Why is this girl doing this to me? (Girll help)
Replies
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Reading other people's comment, I have to say that wasn't nice in order to be her gf. I never intended to have feelings for her. Within the first day, she told that she was moving to another country in one month so I had no plans of making her my gf. I also did all that stuff for her because seeing her happy made me happy.Even after that I found that she wasn't moving out, I still didn't want her; She left Islam to believe her conspiracy theories (I am Muslim) , she hates kids (I love kids), hates cooking (I want my girl to cook), no ambition in life, no goal, no career, doesn't see the need to improve herself BUT she was extremely fun and very pretty. And the two last latter things just grew into me later on.
She is fun and pretty, and that is the only thing you like about her? She clearly is not the right girl for you. If your religious beliefs are important to you, then you can't seriously think of a long term relationship with her, so you would just be wasting your time. Along with the other lifestyle conflicts you mention, which are also important issues to consider, kids, cooking, career, it is clear she is not right for you. She doesn't want you, and you do not really want her. This is just a passing crush. Get over it and move on.0 -
don't let that be an excuse to stick around and take this form of abuse. or be brainwashed that she used to know you in another life. if that was true.... why would she treat u this way? If the universe really brought you two together from another life... don't you think it would be different? This is a huge red flag. You more than likely deserve someone that's going to be give you the 1/2 of what you give. it cannot be a one way street. if you keep caving every time she cries for you or texts you... then you are being weak. at some point you will find strength. i recommend finding that strength quick. otherwise, she will end up making you hate her. and that's the worst strength to have.... angry strength.
best of luck to you.
Ps- everyone can tell you what to do and give you all the advice in the world. This really boils down to YOU and what you want to do and how you want to handle.
all signs lead to the reality, but do what you feel is right for YOU. putting everything aside.
Be strong..............0 -
WEAK username to post content ratio0
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UPDATE:
Okay, I went to talk to this girl yesterday. I told her that everyone is telling me to avoid talking to her and I feel that she is using me. I stated my arguments why I thought so. lol, she said that I didn't use you, and there are many other people who are waiting for me to use, but I don't. She later on started crying saying how could I accuse her of that and that I never cared for her, but she obviously knows that I do. Once I saw her cry, I couldn't help but say sorry. I kept saying that because I felt bad for making her cry. I left and texted her a bunch of times saying that I feel bad for making you cry.
Honestly, I bought up every argument that I can and she wouldn't have the answers. She would be like I got too friendly with you, blah blah blah. I seriously do think that she was unaware of it. She said that every guy does this to her and it didn't seem out of the ordinary. I honestly think that she did not have malice but she is obviously crazy and has princess syndrome. Actually, the first day that I met her, I thought that she was crazy. She believes in ALL the conspiracy theories that I know; from illuminati to fake moon landing to 911 truthers to freemasons to Queen Elizabeth being a half-reptilian.
I also told her I felt used when I helped you get a job and when you didn't need me, you ran off to another guy. She's like I didn't want a relationship, but it unexpectedly happened.
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Reading other people's comment, I have to say that wasn't nice in order to be her gf. I never intended to have feelings for her. Within the first day, she told that she was moving to another country in one month so I had no plans of making her my gf. I also did all that stuff for her because seeing her happy made me happy. Even after that I found that she wasn't moving out, I still didn't want her; She left Islam to believe her conspiracy theories (I am Muslim) , she hates kids (I love kids), hates cooking (I want my girl to cook), no ambition in life, no goal, no career, doesn't see the need to improve herself BUT she was extremely fun and very pretty. And the two last latter things just grew into me later on.
Stop being a victim. You are acting like a schmuck. You don't need to have long boring conversations about your feelings, you need to man the hell up and move on. Have some self-respect, man.
