Why do we have to suffer? :'(

mccindy72

Some of you have pointed out life isn't fair to everyone. I can understand about people born with diseases, terminal illness, or those who are differently-abled.
But you have to understand, obese people face problems ON TOP OF the problems "normal" people do. Normal people don't have risk of diabetes, cardiac failure. Their knees don't hurt. They don't find daily simple tasks/maneuvers like climbing a flight of staircase exhausting. We do.

What's "normal"? We all have things going on in our lives that are not "normal" and create challenges for us to face. I'm not obese, but I have back pain everyday because of degenerative disks and multiple surgeries. I find simple tasks and maneuvers painful. I was also diagnosed with brain cancer this year and had a craniotomy to have a tumor partially removed from my brain. So yeah, I do find climbing a flight of stairs exhausting. I thought I was a "normal" person before all of this, but now I have new challenges to face. Obesity isn't one of the them but that is just a different kind of challenge, and to be honest, it's one that is under your control to fix. You've already shown that with your impressive weight loss so far. You're determined to keep going and lose the weight, so why try to find ways to make it sound like you need sympathy? Like I said before, just keep doing what you're doing successfully, and when you've lost the weight and hit your goals, you'll realize how much stronger you feel for sticking with ti and doing what you set out to do!

Dimpleschick55

Finding the food I can eat is sometimes challenging but I don't whine about it.

You really should though. Gluten free pizza just isn't the same.

(Betcha that you have, too.)

Sorry babe, I haven't whined about it. What's the point? I do miss eating French toast or a brownie but too bad. Done with that now. I don't eat pizza anymore either. I agree, gluten free foods are not the same in taste and texture. I have given up on eating a sandwich because the bread is not the same but it does make fairly good toast.

Dimpleschick55

I was very happy to hear from you and glad you posted again. I, too, have thyroid disease on top of the other stuff I wrote in my post. It is hard to lose weight. You have already lost a great amount of weight which you should be very proud of, and you have a reasonable goal for this year. I am sure you will make it. Read about depression, there are some legitimate online quizzes that help you determine if you might be. Be aware that some medications can cause weight gain. Anyhow, good luck making your goal and keep checking in to let us know how you are. PS: did you look in the mirror and find something nice about yourself?

Thanks for the kind responses. I did not expect so many helpful replies honestly. Now that I am feeling better, let me clear some things up.

- I currently weigh 291 lbs. My peak weight was 343 lbs about 18 months ago.

- Its easy to say "stop eating and get off your butt." You have to understand something, I did not eat to obesity! I was an overweight kid all my childhood. Of course I looked chubby, and had trouble running. Do you seriously think my parents would have let me overeat? My diet was strictly controlled since I can remember - no sweets, no oily food, no fast food. Its not my parents fault, they just wanted me to have a healthy life. But even with all these measures, I still kept growing in size. I then joined a gym when I was 12. You cannot imagine how hard it was for a 12 year me to go to a place I doesn't want to go in the first place because
1) At this age I was supposed to play and enjoy carelessly. None of my friends went to gyms!
2) The fellow gym-goers teased me stared at me. They hadn't seen such a fat kid before, I think.

Still the gym didn't work. To top all this, I was always ridiculed in school. And as you grow older, you clearly notice how everybody treats you differently cuz you are obese. They wont start conversation with you. They behave differently with you. Most of the people just ignore your existence. People stare at you in public. You hear them laugh when the pass you. The list is endless...
Do you think after all this, I did not try?

- I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was 18. I started taking meds immediately. As you can see, I have lost 50 pounds. Losing 50 pounds doesn't just happen. I'm sure you people know how hard it is- you have to be dedicated, control your diet, exercise regularly, never slip.

- Some of you have pointed out life isn't fair to everyone. I can understand about people born with diseases, terminal illness, or those who are differently-abled.
But you have to understand, obese people face problems ON TOP OF the problems "normal" people do. Normal people don't have risk of diabetes, cardiac failure. Their knees don't hurt. They don't find daily simple tasks/maneuvers like climbing a flight of staircase exhausting. We do.

- Also I am 19. I am sure I have no Idea or any experience about the hardships that people face when they grow up.



