A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...
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My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.
Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.
yes…but a real man stays faithful to his wife, sorry0 -
I think it's time to retire this drama llama and be single for a while.0
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My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.
Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.
I would like to humbly put on my hipocrite hat and say yeah, that's gross...the girl in this scenario was way out of line. Can't articulate why, but it's different. I'm sorry you went through that and yet happy you had the strength to stand up to her and the patience to deal with him. It takes a strong and dedicated woman to do what you did. :flowerforyou:0 -
First off, she was with him before you were, so that makes the pursuing him less vindicitave in my opinion. Not that it is in any way right.
Secondly, you are going to have a lot of people on here say "once a cheater always a cheater" and all that, but if you're willing to work with someone on something, that is not always the case. I was a cheater, and now I'm happily engaged and could never even imagine doing anything that might hurt my fiance. It's easy to say eff it, I'm done, you cheated, bye. It's harder to put everything on the table, work through the causes and roots of the problem, and start fresh trying to build up trust again when you worry for the longest time if it's going to happen again.
So you really have to ask yourself, is he worth it?0 -
^THIS!!My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.
Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.
yes…but a real man stays faithful to his wife, sorry0 -
I am going to go against the crowd here and say that the issue isn't ALL him. If you are kicking him out and breaking things off, only to change your mind the next day, then you have some issues of your own to work on. It may be that neither of you are mature enough to be in a committed relationship at the moment, or maybe you just aren't right for each other. Either way, strong, healthy relationships are NOT this dramatic.
I am going to comment similar. You kick him out, which I am assuming you had issues before you kicked him out, which lead you to say a thing. At that point he is single so he can do as he pleases. Should he have told you once you two worked things out? I do not feel that it is necessary because he is not yours at the time and what he does in his time when not with you is none of your business just like yours is not his business if the roles are reversed. Point is you told him it was done and to get out so he did... careful what you say and wish for.
Now as far as the other girl trying to get him... (1) she should respect the relationship and not continue the pursuing and (2) if she kept pursuing HE should have cut all ties and totally ignored her if he was that serious about you, which does not seem to be the case in this instance. Just my $0.02.0 -
Lets not focus on her cause girls like that are a dime a dozen. There will always be another one down the road. The first time, was one time too many! No second chances. Period. Clearly he has issues, but that's not your problem. Respect yourself, walk away, and don't look back. There are plenty of men out there who can commit from day 1, and would never stray. DON'T settle. Or you are no better than the pathetic girl who pursues taken men. You would be the girl who always takes a cheater back.0
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TLDR
But, as long as she's active and logs it...I see no problem.0 -
I think one thing we have learned from this thread is if you are in love with someone hot, don't go around throwing them out even when you are mad because they may have other options. Just FYI. *shrugs*.0
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I can think of much more pathetic people :ohwell: ..is seriously the most pathetic person in the world.
....I'm a big believer in honesty, and if he's lied to you before about another woman, how can you possibly believe he won't do it again, or that isn't still doing it now?0 -
You get the relationship you are willing to put up with. Letting someone deceive you isn't as bad as allowing you to deceive yourself.0
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Thank you I agree with you and have actually signed up to see a counselor to work out MY relationship issuesI am going to go against the crowd here and say that the issue isn't ALL him. If you are kicking him out and breaking things off, only to change your mind the next day, then you have some issues of your own to work on. It may be that neither of you are mature enough to be in a committed relationship at the moment, or maybe you just aren't right for each other. Either way, strong, healthy relationships are NOT this dramatic.
easier than to deal with reality0 -
And as I said before, there is no one as pathetic as a girl trying to steal a BF. If they wanted you, they would be with you. Ladies, we are classier than that!! Sorry so heavy for a Tuesday morning, but opinions please
but he was with her, so.......?
and i agree with the others who have pointed out you need to be holding your boyfriend responsible for what he does with his penis. your making him out to be some sort of comatose victim in this is exactly why you're being string along. you're giving him the ability to have his cake AND eat it too0 -
sounds like jeremy kyle. lol
But if chris lied to me about cheating on me id be out that door faster than you could blink0 -
I can't believe you didn't consider the fact that he probably showed your her messages an just erased his responses, making him look innocent. Oldest trick in the book! I also don't see why you put so much blame on her and hardly any of it on him. Unless she is a friend of yours, she probably considers him fair game since you guys are not married. She owes you no favors. Also, your man is clearly giving her damn good reason to think he is into her.0
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You dont' trust him and can't and will not get over this... cut the ties now while you still have some dignity. Once the trust is gone it's only a matter of time before it all crumbles down and "this girl" becomes "all those girls" ... get a real man!
^^THIS X a million!0 -
Not to be a **** but those text messages you read...the ones you said he had ignored...don't you think he is smart enough to go through and filter out/delete his messages that are self incriminating? Kind of make it look like she is crazy and stalking him. You can easily do that on most phones (delete a single message out of a conversation.
and most importantly:
Boyfriends/Girlfriends are made to be fired until they are not. This is 5 months in? I could see you working this out if you have several years of marriage/and/or kids in the picture. BUT 5 months. I mean com'on. How do you REALLY see this playing out for yourself?
