Boyfriend & Boobies

steampunk_pilot

To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.

or suddenly you're married to a food addict, who spent rent on fast food and hides the evidence in the kids toybox, jeopardizes his health and the bank to keep it under wraps and lies more often than not and has no care at all as to how this would affect your children - and not just the financial strain - but the attitude that trickles down - the attitude of gluttony and over indulgence without consequences.

A+ would divorce

mccindy72

I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.

Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.

My husband is overweight through his own overeating and lack of willpower. And no, I'd never leave him for it. He has control over it. I still love him anyway.

steampunk_pilot

So what if he refused to get help and basically ignored you and your child. What if he ended up getting so overweight that he couldn't walk anymore and still refused to get help?

Those scenarios are so far out of the realm of reality that I haven't pondered them. I guess we will just have to wait and see if I am strong enough to be the person that I should be if that were to occur. The point I was trying to make is that I won't make my love conditional to my husband's weight, health, wealth or anything else that comes our way and it surprised me that others do.

To each their own.

this happens, sadly, far more often than i can convey.

some people have a lot of respect for themselves, their children and the potential in their lives that they would not stay in a relationship that revolves around one person's unhealthy selfish agenda.

whether it is food or alcohol.

SEAFOODMAN

They're your boobs not his. Take care of your body.....He'll be ok if you end up with smaller boobs.

ehhhhhhhh That's not 100% true.

Yes they are her's
and Yes she has to do what's right.

But that doesn't mean he is or has to be okay with it. He is entitled to his opinion and tastes.

I can tell you right now if my boyfriend got fat like- seriously fat- it would be over. I'm just completely not attracted to that type of life style behavior and body type.

I can barely stand how he is now because he is the epitome of skinny fat-he is massively squishy- but he has some really amazing qualities that makes me want to be with him- but I honestly hate what his body looks like. It's awful. And guess what- that's my choice and my decision to stay or go based on that.

You sound like a keeper yourself...

steampunk_pilot

I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.

Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.

My husband is overweight through his own overeating and lack of willpower. And no, I'd never leave him for it. He has control over it. I still love him anyway.

WAIT - STOP - I wanna talk about me again!! I have no point in quoting this other than to announce to everyone that although im in that first group of women that might leave their husband for engaging in unhealthy behavior he can control, but wont - I still wouldnt leave him! SO AM BETTER THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE GROUP!!! YAY!!! 10 HEAVEN POINTS FOR ME!!!!

Because the point was about the leaving/not leaving part - not about the control/cant control part!!!

wait - so maybe that's 15 heaven points for me!

SEAFOODMAN

"I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor"

Grammar, kids. The love is the active verb in the sentence. The am vowing is the passive action.

When is recess?

SEAFOODMAN

I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.

Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.


Everyone has their flaws lol

My husband is overweight through his own overeating and lack of willpower. And no, I'd never leave him for it. He has control over it. I still love him anyway.

WAIT - STOP - I wanna talk about me again!! I have no point in quoting this other than to announce to everyone that although im in that first group of women that might leave their husband for engaging in unhealthy behavior he can control, but wont - I still wouldnt leave him! SO AM BETTER THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE GROUP!!! YAY!!! 10 HEAVEN POINTS FOR ME!!!!

Because the point was about the leaving/not leaving part - not about the control/cant control part!!!

wait - so maybe that's 15 heaven points for me!

BinaryPulsar

I never know how to respond to these posts. My husband met me 18 years ago. I am the same size and shape now, as I was then (18 then, 35 now). I do not personally think I look exactly the same, but it's damn close enough (and back then I did not see myself clearly either). I'm a dancer and fitness has always been important to me. He has loved me through everything. Our connection is both physical as well as intellectual/personality/emotion. I've had two kids. He was amazed and astounded by my body changing to give life to our children and going back. He says I am a force of nature (for many reasons). He has always expressed respect and attraction to me always, even when I was ten pounds heavier and slightly less fit. But, since I have regained my full fitness level (many times again and again by my own choice and desires), he can't keep his hands and eyes off me, he compliments me daily, by the minute, he says that he loves how much I care about my fitness. But, this is us. He met me young and fit, with the body type that I had and have. He loves me always, no matter what. He supports me in my love of being fit (it's not just physical, it's part of my career also).

There has also been some recent controversy on mfp about motherhood and breasts. I asked my husband, "Do you think my breasts droop?" He started laughing and said, "YOURS? NO, Your breasts are perkilicious!!" I asked, "Why do my breasts not droop, even though I've had kids?" He said, "I don't know. Just good breast genetics. Look at them, they are fully self-supporting. (and he went into a lot more detail)" And he's right, my breasts are indeed perky and firm, nicely shaped, and bouncy. I'm happy, We are happy.

