need some help from pervy looks!

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  • _Terrapin_
    _Terrapin_ Posts: 4,301 Member
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    This whole argument boils down to what one female has already said but is trying to crawfish on what she meant. If a guy is attractive and gives a look of interest, his look is welcomed. If a guy is unattractive, his look is perverted and considered offensive. That's the facts whether you like it or not and If you don't like it then learn to deal with it. Women make comments on here that could be taken as offensive yet it's overlooked because it just being playful. When a man says something along the same lines it's considered as sexist by MOST women. All women don't feel playful comments are sexist but MOST do.
    So, a great idea, avoid making those comments. Next caller...
  • xLexa
    xLexa Posts: 482 Member
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    Baggy clothes and a paper bag over your head, it's the only way.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    Your post causes me to have so many questions I hardly know where to start.

    WHY are you sensitive to this?
  • HDHogger
    HDHogger Posts: 764
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    This is what I don't understand about women. You exercise and train to look sexy, drss sexy, show cleavage and then complain about getting "PERVY LOOKS" I disunderstand the whole concept of wanting to look, dress and feel sexy only to have guys NOT look at you. Help me understand!

    Am I wrong for not understanding or am I misunderstanding what kind of help the OP is asking for?

    Douche.
    You're operating under this typical b.s. view that every girl gets fit and dresses attractive for your attention. The world doesn't revolve around your or guys in general. Some girls do it for looks, but most do it for themselves. They get fit to be healthy and because they like how THEY feel and how THEY LIKE their body. They wear clothes that make them feel good. It's for themselves. Women are independent entities with their own lives. They don't operate solely for the benefit of men.

    There's also a difference between noticing a girl looks beautiful and staring at her in a very lecherous way that makes her uncomfortable.
    Not for my attention but for someone they find attractive. Plain and simple!
  • star5785
    star5785 Posts: 140
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    No to all of this. The reality is that you were always getting looks. You just now feel good enough about yourself to interpret them as "Hey, I wanna shag her" looks, whereas before you assumed everyone who looked at you was judging you. And that's if you even allowed yourself to notice them at all. Perception is reality.

    yep
  • NotSoChubbyFlumpster
    NotSoChubbyFlumpster Posts: 36
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    I can't wait to have this problem!!! I want people to look at me and think 'whoa, helloooooooooooo!!!!

    Sorry OP, I just don't understand the problem as I'd much rather have the appreciative looks than the ooh you're gross looks.
  • therexpert
    therexpert Posts: 37
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    This is what I don't understand about women. You exercise and train to look sexy, drss sexy, show cleavage and then complain about getting "PERVY LOOKS" I disunderstand the whole concept of wanting to look, dress and feel sexy only to have guys NOT look at you. Help me understand!

    Am I wrong for not understanding or am I misunderstanding what kind of help the OP is asking for?
  • therexpert
    therexpert Posts: 37
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    Translation : A guy is a pervert when the feelings are not mutual, and the vibe gets weird
  • kempt_ken
    kempt_ken Posts: 96 Member
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    Seems to me its people noticing you and feeling like your a pretty girl.

    Your becoming a more attractive person people will respond to that.

    Its more about your own perception and maybe some discomfort with being perceived as being attractive than the other people.

    Sure an unwelcome advance might be uncomfortable and out of line but expecting only people your attracted to to be attracted to you or to notice you is a bit unreasonable and rather unrealistic.

    Your reaction belongs to you and maybe trying to understnd your own discomfort and its roots would be more productive.
  • Schust5
    Schust5 Posts: 5
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    The reason they are looking is because you look good. MFP must be working for you!! Congratulations..
  • sunshinekymi
    sunshinekymi Posts: 2
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    Gain some self-confidence. Part of your losing weight was to feel good about yourself. Understand that you're an attractive person, and attractive people get those looks. It doesn't mean you have to respond to them. And if they're not leering, try not to let it bother you. Let it boost your confidence instead of making you self conscious.
  • hyperbolee
    hyperbolee Posts: 118
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    I went out the other day and within 4 hours was glanced at by no less than 20 people, of both sexes. Oddly, the waitress at lunch had an evil grin on her face as she served me one of the most fattening deserts on the menu. Pure evil that grin was.
  • RllyGudTweetr
    RllyGudTweetr Posts: 2,019 Member
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    First, lots of people - of both genders - lose weight in order to improve their health, not to gain the attentions of any particular person. . . particularly a stranger. Is this a universal? Nope. People have all sorts of individual motivations.

    Second, lots of people - of both genders - people-watch reflexively. When we see something that especially catches our attention, most of us have a tendency to look a bit longer. As often as not when people-watching, this is because we find something about the person spotted to be attractive. Are we automatically perving for looking? Nope. People have all sorts of individual motivations; they may even be looking at something near the person who believes s/he's being stared at.

