Why is this girl doing this to me? (Girll help)
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she's just really immature. you feed her ego she likes being able to rely on you, but you're not the one she wants. She will probably go through loads of men who treat her like s&it and then maybe never wake up to what she could have.
to be honest I've had really faithful friends like you in the past, looking back I should have committed and I could have been really happy, but at the time I was too busy looking for something that didn't exist.
but i look back at the guys involved, when I finally married, one moved on and also married - he needed to know it was never gonna happen then finally he moved on and made his own life, with someone more suitable as well.
its simply understanding what true love is, I guess.
but I kind of feel when someone is hung up on someone who doesn't relaly want them in that way, thats another way of avoiding commitment.0 -
she's just really immature. you feed her ego she likes being able to rely on you, but you're not the one she wants. She will probably go through loads of men who treat her like s&it and then maybe never wake up to what she could have.
to be honest I've had really faithful friends like you in the past, looking back I should have committed and I could have been really happy, but at the time I was too busy looking for something that didn't exist.
but i look back at the guys involved, when I finally married, one moved on and also married - he needed to know it was never gonna happen then finally he moved on and made his own life, with someone more suitable as well.
its simply understanding what true love is, I guess.
but I kind of feel when someone is hung up on someone who doesn't relaly want them in that way, thats another way of avoiding commitment.
Because you should only rely on the people you're bangin'.
How's that for a freudian complex?0 -
Raise your standards up as high as they can go and stick with it:
Don't get involved (or move in with!!) a person until after you are married.
Stay focused on making a productive life for yourself.
When you meet someone that you find is a potential person, consider what type of person that they are and don't compromise on your standards. Be a committed and faithful person, who expects good character and commitment---in all areas of life!0 -
Honestly your a marshmallow, and I say that in the kindest way. You are being bf material but she's not your gf. I get it that you cave into her because you really care about her and that's not going to stop until you force yourself to get past her (read: away from her).
I had a friend in hs that was really into me and I didn't want anything but to be friends. He was super nice and sweet and easy to talk with, but the truth is I was a mess. I was dealing with a terminally sick mom, an abusive dad, and don't even get me started on my brother. I didn't know how to deal with all of this but one way was to punish myself with stupid guys that were awful for me. And I told this guy that, maybe not in those exact words, I think it came out more like I'm a mess and don't want to ruin the great guy you are with all my baggage. I think he took it as a line at that time but years later respected my honesty about it.
Now we are both happily married (to different people) but still talk. Just because I could see those traits in myself doesn't mean that everyone can.
What I'm saying is she might have past issues she's dealing with (or not) and can't fathom a relationship with you because you aren't the type of guy that fits the mold she thinks she should be with.
Hope that makes sense & good luck with all this.0 -
It seems she relied on you during a hard time in life and maybe at the time, she was legitimately trying to figure out if she wanted to have a relationship with you, but it looks like she is not treating you well now. I think you should draw a clear line with her as in no more handouts (she can use her bf for that), no more talk about her sex life... that kind of stuff.
Either she can admire your strength and reevaluate if she is going to be with you or she can move along with boy #2. It sounds a little bit like you are her "back-up". From my perspective, I would say if you like her play hardball but leave the door open, meaning set clear boundries and let her know how you feel, but do not let her walk all over you.
Maybe she doesn't know what she wants; maybe she is a user; maybe she is misguided, etc. Everyone is different so nobody really knows but her. You don't have to totally close the door, but I think it would be a good idea to start looking for a girlfriend other that her. If she shapes up and starts treating you right, that's great, but I would suggest that you focus your affections elsewhere because she is not currently treating you in the caring and respectful way that is a hallmark of a healthy relationship.0 -
Honestly, some people are just leaches. They find a pure heart and they destroy it slowly at first, more rapidly towards the end until the once pure heart gains a dark spot. You become less trusting- but don't let it eat you up, too little trust is deadly and lonely- and can even become like them in the end. You have to let them go. You have to get on your steel toed boots and tell them enough is enough. Only then, after some more mourning and healing, can you start to be you again.
