Self Hate -- Weekend Rant
Replies
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Couldn't have said this better myself.
I'm with you on this one. She also doesn't have any direct issue with the other girl and has even said that she thinks they are going to be good friends and they have each other on Instagram. She was just causing her own insecurities in her head, she made that clear. Many of us do that from time to time. From everything in her post to all of her responses I think she seems like a very nice person who just needed a moment to vent. But some of the responses here are exactly why I don't vent here and go to some more supportive forums I'm on. Not hating on any of the comments, just saying that I don't post anything personal here for good reason.I think you have deep seeded emotional issues that need to be addressed..
I really do not see what the other chick did, besides looking hot...
Nah. I've been following this thread and she actually seems kinda cool. She said from the get go that it was probably in her head but she wanted to rant anyway. And she took comments, jokes, and insults from this thread like a champ. She's OK. I mean, she might be a little cray, but isn't that true of all chicks?0 -
Wow - I am appalled by some of these comments! The OP wrote this with 100% honesty, knowing what she did was wrong and still people want to attack her?
Op you are are not alone, my husband asked me over the weekend why I don't like going out anymore (bars, clubs, etc.) and it's simply because I am unhappy in my skin and do not want people looking at me. He argued that I am the only one that sees it that way and even though that may be 100% true it doesn't mean I am any happier with myself.
THAT is why we joined this site, to make changes, to meet great people for motivation - not to be run down by people that cannot admit they have had one bad day. Ignore the negative comments, it takes a lot for someone to post such honesty on here and I give you credit for that. No one is perfect, don't believe what they say!0 -
Wow - I am appalled by some of these comments! The OP wrote this with 100% honesty, knowing what she did was wrong and still people want to attack her?
Op you are are not alone, my husband asked me over the weekend why I don't like going out anymore (bars, clubs, etc.) and it's simply because I am unhappy in my skin and do not want people looking at me. He argued that I am the only one that sees it that way and even though that may be 100% true it doesn't mean I am any happier with myself.
THAT is why we joined this site, to make changes, to meet great people for motivation - not to be run down by people that cannot admit they have had one bad day. Ignore the negative comments, it takes a lot for someone to post such honesty on here and I give you credit for that. No one is perfect, don't believe what they say!0 -
"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised."
~ Proverbs 31:30
You'll never be beautiful on the outside if you're not beautiful on the inside first.
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I was in a similar situation as you where there was a guy I liked who brought along a gorgeous, slim female friend whom I felt he'd like better. I was really tempted to feel sorry for myself and constantly compare myself against my "competition" and drown my sorrows in alcohol. It is very tempting to compare yourself against someone else you think is better than in some way, but I just tried to have fun, got to know the girl better and had a great time. At the end of the night, the guy was making out with me, not her. But in an interesting twist, she and I became friends and I found out that she had been jealous of me the whole night because of how everyone had enjoyed hanging out with me and how pretty she thought I was. She liked the guy, too, but felt like she couldn't compete against me. I don't talk to that guy anymore because he turned out not to be worth all the trouble, but that girl is one of my good friends now.
I understand not feeling comfortable in your skin and not wanting to go out with people. But your attitude can color so much of your situation. I used to read a lot of things in to how other women treated me when I was bigger and I assumed they thought I was ugly and horrible for being so fat. But I have since learned that all of the things I assumed they thought were just the things I thought about myself which I projected on others and that a lot of those women thought much more highly of me than I did of myself. I'm sure most women like you just fine and some could even be good friends if you just gave them a chance.
The biggest thing I've learned, though, from losing weight is that getting slimmer doesn't solve your problems. Instead it just takes away the excuse you gave yourself for your life not being where you wanted it to be. I know plenty of women who are heavier than me who live the kind of life I want for myself and losing weight has finally forced me to deal with the real issue keeping me from what I want which is my own attitude and self-esteem.
Good luck on your journey. You are doing great. Just don't let yourself get in your own way.0 -
We're 6 pages in, so you probably won't read this, but next time when you meet someone like that, just introduce yourself and say, "wow, you're so pretty". Then move on and don't talk about your weight loss, how much you're eating, etc. Just acknowledge her beauty and move on. It shows that it's not that important to you. When you keep talking about looks and weight and eating, it makes it sounds like the only valuable thing you have to offer is your looks.0
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You know, I was really trying hard to stay out of this thread, but I feel like I need to make one last attempt here to actually help someone because that's just my brand of "supportive."
