What's the purpose of marriage?
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That is eHarmony's method. Plenty of other sites besides eHarmony. I wouldn't feel comfortable just with the algorithm. I'd want to search others.Tinder feeds matches too.
With the big sites, women usually have their inboxes flooded and can get very discouraged. Sometimes hard for a good guy to break through the clutter. The inbox flooding can really raise expectations, as you can see very average to slightly above average women (5-7 rating) adopting a mindset that would be more associated with Kate Upton, Marisa Miller, or any other gorgeous, highly in demand woman. Leads to a lot of negative repercussions and frustrations for both sexes.
Best thing is to meet people in person first.
Some women (and men!) use online dating and social media (Facebook, Instagram) for validation. I have a very good friend who admits to doing this on a semi regular basis. She's attractive, has self esteem issues, and craves attention. She created a PoF profile and posted some pictures. A week later (and a hundred e-mails later), she happily closed down her account. She got the attention she desperately craved and went back to her normal life.
I went on Facebook this morning and saw another friend post semi- provocative "duck lip" pictures that she took on New Years Eve. Needless to say, many orbiting betas commented and liked the photos, reassuring her fragile ego. Another person posted body positive images and got a bunch of likes from her female friends, again reassuring her fragile ego.
When I see this, I realize Facebook needs a 'dislike' button.
Women who need social media sites for validation from beta males do not belong in a marriage. I do not wish to be in a long term relationship with a woman like that. Seems like a bad bet.0 -
What I find most amusing in this thread are men categorizing other males as either 'alphas' or 'betas'. You don't just hate women OP, you hate men too! :laugh:0
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Totally ignored post, but I guess that what happens when you actually make a real point.This is what I suppose. The marriage commitment, provided that you mean what you say and don't get divorced, brings stability to children, families, and, by extension, the community. Many dont see the point because they have a personal view marriage, as in, what's in it for me? If you extend the question beyond yourself, you see that kids benefit from mom and dad in the home. No matter how good a single parent might be, two good parents are better. We have limits on how much energy we can give in a day. Two parents mean double for the kids. Also, there is division of labor, so you get more done with less effort and less expense. Also, you have a higher chance of regular sex, which is important. Also, if one person falls - gets sick, depressed, or is otherwise unable to meet the demands of life, the other is there to help pick them up. And also, you don't have to stomach the idea of your child being cared for by a wicked stepmom/stepdad/girlfriend/boyfriend. If you think you can achieve these benefits without marriage, remember that every relationship will go through rough times. If you are unmarried, it is much easier to leave during a rough spell, which undermines the stability of the family.0
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Well put. Dating is an exercise in divorce, not preparation for marriage.Meh. Dating is effed up. Marriage is pretty awesome.
Why is dating effed up? I really do agree, just want to see your logic. How does the script get flipped?
I don't know about the other poster but for me modern dating is the antithesis of marriage.
Marriage, as I view it, is about authenticity and intimacy. You and your partner working together with shared goals, supporting and loving each other to become better people and succeed in life. It is about co-operation, mutual respect and caring.
Dating it seems is altogether different. You have to play the game. It is more about putting on an artificial front, exerting power and manipulating a situation. If marriage is about honesty, dating is about lies.
Personally, if I ever found myself to be single again there is no way in god's green earth that I would "date."
What's even better? Married date nights. We have date nights weekly. It can be something as extravagant as a weekend getaway to wine country or as low key as ordering pizza and watching a movie or playing video games at home...Plus there's no drama about calling afterward or if you should/should not sleep over. It's freaking...awesome.0 -
For the life of me, I can't find any advantages of being married. I understand the religious aspect of it (even though I'm about as non-religious as they come), but that doesn't outweigh the cons.
change "being married" for "being _____ (anything at all)" and you will find yourself confused as well. You might as well ask your self why "being alive" at all.... if you weighs the "pros" and "cons" ..... believe it or not, not everything is a business transaction.0 -
I am 36 and have been with the same woman since I was 14. We married when I was 21 and I wouldn't change it for the world. We have wonderful children and a very happy home. I can't imagine just bouncing from woman to woman. Relationships are more than just sex. You come to depend on your spouse as well as build relationship with their family. I am not one to judge others. To each their own but I believe in marriage. My opinion is that people who just bounce from person to person are seeking lust not love. Nothing wrong with that, just not for me.0
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..... believe it or not, not everything is a business transaction.