    Third, lots of people - of both genders - have personal preferences related to comfort as to the tightness of their clothes. I'm told 'skinny jeans' and yoga pants are relatively popular at the moment, and worn by people of virtually all shapes and sizes. Is there a direct, universal causation between losing weight and suddenly wanting to wear tighter clothes? Nope. People wear what they feel comfortable in, often for reasons only tangentially related to how other folks look at them.

    Fourth, if we cannot instantly and accurately ascribe a motivation to a person for losing weight or getting in better shape overall, why do we think we can instantly and accurately ascribe a motivation to a person who happens to look at you? Is there any indication the person looking even knows you've made an effort to lose weight or exercise more?
  • HDHogger
    HDHogger Posts: 764
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    This whole argument boils down to what one female has already said but is trying to crawfish on what she meant. If a guy is attractive and gives a look of interest, his look is welcomed. If a guy is unattra ctive, his look is perverted and considered offensive. That's the facts whether you like it or not and If you don't like it then learn to deal with it. Women make comments on here that could be taken as offensive yet it's overlooked because it just being playful. When a man says something along the same lines it's considered as sexist by MOST women. All women don't feel playful comments are sexist but MOST do.
    So, a great idea, avoid making those comments. Next caller...

    I'm not on trial for making THOSE comments. Next Caller...

    Someone above made the comment, "You think women dress for Your attention." The person who made that statement was speaking for ALL women and ALL women don't find me unworthy of their attention. She finds me unworthy of her attention so she is the one putting me on trail for ALL women instead of just HER This isn't a one size fits all argument.
  • PghPensFan69
    PghPensFan69 Posts: 2,393 Member
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    So it is safe to say you won't be posting in the eye candy thread. :ohwell:
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    The OP question is so pathetic b/c it's so non-specific!:explode:
    Men like to look at women, generally.
    Conversely, women like to be looked at, generally.
    There's the general answer to your general, if pathetic, question.

    I'm married. My husband loves me and is all male....he thinks women are attractive. However, he tries to avoid giving his attention to another woman besides me (b/c that would hurt me). It's amazing how he has to discipline himself at work and at other times....women can be pretty aggressive about seeking that attention (not that you are doing that OP). He even stopped helping new employees train (mostly women) b/c they are almost always unprofessionally provocative. "It's not worth it" was his final word on the matter.

    Basically, it's ignorant, and perhaps unkind, to have an accusing attitude toward men when that is how they are physically made (to respond to the sight of a woman). Morally speaking, my husband and I think it is wrong to give sexually provocative attention to someone other than your spouse or fiance.
  • PghPensFan69
    PghPensFan69 Posts: 2,393 Member
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    The OP question is so pathetic b/c it's so non-specific!:explode:
    Men like to look at women, generally.
    Conversely, women like to be looked at, generally.
    There's the general answer to your general, if pathetic, question.

    I'm married. My husband loves me and is all male....he thinks women are attractive. However, he tries to avoid giving his attention to another woman besides me (b/c that would hurt me). It's amazing how he has to discipline himself at work and at other times....women can be pretty aggressive about seeking that attention (not that you are doing that OP). He even stopped helping new employees train (mostly women) b/c they are almost always unprofessionally provocative. "It's not worth it" was his final word on the matter.

    Basically, it's ignorant, and perhaps unkind, to have an accusing attitude toward men when that is how they are physically made (to respond to the sight of a woman). Morally speaking, my husband and I think it is wrong to give sexually provocative attention to someone other than your spouse or fiance.

    I am getting the popcorn ready for this one.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
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    men who assume women exist and do absolutely everything to please their gaze gross me the **** out :smile:

    OP I totally understand not wanting to be leered at by men its uncomfortable and can even be threatening if they start making remarks and getting even more creepy

    hiss at them , like full on hiss

    they will never look at you again and think you are insane :laugh: no but seriously it works well
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    The OP question is so pathetic b/c it's so non-specific!:explode:
    Men like to look at women, generally.
    Conversely, women like to be looked at, generally.
    There's the general answer to your general, if pathetic, question.

    I'm married. My husband loves me and is all male....he thinks women are attractive. However, he tries to avoid giving his attention to another woman besides me (b/c that would hurt me). It's amazing how he has to discipline himself at work and at other times....women can be pretty aggressive about seeking that attention (not that you are doing that OP). He even stopped helping new employees train (mostly women) b/c they are almost always unprofessionally provocative. "It's not worth it" was his final word on the matter.

    Basically, it's ignorant, and perhaps unkind, to have an accusing attitude toward men when that is how they are physically made (to respond to the sight of a woman). Morally speaking, my husband and I think it is wrong to give sexually provocative attention to someone other than your spouse or fiance.

    Yeah, I'm gonna sound in on this one. I'm married too, and my husband and I have a slightly different take on it. We both like to look at other people and can appreciate their looks and even talk to each other about it. We're married, not dead, and flirting can be fun. We don't touch other people, or kiss other people, or cheat in any way, but it's nice to notice and be noticed. You should be appreciative that your husband is attractive and appreciated by other women, and that he is still honorable and faithful to you. Let him look and enjoy, and do some looking of your own.

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