But thanks for such wonderful responses. I might be suffering from depression, I don't know for sure. And I have decided to shed 66 pounds this year.

And happy new year to you!

Bonnieg318

For starters if you haven't already please seek medical attention for your depression and thyroid problems. Once you have control of that hopefully you will be able to get you past some of the things you feel you can't do!
I also at your age had to shop in different sections of the stores, I didn't like what I had to choose from but until I decided to change it was my only option.
I read your profile and you said you wanted to run but after you lost weight. Why not run now? I started running at at least 240lbs. PS I still hate running but I do it!! Find a couch to 5k or 10k program and work with that. Even just start walking! When I started running I lived in the country and would run from power pole to power pole. The first time I did it I didn't make it between poles but after a while I did it! It was slow going but I still did it!
You can do this you just need to change a few things, seek medical help for medical problems and get moving!!
Good luck with this journey!

PikaKnight

Hello MFP,
I am really sad right now. I am crying. I was talking to my mom and suddenly I realized something... WHY? why do obese people have to suffer? Why?
I cannot shop like "normal" people, cannot eat the food I like, cannot go to movies or go partying. No this is not a rant. I am sure you can understand my problems.. our problems. It is really disheartening that we cannot enjoy life as other people. I am still young, I am 19, and I weigh more than 100 Kg! I cannot perform normal activities like my friends do. Can't talk to girls. Can't talk to strangers -thanks low self esteem- or go to places. ITS JUST NOT FAIR!
Life is not fair to us overweight people.
I know this post will be buried after sometime... and I am somewhat sure nobody would read it given the sheer number of new posts on MFP but I really wanted to let out my feelings.
Good night

Okay I am going to refrain from a snarky response as you are obviously upset but at the same time I will be honest...

I cannot shop like "normal" people

If this is because of your size than you just have to develop a plan to lose weight and adhere to it...will provide links at end.
If it is because of self-esteem or social anxiety I recommend some form of therapy and also exercise as I find this to be a very effective method of dealing with emotional issues.

cannot eat the food I like

Well yes you can if you develop self control particularly over portion sizes, because food is not inherently bad but diets can be...

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/817188-iifym

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/872212-you-re-probably-eating-more-than-you-think

cannot go to movies or go partying

You could if you wanted to but I reiterate this is a symptom of your low self-esteem and recommend taking the steps necessary to improve it.

I am still young, I am 19, and I weigh more than 100 Kg! I cannot perform normal activities like my friends do. Can't talk to girls. Can't talk to strangers -thanks low self esteem- or go to places.

You are still quite young and have plenty of time to change but the best time to start is now, yes you may have poor self esteem but you are not the only one. It may seem difficult at the moment to change but if you are committed nothing you have written about is unchangeable.

ITS JUST NOT FAIR!
Life is not fair to us overweight people.

These comments make me think that you no doubt are suffering but have a small window to the vast amount of suffering occurring right now in the world, I get it you have low self esteem from being overweight, well do something about it...at least you have an opportunity to change your life many do not.



Helpful links...

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1069278-acronyms-and-terms-for-new-mfp-members-v-6

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

Skinny people must have fast metabolisms right?

Think again: http://youtu.be/eTr1JUvEiUU

Still convinced your problem is a slow metabolism?

You don't: http://youtu.be/KA9AdlhB18o

OP I wish you the best of luck but you have to try and stop being a victim or as it says on my wall

"Just another person trying to break free of a trap dug and designed by my own two hands."

I learned I could live more than one life in a lifetime.

“Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.” ― Bill Hicks

ETA: Could probably remove the word "can't" from you post and replace it with "won't".

Damn. /endthread right here ^

maryjay52

I am only suffering by being obese. I cant buy the clothes i want. i cant go swimming in a hot bathing suit. I cant walk without losing my breath. i wake up sore everywhere because my weight kills my hips when I am sleeping. My blood pressure is horrible so I cannot drink alcohol because it doesnt mix with my medication. I cannot go bike riding because I cant get on the bike. I cant do a lot of things because I am obese. .... now that I have weight off of me and have experienced 'the other side of life'... I can sleep well, i eat great!!, i enjoy playing with my grandkids, i can fit in a seat on the airplane, I can fit in clothes I like wearing, I can ride a bike and run and workout and swim .. I can sit in a seat at the movie theater too.. food shopping?? girl when you learn how to cook you will be able to buy all kinds of things! I go right by the chip and soda isle without even batting an eye now.. I love going to the organic isle, the fresh fruits and vegetables isle and the condiment and spice isle.