I think that you need to be happy for yourself. If you were not fit when you met him and want to be now, go for it, for yourself. Being healthy, fit, athletically functional is non-negotiable for me (it is my career). If he could not accept that, I'd go on with my fitness and life. And I'd let him make the choice.

somefitsomefat

So is it worse to leave a wife for being fat or worse to leave a husband for being fat? I think socially it's worse for a guy to leave his wife for being fat. Especially if it's for a skinnier girl. When guys do this it's labelled as some sort of midlife crisis. If a woman leaves her husband for being fat it's just seen as trading up since the guy let himself go.

EDIT: Also, let's just concede up front that both of these things aren't as bad as abuse.

just_Jennie1

So is it worse to leave a wife for being fat or worse to leave a husband for being fat? I think socially it's worse for a guy to leave his wife for being fat. Especially if it's for a skinnier girl. When guys do this it's labelled as some sort of midlife crisis. If a woman leaves her husband for being fat it's just seen as trading up since the guy let himself go.

EDIT: Also, let's just concede up front that both of these things aren't as bad as abuse.

And God forbid he ever said one word to the wife who was gaining weight. My guess is that most of the women who posted that being physically attracted to your SO makes you shallow would be pissed if their husband told them they were gaining weight.

The reason I don't have to worry about my husband leaving me if I got fat is because he'd tell me before it even happened. If I ask him if I look fat/bad in something he'll tell me because he knows I want honesty and he knows I'm not going to be mad if he says "You know what hon? Those pants DO give you a muffin top!" or "Gee, maybe you shouldn't have that slice of cake" because that's something I would expect him to tell me.

JoRocka

I apolgoize for slightly derailing- but I get really annoyed when women go ape on "if he really thinks that about you- he doesn't deserve you and you are better off with out him" kind of comments. If you are in a relationship- your actions affect the other person. YOu have to figure out if that's a liveable change in the balance- or not. Healthy weight changes- and loss in breast tissue tend to be livable shifts in the balance.

I'm loving the fact that went went all the way over board to gambling/abuse and all these things- because guess what- those are all things in control- and if my SO went down that path- we'd be having serious conversations.

and then I'd kick his happy *kitten* out if changes did not occur.

Same with slothfulness- and obesity.

I do not have to love someone DESPITE all their mistakes. I love them for who they are- and if that "who they are" fundamentally changes- then the contract into which we entered isn't the same. Period. If you agreed to date- and it changes- you'd get out. If you are married and it changes- you should examine wtf happened and make a choice- and possibly leave.

Relationships are not static. Stop pretending like they are. People change- dynamics change. The whole process of a relationship is sorting out on a continual basis if the progress and changes are in a slightly parallel direction- are you mostly moving together? or are you mostly moving apart. are you not moving at all? is one of you moving- and the other not moving?

To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.

just to be clear- you have no idea what you are talking about. You don't' get to deiced for other people what love is or isn't. If other people are happy with that arrangement- that's okay- it's not for you to say.

I'm not going to stand idle by and watch someone I live destroy themselves with a lack of self discipline- self esteem and a barrage of other issues. I'll help the best I can- but I'm not someone's crutch. I'll help- but I'm not going to hold you up. And if someone allows them self to devolve that much- I am not going to let you drag me down.

Ultimately- everyone has a walk away point. And it doesn't make you shallow if you say something is not attractive- or something else is a complete turn off. it is what it is and when someone's personal choices bring you to a point where you aren't attracted- even worse- you're completely turned off- it's not shallow to acknowledge that.

PatheticNoetic

I dislike the idea that love and affection is conditional on the size of the body.

jennk5309

Mine shrunk some, but some people's don't. Let me tell you about my boob worries and what I told my husband on the subject....

My size D boobs, at 38 and having breastfed two children, are not as perky as they used to be. Not sagging to my navel, but definitely not what they were 15 years ago. I could have a surgical lift, but they have to cut off your nipples (seriously) during that surgery and then place them in a better position. They cut all the nerves in that procedure, leaving you with NO sensation in your nipples.

So that closed the case. I told my husband (teasingly and lovingly) that tough crap, he'd have to learn to like saggy boobs because they're only going to get saggier with age. He fully agrees.

The fact is, you want to be thinner and healthier. You deserve that if you want it and are willing to work for it. I doubt he's going to leave you if your boobs are a little smaller. If he does, then there is something seriously the matter in your relationship if he decides that the sum of all your wonderful qualities is worth less than you having big boobs.

If he's a good sport about it, maybe you can get a boob job as a reward They don't have to cut your nipples to just give you implants.

EricJonrosh

I apolgoize for slightly derailing- but I get really annoyed when women go ape on "if he really thinks that about you- he doesn't deserve you and you are better off with out him" kind of comments. If you are in a relationship- your actions affect the other person. YOu have to figure out if that's a liveable change in the balance- or not. Healthy weight changes- and loss in breast tissue tend to be livable shifts in the balance.

