Marriage vows.. why bother anymore?

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Replies

  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    I don't know, over the years people change. I think you should have to renew your vows every 10 years or so and reevaluate your relationship. You are not the same people at 40 that your were at 20. If you both change in different directions, should you be expected to stay together no matter what?
  • Naturalhiker
    Naturalhiker Posts: 73
    I think Humans by nature are not meant to have only one partner in life, if that was the case our sex organs would be like puzzle pieces meaning there is only one match for you , you cant put a square peg in a round hole kind of thing. But we all are made the same without discussing various sizes there is nothing that says this man can not have sex with every female on the planet and vice versa. I think that is why marriages do not last is after time the sexual boredom is tremendous.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread. :smile:

    ^^ QFT
  • zephtalah
    zephtalah Posts: 327 Member
    Promises mean something to those whom it means something too. How's that for reassuring? :wink:

    My husband and I have been married 10 years and I am thrilled with the prospect of till death do us part. We both have been selfish at times, as all humans are, but we also both have learned to forgive and work on trouble areas instead of ignoring them or quietly hoping they will get better. It is irksome to me to hear "well, they were just too young". I was 19 when we got married. I meant every word I vowed before God and I still do. Age has nothing to do with it. You either mean what you said or you didn't. (No I am not talking about cases of abuse or infidelity.) Quitting isn't an option for us. So, if we are going to be with each other from now till the day one of us croaks, we better do all we can to make it the most enjoyable, awesome life we can possibly have.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Different people take different vows and mean different things when they take them. I'm happy with my husband but at no point while standing in front of the JoP did I say "I promise to hang out even if miserable."

    I don't even recall that being implied but, to be fair, I was more concerned with what was for dinner and all the paper work that was going to need done the next day.
  • NotRailMeat
    NotRailMeat Posts: 509 Member
    The 50% divorce rates accounts for all marriages, including repeaters. It's actually not quite as high as 50%. Divorced people are more likely to end up divorced again, and their 2nd and 3rd marriages (etc.) go back into the statistical pool, raising the overall rate.
    This is partially true. If you look at the statistics: 50% of first, 67% of second, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. However, age plays a VERY large factor in divorce rates too. When married prior to the age of 25 nearly 60% will divorce compared to 15% when the couple is 30 or older.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread. :smile:
    So, because I have an opinion about keeping your word or a promise, I am on my "high horse"?
    I think it's cute how you took the time to fling a petty insult.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    That would differ with each individual. I spent years miserable and put up with a lot that I never should have for two reasons. One, because I have two kids and couldn't stand the thought of being a 2 weekend per month parent. And two, because I am a man of my word. If I give my word, I will walk through hell and b!tch slap the devil trying to keep it. That being said, when she decided to screw other guys, I felt I was morally released from any promise I made regarding staying with her.

    And, if you are the religious type, Jesus agrees. See Matthew 19:9
    I don't have time for this whole thread but beating and cheating are legit reasons for leaving according to the bible. Neglect as well. OR abandonment somethign like that. I dont' have time to look it up but its not a forevernomatterwhat thing. Not in the bible. but so then you dont get to leave because your sock isn't on right and you're not happy. comprenay? it's not that complex.

    DJ jeff had every right. according to the bible. as far as I've read it.
  • guroprincess
    guroprincess Posts: 140
    Seriously? You're all for forcing people to keep quiet and stay in a marriage that makes them unhappy? Lmao ok.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    I really think there is something to not entering into a contractual marriage vow and keeping a relationship open. I dont understand why it's necessary. It hasnt been necessary since we stopped exchanging cows for wives.

    Christian beliefs but not enough to believe I'm going to h-ll for living and breeding out of wedlock.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    That would differ with each individual. I spent years miserable and put up with a lot that I never should have for two reasons. One, because I have two kids and couldn't stand the thought of being a 2 weekend per month parent. And two, because I am a man of my word. If I give my word, I will walk through hell and b!tch slap the devil trying to keep it. That being said, when she decided to screw other guys, I felt I was morally released from any promise I made regarding staying with her.

    And, if you are the religious type, Jesus agrees. See Matthew 19:9
    I don't have time for this whole thread but beating and cheating are legit reasons for leaving according to the bible. Neglect as well. OR abandonment somethign like that. I dont' have time to look it up but its not a forevernomatterwhat thing. Not in the bible. but so then you dont get to leave because your sock isn't on right and you're not happy. comprenay? it's not that complex.