If you want to still be friends, then fine, but do so on your terms. If you can't do that (and I suspect you can't), you need to remove this person from your life. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and not a single one is indispensable to your life.0 -
She is using you, that is not right.. I know a girl like her and she will squeeze every little thing out of you while you continue to hurt and fall for her even more.. I suggest you cut off all ties to her you obviously deserve better you seem like a pretty cool guy. Just get out move on she is only using you because your letting her..
this reminds me of the bill withers song "use me"
"Use Me"
'My friends feel it's their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me
All you want to do is use me
But my answer, yeah to all that use me stuff
I want to spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
My brother sit me right down and he talked to me
He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I'm sure he meant well
Yeah, but when our talk was through
I said, brother, if you only knew
You'd wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
Sometimes, it's true
You really do abuse me
You get me in a crowd of high-class people
And then you act real rude to me
But, oh baby, baby, baby, baby,
When you love me, I can't get enough
I want to spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Girl, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
Talkin' 'bout you usin' people
It all depends on what you do
It ain't too bad the way you're usin' me
'Cause I sure am usin' you to do the things you do'
to do the things you do0 -
Sack up, Cut your losses and Move on.0
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UPDATE:
Okay, I went to talk to this girl yesterday. I told her that everyone is telling me to avoid talking to her and I feel that she is using me. I stated my arguments why I thought so. lol, she said that I didn't use you, and there are many other people who are waiting for me to use, but I don't. She later on started crying saying how could I accuse her of that and that I never cared for her, but she obviously knows that I do. Once I saw her cry, I couldn't help but say sorry. I kept saying that because I felt bad for making her cry. I left and texted her a bunch of times saying that I feel bad for making you cry.
Honestly, I bought up every argument that I can and she wouldn't have the answers. She would be like I got too friendly with you, blah blah blah. I seriously do think that she was unaware of it. She said that every guy does this to her and it didn't seem out of the ordinary. I honestly think that she did not have malice but she is obviously crazy and has princess syndrome. Actually, the first day that I met her, I thought that she was crazy. She believes in ALL the conspiracy theories that I know; from illuminati to fake moon landing to 911 truthers to freemasons to Queen Elizabeth being a half-reptilian.
I also told her I felt used when I helped you get a job and when you didn't need me, you ran off to another guy. She's like I didn't want a relationship, but it unexpectedly happened.
===
Reading other people's comment, I have to say that wasn't nice in order to be her gf. I never intended to have feelings for her. Within the first day, she told that she was moving to another country in one month so I had no plans of making her my gf. I also did all that stuff for her because seeing her happy made me happy. Even after that I found that she wasn't moving out, I still didn't want her; She left Islam to believe her conspiracy theories (I am Muslim) , she hates kids (I love kids), hates cooking (I want my girl to cook), no ambition in life, no goal, no career, doesn't see the need to improve herself BUT she was extremely fun and very pretty. And the two last latter things just grew into me later on.
Stop being a victim. You are acting like a schmuck. You don't need to have long boring conversations about your feelings, you need to man the hell up and move on. Have some self-respect, man.
If you want to still be friends, then fine, but do so on your terms. If you can't do that (and I suspect you can't), you need to remove this person from your life. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and not a single one is indispensable to your life.
Oh, and if by some miracle you do manage to find your testicles and dump her, then for the love of everything Holy, don't sit down and try to explain why. That's just more victim talk. She'll cry, you'll cry, you'll apologize, she'll forgive you and walk away with your testicles in her purse again.
End the cycle.0 -
OP,
Dude, everyone does this at some point in their lives. We all get a little silly over someone we like. We allow ourselves to be used, to be mistreated in minor ways. We lose perspective and it happens.
Now maybe it was intentional on her part, and maybe it wasn't. Doesn't change the trend in outcomes in these situations. A) It isn't going to happen. Ever.
If it had happened, it would have been a lopsided, miserable relationship.
In one of your follow-up posts you noted that she is a princess. You also report she made some statement to the effect, "that this always happens with her and men". Martyr complex coupled with princess complex toward you is a sure fire recipe for bullsh*t. Bullsh*t treatment. Bullsh*t excuses (on both sides). Bullsh*t behavior (on both sides).
Cut ties with this gangrenous, putrefying relationship. Just stop. It is like weight loss and fitness. Don't make excuses. Don't make it harder than it has to be. Just do it.0 -
At least she's pretty0
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UPDATE:
Okay, I went to talk to this girl yesterday. I told her that everyone is telling me to avoid talking to her and I feel that she is using me. I stated my arguments why I thought so.
Did you think you were on an episode of "Judge Judy" or something? Stated your arguments? How did you expect the conversation to go, really?
