Marriage vows.. why bother anymore?

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  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    You're only seeing the bad side, because unhappy people tend to complain, while happy people just move on about their business.

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  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
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    I don't remember what I "vowed". Have to assume it was the standard stuff. Been with my wife for near 20 years. Saying words at a wedding aren't really the binding factor imo.
  • kyleekay10
    kyleekay10 Posts: 1,812 Member
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    Here's a question for your question, OP:

    Should promises really mean more than potentially spending the rest of your *one* life completely unhappy, just because you said "I do"?

    Some people probably back out of marriages far too quickly and with too little effort. But once the effort to resolve the issues has been put in, and things still aren't good, then I think they have every right to leave... regardless of the vows. Life is too precious and too short to spend it miserable.
    Well, that is an excellent question.
    Now, I agree that, under some circumstances, divorce is a viable option.
    Abuse and adultery come to mind.
    It just seems to me like I am seeing more and more threads of people just wanting to divorce simply because they aren't happy.
    To me personally, that is like quitting. Now, maybe some want INTO the marriage way to fast but, I dunno.. It really just seems like not only are people quick to call it quits but, there are a lot of people cheering that decision.
    FWIW, I was married once. Divorced after almost 4 years. She was the batallion party favor.
    My new marrige is going on 15 years.
    I am not saying that divorce is NEVER the answer but, it just seems to be to simple of a solution from what I have been observing.

    I think what you're seeing, like someone else mentioned, is skewed. People who are happy are less likely to post about their marriage- especially on a fitness forum.

    You will *always* see a negative trend in almost everything, because people who are mad/upset/unhappy are far more likely to rant about it.

    You also have to consider that not being happy generally isn't a "simple" reason. Most of the time, there are far more deep and complex issues beneath the surface, and it's just easier to tell people "I'm just not happy".
  • mteague277
    mteague277 Posts: 145 Member
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    I feel you OP.

    However, no one can truly know why a couple decided to divorce, except that couple.
    I also think a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons now more than ever. So many of my friends just "want to get married already!" and I feel like many of them get married because their biological clock is itching for a baby or they want a wedding (I cringe at this one the most!). I am only 23 but most of my friends are older and really want kids. I can see why it would be easy to jump at the first guy who will have you even if it isn't the right guy, especially when you really want a baby. Not to say this is only a woman's problem, a lot of men feel pressure to settle down and be married too. My husband has a friend who just got married to a woman 10+ years older than him because he REALLY wants kids. They were only together 9 months before they walked down the aisle. Although I shouldn't judge it is hard for me to empathize, I can't imagine getting married after knowing someone for that short of a time, but that's just me. I also can't imagine having that much in common with someone ten years older than me, but that is also just me. I already see a disconnect between my husband and I and we are 6 years apart (we are happy though!)
  • eileen0515
    eileen0515 Posts: 408 Member
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    I've been married 33 years, 37 if you count the shack up years. It's been mostly a happy marriage, we are lucky. Friends and family who have divorced, I would say the reasons were legit.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread. :smile:
  • SailorKnightWing
    SailorKnightWing Posts: 875 Member
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    Vows are made to be broken.

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  • tottie06
    tottie06 Posts: 259 Member
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    A lot of things I guess. People hook up and jump into things before they know if they are compatible with the other person. They say "I do", before even knowing themselves. Maybe some just live in the moment, having no real sense of what a commitment entails. Maybe some are just flat out too selfish to ever have one. IDK. Every generation is raised different, and this one is no exception. The good news is, there are people out there who still hold strong values, have character, and can commit through the good and bad.
  • stephygetsfitt
    stephygetsfitt Posts: 38
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    Marriage was when people lived to 'make each other' happy, these days everything has turned to the self. To make oneself happy. People are much to selfish to survive a marriage. There has to be a balance of ~both~ doing for the other person, not one person doing for the other, or both people thinking of themselves first.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
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    I don't know, over the years people change. I think you should have to renew your vows every 10 years or so and reevaluate your relationship. You are not the same people at 40 that your were at 20. If you both change in different directions, should you be expected to stay together no matter what?
  • Naturalhiker
    Naturalhiker Posts: 73
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    I think Humans by nature are not meant to have only one partner in life, if that was the case our sex organs would be like puzzle pieces meaning there is only one match for you , you cant put a square peg in a round hole kind of thing. But we all are made the same without discussing various sizes there is nothing that says this man can not have sex with every female on the planet and vice versa. I think that is why marriages do not last is after time the sexual boredom is tremendous.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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    It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread. :smile:

    ^^ QFT
  • zephtalah
    zephtalah Posts: 327 Member
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    Promises mean something to those whom it means something too. How's that for reassuring? :wink:

    My husband and I have been married 10 years and I am thrilled with the prospect of till death do us part. We both have been selfish at times, as all humans are, but we also both have learned to forgive and work on trouble areas instead of ignoring them or quietly hoping they will get better. It is irksome to me to hear "well, they were just too young". I was 19 when we got married. I meant every word I vowed before God and I still do. Age has nothing to do with it. You either mean what you said or you didn't. (No I am not talking about cases of abuse or infidelity.) Quitting isn't an option for us. So, if we are going to be with each other from now till the day one of us croaks, we better do all we can to make it the most enjoyable, awesome life we can possibly have.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
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    Different people take different vows and mean different things when they take them. I'm happy with my husband but at no point while standing in front of the JoP did I say "I promise to hang out even if miserable."

    I don't even recall that being implied but, to be fair, I was more concerned with what was for dinner and all the paper work that was going to need done the next day.
  • NotRailMeat
    NotRailMeat Posts: 509 Member
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    The 50% divorce rates accounts for all marriages, including repeaters. It's actually not quite as high as 50%. Divorced people are more likely to end up divorced again, and their 2nd and 3rd marriages (etc.) go back into the statistical pool, raising the overall rate.
    This is partially true. If you look at the statistics: 50% of first, 67% of second, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. However, age plays a VERY large factor in divorce rates too. When married prior to the age of 25 nearly 60% will divorce compared to 15% when the couple is 30 or older.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread. :smile:
    So, because I have an opinion about keeping your word or a promise, I am on my "high horse"?
    I think it's cute how you took the time to fling a petty insult.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    That would differ with each individual. I spent years miserable and put up with a lot that I never should have for two reasons. One, because I have two kids and couldn't stand the thought of being a 2 weekend per month parent. And two, because I am a man of my word. If I give my word, I will walk through hell and b!tch slap the devil trying to keep it. That being said, when she decided to screw other guys, I felt I was morally released from any promise I made regarding staying with her.

    And, if you are the religious type, Jesus agrees. See Matthew 19:9
    I don't have time for this whole thread but beating and cheating are legit reasons for leaving according to the bible. Neglect as well. OR abandonment somethign like that. I dont' have time to look it up but its not a forevernomatterwhat thing. Not in the bible. but so then you dont get to leave because your sock isn't on right and you're not happy. comprenay? it's not that complex.

    DJ jeff had every right. according to the bible. as far as I've read it.
  • guroprincess
    guroprincess Posts: 140
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    Seriously? You're all for forcing people to keep quiet and stay in a marriage that makes them unhappy? Lmao ok.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I really think there is something to not entering into a contractual marriage vow and keeping a relationship open. I dont understand why it's necessary. It hasnt been necessary since we stopped exchanging cows for wives.

    Christian beliefs but not enough to believe I'm going to h-ll for living and breeding out of wedlock.

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