Honesty About How You Lost Your Weight
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You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with others. Maybe she's conviced herself about how she lost her weight. Maybe she is ashamed of how she lost it, which she shouldn't be. My mom had gastric bypass surgery and she looks great. Sit down with her and talk to her about and hear her explanation..
Unfortunately she thinks lying is fine. When I said something to her she got super defensive and has no plans of "owning" what she did. I guess she thinks people are gullible enough to believe her "story." NO one loses weight THAT quickly without starving or surgery.
Why do other people think it's any of their business how or why she lost weight? If she were prancing around singing the virtues of eating right and exercising without being prompted, that would be one thing, but if other people ask her and she doesn't feel like talking about it, she could credit it to pixie dust, and that's her prerogative.0 -
Glad it's going well for you. Hope you're able to maintain your loss, and congrats on having no other health issues that get in the way.I've no problem saying how I've lost weight, I skip breakfast everyday, replaced all my liquids with water (expect going from coke to diet coke) and counted calories, it really is that simple.0 -
I would have said, "and I'm losing mine without the help of surgery."
And, this is probably exactly why she doesn't want to tell anyone.
THIS is exactly why someone in her shoes would be scared of some people's responses.0 -
if it was my brother, i'd be tempted to call him out on that.
but you know, i think about it, and maybe it's just really embarrassing for your sister to admit that she was so far gone that the only way she could lose weight was by getting part of her stomach removed?0 -
I hate LIES period!! And if someone lies and I know about it , I will call it out and embarrass the heck out of them LOL0
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This is a private journey and if I want to share how I did it, I will. If I don't, I won't.
Therefore, if someone else lies about how they did it, it's not my issue.0 -
Your sister's body is her business and hers alone. She didn't lie, she just omitted the fact that she was able to eat so little thanks to surgical help. When it comes to radical procedures that other's view as weak or vain one doesn't just want to come right out and make themselves vulnerable to judgement.
Your sister confided in you, and it is your job to keep her confidence. If you can't share your most intimate secrets with your family and trust them to keep the secret, who can you trust?0 -
Its lying, but if it hurts no one, does it matter? I think a lot of folks, myself included, have their own self image tied to their weight that they need the boost they get from whatever attention they receive from losing weight. So let them enjoy it and maybe someday they will own up to what the really did......which from having known people who went thru the process, is still a major effort.0
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She probably doesn't want to have to justify herself to others. Also, it's none of their business really, and she's probably uncomfortable sharing her medical history.
That being said, personally, I would be honest. But I am honest to a fault so there's that.0 -
I hate LIES period!! And if someone lies and I know about it , I will call it out and embarrass the heck out of them LOL
Society would collapse under radical and absolute honesty. If a person doesn't want to share this kind of very personal detail with an acquaintance, it is not your place to "out" them. Let them make their own decisions in their interpersonal relationships.
I have friends like you, and I never share my most personal feelings with them. If you can't keep a secret, you are missing out on the closeness that can be achieved in a relationship.0 -
Honesty is important to me to make me feel as if my conscience is clear. I would not lie and it would bother me to know someone was lying. Most likely I would say something like "I really dont like to talk about it because what worked for me may not be the answer for you". I am an open book but not everyone is. There are always ways to remain honest without divulging the details.0
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I am struggling with lying issues when it comes to being truthful about how you lost your weight. My sister recently underwent a gastric sleeve surgery. In 5 months time she lost over a hundred pounds. Obviously people see the weight dropping off of her and wonder how she did it. I believe in being honest and would have said that I had gastric surgery. She simply smiles and says she lost it following a low carb diet. SO not true. What she should have said is that she had 80% of her stomach removed and because of this she ate 300 calories a day for months and THAT'S how she lost it.
Just wondering what any of you would have done and your feelings about being dishonest in how you lost your weight. OK or not OK?
Im surprised at some of the responses here to support your family members lies. You arent an attorney, priest or spouse to your sister so theres nothing to prevent you from disclosing any information your sister confided in you under the Federal Rules of Evidence/Privileges.
Anywhoooooo.........
If it was my brother or sister I would tell people that shes lying and say it was heroin or crystal meth. Then when they confronted me on the lie I would let them know its basically the same thing they were doing and if they want to get me to stop then they should tell the truth.
Because two wrongs don't make a right, and two rights make an airplane.0 -
I hate LIES period!! And if someone lies and I know about it , I will call it out and embarrass the heck out of them LOL
Society would collapse under radical and absolute honesty. If a person doesn't want to share this kind of very personal detail with an acquaintance, it is not your place to "out" them. Let them make their own decisions in their interpersonal relationships.
I have friends like you, and I never share my most personal feelings with them. If you can't keep a secret, you are missing out on the closeness that can be achieved in a relationship.
Hmmmm..... What else are you hiding from us?
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You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with others. Maybe she's conviced herself about how she lost her weight. Maybe she is ashamed of how she lost it, which she shouldn't be. My mom had gastric bypass surgery and she looks great. Sit down with her and talk to her about and hear her explanation..
Unfortunately she thinks lying is fine. When I said something to her she got super defensive and has no plans of "owning" what she did. I guess she thinks people are gullible enough to believe her "story." NO one loses weight THAT quickly without starving or surgery.
Is she making money off of her weight loss story? That is pretty much the only way this is going to be harmful to others, if they are buying into something she is selling as her secret to her radical body changes.
Otherwise, I say let it be.
If she is using this weight loss to get more clients as a Jenny Craig sales person (or similar), then she does need to come clean with her clients that she had surgery. If it is just nosey relatives or co-workers who are asking questions that are none of their business, then your sister is within her rights to keep the surgery to herself.
What if she had AIDS or cancer or something? Would you blame her for keeping her illness to herself?