Anyway, OP, it's like this. Self-loathing is like going to war with yourself. Both sides are evenly matched. You will not win unless you bring in some reinforcements.
The truth is, your attitude towards yourself was probably a complete turn off for him, which is why he showed more interest in the other girl. You projected your insecurities on him and he saw you exactly as you saw yourself. Sure, you can continue to battle with yourself, but you won't really be able to participate in a functional relationship until you win the unwinnable war.0 -
You know, I was really trying hard to stay out of this thread, but I feel like I need to make one last attempt here to actually help someone because that's just my brand of "supportive."
Anyway, OP, it's like this. Self-loathing is like going to war with yourself. Both sides are evenly matched. You will not win unless you bring in some reinforcements.
The truth is, your attitude towards yourself was probably a complete turn off for him, which is why he showed more interest in the other girl. You projected your insecurities on him and he saw you exactly as you saw yourself. Sure, you can continue to battle with yourself, but you won't really be able to participate in a functional relationship until you win the unwinnable war.
You seem to know a lot about this guy's motivations and reactions...wait a minute...are you that guy?0 -
You know, I was really trying hard to stay out of this thread, but I feel like I need to make one last attempt here to actually help someone because that's just my brand of "supportive."
Anyway, OP, it's like this. Self-loathing is like going to war with yourself. Both sides are evenly matched. You will not win unless you bring in some reinforcements.
The truth is, your attitude towards yourself was probably a complete turn off for him, which is why he showed more interest in the other girl. You projected your insecurities on him and he saw you exactly as you saw yourself. Sure, you can continue to battle with yourself, but you won't really be able to participate in a functional relationship until you win the unwinnable war.
You seem to know a lot about this guy's motivations and reactions...wait a minute...are you that guy?
Oh yes... because no two men ever act alike.0 -
You know, I was really trying hard to stay out of this thread, but I feel like I need to make one last attempt here to actually help someone because that's just my brand of "supportive."
Anyway, OP, it's like this. Self-loathing is like going to war with yourself. Both sides are evenly matched. You will not win unless you bring in some reinforcements.
The truth is, your attitude towards yourself was probably a complete turn off for him, which is why he showed more interest in the other girl. You projected your insecurities on him and he saw you exactly as you saw yourself. Sure, you can continue to battle with yourself, but you won't really be able to participate in a functional relationship until you win the unwinnable war.
You seem to know a lot about this guy's motivations and reactions...wait a minute...are you that guy?
Nah. She's just been alove long enough to notice people's responses to other people's attitudes. You don't need a Ph.D. in psychology to deduce how someone would react to a woman's extreme insecurity that she admits to having demonstrated in the ocassion in question.
People do not react positively to others' insecurity and desperation.0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!
She doesn't hate herself, she had a bad day.
But sure, all of us who posted in here need to be in therapy and popping pills.0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!
She doesn't hate herself, she had a bad day.
But sure, all of us who posted in here need to be in therapy and popping pills.
No one said anything about popping pills.
And I'm pretty sure she titled this thread with "Self-Hate" and then, subsequently ranted about her own behavior which she wasn't happy with... acknowledging a problem that she needs to address.
However, you and many others want to brush it off as normal because you all do it too. And if everyone does it, then it must be normal so therefore, no issue needs to be addressed.
Makes total sense!0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!
She doesn't hate herself, she had a bad day.
But sure, all of us who posted in here need to be in therapy and popping pills.
No one said anything about popping pills.
And I'm pretty sure she titled this thread with "Self-Hate" and then, subsequently ranted about her own behavior which she wasn't happy with... acknowledging a problem that she needs to address.
However, you and many others want to brush it off as normal because you all do it too. And if everyone does it, then it must be normal so therefore, no issue needs to be addressed.
Makes total sense!
Project much?0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!
We get it, we get it, we get it. Everybody needs therapy. Everybody has something gravely wrong with them that will prevent them from being 'normal'. Everyone needs serious help because because because.
