admin staff they will listen to.
Challenge them! Bad behavior does get worse in groups. Don't put up with it. at all.0 -
Thank you everyone, especially those who understand how it feels or were able to express themselves kindly even if disagreeing with me. It appears some people think 'tough love' works but not for me I'm afraid. I guess I brought that on myself.....
As I said, in the past it was a nicer atmosphere and I had less issues in asking someone if they were using something or finished. It is just lately that's not the case, it has changed. Even my personal trainer has commented on it, particulalry the messiness and the hoarding. He has clients (both genders) who flatly refuse to work out down there because of the atmosphere, at least I do give it a go.
I am not easily intimidated and work in a fairly male dominated industrial environment so am used to that. I also think you can read body language and behaviour at least a little and can tell when people are just preoccupied or being a bit thoughtless but would be open to be sharing space or equipment, and when they are not. And tonight felt like they weren't and it put me off trying. And whilst this may not be a "grand sexist plot' - yes this is a gender thing to a certain extent - I rarely see women behaving this way.
Naive maybe, I guess I just think weights areas shouldn't be exclusively for people lifting big weights or those sufficiently confident to barge on in regardless. Some basic courtesy and etiquette would not go amiss without being asked. On reflection, I think I will mention it to the manager so they have the option of acting if they choose to.
Int the meantime I'll try not to let it put me off , though maybe will go at quieter times when the equipment is not in such high demand & also when this particular group of people seem to be there. (I wish I had the space to train at home but no such luck!) I'm a bit limited in other gym options but might look into that too, just as a backup.
Thanks again to the sympathetic & encouraging responses. I will try not to be a wimp if there is a next time!
There can be some weird kind of different etiquette for some guys (or cultures), and it's still etiquette. My brother can be super-polite and prides himself on his good manners (he's originally Southern like the rest of the family
). But in certain domains, he is not what I consider polite. But he explains the etiquette breakdown and it makes more sense. Oh, there's a different code sometimes, much like studying in the library at uni or being on a plane vs a crowded subway, etc.
Basically, sometimes if you don't ask, you aren't doing it right. The etiquette is to ask. It's a different etiquette, but it still has a framework, if that makes sense.
I don't always like those kinds of environments myself, particularly when it starts out that way and then ruder people actually break that more lax etiquette. I had problems with two jerks in the weight room, and it did get on my nerves having to put up with their drama. Jerks can definitely exist and make situations too uncomfortable to bother with.0 -
You just need to cowgirl up and say, "hey, can I use those since you are not using them?" " do you mind if I do a few sets on this bench?" Just politely say something about it. Some people aren't so aware of how courteous they are being to others, and you just have to speak up. I doubt their behavior had anything to do with you personally.0
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They lift weights, they are not mind readers, ask for what you need. Lingering around a piece of equipment or eyeballing it is no indication that you want to use it.0
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They are probably into their workout and more than likely clueless to the barriers they are setting up for you. State clearly: "I'm going to use this." then do it. If all else fails, start putting tampons around to scare them away.0
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A lot of this is in your head. if you didn't ask the guys to use the equipment then you don't know. guys are for the most part pretty oblivious. they don't walk around trying to be helpful. you have to let them know. mind reading and empathy is not something guys are good at. girls are good at it so they expect guys would intuitively figure this out. but guys are just not hard wired the same way.
just ask them and they'll figure it out. if you did and they were openly rude to you that's another story but it's not what you described. these are just guys who don't clean up after themselves and are oblivious. but hey, they're GUYS!0 -
Sounds like you were buzzing around like a fly, looking clueless and acting sheepish as if you don't know what you're doing.
Maybe you do, but it's not up to them to thrust a barbell in your hand. And maybe if you'd actually asked, you would have gotten a bench.0
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