This0 -
Exactly! Date AFTER you get married! It is soooooo wonderful, I agree totally!!
Well put. Dating is an exercise in divorce, not preparation for marriage.Meh. Dating is effed up. Marriage is pretty awesome.
Why is dating effed up? I really do agree, just want to see your logic. How does the script get flipped?
I don't know about the other poster but for me modern dating is the antithesis of marriage.
Marriage, as I view it, is about authenticity and intimacy. You and your partner working together with shared goals, supporting and loving each other to become better people and succeed in life. It is about co-operation, mutual respect and caring.
Dating it seems is altogether different. You have to play the game. It is more about putting on an artificial front, exerting power and manipulating a situation. If marriage is about honesty, dating is about lies.
Personally, if I ever found myself to be single again there is no way in god's green earth that I would "date."
What's even better? Married date nights. We have date nights weekly. It can be something as extravagant as a weekend getaway to wine country or as low key as ordering pizza and watching a movie or playing video games at home...Plus there's no drama about calling afterward or if you should/should not sleep over. It's freaking...awesome.0 -
I really enjoyed reading that! How nice!I am 36 and have been with the same woman since I was 14. We married when I was 21 and I wouldn't change it for the world. We have wonderful children and a very happy home. I can't imagine just bouncing from woman to woman. Relationships are more than just sex. You come to depend on your spouse as well as build relationship with their family. I am not one to judge others. To each their own but I believe in marriage. My opinion is that people who just bounce from person to person are seeking lust not love. Nothing wrong with that, just not for me.0 -
Totally ignored post, but I guess that what happens when you actually make a real point.This is what I suppose. The marriage commitment, provided that you mean what you say and don't get divorced, brings stability to children, families, and, by extension, the community. Many dont see the point because they have a personal view marriage, as in, what's in it for me? If you extend the question beyond yourself, you see that kids benefit from mom and dad in the home. No matter how good a single parent might be, two good parents are better. We have limits on how much energy we can give in a day. Two parents mean double for the kids. Also, there is division of labor, so you get more done with less effort and less expense. Also, you have a higher chance of regular sex, which is important. Also, if one person falls - gets sick, depressed, or is otherwise unable to meet the demands of life, the other is there to help pick them up. And also, you don't have to stomach the idea of your child being cared for by a wicked stepmom/stepdad/girlfriend/boyfriend. If you think you can achieve these benefits without marriage, remember that every relationship will go through rough times. If you are unmarried, it is much easier to leave during a rough spell, which undermines the stability of the family.
I'm glad this post was brought up again.
Two points on it...
1. Division of Labor: Huge advantage. Running a household of one, I often struggle to keep up with all the household maintenance tasks. I know a lot of unmarried men struggle with household maintenance, even in apartments. I tend to be more vocal in mentioning my struggles with this than most men.
2. Readily available statistics seem to back up what was said about higher chance of regular sex, but it is not automatic. Many sexless marriages are happening, which defeats the purpose of marriage. Beta males probably reduce sex frequency for unmarrieds. But there is a segment of unmarrieds than get more sex than marrieds, though it can often be hard to compare apples to apples.0 -
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Purpose of marriage IMO, is to make a couple monogamous. Oh and get a tax write off in the US. All in all, especially in the USA, it's just a legal binding agreement (just cause you get married by a religion, unless it's documented legally, you're not married) to protect the "lesser" person in the marriage in most cases in case of separation or divorce.