    DJ jeff had every right. according to the bible. as far as I've read it.
    See, that messed me up.
    You mentioned DJ Jeff and the first thought that came into my mind was DJ Jazzy Jeff and I was like "I didn't even know he was married".
    I had to go back in the threads and yes, DJ Jeff had (in my opn opinion) a reason do get divorced.
  • suziepoo1984
    suziepoo1984 Posts: 915 Member
    I don't know about others, but for me marriage is sacred and i will follow till death part us or he cheats on me Lol
    I am from old school, so even if i am miserable, i will not leave my husband(unless he turns violent- then he is out)!! But i am the kind, who will not stay miserable in a relationship..i will make it work as much as i can. It cannot be only one sided though- you would need equal support from the partner!
    So for me, yes, commitment is very important and i plan on keeping it..and this does not hold good only in a marriage!
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    I really think there is something to not entering into a contractual marriage vow and keeping a relationship open. I dont understand why it's necessary. It hasnt been necessary since we stopped exchanging cows for wives.
    If you get married with the understanding that it an open relationship, that is still some kind of a contract, verbal or otherwise, between two people.
    And maybe some of the other posters are correct when they mentioned that all we really do see is the bad.
    If just at least has the illusion of "My husband works too many hours so I am gonna leave him"
    or
    "My wife doesn't want to work and wants to stay home with the kids so I am divorcing her".

    Maybe it's just me.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread. :smile:
    So, because I have an opinion about keeping your word or a promise, I am on my "high horse"?
    I think it's cute how you took the time to fling a petty insult.

    I think it's because you have this particular opinion when you are divorced yourself.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread. :smile:
    So, because I have an opinion about keeping your word or a promise, I am on my "high horse"?
    I think it's cute how you took the time to fling a petty insult.

    I think it's because you have this particular opinion when you are divorced yourself.
    Hopefully you read the rest of the posts.
    I was speaking of petty things.
    Yes, I am divorced (not my choice BTW) and it was because SHE decided to screw everyone she could while I was depolyed.
    However, I am also currently married and have been for almost 15 years.
  • mammamaurer
    mammamaurer Posts: 418 Member
    all this marriage talk just reminds me that
    unicorn_zps355a937d.jpg

    bacon:flowerforyou:
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    This just made me think of something there is a commercial on I think science channel hosted by james wood.

    Anyways he asks something like can you imagine living forever, and being married to the same person?

    My first answer was No. In a thousand lifetimes I'd probably have a thousand relationships.

    Maybe that's what is happening humans in general are healthier, our life spans have increased, and even the lifetime of our fecundity has increased.

    Is it possible it's not so much people just arent happy, but it's time to move onto the next life path? You grow, change, evolve, and sometimes fall out of love. Maybe it's just a natural progression to an increased life span?
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    It is cute how you got up on your high horse and made this thread. :smile:
    So, because I have an opinion about keeping your word or a promise, I am on my "high horse"?
    I think it's cute how you took the time to fling a petty insult.

    I think it's because you have this particular opinion when you are divorced yourself.
    Hopefully you read the rest of the posts.
    I was speaking of petty things.
    Yes, I am divorced (not my choice BTW) and it was because SHE decided to screw everyone she could while I was depolyed.
    However, I am also currently married and have been for almost 15 years.

    *shrug* I get that some reasons seem petty. But a person never really knows what's going on in another person's marriage. Since I'm divorced as well I figure I don't get to judge whose reasons are petty. People probably thought I was being petty when I left my ex, because I told very few people what actually happened.
  • Sovictorrious
    Sovictorrious Posts: 770 Member
    I just wanted to have sex without being judged by Baby Jesus.
  • fishgutzy
    fishgutzy Posts: 2,807 Member
    Met my wife in 1989. Been together ever since. Married 19 years. Two teens on our way to being empty nesters. We were both mid 30's when we got married.

    It has been said that Romantic Comedies have ruined marriage by giving the younger generation an extremely skewed vision of what relationships are supposed to be.
  • gmthisfeller
    gmthisfeller Posts: 779 Member
    Is it possible it's not so much people just arent happy, but it's time to move onto the next life path? You grow, change, evolve, and sometimes fall out of love. Maybe it's just a natural progression to an increased life span?

    Except for one small fact: you cannot know that you loved someone until the end of your life. Love, like other virtues, is predictive, it is an assertion about the future, not a claim about the present.
  • tottie06
    tottie06 Posts: 259 Member
    The 50% divorce rates accounts for all marriages, including repeaters. It's actually not quite as high as 50%. Divorced people are more likely to end up divorced again, and their 2nd and 3rd marriages (etc.) go back into the statistical pool, raising the overall rate.
    This is partially true. If you look at the statistics: 50% of first, 67% of second, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. However, age plays a VERY large factor in divorce rates too. When married prior to the age of 25 nearly 60% will divorce compared to 15% when the couple is 30 or older.

