Honesty About How You Lost Your Weight

I am struggling with lying issues when it comes to being truthful about how you lost your weight. My sister recently underwent a gastric sleeve surgery. In 5 months time she lost over a hundred pounds. Obviously people see the weight dropping off of her and wonder how she did it. I believe in being honest and would have said that I had gastric surgery. She simply smiles and says she lost it following a low carb diet. SO not true. What she should have said is that she had 80% of her stomach removed and because of this she ate 300 calories a day for months and THAT'S how she lost it.

Just wondering what any of you would have done and your feelings about being dishonest in how you lost your weight. OK or not OK?

Replies

seltzermint555

Yeah, totally gotta admit that if I knew someone like your sister who was (as I see it) blatantly lying, it would really bother me a lot. I would not "call them out on it" in front of others, but I would have a *little* loss of respect for that person and I'd probably comment to them privately (depending on the relationship).

I do think it is fine if someone doesn't want to disclose the details as it's a personal matter. But to lie is quite different, in my opinion.

Sort of a different topic, but I also find it rather irritating when someone has weight loss surgery and chooses to gloss over any negatives about it. Because of a former job I held in the disabilities field, I met many people who had (long ago and very recent) botched gastric bypass, sleeve, etc, and have SERIOUS medical problems stemming from those surgeries. Meanwhile, I've only known a couple of people in my personal life who have had similar surgeries and while they experienced some pretty bad side effects too, they usually present it to others like it was very easy & wonderful. I think maybe this happens due to there being some stigma about it. I dunno. But it bugs me.

(I haven't had anything like that myself, just talking about the people I've met and spoken to about it)

amgreenwell

I joined the gym and got a trainer so I'd know exactly what I needed to do to get in shape. I started eating healthy (tried eating clean for a while). Once I joined MFP and am able to log all my food and exercise I've been very succesful with my weight loss.
People who lie about how/why they lost weight will see nothing but disappointment down the road when they gain it back. Unless you change your lifestyle and become healthy in your mind it won't work.

TheSaoirseTree

Maybe she's afraid of people's reaction to it. (Not that it makes it ok to bs everyone.)

If anything, help her to see that there's nothing to be ashamed of. She doesn't have to lie in order to keep it quiet. She could just smile and say she lost it by putting in hard work.

trudijoy

I don't really care what OTHER people say. If they're lying, it'll only end up biting them in the butt.

If it were me, and someone asked, I'd be honest.

Then again, I'm a sharer.

shred_me_up

Well I initially lost weight in unhealthy ways (i.e eating almost nothing) so when people asked I said I was running a lot >< but that ship has sailed. A lot of people feel embarassed about it, i dont think its really an issue.

freenah

It would bother me a lot!

The one thing I try not to give too many details is how aggressively I'm trying to lose weight. Words like low-carb or slow-carb and high protein ring the fad diet alarm bells in some people and I really am not interested in having a judgemental conversation with anyone.

ckspores1018

It bothers me when people have surgery to improve their look or fitness and then lie about it. I don't judge; if you feel that the only way you can lose weight and be healthy is with a surgery, go for it. But at least own your decision.

The same goes for cosmetic surgery. You had a facelift. You aren't simply "getting more rest" and "drinking more water." At least be adult enough to take responsibility for your actions.

MYhealthyjourney70

You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with others. Maybe she's conviced herself about how she lost her weight. Maybe she is ashamed of how she lost it, which she shouldn't be. My mom had gastric bypass surgery and she looks great. Sit down with her and talk to her about and hear her explanation..

ekz13

why lie.. the truth is far more entertaining...

I love the look when I say, I just watched what I eat now and do some exercising.. nothing special, nothing magical... just simple..

they always stop and look like the minion from dispicable me... WHHHAAAATTTT??? like they're waiting for the punchline or some magic secret to be revealed.

Luv2Smile55

You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with others. Maybe she's conviced herself about how she lost her weight. Maybe she is ashamed of how she lost it, which she shouldn't be. My mom had gastric bypass surgery and she looks great. Sit down with her and talk to her about and hear her explanation..

Unfortunately she thinks lying is fine. When I said something to her she got super defensive and has no plans of "owning" what she did. I guess she thinks people are gullible enough to believe her "story." NO one loses weight THAT quickly without starving or surgery.

Domane1963

Why doesn't she want people to know she had surgery?

When people ask me "What is your secret?" I reply honestly "No secret - I ate less, exercised more and didn't cheat!"

RonnieLodge

I am struggling with lying issues when it comes to being truthful about how you lost your weight. My sister recently underwent a gastric sleeve surgery. In 5 months time she lost over a hundred pounds. Obviously people see the weight dropping off of her and wonder how she did it. I believe in being honest and would have said that I had gastric surgery. She simply smiles and says she lost it following a low carb diet. SO not true. What she should have said is that she had 80% of her stomach removed and because of this she ate 300 calories a day for months and THAT'S how she lost it.