Logic... you have it.
If all these texts that were sent by her were truly unanswered, he wouldn't have run to her for a hook up. If a guy wants nothing to do with you, he will be sure to have nothing to do with you.0 -
Despite all the claims here that people cannot or do not change, all of that makes no sense if one is committed to MFP. Just drop into the "Success Stories" forum to see how hollow those claims are.
Having said that, do you want to put the time and energy into such a broken relationship? Personally, I would not; but you may have very different thought about it. I am jaded about this, to be sure; I want my time and energy to go into a relationship where my promise to "love, honor and obey" is completely returned. As I said, I would move on.
But having said *that* never believe that people cannot change, that is the path to the dark side.0 -
So... how should this girl who is actively pursuing a man with a GF log her calories burned while in pursuit? Would HRMs be the way to go here?0
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I can't believe you didn't consider the fact that he probably showed your her messages an just erased his responses, making him look innocent. Oldest trick in the book! I also don't see why you put so much blame on her and hardly any of it on him. Unless she is a friend of yours, she probably considers him fair game since you guys are not married. She owes you no favors. Also, your man is clearly giving her damn good reason to think he is into her.
True dat. Every one of her messages also could have been returned with a phone call. I had a guy like that in the past. Any little text I sent him, he right away called me. Did you see his calls too OP?0 -
But having said *that* never believe that people cannot change, that is the path to the dark side.
and the world, that is the real world is a shiny bed of roses0 -
So... how should this girl who is actively pursuing a man with a GF log her calories burned while in pursuit? Would HRMs be the way to go here?
No, b/c they get in the way during motel liasons.0 -
As far as he's concerned, kinda sounds like you were broken up....but then again I just skimmed.0
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Together for just 5mos and he's cheating? Regardless of that other chick... I'd be out the door without even thinking twice about it.0
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Not to be a **** but those text messages you read...the ones you said he had ignored...don't you think he is smart enough to go through and filter out/delete his messages that are self incriminating? Kind of make it look like she is crazy and stalking him. You can easily do that on most phones (delete a single message out of a conversation.
and most importantly:
Boyfriends/Girlfriends are made to be fired until they are not. This is 5 months in? I could see you working this out if you have several years of marriage/and/or kids in the picture. BUT 5 months. I mean com'on. How do you REALLY see this playing out for yourself?
Logic... you have it.
If all these texts that were sent by her were truly unanswered, he wouldn't have run to her for a hook up. If a guy wants nothing to do with you, he will be sure to have nothing to do with you.
Right, he wouldn't have had the option of her if he had been dissing her all along. SHE would have been indignant from all the ignore.0 -
My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.
Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.
But see again in this case, clearly that door was even so remotely cracked welcoming the attention from another woman....I really think most women wouldn't even bother trying to pursue a taken, or married man if the man in the first place made it very clear there was not even a smidge of hope. Even something a tiny as a flirtatious smile would be enough to encourage a woman that in inclined to go after a married man.
Agree!0 -
I am going to go against the crowd here and say that the issue isn't ALL him. If you are kicking him out and breaking things off, only to change your mind the next day, then you have some issues of your own to work on. It may be that neither of you are mature enough to be in a committed relationship at the moment, or maybe you just aren't right for each other. Either way, strong, healthy relationships are NOT this dramatic.
THIS ^^^^
Lets see if I got this right, your bf of 5 months, who you told to get out and that you were leaving, slept with someone else during the time you were 'not together'.
The answer is really simple:
1. Stop telling him to leave
2. Or mean what the heck you say and kick him to da curb.
Just one old man's opinion.........
And THIS ^^^
In my humble opinion, when you kick your BF out of his home, you get what you get and have no right to ask what happened during that time apart. He left her the first time, he keeps coming back to you as soon as you cool off and invite him back. This is not the other girl's fault. This is on you. Imagine if you were more committed to the relationship to work through the problems instead of kicking him out ... otherwise, if it is not the right relationship, move on and quit leading HIM on. Of course he still has her number, because he has no idea of when you will kick him out again and it is probably pretty cold out on the streets this time of year. Sounds like sex is his currency of choice, instead of paying for a hotel room while you are mad ...
As I see it, this is on you. Decide what you want. If you are committed to the relationship, stop breaking up and work through the problems (coming from someone who has been married 20 years ... you can't kick people out of the house every time you get mad and expect them to still be there when you cool off) ... or it's time to move on and find a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with someone new ...0 -
Too big!
X2
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But see again in this case, clearly that door was even so remotely cracked welcoming the attention from another woman....I really think most women wouldn't even bother trying to pursue a taken, or married man if the man in the first place made it very clear there was not even a smidge of hope. Even something a tiny as a flirtatious smile would be enough to encourage a woman that in inclined to go after a married man.
exactly….men are tempted, but when they think about their wives/gf etc… they make the choice to not smile back, or politely end a conversation, or politely leave a room where both are alone….it is possible for man, a real man that is0
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