    I am inclined to agree with this: "When married prior to the age of 25, nearly 60% will divorce compared to 15% when the couple is 30 or older."
  • catfive1
    catfive1 Posts: 529 Member
    I highly recommend second marriages. Marrying at a later stage in life (50) is so different to when you are in your 20's. My life was forever changed for the better the day we met.
  • Sovictorrious
    Sovictorrious Posts: 770 Member
    I highly recommend second marriages. Marrying at a later stage in life (50) is so different to when you are in your 20's. My life was forever changed for the better the day we met.
    ..


    So divorce my husband now and marry someone else?
  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
    People separate for different reasons. A couple could have been completely and totally in love when they met and got married. Circumstances throughout their life and marriage may have happened, negative money situations, drinking problems that weren't there before . . . . there is a plethora of reasons why a couple might not be happy and decide to split. The point is that you don't know what those reasons are and therefore can not judge.

    Would you rather be in an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life? A marriage where you are completely miserable and depressed and hate every waking second of your life just because you said "until death do us part" or would you rather separate from the person that is making you miserable and find someone or something to make you completely and totally happy?

    This is not a dress rehearsal. You're NOT going to get another go-around at life. Regardless of whether or not I spoke vows and made a promise if I am not happy in a relationship I'm not going to stay and be miserable for the rest of my life so that when I'm lying on my death bed I have regrets and think "what if" because by that time it's too late.
  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member
    Do the promises made really mean that little anymore in todays society?

    We've created such a me culture anymore, most people are too wrapped up in what they get out of a marriage to ever put anything in it. So for many, they will continue to find whatever, and whoever gives them the most personal satisfaction in the moment. Then move on to the easy fix.

    This is how I see it also. Its actually sad to read some of the post that have been made, me me me me.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I highly recommend second marriages. Marrying at a later stage in life (50) is so different to when you are in your 20's. My life was forever changed for the better the day we met.
    ..


    So divorce my husband now and marry someone else?

    giphy4_zps05583a32.gif
  • Sovictorrious
    Sovictorrious Posts: 770 Member
    I highly recommend second marriages. Marrying at a later stage in life (50) is so different to when you are in your 20's. My life was forever changed for the better the day we met.
    ..


    So divorce my husband now and marry someone else?

    giphy4_zps05583a32.gif

    I was thinking the same thing.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    Is it possible it's not so much people just arent happy, but it's time to move onto the next life path? You grow, change, evolve, and sometimes fall out of love. Maybe it's just a natural progression to an increased life span?

    Except for one small fact: you cannot know that you loved someone until the end of your life. Love, like other virtues, is predictive, it is an assertion about the future, not a claim about the present.

    I don't understand this at all. How is love predictive? Love is a feeling, feeling change. Love is not a promise, although promises are made by those in love. I personally think love is all about the present, and if in the present you don't love anymore, then it is a love for the past.
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
    The problem really isn't society and whether or not marriage "matters'. Most Americans WANT to marry, and the majority of them believe that marriage is a beautiful, wonderful thing that they will only do once.

    Statistics speak otherwise, but people go into marriage wholeheartedly believing that that's what they want. Whether it's ACTUALLY what they or what they're TOLD they SHOULD want are two different things. Really, the divorce rate or people wanting to leave are not signs that people just suck or don't take marriages seriously; it's perhaps more of a reflection of the changing societal views on what they should or shouldn't have to put up with.

    Perhaps it's not the people that are wrong. Perhaps it's the contract of marriage as it stands that needs some remolding and re-shaping. It's not a "new" concept. People used to marry multiple wives, children, and they did so for reasons that don't exist today. People don't marry to have children; they don't marry for social status. They also don't marry because they're obliged to do so to "exist", which is what most women had to do barely 100 years ago.

    Society has changed. We no longer allow children to marry, and we insist on marrying for love and companionship rather than social obligation or procreation. Why do we keep trying to fit the same "model" of lifelong marriage onto people that obviously aren't able to make it fit anymore? Why can't we change the definition of marriage to include a legal time frame, or something that opened up and allowed people to define what they wanted from their marriage rather than simply going with how things have always been, because there aren't other options?

    Because really, there's nothing wrong with bringing more options into the legal part of marriage, since marriage is not some religious institution; it's a state-recognized partnership with benefits. Why not give people more options to define their OWN relationships, rather than just telling them that they suck at the relationship definition that was thrust on them, despite how much that definition didn't fit them?

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