I know this from experience, sadly. And after you say enough is enough you probably will go through a hard withdrawal. I did. My urge to call him, to experience familiarity was insatiable. My family helped to keep me away from the phone for a week. All it took was one week. After that I didn't feel empty anymore. I started to heal.
I am cautious now more than I used to be but I didn't let him win; I gained back my loving nature and pure heart.
Trust me, you will need to keep that warmth in your good heart to find and keep your true love when she comes along.
I wish you the best.
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Hope your first name isn't Matt because that's what she's using as.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
This is odd.
You ask for advice, and you get 9 pages from BOTH sexes, telling you to dump the girl.
So, instead of dumping this girl and cutting her off, you go and talk to her. You talk to a someone who IS malicious, IS aware of what she is doing, she IS lying to you.and expect her to admit to her wrongs.
And what happens?
You end up apologizing to a leeching scumbag. Multiple times.
Huh.
Was this on the way to the market to pick up feminine hygiene products for yourself? Forgive my strong comment, but you're not acting like a man.
Look guy, I had some girl try and use me too. Only rang me for rides. The last time she called, she told me I'd better pick her up @ 2:00 p.m., or she'll never call me again. "Got it?" :mad:
Oh yeah. I "got it". 2:00 rolls around. I looked at the clock, and went back to what I was doing.
She never rang again. Pretty sure her day was ruined
Look, do not discuss this problem with her. A user will do whatever he / she can to keep their gravy train going. You have a proven track record of being whipped. So don't give her an opportunity to lie. Cut her off.
Or better yet, promise to give her a ride, forget about her, and then block her number. Oops. Not a big deal. I'm sure that $100 she got from you will pay for a taxi.0 -
No one can make you their doormat, without your permission.0
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Shut her off, it hurts for a while, but eventually you're not bothered at all anymore.
I think similar things happen to a lot of us, but how far they advance is entirely up to you. I tend to find that women friendzone the nice guys and buzz off with the nearest "bad boy."0 -
Dude! You've been put in the friend zone and are being used. Move away from this girl!0
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Oh hey I'm in Mississauga too, want me to swing by and drop off a nerf bat for you? What colour would you prefer? You can use it for the next wench that takes advantage of your niceness and naive view of the world. :happy:0
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She is keeping you around for comfort. You need to get your own place or ask her to move out and only communicate about work related things. You have to be tough and can't be the "whimpering puppy" that comes back at her beck and call, because she will absolutely take advantage of you and you will never truly move on if you think there is even just a little bit of hope. I am ashamed to say in my youth I treated a guy like this. It was absolutely wrong and I never wanted him as anything more than just a friend.
And I don't mean this to be mean, but you have to toughen up a little. You can't be someone's door mat and expect anything other than to be trampled. She knew you liked her, and she used it to her advantage. Sounds to me like the reason she is talking to you again is she may be getting ready to ask for a big favor. Hopefully she will grow up, because she doesn't care for you at all- not like a brother, not like a friend, because she wouldn't treat you like that.0 -
The more you post, the more I wonder about her side. You listed all these reasons you two are incompatible, but she's pretty and fun. It sounds pretty fair that she found you two incompatible since you did too. Work out your living arrangements as roommates, since she has rights too. But let go of the emotional drama.
You became sexually attracted to a girl you knew you weren't suited for. It happens. She agreed that the two of you didn't make sense romantically. She fell on hard times, you helped her, and she found someone she is compatible with. She owes you money, and you two living as roommates and friends doesn't seem to be working. Negotiate this as adults and just move on with your life.
I've helped friends get jobs before. I can't remember who, or when, or how many times, because it's a nice thing to do but it doesn't obligate someone to you. You didn't get the job for her, you helped her get it. No matter how awesome you are, a company isn't going to employ and keep employed someone lazy and unqualified just for you. You're not doing the work for her, she is earning her paycheck. A lot of people get jobs through networking.