Just wondering what any of you would have done and your feelings about being dishonest in how you lost your weight. OK or not OK?

Well it is *kind* of true - no doubt with only having 20% of her tummy left, she will be having to pick low carb foods or risk an upset/vomiting. So it probably is a little bit of truth.

Perhaps she just finds it easier to say it was through diet rather than surgery because people can be judgy?

In the grand scheme of things, there are much worse things to be dishonest about.

seltzermint555

It bothers me when people have surgery to improve their look or fitness and then lie about it. I don't judge; if you feel that the only way you can lose weight and be healthy is with a surgery, go for it. But at least own your decision.

The same goes for cosmetic surgery. You had a facelift. You aren't simply "getting more rest" and "drinking more water." At least be adult enough to take responsibility for your actions.

I really agree with this! I'd say you may feel a bit more strongly about it than I do, but I agree wholeheartedly.

ktsimons

I lost 50 pounds in 4 months following a very low calorie -doctor-monitored weight loss plan. I used to smile sweetly and say I did it watching my calories - 800 of them a day.

Now that I realize what kind of damage I did to my body with this rediculous diet, I make a point to explain it in a more negative light...stating that while the diet was fairly easy for me at the time, I feel that it ultimately hurt me by messing up my metabolism and causing the loss of so much muscle mass. I then explain that to keep the weight OFF (almost a year - yay) I count calories on MFP and weight train/cardio to maintain...that works much better for a life long way of living.

Confuzzled4ever

it would totally bother me. With all the struggles I've gone through, they shouldn't be making it seems like a cake walk. it's not. Regardless of how. It helps set others up for failure. Most likely she doesn't want to admit to herself that she couldn't do it on her own and had to resort to a dangerous medical procedure. She doesn't have to tell people that, but she doesn't have to lie either. I work my butt of for what i've got now. I don't like to talk too much about it or how I started on this journey or why i did outside of this community, but I do not lie about it. I've been so vague as to say "circumstances in my life lead me here". When I have told my story to people, I get a lot of sympathy and a lot of worried faces and fake pats on the back.. or my favorite.. "well you'll gain it back if you're not careful.. most people. do. " So a lot of the time I just don't say anything. Of I'm just really vague. I eat healthy.. which is true.

WeepingAngel81

It would bother me. When you are looking for encouragement and someone lies about how they lost the weight so quickly, it kind of sets you back mentally. To hear someone be praised for something they didn't do is discouraging. If she chose weight loss surgery that's her perogative. She should hold to her convictions and not worry about what people may say.

ninerbuff

People hide truth lots of time because of embarrasment or judgement from others when it comes to weight loss. Not sticking up for it, just observing on why people do it.
If someone here was using a thermogenic or dietary aid of some sort and no one would every find out about it, wouldn't many consider it "cheating"?

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

BenjaminMFP88

I don't expect much from anyone, so I don't think it would bother me.

redladywitch

What she says is her business....and none of mine....even if she's not telling the truth. It's really her issue. Then I would just let it go and eat some cheesecake or something.

KathreneW

I think lying is wrong regardless of what it is about. If you are a liar, then what else deceitful are you going to do?

GRUNO

I'm really torn on this issue. On the one hand, I don't think lying is the way to go. On the other, I hate that people feel it's perfectly acceptable to ask really intrusive questions and readily expect an answer. I don't think your sister has any obligation to explain her medical conditions and the care she chose with anyone. If I were in her shoes, I'd simply say that I followed a plan prescribed by my doctor. No one really needs to know that that plan included surgery.

But, I think lying is pointless. I don't think anyone believes for a second that she lost that kind of weight by eating low carb alone. No way, especially without any exercise. So, now she just looks like a liar and fool.

liloldDee

I'm really torn on this issue. On the one hand, I don't think lying is the way to go. On the other, I hate that people feel it's perfectly acceptable to ask really intrusive questions and readily expect an answer. I don't think your sister has any obligation to explain her medical conditions and the care she chose with anyone. If I were in her shoes, I'd simply say that I followed a plan prescribed by my doctor. No one really needs to know that that plan included surgery.

But, I think lying is pointless. I don't think anyone believes for a second that she lost that kind of weight by eating low carb alone. No way, especially without any exercise. So, now she just looks like a liar and fool.

I agree with this, it's not anyone else's business and it must be horrible been put on the spot if she's not comfortable saying she had surgery. I don't like lies bug I don't like the world expecting to know my business either. Once your sister isn't giving dieting advice or sharing, made up meal plans I wouldn't concern myself with what she says.