If your sister isn't gaining financially from her weight loss surgery, and no one is harmed by her keeping it to herself, your insistence that she be honest with the world sounds like sour grapes to me.0 -
So if you asked your significant other if you were overweight in their eyes and they say yes, you'd be absolutely cool with that? Just wondering.I think lying is wrong regardless of what it is about. If you are a liar, then what else deceitful are you going to do?
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Ding ding ding!0 -
I think the real issue is how incredibly rude people can be in asking personal and invasive questions and having the audacity to think they are owed an "honest" answer. What she is doing isn't "lying," it's choosing not to be rude to obnoxious and nosy people by providing a partial truth that she is comfortable with.
Her choice to "lie" affects you in no real way, other than you clearly feel you are superior to her because you lost weight the "hard" way and everyone should know that you are the better, stronger, smarter sister.
Personally, weight loss surgery is not for me, too many risks associated with it, but I certainly don't think the fact that I am losing weight simply but cutting calories is any "harder" or "better" than someone who makes the choice to undergo a surgical procedure.0 -
I think the real issue is how incredibly rude people can be in asking personal and invasive questions and having the audacity to think they are owed an "honest" answer. What she is doing isn't "lying," it's choosing not to be rude to obnoxious and nosy people by providing a partial truth that she is comfortable with.
Her choice to "lie" affects you in no real way, other than you clearly feel you are superior to her because you lost weight the "hard" way and everyone should know that you are the better, stronger, smarter sister.
Personally, weight loss surgery is not for me, too many risks associated with it, but I certainly don't think the fact that I am losing weight simply but cutting calories is any "harder" or "better" than someone who makes the choice to undergo a surgical procedure.
Science has proven that a smug sense superiority burns approximately 500 extra calories a day!0 -
The thing that bothers me most about this kind of lie is that people are going to take her "way to lose weight" to heart & it's just like taking incorrect medical advice. People are going to believe this fad low-carb diet crap because they saw someone who lost a lot of weight said that's what they did.
It's not magic, it's diet & exercise. I already ate well but because I couldn't be active at all for a couple years, I gained a lot of weight. I got myself healthy enough for exercise through diet, and now that I've been able to work out I'm losing it.
DIET & EXERCISE PEOPLE. IT'S NOT A FAD.0 -
It depends who the person is ...
Sometimes I give the Peter Griffin response of "Naaah, It's still there, I'm just parting it on the other side"
Sometimes I just name a fad diet or say raspberry ketones
Sometimes I say: Self Control and Hard work.
Guess which one people have the hardest time believing ....0 -
I say just keep doing you and don't worry about the actions of others.0
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yeah, I don't like liars... AT ALL! if she doesn't want to disclose her surgery, she should just say she did a vlcd, since in reality, THATS THE TRUTH! my mom did optifast, and when she tells people she lost her weight avoiding gluten, I CALL HER OUT ON IT... I ONLY CALL HER OUT BECAUSE SHE PISSES ME OFF SO BAD... she compares her 40 pound weight loss in 4 months, drinking 800 calorie chemical shakes to my 100 pound loss in 11 months, using purely diet and exercise... she likes to rub it in that she is almost caught up to me... so, when she tells people she did it avoiding gluten, I add... YEAH, AND YOU AVOIDED EVERY OTHER FOOD GROUP ALSO, SINCE YOU WERE ONLY DRINKING 800 CALORIE CHEMICAL SHAKES FOR 4 MONTHS...0
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I hate LIES period!! And if someone lies and I know about it , I will call it out and embarrass the heck out of them LOL
Society would collapse under radical and absolute honesty. If a person doesn't want to share this kind of very personal detail with an acquaintance, it is not your place to "out" them. Let them make their own decisions in their interpersonal relationships.
I have friends like you, and I never share my most personal feelings with them. If you can't keep a secret, you are missing out on the closeness that can be achieved in a relationship.
Hmmmm..... What else are you hiding from us?
I do not share my evil plans for world domination on internet forums. :devil:0 -
I feel the same way about this as I feel about being dishonest on any subject: liars suck.0
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I think it's less about dishonesty and more about protecting her privacy. She has a right to do so. I've never walked in her shoes, never reached the point of feeling like I needed surgery to help me lose weight, so who am I to judge her? We each have to do what's right for ourselves.0
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Intermittent fasting helped me a lot with losing weight but I'd probably neglect to mention it if some people who knew me asked because some people are still completely adamant that IF is gonna make you starve and die.0
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Why is it your business to tell her what to say. I had the same surgery and I tell people now, but I didn't in the beginning because it wasn't anyone's business but my own. No one has walked in my shoes or knows what I've done to lose weight only to see it fail. This is her story and its private, my best advise is to mind your own business!0
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The thing that bothers me most about this kind of lie is that people are going to take her "way to lose weight" to heart & it's just like taking incorrect medical advice. People are going to believe this fad low-carb diet crap because they saw someone who lost a lot of weight said that's what they did.
A word to the wise, you can't believe everything on the internet or TV or in the news, either. Draw your own conclusions. Blindly following advice of a non-qualified individual is a good way to get yourself killed.0 -
I don't like lying. I also don't think people should feel obligated to share if they don't want to. But I think the OP's sister could say something noncommittal, like, "I started taking better care of myself" without outright lying.
That said, I have no problem telling people if they ask ... mostly because my answer is so boring. I just tell people it's a program like Weight Watchers and usually the conversation moves on.0 -
If she doesn't want to discuss it because it's not anyone else's business, then the proper response would be "I'd prefer not to talk about it." You don't get to lie to people and excuse it by saying "it's none of their business anyway."0
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This is really off-topic, but how does someone eat only 300 calories for 5 months and not lose their hair, skin elasticity, etc.?0
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