It is all in the mind what you can and can't do and dont ever forget that we all make our own happiness and unhappiness by our own choices

1princesswarrior

I understand you are depressed and angry. You've been dealt a tough hand, really. But use that energy to fight instead of pity yourself. I know depression, I'm bipolar and suffer from horrible depression that most people can't imagine. I was born this way and went undiagnosed until I was in my thirties. I went through a phase where I also felt like an outsider (and often still do) and thought like everyone looked at me like I was the worst piece of scum they ever saw. See you feel like people put a stigma on you because you are obese, and they do. It sucks. People discriminate against the obese and mentally ill. I am in danger of losing my job because of my mental illness. But I look at these obstacles as reasons to prove those who discriminate against me wrong. I am just a person with a disease. A disease that helped me eat my way to 240lbs but I shoveled the food in, not the disease. It took me a long time to come to terms with that. That's what a lot of folks have tried to say.

You are depressed, you are hypothyroid. You takes meds. You deserve a high five for losing 50lbs already...Yay! Now, find a way to work on your depression, be it therapy, medication, therapy or all of the above. I personally do all three and work with horses. I find that helping others, horses and owners, helps boost my self esteem and build me up. Find your horses. 19 is a tough age, I remember all too well but I got through it and you will too.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you want.

Fullsterkur_woman

Thanks for the kind responses. I did not expect so many helpful replies honestly. Now that I am feeling better, let me clear some things up.

- I currently weigh 291 lbs. My peak weight was 343 lbs about 18 months ago.

- Its easy to say "stop eating and get off your butt." You have to understand something, I did not eat to obesity! I was an overweight kid all my childhood. Of course I looked chubby, and had trouble running. Do you seriously think my parents would have let me overeat? My diet was strictly controlled since I can remember - no sweets, no oily food, no fast food. Its not my parents fault, they just wanted me to have a healthy life. But even with all these measures, I still kept growing in size. I then joined a gym when I was 12. You cannot imagine how hard it was for a 12 year me to go to a place I doesn't want to go in the first place because
1) At this age I was supposed to play and enjoy carelessly. None of my friends went to gyms!
2) The fellow gym-goers teased me stared at me. They hadn't seen such a fat kid before, I think.

Still the gym didn't work. To top all this, I was always ridiculed in school. And as you grow older, you clearly notice how everybody treats you differently cuz you are obese. They wont start conversation with you. They behave differently with you. Most of the people just ignore your existence. People stare at you in public. You hear them laugh when the pass you. The list is endless...
Do you think after all this, I did not try?

- I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was 18. I started taking meds immediately. As you can see, I have lost 50 pounds. Losing 50 pounds doesn't just happen. I'm sure you people know how hard it is- you have to be dedicated, control your diet, exercise regularly, never slip.

- Some of you have pointed out life isn't fair to everyone. I can understand about people born with diseases, terminal illness, or those who are differently-abled.
But you have to understand, obese people face problems ON TOP OF the problems "normal" people do. Normal people don't have risk of diabetes, cardiac failure. Their knees don't hurt. They don't find daily simple tasks/maneuvers like climbing a flight of staircase exhausting. We do.

- Also I am 19. I am sure I have no Idea or any experience about the hardships that people face when they grow up.



But thanks for such wonderful responses. I might be suffering from depression, I don't know for sure. And I have decided to shed 66 pounds this year.

And happy new year to you!

I'm glad you came back to the topic. Is there anything you can do today (or in the immediate future) to take steps to be evaluated for depression? I don't want to get too into it, but my childhood was full of trauma and I have a lot of messed-up stuff to overcome in my head. It may be a lifelong process. But the coolest thing I've learned was that these negative feelings will not overwhelm me and they won't actually harm me. I can just sit with the negative feelings and be present with them. That means that no matter what life throws at me, I will be able to roll with the punches now, because I don't need things not to suck for me to be OK. For sure, life's not always fun, but it's worth living to the utmost.