.......or maybe, just maybe, you're projecting your own insecurities on everyone else. I wonder....0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!
She doesn't hate herself, she had a bad day.
But sure, all of us who posted in here need to be in therapy and popping pills.
No one said anything about popping pills.
And I'm pretty sure she titled this thread with "Self-Hate" and then, subsequently ranted about her own behavior which she wasn't happy with... acknowledging a problem that she needs to address.
However, you and many others want to brush it off as normal because you all do it too. And if everyone does it, then it must be normal so therefore, no issue needs to be addressed.
Makes total sense!
Project much?
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"With lots of words comes wrongdoing, but the wise restrain their lips."
~Proverbs 10:19
Common English Bible0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!
We get it, we get it, we get it. Everybody needs therapy. Everybody has something gravely wrong with them that will prevent them from being 'normal'. Everyone needs serious help because because because.
.......or maybe, just maybe, you're projecting your own insecurities on everyone else. I wonder....
No... I'm trying to help someone that actually needs it.
But... I don't ignore my problems when they come to light or make excuses for my bad behavior. When I see something about myself that I don't like, I make some kind of effort to change it.
But, by all means, soothe and coddle the OP.0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!
We get it, we get it, we get it. Everybody needs therapy. Everybody has something gravely wrong with them that will prevent them from being 'normal'. Everyone needs serious help because because because.
.......or maybe, just maybe, you're projecting your own insecurities on everyone else. I wonder....
No... I'm trying to help someone that actually needs it.
But... I don't ignore my problems when they come to light or make excuses for my bad behavior. When I see something about myself that I don't like, I make some kind of effort to change it.
But, by all means, soothe and coddle the OP.
While making sure that I tell everyone else they have the same problem. Because dysfunction loves company.0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!
We get it, we get it, we get it. Everybody needs therapy. Everybody has something gravely wrong with them that will prevent them from being 'normal'. Everyone needs serious help because because because.
.......or maybe, just maybe, you're projecting your own insecurities on everyone else. I wonder....
No... I'm trying to help someone that actually needs it.
But... I don't ignore my problems when they come to light or make excuses for my bad behavior. When I see something about myself that I don't like, I make some kind of effort to change it.
But, by all means, soothe and coddle the OP.
While making sure that I tell everyone else they have the same problem. Because dysfunction loves company.
No... but that was the argument that I kept seeing over and over...
"Everyone does this sometimes so it's okay."
But just because people can identify with the behavior, doesn't mean that the behavior is okay.
I really was reluctant to post that, but yes, I think many that are in support of the OP ignoring the problem are probably inclined to self-loathing as well.
Hell, nobody who hates themselves wants to address the issue, because they want to hate on themselves.
Does that make sense?0 -
And honestly, I'm not projecting my own insecurities.
Someone I care for is suffering from this same problem... he also refuses to get help. I suppose I'm trying to save OP since I can't save him.
But I am legitimately concerned here, and believe the OP could use the help of a qualified professional. I am frustrated because so many people want to dismiss her behavior when it actually indicates a pretty serious problem so maybe I'm a bit on the defensive, and jumped too quickly to generalize others in this thread.0 -
There is always going to be someone smaller, thinner, fitter, prettier and now that I've reached the ripe old age of 55..YOUNGER. Boo hoo. In the end IF we're lucky, we all get old. Beauty is fleeting. Learn to love yourself and surround yourself with people deserving of your love. Strive for healthy and happy!!!! Lose the drama!0
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And honestly, I'm not projecting my own insecurities.
Someone I care for is suffering from this same problem... he also refuses to get help. I suppose I'm trying to save OP since I can't save him.
But I am legitimately concerned here, and believe the OP could use the help of a qualified professional. I am frustrated because so many people want to dismiss her behavior when it actually indicates a pretty serious problem so maybe I'm a bit on the defensive, and jumped too quickly to generalize others in this thread.
Didn't you say "Peace Out," or something like that?
I'm not an expert on idioms, but doesn't that usually mean you are going away?0 -
And honestly, I'm not projecting my own insecurities.
Someone I care for is suffering from this same problem... he also refuses to get help. I suppose I'm trying to save OP since I can't save him.
