A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...

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christinemadden0223
christinemadden0223 Posts: 175 Member
in Chit-Chat
is seriously the most pathetic person in the world. I found out three days ago that my boyfriend of 5 months lied to me. He had slept with this girl that I didn't even know he knew. Apparently they had been sleeping together before we met and then two times when we were going through rough patches and I told him I was leaving him and then we worked it out- but he never told me about it- a friend finally did. I was sickened. I confronted him. At first he lied and said he didn't know what I was talking about. He then admitted to it having happened once on one of the nights I told him to leave. He said he had nowhere to go and she kept pushing for him to come over. The second time happened about the same way. I never knew about any of this until Sunday. When he stayed elsewhere, he always told me it was at a buddy's. Anyway, I finally demanded to see the messages between them and he refused for the longest time until I said that was the only way I would EVER consider trying to work this out. He decided to tell me everything. He showed me the messages. They had been texting back and forth nearly every day for months. Now granted, she was always begging him to come over- he was always saying no. She would say she missed him, he would say nothing. There were even parts where he would tell her how much he cared for me and that they would never be together. Still she continued to push and try to guilt him, or be in his head when we were having problems. He would mostly ignore her. But when she texted conversationally, he would answer and when she seemed desperate he would try to calm her down. She even brought him medicine to work one day when I COULD HAVE done it. And of course, the two nights I kicked him out for coming home completely wasted and trying to pick fights, he replied to her messages and went to her house. He said he barely remembered the sex and felt awful and guilty in the morning. He said he told her both times it was a mistake and then came and begged me to take him back after our fight (and I did, not knowing about this girl). When I read the messages and heard the story I felt completely betrayed, probably more so by the messages than the sex.
He's apologized so much. I am trying to forgive him, more for me than for him. He grabbed the phone, texted her "I love Christine, I told her everything. Don't contact me anymore" and when she wrote back freaking out he ignored it. It feels sincere. I've been cheated on before and I won't be with someone I think would be with someone behind my back- but does this qualify? I told him to leave and told him we were over those nights- bad on me. I have issues when the going gets tough. The messages really bother me though. Even though he never said anything that was remotely suggestive of him liking her or leading her on, the mere act of messaging back and keeping the secret with her betrays me, don't you think? And as I said before, there is no one as pathetic as a girl trying to steal a BF. If they wanted you, they would be with you. Ladies, we are classier than that!! Sorry so heavy for a Tuesday morning, but opinions please
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Replies

  • Ninguneado77
    Ninguneado77 Posts: 468
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    I know you don't want to hear this…but….people do not change
  • fattofit84
    fattofit84 Posts: 141
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    Wow way to go not holding the bf responsible! Clearly its all this evil womens fault i mean she must have kidnapped him tied him up and forced herself on him! What an evil witch!
  • christinemadden0223
    christinemadden0223 Posts: 175 Member
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    Wow way to go not holding the bf responsible! Clearly its all this evil womens fault i mean she must have kidnapped him tied him up and forced herself on him! What an evil witch!
    Oh trust me, he is definitely responsible, I never said that. No one made him go over there and I'm not dating her, she has every right to do what she wants. I just DO think its gross wehn women actively go after men with girls like that. But his betrayal is the point- she never owed me anything
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    Do you really want to be in a relationship where you are always wondering and second guessing everything?
    I wouldn't.
  • iLOVEbabySARA13
    iLOVEbabySARA13 Posts: 88
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    He's right. They don't. Leave his *kitten*.