She's not coming across well but really you need to take a closer look at your role in this sunshine.0 -
Everyone is telling you to avoid talking to her, so you went to talk to her about it and state your arguments.
No good will come from allowing yourself to feel anything for a woman. It is a fact that I get reminded of everytime I make the mistake. Just forget about her.0 -
my mama always told me that "girls are trouble"... not sure I agree....
you could have her off-ed... I know a guy... just kidding.. or am I? hmmmm0 -
She still lives in the same house but I don't see her daily. We still text and call daily though.You are being used. Is she still living with you? You probably need to ask her to move out and find a new roommate. Then block her number from your cell and avoid her a work as much as possible.
I want to block her but she still has my money. Out of $350, $100 is still left.
Write the money off, it's not worth the pain. She's not good for you and there's obviously some void you fill for her but it's never going to make what little relationship you get worth it. She knows that she can use and abuse you and once you quit filling that void (be it that she needs to be treated like a princess, or you are still being the knight in shining armor and she needs that, whatever her void is that her b/f isn't filling), she's going to leave you high, dry and quite possibly severely depressed and feeling worthless. You're worth more than being in the "like a brother" category. She's already lied by saying she didn't want to be in a relationship and then went into one. That means even if she comes around to you again, you'll have that doubt that she's telling the truth or you're just a "filler" until the next dude. I know it's hard to cut someone out that you feel you've connected so deeply with but it can be done and you need to do it so you can be open to meeting someone worth your time instead of holding out for this gal.0 -
Hello,
I really am confused at what is doing on. And I need some girls advice on what to do? Should I just ignore her or continue maintaining friendship with her?
5 months ago, I moved in a new place with a girl roommate. We really hit it off. The first day we met, we talked for 10 hours straight and we spent everyday together for 2 months. The landlord would hate us because we would sometimes talk until 4am. She told me countless times how we connect so well. When she didn't have a job, she would wait for me in the balcony.
After 2 months, she had some problems with money and no job. I loaned her money, I got her a job at my workplace, I provided her food, I picked and dropped her off to work and I cooked for her, while she never cooked for me. I also paid for everything whenever we went out. And anything that she asked me to do, I never denied any of her requests. Obviously, I fell for this girl hard as I never had a girlfriend and we connected so well.
Finally, I told her how I felt. She just laughed and said "No, I am sorry". She said maybe in another life (she believes in reincarnation) but not in this lifetime. She told me that she won't get into a relationship until she's in her 30s. I wasn't that hurt because I thought that things would continue the way it was. She also said that I am like a brother to her.
Next week, she gets a boyfriend and totally cuts me off; no talking, no texting, nothing. She met him at my workplace. I was really hurt, I didn't sleep for two days, and totally lost my appetite and lost 10 lbs throughout the ordeal. And honestly, as it hurts me to say this, it hurt me more than my dad's passing away. I know that he was at peace now and that's just part of life but this thing was a shocker. Still hurts seeing them together daily at work.
Just randomly, she starts texting me again and starting calling me at her break-time. I came back like a whimpering dog. Among other stuff, she talks about how amazing her boyfriend is and he's doing this or that for her. Sending me pics of them together and complaining how condoms are expensive. She also calls me up to take her places as her bf doesn't have a car and I of course do it for her. She is also nice as she tries to help me to get another girl and I can tell that she cares for me. We currently text each other everyday for at least an hour.
I still really care for her but she really hurt me a lot and I kinda feel being used. She talks to me more than her bf, I think.
Man up0 -
OP,
Dude, everyone does this at some point in their lives. We all get a little silly over someone we like. We allow ourselves to be used, to be mistreated in minor ways. We lose perspective and it happens.
Now maybe it was intentional on her part, and maybe it wasn't. Doesn't change the trend in outcomes in these situations. A) It isn't going to happen. Ever. If it had happened, it would have been a lopsided, miserable relationship.
In one of your follow-up posts you noted that she is a princess. You also report she made some statement to the effect, "that this always happens with her and men". Martyr complex coupled with princess complex toward you is a sure fire recipe for bullsh*t. Bullsh*t treatment. Bullsh*t excuses (on both sides). Bullsh*t behavior (on both sides).
Cut ties with this gangrenous, putrefying relationship. Just stop. It is like weight loss and fitness. Don't make excuses. Don't make it harder than it has to be. Just do it.