Again, don't let the overwhelmingness of it all paralyze you. Just do one tiny thing to make it better. You can build on that.

kirstenmaria

1) There are girls who do not like to date men who look like they could be cast in movies. No offense to the gentlemen with bulging muscles on this site, but I wouldn't date them. Let's see, when I was 19, I was not yet unhealthy/obese, and the only men I dated who I liked probably weighed something about what you weigh. It's not in your physical appearance, but in the way you take care of yourself. Make sure you bathe each morning, dry off with a clean towel, wear clean clothes, and spray on a LITTLE bit of something, and smile (but don't be creepy about it), and you'll turn heads. Oh, haircuts are good too, and if you have facial hair, try to keep it neatly trimmed (not every girl goes for this, but you should generally be safe, unless you're Amish, in which case, let it flow).

2) As I skimmed through the responses I noticed something interesting. Perhaps I am the only person to ever feel I was overweight and not living up to my mother's expectations, but I would consider thinking about WHY talking to your mother brought about such emotion in you. I'm the oldest child. When I sought counseling for a compulsive overeating/binge eating/emotional eating disorder in high school, my mother dedicated herself to driving me once a week to my appointments. When they asked if we would do family counseling, my mother refused to put herself in the position to be blamed. Blamed for what? Not my weight, because she knew that was on me, but she did not want to be cornered and blamed for contributing to my insecurities. How many times had she told me I didn't need more food at dinner? How many stern glances had I received for taking 2 cookies instead of one? How many times did my mom, all the while with good intentions, suggest while shopping for clothing and finally finding a pair of jeans that fit "wouldn't you feel better about yourself if you lost some weight?"

I don't know your situation. For all I know, you and your mom could have been commiserating together that it isn't fair that overweight people have problems finding clothing (I start a teaching job on Monday, and I only have 2 pairs of pants to wear, I feel your pain), or perhaps your mom was trying to help you feel better about yourself by telling you that you have a lot of opportunities, and that you're a great person, so chin up. Maybe your mom has insecurities too, and she has shared these with you, as I believe my mother probably did with me, even though she doesn't realize it. I don't know. What I do know, from my own experience, is that I'm 26 years old, and I STILL have a hard time remembering that my mother is only human, and that she is not always right. I think deep down I always thought she must be, she's my mom...some kind of superhero who knows everything. Unfortunately, as I get closer to that time when I'll be a mother myself, I realize that she started off just as clueless as me, and that at no point in her life has she ever known everything...so take conversations with your own mom with a grain of salt. Try to understand her point of view, but don't let it make you feel bad. Love your mom, but don't let her ideas about the world and obesity make you feel helpless, ugly, or whatever. You are not helpless. You are strong. You are 19, and the world is at your fingertips. Trust me, I know. In 6 years you'll look back and say "jeez, I was really strong and healthier than I thought back then." Go get 'em, tiger!

gemini53

It isn't fair My son is very heavy and people post mean things on facebook like its ok to insult him. he has to go to special store because he is very tall and his feet are very big. I say big man in a little world. There was a show on how to look good naked BBC TV . It was a good show maybe watch on you tube its very uplifting.
friend people on here ask for support that's what I'm doing my friend nataliewinning is great. I don't want you to suffer its been a knife in my heart what my sons went and go through.

My son is hoping to take on a fitness plan. when he does living well is the best revenge. theres loads of help here. I am just starting over again. tracking what you eat is a huge eye opener I see on day one first meal and I am already over on sugar.
I am a stress eater. last night I started crocheting another hat. I am going to make different hats. I will either give them away or if I get really going I will sell them and donate the money to help animal shelters.
You already get a gold star for asking for help.
there are loads of people here friend them check and see who checks in frequently and friend them

gemini53

very good advice:drinker:

gemini53

My boys have lived it we did diet work shop weight watchers swimming karate Its very hard. My boys were always a foot taller than everyone else too. My son can't go to place like baseball games because he doesn't fit his legs are too long he is too tall for some cars his head hits the roof.he wrist is huge he need special hats and sunglasses ties. Maybe start a you tube channel of your journey have you seen this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448 never give up!!!

dejavuohlala

you can change this, log on MFP everyday and enter all what you eat and drink, get some supportive friend son here and go for it, you will be amazed at hew good you can feel with supprt

gemini53

:flowerforyou: very good advice Mom's can make people insane:sad: LOL!! we are all only human hopefully doing the best we can

Healthydiner65

Some people can't do all kinds of things through disability or injury, and that really isn't FAIR.

