Moving In Together..

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  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    I wouldn't move in with someone that I didn't see my future with. So, while marriage may not be in the immediate plan, I wouldn't move in with someone that I saw a roadblock with.

    Who needs the hassle of sharing space with a person that does not have the same goals and vision as yourself, unless you are just roomates sharing expenses.
  • charliex2202
    charliex2202 Posts: 4,281 Member
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    I personally don't think you really know someone 100% until you have lived with them, All their bad habits, pet hates etc these are all things you have to grow to love about your partner or else they are just things that in the long run will drive you potty...
    try before you buy lol, :smile:

    ~charlie
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
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    I wouldn't move in with someone that I didn't see my future with.

    I think this speaks volumes.. if you can't see yourself with that person longterm, father/mother of your children, growing old, etc... with them then why bother..
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    My husband and I lived together for 18 months before getting married, but the intention to marry was there pretty much the entire time. It doesn't always lead to marriage, you both need to have the same plan, or else it could lead to heartbreak for the one who was hoping it would lead to more.

    Definitely this.

    I see a LOT of couples, especially 20-somethings, move in together and the girl assumes it is the next big step toward marriage while the guy is thinking no such thing. Communication is so important!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    What is your take in moving in with your partner.without marriage...Does it lead to a marriage.or there seem to be no need to marry if you're already living together? WHATS YOUR TAKE
    That's a very individual thing. It depends a lot on what marriage means to you.

    I've lived with my SO for 8 1/2 years. He's divorced and was dead set against marriage for a long time. Between that and some other issues we've had, I'd always thought our relationship would end at some point. But things have turned around in very important ways and he's changed his mind about marriage. So that's my story. Others' stories will be different.
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
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    Personally, my husband and I made the decision to move in together before we got married because we wanted to make sure we could stand living with each other. Mind you, we were engaged when we moved in together and we are now happily married (we have been together 5 years, been married for 2 years).

    If we didn't see being with each other for forever, then we wouldn't have made the decision. :bigsmile:

    ETA: my mom was the old fashion way of "don't move in until your wedding night." and honestly, while I respect that, I think she would probably be more understanding if she was still alive about why we made the decision. it is about communication (which is key).
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    I would never live with someone if I wasn't considering marrying them.
  • kckBxer396
    kckBxer396 Posts: 460 Member
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    Testing it out before you buy is not a bad thing

    This. And keep separate bank accounts.

    Both of these. Even if you've been together for a while, you may not know them as well as you think. I dated a guy for 3 years. We moved in together,and I ended our relationship after a few months. He was a completely different person and clearly we weren't on the same page with our relationship. Currently, I live with my s.o./boyfriend. We've been together for about 2 1/2 years,and we're doing great. We often talk about marriage,but have not officially decided. haha

    So, no, I don't think it leads to marriage. I definitely want to get married even though we live together. My family frowns on living together before marriage,but 4-5 of my cousins have already been divorced at least once. I would rather live together and break up than our relationship end with divorce.
  • apollard727
    apollard727 Posts: 24
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    For me personally my partner and I stayed at each others parents house and then took the step to rent a place together. This was the first time we had lived without our parents and were completely by ourselves. We are hoping to buy a place together next year but for me I definitely would rent and then buy as it is a huge commitment. You dont want to end up in an awful break up and then have a mortgage to deal with!

    The plan of marriage is in the future but just not yet, we both want to get stuck into our careers and I'm studying part time also.

    I dont think you truely know what your partner is like until you live with them.

    But it is what works for you.. we are all speaking from what we think personally suits us
  • Dancing_Laeti
    Dancing_Laeti Posts: 752 Member
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    I think it's a good way of finding out whether you actually fit... i.e. a lot of things can go well in a relationship, but it's only when you have him/her around you all the time and you find his dirty socks on the floor all the time.
    Personally, I think it's a very bad idea to marry someone without having lived with them first.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    We are hoping to buy a place together next year but for me I definitely would rent and then buy as it is a huge commitment. You dont want to end up in an awful break up and then have a mortgage to deal with!

    DO NOT DO THIS UNTIL YOU ARE MARRIED.

