Pissed with my husband's negativity

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

I think I remember at least one other thread started by you that indicated that your self esteem is easily deflated by other people's comments. Honestly, if this is the case then the solution would be to search within yourself and not to say things to other people that only elicit the comments that you let damage your self esteem more.

ainokea8

Agree with everyone saying he's an idiot and that he's insecure.

Before I started exercising and dieting my boyfriend at the time told me that he would feel really insecure if I had this perfect athletic body cause he had a little chub on him and would feel like I was out of his league.
Idk your husband, but this the exact vibes I'm getting from him.

So don't worry, keep on doing you cause you're looking amazing!

Spewze72

Aww. Haven't read everything I'm afraid, but as someone who has been happily married for 11 years...this isn't actually that big a deal. Sure, it might feel right now that his attitude is symptomatic of something much bigger...and no one could blame you for feeling mad as hell that he's belittled your efforts and made it all about what HE wants...but the likelihood is, that he simply wasn't thinking when he said what he said, and did what he did.

Ok, showing you pics of the women he likes was a low point, but hey, they do that sometimes. Does he still make you laugh? Can you easily picture his face when you're apart? Do you get an empty feeling in your chest when you imagine a life without him in it? Do you know, deep down, that he genuinely wants what's best for you, and he is in fact very frightened of losing you to a man who doesn't secretly eat KFC at night when his smoking hot, slender wife is upstairs in bed?

If all of those are a yes, IMHO I doubt you have a serious problem. Tell him you're pissed at him, tell him that his attitude stinks and you'd like to slap all around the room for being so rude and thoughtless, then forget it. This is not a teenage romance, it's a grown up marriage. It's a great thing to have, but it does take a bit of work.

dmpizza

If families were any good at this, then MFP wouldn't exist.

rockmama72

First off, thank you for all those who took time to reply to this thread I've started. I didn't expect that I will get so many replies. I'm particularly surprised with the number of people who suggested divorce/separation because of this event. I honestly think this is not NEARLY enough reason for separation. Me and husband had a talk about this on the night I made the post. What I've gotten is that he really just prefer me larger and is afraid I will get too skinny. He just said in some stupid and insensitive way which was his fault and he apologized for. Because of this, we have agreed that I will not lose more weight but I won't try to gain weight either. He still finds me attractive but is just not used to me being significantly smaller. I originally planned on losing down to 110 lbs but I'm happy to just maintain at where I'm at 113 lbs which is not that far off anyway. I somewhat agree that I shouldn't ask complete strangers for their advice about my marital problems but I pretty much initiated the thread to just blow off some steam. I will of course not follow all of strangers advice just because they said it. Although I'm glad that there were a few posts that actually gave pretty good advice. My goal in initiating this thread is just to feel better by posting something online that no one knows me in person and maybe get a few helpful advice. As with counseling, most marriages need that. Marriages are better when they improve rather than staying stagnant. We attend counseling already and we understand the value of good communication and compromise in marriage. Again, thank you for all the replies. At this point, I consider this dilemma RESOLVED

Very awesome!

Spewze72

Oh whoops, just saw your other post. Very glad it's resolved!! See, it was no biggie. Some folk can be really reactive to this stuff....!!

projectcosplay

I would have a long talk with him. If he's comparing you to other women for the "ideal body," he needs to get a grip and see he has someone who is ideal right in front of him.

I can understand if he actually is concerned if your were like in the underweight range for your body fat or you weren't eating properly or working out in excess, but if you aren't doing that then he needs to realize he hurt your feelings.

//edit I'm glad it's resolved!!

_Danno_

To the OP I really can't be bothered to read 3 pages of ****e so I suggest you get a new husband! My vote is for me because you look hot! Xx

Zoeybird_2012

That would have hurt me as well. I see why you are upset. You have worked really hard and should be proud of yourself! I would continue to do what makes you feel good. You shouldnt have to look like he wants you to look. Good Luck!