But you have a chance to change this, to do something about it. It isn't always easy, but it certainly isn't impossible. lose the "it's not fair" attitude and adopt the "I'm not doing this any longer, I am going to kick butt and lose weight" attitude.

With willpower and determination you can get to a healthy weight and enjoy all those things. You can do it.

^THIS

devil_in_a_blue_dress

Positive change happens when you love yourself. Believe you deserve those things and live your life in a way that honors your worth as a person.

huv123

If you have never experienced even a little bit of the feelings he is describing then you are just lying to yourselves. I'm not disagreeing with people who are telling him to get passed those feelings, but show some compassion. And before you tell him his feelings are not valid because of your one leg/dead parent/empty bank account or whatever, just stop. Your suffering does not invalidate another's - if you live in a developed country, you already have it better than 50% of the world - which means whatever you have to complain about is insignificant compared to their issues.

To the OP - each day, hour and minute gives you an opportunity to make positive change in your life. Go slowly - don't try and rush the process. Start with following the advice of some of the posters here:

1. Find a form of exercise that you enjoy and do it on a regular basis. It could be exercise videos, swimming, walking to the mailbox and back - whatever it is, consistency is key.

2. Track your calories - try to make good decisions with your food but don't deprive yourself of things that you enjoy to eat.

3. Think about working with a therapist, or look into something called minfulness to help you deal with some of your feelings.

Losing even 5-10% will help you feel physically better - which in turn may help you attack some of the other issues.

Mangopickle

Until you fall in love with you it will be very hard for you to get past the grip of your addiction and see that you are Wonderfully and fearfully made. You are beloved and deserving of all of what is good in life. Why do we have to suffer? Suffering refines us. It strips away the surface, and reveals what is most important in life. My besetting sin is pride. Thank God he saw fit to grace me with years of morbid obesity to humble me and create more empathy in me for my fellow man. To remind me that I control my choices but I have no control over life-that's His venue. Knowing what I know now- I would never choose to have had a different life. Look back at your childhood. Try not to see it as horrible. Strip away the emotions and try to see the lessons that were being taught. Being the butt of a joke as a child or the object of teasing has made me very attentive to how my kid treats other kids. My own addiction helps me treat addicts of all kinds in my work. You already know your problem. Food isn't your problem, it is what you are medicating your problem with. People shy away from people who have poor self esteem no matter their weight. The constant anxiety of their body language makes them uncomfortable. Until you love you, fat and all, it will be tough to get anywhere good. Much love and God bless.

Mother_Superior

As somebody who has felt that way before:

1. Stop thinking of yourself as some kind of victim. No one has forced you to be who you are or to feel the way you feel. If there is something about your life that you don't like. Change it.
2. Learn how to build a better self image. http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/12/10/how-to-build-a-perfect-body-a-discussion-on-body-image/
3. Regardless of your size now, you can do things to change that, primarily by losing weight and learning about body recomposition. Until you get there, learn how to dress in ways that can help you feel more confident, and make a better impression on others. http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/12/16/how-to-level-up-your-wardrobe-a-primer-on-first-impressions/
4. You're 19. Be patient.

Murphy0126

I'm 395.6 lbs, down from 415 (WOO WOO), and I gotta say I don't suffer AT ALL!

I'm happy. I love life. I love my daughter. I love my girlfriend. I love woodworking. I love photography. I love nature. I just LOVE everything about living, thus why I have started a weight loss journey so I can continue living.

You need to find happiness within yourself now as an obese person, before you can find happiness as a leaner person.

Rob