TL;DR. She owes you money, nothing else.0 -
She has a Masters Degree in Manipulation.
You are still an undergraduate.
Sounds like she's using you to get her PhD.
Forget the money--it will cost you more than that in the end if you stay.
Quit enabling her behavior.
She'll suck your finances dry.
She'll drain the life out of you.
Use the experience and move on.
You'll find someone better for you soon enough, but not if you stay with her.
Good luck!0 -
My only adivce to you is to get jacked and shredded!!! Douche mode :smokin:0
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The more you post, the more I wonder about her side. You listed all these reasons you two are incompatible, but she's pretty and fun. It sounds pretty fair that she found you two incompatible since you did too. Work out your living arrangements as roommates, since she has rights too. But let go of the emotional drama.
You became sexually attracted to a girl you knew you weren't suited for. It happens. She agreed that the two of you didn't make sense romantically. She fell on hard times, you helped her, and she found someone she is compatible with. She owes you money, and you two living as roommates and friends doesn't seem to be working. Negotiate this as adults and just move on with your life.
I've helped friends get jobs before. I can't remember who, or when, or how many times, because it's a nice thing to do but it doesn't obligate someone to you. You didn't get the job for her, you helped her get it. No matter how awesome you are, a company isn't going to employ and keep employed someone lazy and unqualified just for you. You're not doing the work for her, she is earning her paycheck. A lot of people get jobs through networking.
TL;DR. She owes you money, nothing else.
Agree.0 -
ditch the *kitten* as quick and offensively as possible so she won;t come back..
she is using you0 -
This story is about the most cringeworthy thing I've ever read. Also, strong user name to thread content, being that not a single rational thought was seen that day.
I'm assuming this is a troll, but if you're serious, you've learned a good lesson. People will treat you as you treat them. You treated this woman as a friend and thus, she just thought of you as as friend. You talked for 10 hours straight, cooked for her, and got her a job. If you're trying to romantically court a woman, you don't do that crap. You should have provocatively asked her to take off her clothes, make small talk about how you have a large member, etc.0 -
UPDATE:
Okay, I went to talk to this girl yesterday. I told her that everyone is telling me to avoid talking to her and I feel that she is using me. I stated my arguments why I thought so. lol, she said that I didn't use you, and there are many other people who are waiting for me to use, but I don't. She later on started crying saying how could I accuse her of that and that I never cared for her, but she obviously knows that I do. Once I saw her cry, I couldn't help but say sorry. I kept saying that because I felt bad for making her cry. I left and texted her a bunch of times saying that I feel bad for making you cry.
Honestly, I bought up every argument that I can and she wouldn't have the answers. She would be like I got too friendly with you, blah blah blah. I seriously do think that she was unaware of it. She said that every guy does this to her and it didn't seem out of the ordinary. I honestly think that she did not have malice but she is obviously crazy and has princess syndrome. Actually, the first day that I met her, I thought that she was crazy. She believes in ALL the conspiracy theories that I know; from illuminati to fake moon landing to 911 truthers to freemasons to Queen Elizabeth being a half-reptilian.
I also told her I felt used when I helped you get a job and when you didn't need me, you ran off to another guy. She's like I didn't want a relationship, but it unexpectedly happened.
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Reading other people's comment, I have to say that wasn't nice in order to be her gf. I never intended to have feelings for her. Within the first day, she told that she was moving to another country in one month so I had no plans of making her my gf. I also did all that stuff for her because seeing her happy made me happy. Even after that I found that she wasn't moving out, I still didn't want her; She left Islam to believe her conspiracy theories (I am Muslim) , she hates kids (I love kids), hates cooking (I want my girl to cook), no ambition in life, no goal, no career, doesn't see the need to improve herself BUT she was extremely fun and very pretty. And the two last latter things just grew into me later on.
Yes, of course. Obviously she is crazy because she has explained multiple times that she doesn't want you, and you repeat the same behavior expecting different outcomes. *eyeroll*0
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