Marriage vows.. why bother anymore?

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digitalbill
digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
in Chit-Chat
I see so many posts about people talking about leaving a spouse because "I am not happy anymore".

Do the promises made really mean that little anymore in todays society?
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Replies

  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
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    That would differ with each individual. I spent years miserable and put up with a lot that I never should have for two reasons. One, because I have two kids and couldn't stand the thought of being a 2 weekend per month parent. And two, because I am a man of my word. If I give my word, I will walk through hell and b!tch slap the devil trying to keep it. That being said, when she decided to screw other guys, I felt I was morally released from any promise I made regarding staying with her.

    And, if you are the religious type, Jesus agrees. See Matthew 19:9
  • iamanadult
    iamanadult Posts: 709 Member
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    Vows are made to be broken.

    tumblr_inline_mjm0o1MTGr1qz4rgp.gif
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should just enter into marriages like legal contracts that have to be legally terminated. I'm good with that. I don't think people should stay married when they are miserable. A lot of couples probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.


    HOWEVER. I've been with my husband 12 years, married 9.5 and we are very happy. Our vows are important to us and we plan on keeping them. But I'm not one to judge anyone else for not keeping theirs.
  • asianmonkie
    asianmonkie Posts: 264
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    People enter into marriage with different expectations and when those expectations are not met, they try to look for something better hoping to find their "prince charming" or their "homely wives" (is that the correct term?). Others get married for fear of getting too old and not being able to find anyone else that will put up with them. That's just my take. I am not and have never been married so I can't say first hand.
  • fannyfrost
    fannyfrost Posts: 756 Member
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    Some people make mistakes, like my brother who married a crazy lady. He tried way longer than he should have.

    Some people don't make the marriage important they get so wrapped up in the kids and the day to day they wake up one day next to a stranger.

    Marriage does take work I love my husband married 19 years. Mostly they were good, but you gotta work thru the tough parts. I think many people have the wrong expectation. They expect marriage to fix things or they expect to chane him. Many women were raised thinking that marriage is perfect. They think it should be this wonderful image. Men sometimes go in thinking that they will be taken care of. It just doesn't always work that way sometimes you gotta adapt but not all people can. I don't think you should be miserable forever but the goal is to try.
  • SeoulKim05
    SeoulKim05 Posts: 116 Member
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    No. I just think they are more.....uncaring about what others think. Way back when they were just as unhappy, but stayed to save "face".
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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    who cares. to each their own.
  • skinnybunny_x
    skinnybunny_x Posts: 449
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    Most people under a certain age can't handle marriage, because we are raised in a society that doesn't value real commitment.

    But who cares. There are still some people who have morals, it's just harder to find.
  • AshwinA7
    AshwinA7 Posts: 102 Member
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    I'm not necessarily talking about marriage but let me just say this.

    Just because things were done a certain way in the past, does not mean that they were the correct way to do things.
  • NotRailMeat
    NotRailMeat Posts: 509 Member
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    Maybe marriage should just be a 5 year contract with a renewal clause.... Divorce attorneys could transfer over to writing the contracts and free up the courts to handle more important issues.

    It wouldn't matter either way to those of us who actually respect our vows and respect our spouses.

    BTW, my wife and I have been together for 19 years (Married 18) and disagree occasionally, but we have NEVER had an argument.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    Do the promises made really mean that little anymore in todays society?

    We've created such a me culture anymore, most people are too wrapped up in what they get out of a marriage to ever put anything in it. So for many, they will continue to find whatever, and whoever gives them the most personal satisfaction in the moment. Then move on to the easy fix.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    I fought for 4 years to keep mine together. At some point I had to decide that him screwing other women just wasn't okay. After I found out about the 4th one I couldn't take it anymore.

    I think some people aren't mature enough to know what they really want when they get married and they aren't mature enough to fix problems while married. Other people's relationships are none of my business.
  • Fit_girl4life
    Fit_girl4life Posts: 7 Member
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    Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should just enter into marriages like legal contracts that have to be legally terminated. I'm good with that. I don't think people should stay married when they are miserable. A lot of couples probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.


    HOWEVER. I've been with my husband 12 years, married 9.5 and we are very happy. Our vows are important to us and we plan on keeping them. But I'm not one to judge anyone else for not keeping theirs.

    That's what marriages are technically...a contract. It does fall under contract law.
  • kyleekay10
    kyleekay10 Posts: 1,812 Member
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    Here's a question for your question, OP:

    Should promises really mean more than potentially spending the rest of your *one* life completely unhappy, just because you said "I do"?

    Some people probably back out of marriages far too quickly and with too little effort. But once the effort to resolve the issues has been put in, and things still aren't good, then I think they have every right to leave... regardless of the vows. Life is too precious and too short to spend it miserable.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should just enter into marriages like legal contracts that have to be legally terminated. I'm good with that. I don't think people should stay married when they are miserable. A lot of couples probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.


    HOWEVER. I've been with my husband 12 years, married 9.5 and we are very happy. Our vows are important to us and we plan on keeping them. But I'm not one to judge anyone else for not keeping theirs.

    That's what marriages are technically...a contract. It does fall under contract law.

    That was my point. Lets skip the "till death do us part" vow and just say "until we decide to legally terminate the contract, or either party dies". Not romantic but that's basically what is happening anyway.
  • bvincentelp
    bvincentelp Posts: 36 Member
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    Life is too short to spend it with someone that makes you miserable.

    I've been happily married for almost 25 years, I picked a good one. Some people pick bad ones and realize it later.
  • audigal2008
    audigal2008 Posts: 1,129 Member
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    I guess it takes 2 to tango! I meant my vows! I just married an insecure crisis type man! I've dealt with cheating! (In my home! While I was there) And I still stayed! I deserve better than that! So ya! Divorce!
  • KL124
    KL124 Posts: 44 Member
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    A good marriage takes a lot of hard work and love. The vows that I said in front of my husband, friends, family, and God are some of the most important words that I've ever said. Luckily, I have a wonderful husband who makes it easy to stay true to those vows.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    Just because you see a bunch of posts about unhappy marriages doesn't mean people shouldn't bother anymore. That's absurd. For every negative post, there are likely dozens of satisfied people who feel no need to post a rant about their marriage. You're only seeing the bad side, because unhappy people tend to complain, while happy people just move on about their business.

    The 50% divorce rates accounts for all marriages, including repeaters. It's actually not quite as high as 50%. Divorced people are more likely to end up divorced again, and their 2nd and 3rd marriages (etc.) go back into the statistical pool, raising the overall rate.

    Anyway, why make other people's problems your own? No need to stress about it. Just make you own life happy. :flowerforyou:
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    Here's a question for your question, OP:

    Should promises really mean more than potentially spending the rest of your *one* life completely unhappy, just because you said "I do"?

    Some people probably back out of marriages far too quickly and with too little effort. But once the effort to resolve the issues has been put in, and things still aren't good, then I think they have every right to leave... regardless of the vows. Life is too precious and too short to spend it miserable.
    Well, that is an excellent question.
    Now, I agree that, under some circumstances, divorce is a viable option.
    Abuse and adultery come to mind.
    It just seems to me like I am seeing more and more threads of people just wanting to divorce simply because they aren't happy.
    To me personally, that is like quitting. Now, maybe some want INTO the marriage way to fast but, I dunno.. It really just seems like not only are people quick to call it quits but, there are a lot of people cheering that decision.
    FWIW, I was married once. Divorced after almost 4 years. She was the batallion party favor.
    My new marrige is going on 15 years.
    I am not saying that divorce is NEVER the answer but, it just seems to be to simple of a solution from what I have been observing.

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