^^ This because you don't just want, you need, to take care of someone. You will let them do this to you. You both have a complex. She just knows yours and is using it to satisfy hers.0 -
OP,
Dude, everyone does this at some point in their lives. We all get a little silly over someone we like. We allow ourselves to be used, to be mistreated in minor ways. We lose perspective and it happens.
Now maybe it was intentional on her part, and maybe it wasn't. Doesn't change the trend in outcomes in these situations. A) It isn't going to happen. Ever. If it had happened, it would have been a lopsided, miserable relationship.
In one of your follow-up posts you noted that she is a princess. You also report she made some statement to the effect, "that this always happens with her and men". Martyr complex coupled with princess complex toward you is a sure fire recipe for bullsh*t. Bullsh*t treatment. Bullsh*t excuses (on both sides). Bullsh*t behavior (on both sides).
Cut ties with this gangrenous, putrefying relationship. Just stop. It is like weight loss and fitness. Don't make excuses. Don't make it harder than it has to be. Just do it.
^^ This because you don't just want, you need, to take care of someone. You will let them do this to you. You both have a complex. She just knows yours and is using it to satisfy hers.
Or it's because loaning someone money and getting them a job doesn't mean they have to sleep with you.0 -
No good will come from allowing yourself to feel anything for a woman. It is a fact that I get reminded of everytime I make the mistake. Just forget about her.
True. All women are wretched black holes of emotion.0 -
No good will come from allowing yourself to feel anything for a woman. It is a fact that I get reminded of everytime I make the mistake. Just forget about her.
True. All women are wretched black holes of emotion.
Yup...and sex is icky too, better off without 'em0 -
No good will come from allowing yourself to feel anything for a woman. It is a fact that I get reminded of everytime I make the mistake. Just forget about her.
True. All women are wretched black holes of emotion.
Yup...and sex is icky too, better off without 'em
I said no good comes from allowing yourself to feel anything for a woman. That and your statement are not necessarily related. Not that I go out and engage in meaningless sex. I do not. But still, they two are not by necessity related.0 -
No good will come from allowing yourself to feel anything for a woman. It is a fact that I get reminded of everytime I make the mistake. Just forget about her.
True. All women are wretched black holes of emotion.
Yup...and sex is icky too, better off without 'em
I said no good comes from allowing yourself to feel anything for a woman. That and your statement are not necessarily related. Not that I go out and engage in meaningless sex. I do not. But still, they two are not by necessity related.
I was being sarcastic.
Also meaningless sex is fun. It's what made college worthwhile for me.0 -
*facepalm*
just stahp. I love that the ones who wail the loudest about how hurt they are and how they want things to be calm again are always the ones prolonging the drama. Man up OP, a real woman doesn't go for puppy dogs.0 -
No good will come from allowing yourself to feel anything for a woman. It is a fact that I get reminded of everytime I make the mistake. Just forget about her.
True. All women are wretched black holes of emotion.
Yup...and sex is icky too, better off without 'em
I said no good comes from allowing yourself to feel anything for a woman. That and your statement are not necessarily related. Not that I go out and engage in meaningless sex. I do not. But still, they two are not by necessity related.
I understand you've been hurt, but beware that attitude as the father of a young woman. Don't let it colour your judgement when raising your kids. They deserve meaningful relationships, even if you are unable to sustain one.
Edited to add a :flowerforyou: I sounded snarky and that wasn't my intent.
Also, OP, stop trying to buy affection. That's a painful road to take.0 -
Walk away!!!! Cut off all contact and move on. You also deserve to be happy.
this
kick her out. block her number. Cut your losses about the money, you won't get it back.
ALL OF THIS! Tell her to go to hell and never EVER speak to her again!0 -
OP....still there?!?
Not sure if you are reading this but...
Why is she doing this to you? Because you let her.
No one will do anything to you that you don't allow. Remember that.
You sound like a great guy. I'm sure you have a lot to offer. Maybe you are a bit lonely? It is the holiday season after all.
Being a friend is just that...being there and expecting nothing in return. If she is a friend, she will reciprocate in kind (not S*x). If she doesn't, she isn't a friend, just a leach.
It also sounds like you are dealing a bit with "white knight" syndrome. You see a damsel in distress and you help her.