I have made up my mind that this time around I will not share my weight loss amounts with anyone apart from my husband. When I lose weight it attracts sooo much attention and it's a free for all to have long discussions about how much I've lost and how how well I look and how I don't need to lose more and advice how not to put it back on. Previously I took part in and usually enjoyed these conversations but never again, it just makes the whole weight issue so much bigger. I will graciously accept compliments and deflect any further conversation.

I would actually love to lose this weight unnoticed lol.

stealthq

why lie.. the truth is far more entertaining...

I love the look when I say, I just watched what I eat now and do some exercising.. nothing special, nothing magical... just simple..

they always stop and look like the minion from dispicable me... WHHHAAAATTTT??? like they're waiting for the punchline or some magic secret to be revealed.

I get this all the time. Then it's "well, you're watching your calories, so I guess you can't have pie (or 'fattening' food of the day)". Love the expression when I take a modest portion, and eat it all, saying "oh, no, I can eat whatever I want, as long as I make sure I don't eat too much of it."

OP, the lying would really bother me, too. Enough that I would either have to clamp my mouth shut, or I'd end up calling her out. Not that calling her out would be the right thing to do - it would just be a struggle not to have the truth fly out of my mouth, if you know what I mean.

ninerbuff

I think lying is wrong regardless of what it is about. If you are a liar, then what else deceitful are you going to do?

So if you asked your significant other if you were overweight in their eyes and they say yes, you'd be absolutely cool with that? Just wondering.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ladymiseryali

I'm 99.9% honest. My husband doesn't know that I lost a bunch of weight before I met him through an eating disorder that I beat on my own. I'm healthy now and have lost the rest of this weight that way and that's all that counts.

tiggerhammon

I agree with posters that said she should not have to honestly explain her issues and history. If I were in her shoes I would probably give a blanketed response, like the one I give my daughter when she asks me questions I dont want to answer. They ask how, I would say "very carefully" and walk away. Hopefully they get the memo.

I was just beginning my weight loss journey, and had lost about 17lbs when I got pregnant. I can't accredit any one thing for these lbs, as honestly I tried a half a dozen different things in a few weeks. Mostly for medical reasons, I was toying with my diet to try to relieve gastrointestinal issues. I was watching calorie intake and macros all the while, but lost the most after I cut out all dairy.
I have lost 8 more since getting pregnant. Honestly: not trying to! Stupid morning sickness.

SLLRunner

I am struggling with lying issues when it comes to being truthful about how you lost your weight. My sister recently underwent a gastric sleeve surgery. In 5 months time she lost over a hundred pounds. Obviously people see the weight dropping off of her and wonder how she did it. I believe in being honest and would have said that I had gastric surgery. She simply smiles and says she lost it following a low carb diet. SO not true. What she should have said is that she had 80% of her stomach removed and because of this she ate 300 calories a day for months and THAT'S how she lost it.

Just wondering what any of you would have done and your feelings about being dishonest in how you lost your weight. OK or not OK?

So not okay. Honesty is the best policy.

Your her sister and you have every right to tell her how you feel about her lying but you can't change her response. She will say what she says.

My sister in law had gastric bypass surgery and was completely honest about it. She also said there were many problems after the surgery and if she had it to do over again she would not have done it.

fruttibiscotti

She shouldn't be lying, but that's her issue and these things have tendencies to loop back and bite you in the buttocks.

I do see how it can put you on the spot though - you have to stay aloof in your conversations and not allude to the story without lying about the situation yourself! I can see how that's tough and unfair to you.

Did you let your sister know how you feel, and express concern about the web of lies?

bondgirl129

Honesty may be a good policy but it is also none of any one's business and if people want to ask intrusive and invasive questions, I see no reason to give them all the gory details of what I'm going through with my surgery. I have no intention of lying but at the same time, just as I don't tell people the specifics of how I am not in debt, I am not about to tell them the specifics of how I lose weight.

Its flat out rude to ask questions like that. To say that she's lying because she doesn't want to answer may not describe the entire picture. A lot of people feel shame because they had surgery. You can feel like a failure, like you didn't do it the 'right' way. For her or for others like her, it could bring up a host of issues they are still dealing with themselves.

It is terribly judgmental to decide with blanket statements that some one is lying when it may be as simple as refusing to tell every one with a nose problem the details of your life.

sparkleberries

People can be so judgmental of what others do & how they do it so maybe she is just protecting herself. She does not need to tell anyone she had surgery & maybe she is trying to be polite & instead of telling people to mind there own business she is telling them that she cut down on carbs...which she did.

Try supporting her instead of making an issue of telling the "whole truth"