    My cousin was a week away from getting married. She and her fiance had bought a place, decorated itm everything. And he left her pretty much at the alter and it was a nightmare dealing with the property.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    We do plan on getting married at some point, we don't consider it unnecessary because we live together, but we're in no hurry.

    this... I think is the issue people have with it.

    what's the point- you already live together- and if there is a preconceived notion about that being the next step- people get disappointed/disillusioned and angry.

    But I fully agree it's a very personal issue- and I think it has more to do with your convictions on relationships. My BF doesn't care about "being married" but he does believe in what you would say are soul-mates/life partners whatever- he is comfortable with the idea of monogamy and being fully committed- what you call that- is irrelevant.

    We both agreed we didn't care WHAT You called it- as long as there was a moment you decided that was it- it's no longer "dating" or "going out" you're now a thing. and committed- beyond just- oh yeah that's my BF kind of thing. For us that is more important.

    I'm also torn about it because while I'm big on doing my own thing- I've pushed my parents as fairly far on the tolerance issue- and I'm not sure I want to push this any more- and I know I'd be in for a world of hurt if I moved in unwed. I love and respect my family- so it's a difficult choice. It would be easier- sure- but I'm not sure "easier" and "convenience" are a valid reason to potentially trash family relationships when they have dedicated their lives to helping me succeed in life.

    hugely personal. and not taken to be taken lightly.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I'm also torn about it because while I'm big on doing my own thing- I've pushed my parents as fairly far on the tolerance issue- and I'm not sure I want to push this any more- and I know I'd be in for a world of hurt if I moved in unwed. I love and respect my family- so it's a difficult choice. It would be easier- sure- but I'm not sure "easier" and "convenience" are a valid reason to potentially trash family relationships when they have dedicated their lives to helping me succeed in life.

    I really love my family. lol At least on my dad's side, and including my parents and grandfather, every one of them has lived with someone he or she was not married to.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    I saw the post noting that OP has a child, which definitey puts another spin on the situation. I'm not a parent so I won't give advice on a topic I'm unfamiliar with but I would encourage OP to be extra careful about who you decide to live with as that person will have an influence on your child. Besides that, make sure you talk about how expenses and chores will be divvied up and any other things you may be able to think of. Better to put as much out on the table for discussion up front rather than wait and talk about it when it's a pain point.

    In my case, moving in with now-Hubs was as much about financial convenience as it was the fact that we spent all our time together. We could've continued to live separately but decided to give it a go. It was a little rough at first, working out the kinks, but we managed through with communication (tbh - some calm and rational, some fighting) and compromise.

    We ended up living together for 11 years before we finally got hitched and will be celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary next Friday.

    Best of luck in your decision!
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
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    I've lived with my partner for 7 years now. :smile: We would LOVE to get married, but unfortunately, the state in which we live not only does not "allow" it, :huh: but will not recognize us as married should we do it elsewhere and come back. :noway: :angry: :grumble:
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
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    why do ppl seem to think that higher numbers of marriages staying together (i.e. low divorce rate) = a good thing?

    just because ppl get married (co-hab first or no) doesn't mean they should.
    just because ppl get divorced (co-hab first or no) doesn't mean their marriage couldn't have been 'saved'.
    just because ppl stay married doesn't mean their marriages are 'happy' or 'successful'.

    i hate hearing wistful recall of the 'good old days' when the divorce rate was lower, as if that was a good thing. i'd like to see some studies on relationship/marital satifaction served up with all those divorce rate stats.

    :yawn:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,523 Member
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    Marriage is like staying lean and fit. Success will depend on the commitment.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Marriage is like staying lean and fit. Success will depend on the commitment.

    I like this. :flowerforyou:
  • jendraka
    jendraka Posts: 117 Member
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    I've lived with my partner for 7 years now. :smile: We would LOVE to get married, but unfortunately, the state in which we live not only does not "allow" it, :huh: but will not recognize us as married should we do it elsewhere and come back. :noway: :angry: :grumble:

    Have faith, someday our entire country will be civilized...someday. Not soon enough, I know, but it will come. I'm glad I live in a state that has such freedom. They all should.
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
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    marrying doesn't ensure staying together neither does living together.
    but I think op wants to know if it's "better" to live together unmarried
    I would say it doesn't matter. if its practical then do it. if not dont.
    don't get phony ideas about what it means- marriage or separation. plenty of couple separate regardless of living situation before and after marriage. don't think it brings closer or apart. same with having kids.

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