Although now, laws are falling under common law marriage in many cases.
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People find freedom scary2
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I think that most people these days are missing the whole point of marriage!
Marriage is about sharing your life with that one person who fulfills that missing piece of your heart, one that has promised to stand by you through all of life's challenges, turmoils and pain, one who will share with you the everyday joys in life and make life fun! One that you can count on to lift you up every day and hold you when you need to be comforted. One who you can experience so much with and know that he or she will always be there and will hand in hand grow old with you. One who will never Judge you, but will encourage and support! One who makes you feel beautiful no matter how bad you look! One to sometimes have children together with and help teach and raise them to be Amazing Humans and assets to this world! One who will be there to wake up next to every morning and someone to always kiss you goodnight. One who has made a PROMISE to do all the above, witnessed by God and others...
A BEAUTIFUL Gift from God as all the above is exactly what God is for us and he gives us our Soulmate to do the same...not to replace, but to extend that amazing Love and Grace!
Bonus... One to share unimaginable intimacy with that cannot be compared with because Loving someone and feeling that Real Love in return makes for the most intense passion one could ever imagine and experience together! 😉🔥🔥💓
Don't allow the fear of a failed marriage or relationship rob you of the ultimate gift of Love and Marriage.
It is a heartbreaking experience to divorce and to feel the pain of your heart breaking in a million pieces . These experiences are sometimes necessary and teach and prepare us for that "Right" person! Finding that person may not be today or tomorrow, but I promise... One day that person whom you never imagined or expected will one day come into your life!
I was like you, so discouraged and absolutely against even having another serious relationship for fear of more heartbreak and disappointment, and had frankly decided that I'd lIve out the rest of my life alone. Then one day a beautiful Soul was dropped into my life (I have no doubt a gift from God) and my life was changed forever! No matter how hard I fought it, we were destined to be together and for the first time in my fifty something years on this planet I finally learned what REAL Love felt like and all those years we had shared in my previous marriage, although sometimes felt like Love or what I thought was Love was nothing in comparison to the intense feelings I have now!
I will always keep the Father of my children in my heart because we did share a life and raised four amazing humans together, however ...I am so happy that I finally had the guts to get out and learn to care for and love myself by removing myself from what was a very unhappy and unfulfilling life.
Finding myself and learning to Love me then prepared me for Finally at last finding the Love of my Life... And I cannot have not one regret, because all of life's experiences, good and bad has brought me to where I am today. ☺️💞
BTW ... Our wedding theme and Wedding song: "AT LAST"! 😍
Love & Marriage can be a good thing in one's life!
Love one another, learn to Love yourself and don't let your fears cause you to miss out on one of God's ultimate Gifts!
Just think ..that gift might already be there, right in front of you, but your fears and stubbornness may be preventing you from seeing them! 😉🥰
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twitchymcgee wrote: »People find freedom scary
I find relationships/marriage scary. Once you get out of 1 it's kinda hard to take that risk again. And why.1 -
🤗❤️PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »twitchymcgee wrote: »People find freedom scary
I find relationships/marriage scary. Once you get out of 1 it's kinda hard to take that risk again. And why.
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Although I will say it's a bit more daunting when something is falling apart in the home0
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PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »twitchymcgee wrote: »People find freedom scary
I find relationships/marriage scary. Once you get out of 1 it's kinda hard to take that risk again. And why.
Dude same … I’m tell my girlfriend I’ll shack up for life but marriage is a sham 🤷♂️ Idk maybe we jaded yo0 -
PlentyofProtein00 wrote: »twitchymcgee wrote: »People find freedom scary
I find relationships/marriage scary. Once you get out of 1 it's kinda hard to take that risk again. And why.
Dude same … I’m tell my girlfriend I’ll shack up for life but marriage is a sham 🤷♂️ Idk maybe we jaded yo
I contemplate the same thing, is something broken inside me?and to think...I used to believe in soul mates too😂3
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