Wouldn't it be nice to meet a girl who has her **** together? Wouldn't it be better to find someone who is your equal in every way? IMHO, that is the type of girl you need to watch out for. Not the type that can't handle her own **** and has to rely on others for a job, food, etc.
Good luck my friend! I will tell you this...be grateful for this experience. This is the type of memory that will pop up when you meet the "love of your life." You will remember this deadbeat and say, "oh, so this is why I had to experience this. I had to see what is wrong, so I can be prepared to know what is right."
XOXO0 -
ditch the witch.... she sees you as her doormat0
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hurt more than a family member's passing?!
I am disappoint.0 -
I don't think it matters.I seriously do think that she was unaware of it. She said that every guy does this to her and it didn't seem out of the ordinary.
Unwillingness to recognize the feelings of others and take them into account is called callousness. It's not a quality.
I'll have to disagree with a lot of people and say I think you did the right thing to go talk to her. The right thing for YOU, that is. You got everything you had to say off your chest and got to see her as she really is. You can now move on - which you should do - without any regrets.0 -
Hello,
I really am confused at what is doing on. And I need some girls advice on what to do? Should I just ignore her or continue maintaining friendship with her?
5 months ago, I moved in a new place with a girl roommate. We really hit it off. The first day we met, we talked for 10 hours straight and we spent everyday together for 2 months. The landlord would hate us because we would sometimes talk until 4am. She told me countless times how we connect so well. When she didn't have a job, she would wait for me in the balcony.
After 2 months, she had some problems with money and no job. I loaned her money, I got her a job at my workplace, I provided her food, I picked and dropped her off to work and I cooked for her, while she never cooked for me. I also paid for everything whenever we went out. And anything that she asked me to do, I never denied any of her requests. Obviously, I fell for this girl hard as I never had a girlfriend and we connected so well.
Finally, I told her how I felt. She just laughed and said "No, I am sorry". She said maybe in another life (she believes in reincarnation) but not in this lifetime. She told me that she won't get into a relationship until she's in her 30s. I wasn't that hurt because I thought that things would continue the way it was. She also said that I am like a brother to her.
Next week, she gets a boyfriend and totally cuts me off; no talking, no texting, nothing. She met him at my workplace. I was really hurt, I didn't sleep for two days, and totally lost my appetite and lost 10 lbs throughout the ordeal. And honestly, as it hurts me to say this, it hurt me more than my dad's passing away. I know that he was at peace now and that's just part of life but this thing was a shocker. Still hurts seeing them together daily at work.
Just randomly, she starts texting me again and starting calling me at her break-time. I came back like a whimpering dog. Among other stuff, she talks about how amazing her boyfriend is and he's doing this or that for her. Sending me pics of them together and complaining how condoms are expensive. She also calls me up to take her places as her bf doesn't have a car and I of course do it for her. She is also nice as she tries to help me to get another girl and I can tell that she cares for me. We currently text each other everyday for at least an hour.
I still really care for her but she really hurt me a lot and I kinda feel being used. She talks to me more than her bf, I think.
I'm going to be as nice as possible because I have had people walk all over me and didn't see it.
Her original plan (though she may be genuine) was to freeload off you. Sure she may be pretty etc but laughing at the possibility of you two being together when you are investing so much more time, energy and money (which further complicates things) is NOT fair on you.
I know it's an awkward conversation but cut her out of your life immediately, retreat entirely and advise her 'I need to live with a roommate that is less dependant on me and more consistent; this isn't working'
She has your heart and unfortunately that's when we are most at our stage of vulnerability; we are at their beckoning call.
She is using you and you don't need this in your life.0 -
I once read a quote somewhere that "If you loan someone money and you never get it back or see them again, it's the best money you ever spent"
No one here can tell you what to do because you're likely to keep caving until she pushes you to the limit where you honestly cannot take anymore. Hopefully that day will come sooner than later for you.
Good luck0 -
damn you probably got a lot of flak and I dunno if you are still reading these comments but that **** is tough - similar **** happened to me at one point, it sucks bro
just gotta work on you and as much as it sucks you can't let her use you all the time - shes using you as a confidant and a best pal but you will always want more - gotta walk away my man, even if its harder then you can imagine its for the best0
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