But I am legitimately concerned here, and believe the OP could use the help of a qualified professional. I am frustrated because so many people want to dismiss her behavior when it actually indicates a pretty serious problem so maybe I'm a bit on the defensive, and jumped too quickly to generalize others in this thread.
Didn't you say "Peace Out," or something like that?
I'm not an expert on idioms, but doesn't that usually mean you are going away?
Not likely.0 -
This was interesting.
Peace out.0 -
This was interesting.
Peace out.
So we'll see you in 10 minutes, then?0 -
This was interesting.
Peace out.
So we'll see you in 10 minutes, then?
Snicker...0 -
Nah - it was, according to the time stamps, only 4 minutes.
The first time, that is.0 -
I'm sorry... but anyone in this thread that thinks it is okay for her to acknowledge the problem, but not address the problem, probably has the exact same problem.
Enjoy hating yourselves, since you obviously relish in the pain you cause yourselves.
I'm going to move on from this thread because I'm actually trying to be healthy and there are too many in here content with how they are when they know they have a problem.
(Which, coincidentally, is what this guy will do unless he is just emotionally damaged too.)
Peace out!
She doesn't hate herself, she had a bad day.
But sure, all of us who posted in here need to be in therapy and popping pills.
No one said anything about popping pills.
And I'm pretty sure she titled this thread with "Self-Hate" and then, subsequently ranted about her own behavior which she wasn't happy with... acknowledging a problem that she needs to address.
However, you and many others want to brush it off as normal because you all do it too. And if everyone does it, then it must be normal so therefore, no issue needs to be addressed.
Makes total sense!
Not that I think you're going to check this board anymore, but at the end of her post she also said:I think it’s really hard to go out and stay on track. Not only that, I need to say better things about and to myself. I read on a post and watched in a documentary that a lot of this weight loss journey is about the mind and that’s something I need to work on. I want to be happier with myself no matter who is around. Everyone I met was great and I am sure I will see them again, my team won the football game, and I had a good time. I really ruined it by thinking too much and doing so much self-hate.
I just felt that I wanted to vent and post this. Thanks for reading.
She did address that her negativity was an issue and she understood the flaws in her behaviour... her self hating rant was projected towards the fact that she behaved this way, not on the fact that she is unhappy with her appearence and no where did she say she wanted to stay that way...
I also only saw the first and last page, though didn't see anyone telling her "hey, keep doing what you're doing and stay unhappy" (or anything along those lines)... most people did give words of advice on how to improve...
but then again, I'm also tossing my two cents in when I didn't read everything else, so meh....
OP, glad you recognized the negativity in your behaviour and I wish you the best of luck in over coming it Sometimes, even if you can't do what other's have suggested and praise yourself, the simple act of keeping your mouth shut and not speaking the self loathing can do wonders. And then, when you get that down, progressing to replacing the negative with positive becomes easier too. Best of luck with the rest of your "be healthy" journey
Edited to fix my quote box and have my post make a bit more sense 0 -
I loved this post, and I hope you are still reading it!
Two weeks ago I had two dates that I met online I was really looking forward to- one more than the other but I was excited to meet both guys. Saturday night guy and I texted for two days straight and he asked if we could meet for drinks on Friday because "he just couldn't wait". I walked out the door thinking I looked hot, I even texted my friend and told her that the poor boy didn't stand a chance. I had that much confidence in how I looked. We had drinks he went off to his other plans and I went home.
The next morning as I was getting ready for my coffee date, drinks guy canceled for that night. Now, he could have met someone while out with friends the prior night, he could have been turned off by my personality but all I could focus on was my size. So, as I’m getting ready for my next date my confidence is a bit deflated but I still thought I looked good- profile pic. We had an awesome date I really felt we had a connection. He didn't ask for another date and I was devastated, two in one day was a bit more than I my shaky self-esteem could handle.
I told my friends I was just too big to date and that I was done. I couldn't handle the rejection anymore. I ran straight to my not good for me ex, but he reminded me of one very important thing. I WAS sexy to someone. And although we cannot be together he found me desirable and wanted to me. Now I need to find a way to put my big girl panties on and go back to dating because no one is going to find me sitting at home with the cats.
Good luck and vent away it's healthy!! :flowerforyou:0
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