    There's this girl that my husband works with. She tried and tried SO hard to get him, and he would continuously reject her. She finally got pissed off and made up some lie to try and get him fired. Luckily she ran her big mouth about her plan in the break room and someone saved his butt. Basically, if he...or SHE...is taken, lay the hell off! This girl was taken by baby Daddy, too, lmao. Did she stop after all of that BS? Nope. Just pursuing other men now.
  • iLOVEbabySARA13
    iLOVEbabySARA13 Posts: 88
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    Wow way to go not holding the bf responsible! Clearly its all this evil womens fault i mean she must have kidnapped him tied him up and forced herself on him! What an evil witch!
    Oh trust me, he is definitely responsible, I never said that. No one made him go over there and I'm not dating her, she has every right to do what she wants. I just DO think its gross wehn women actively go after men with girls like that. But his betrayal is the point- she never owed me anything

    You're right. Women go after taken men. I've had plenty try to get my husband...but guess what!? Men go after taken women too.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Yeah ... it's all the girl's fault. Your boyfriend is totally innocent and a great guy who's simply her victim.

    How awful SHE is.
  • Number_44
    Number_44 Posts: 97 Member
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    U-Mad-Bro_zps54753bea.jpg

    He just did you a favor....be lucky you only wasted 5 months instead of 5 years.


    ETA: Maybe next time youll think twice before kicking your boyfriend out. He left....just like you wanted. Be careful what you wish for....you just might get it.
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
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    Wow way to go not holding the bf responsible! Clearly its all this evil womens fault i mean she must have kidnapped him tied him up and forced herself on him! What an evil witch!
    +1
  • amyhoss
    amyhoss Posts: 414 Member
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    Sorry for what you are going through. They are both at fault. I would have a tough time forgiving a man that did that to me MULTIPLE times. I wonder how he would feel if you went and slept with some guy. Honestly, I wouldn't feel bad doing it if I were you.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    Your boy friend is a douche!
    Hold him responsible and be prepared that he will cheat again!
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
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    On a more serious note:

    One of my friends did exactly what that evil witch did, oh and then she married him! Why? She thought he was the greatest man ever and therefore did everything she could to make him hers.

    So, either you're not worth your bfs time, she's better than you are, or he's not worth your effort. The world isn't made of rainbows and unicorns!
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Having sex with her is kind of leading her on.
  • Ninguneado77
    Ninguneado77 Posts: 468
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    just DO think its gross wehn women actively go after men with girls like that.

    This has been going for thousands and thousands of years….and will continue going on for thousands of thousands of years…and weak men will continue to be "seduced" for thousands…you get my drift
  • amberkeever1
    amberkeever1 Posts: 34 Member
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    I'm sorry but if he really didn't want to contact her or have contact from her he would have either blocked her number or changed his own. He sounds like he likes/gets an ego boost from being in contact with that horrible girl. It is a total 50/50 cheat here. I could never trust him again. How do you know he won't go get wasted and "get talked into" her bed again? I think this is a complete Bull story and you need to cut him loose. A good man won't do this and you can find someone who won't cheat on you girl. Hold out for the Truly Good Guy not the good enough guy. A real man will NOT do this to you.
  • in_the_stars
    in_the_stars Posts: 1,395 Member
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    I know you don't want to hear this…but….people do not change

    Truth. If someone cheats on their previous SO they'll cheat on you too. Character. Some people have it, some don't. :(
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    He could have very easily blocked her texts if he didn't want to talk to her. He's as guilty or even more so, since he had a girlfriend. Sounds to me like she has a thing for him and he encouraged it and kept her on the sidelines for when you guys weren't getting along. Cheating twice in 5 months proves that he'll just keep on doing it.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,671 Member
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    Lol, the old "I'm staying with my girlfriend" trick. He'll contact her again because like you, it's about him getting free sex. There's no commitment in this guy, and you should see that.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    If I felt the need to sleep with someone else every time my girlfriend and I had an argument, I'd question being in the relationship at all.
  • tworthen79
    tworthen79 Posts: 1,173 Member
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    He said both hook ups were a mistake. Well, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, the first time could have been a "mistake". But the second time he did her was a choice! All of this could have been prevented if he just kept it in his pants. Sorry I'm not a sucker and those lies, excuses and tall tales wouldn't fly by me.

    Someone can't be taken, unless they want to. She could pursue him all she wanted, but it was HIM who went for it.

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