I'm loving the fact that went went all the way over board to gambling/abuse and all these things- because guess what- those are all things in control- and if my SO went down that path- we'd be having serious conversations.

and then I'd kick his happy *kitten* out if changes did not occur.

Same with slothfulness- and obesity.

I do not have to love someone DESPITE all their mistakes. I love them for who they are- and if that "who they are" fundamentally changes- then the contract into which we entered isn't the same. Period. If you agreed to date- and it changes- you'd get out. If you are married and it changes- you should examine wtf happened and make a choice- and possibly leave.

Relationships are not static. Stop pretending like they are. People change- dynamics change. The whole process of a relationship is sorting out on a continual basis if the progress and changes are in a slightly parallel direction- are you mostly moving together? or are you mostly moving apart. are you not moving at all? is one of you moving- and the other not moving?

To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.

just to be clear- you have no idea what you are talking about. You don't' get to deiced for other people what love is or isn't. If other people are happy with that arrangement- that's okay- it's not for you to say.

I'm not going to stand idle by and watch someone I live destroy themselves with a lack of self discipline- self esteem and a barrage of other issues. I'll help the best I can- but I'm not someone's crutch. I'll help- but I'm not going to hold you up. And if someone allows them self to devolve that much- I am not going to let you drag me down.

Ultimately- everyone has a walk away point. And it doesn't make you shallow if you say something is not attractive- or something else is a complete turn off. it is what it is and when someone's personal choices bring you to a point where you aren't attracted- even worse- you're completely turned off- it's not shallow to acknowledge that.

"Arrangement," key word. It's not a relationship but a contract, and if the other person starts doing something you don't like you can be released. Not to be confused with love. Oh, don't let them drag you down, it is all about you after all. And walking away because something became no longer attractive is the definition of shallow.

EvgeniZyntx

I apolgoize for slightly derailing- but I get really annoyed when women go ape on "if he really thinks that about you- he doesn't deserve you and you are better off with out him" kind of comments. If you are in a relationship- your actions affect the other person. YOu have to figure out if that's a liveable change in the balance- or not. Healthy weight changes- and loss in breast tissue tend to be livable shifts in the balance.

I'm loving the fact that went went all the way over board to gambling/abuse and all these things- because guess what- those are all things in control- and if my SO went down that path- we'd be having serious conversations.

and then I'd kick his happy *kitten* out if changes did not occur.

Same with slothfulness- and obesity.

I do not have to love someone DESPITE all their mistakes. I love them for who they are- and if that "who they are" fundamentally changes- then the contract into which we entered isn't the same. Period. If you agreed to date- and it changes- you'd get out. If you are married and it changes- you should examine wtf happened and make a choice- and possibly leave.

Relationships are not static. Stop pretending like they are. People change- dynamics change. The whole process of a relationship is sorting out on a continual basis if the progress and changes are in a slightly parallel direction- are you mostly moving together? or are you mostly moving apart. are you not moving at all? is one of you moving- and the other not moving?

To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.

just to be clear- you have no idea what you are talking about. You don't' get to deiced for other people what love is or isn't. If other people are happy with that arrangement- that's okay- it's not for you to say.

I'm not going to stand idle by and watch someone I live destroy themselves with a lack of self discipline- self esteem and a barrage of other issues. I'll help the best I can- but I'm not someone's crutch. I'll help- but I'm not going to hold you up. And if someone allows them self to devolve that much- I am not going to let you drag me down.

Ultimately- everyone has a walk away point. And it doesn't make you shallow if you say something is not attractive- or something else is a complete turn off. it is what it is and when someone's personal choices bring you to a point where you aren't attracted- even worse- you're completely turned off- it's not shallow to acknowledge that.

It is as if being shallow was somehow the ultimate failure of character. As pragmatic as the rest of your post is, this is a small deception. We are all shallow about some things and it's all right. Complex humans are complex. Otherwise why are you all not fawning over the depth and beauty of Neruda?

Oh, and Mark Hamill got fat. Brando got fat. Physically both lost some of their sexy.

PikaKnight

I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.

Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.

My husband is overweight through his own overeating and lack of willpower. And no, I'd never leave him for it. He has control over it. I still love him anyway.

WAIT - STOP - I wanna talk about me again!! I have no point in quoting this other than to announce to everyone that although im in that first group of women that might leave their husband for engaging in unhealthy behavior he can control, but wont - I still wouldnt leave him! SO AM BETTER THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE GROUP!!! YAY!!! 10 HEAVEN POINTS FOR ME!!!!

Because the point was about the leaving/not leaving part - not about the control/cant control part!!!

wait - so maybe that's 15 heaven points for me!

But he has a lack of willpower yet has control over it? :huh:

just_Jennie1

"Arrangement," key word. It's not a relationship but a contract, and if the other person starts doing something you don't like you can be released. Not to be confused with love. Oh, don't let them drag you down, it is all about you after all. And walking away because something became no longer attractive is the definition of shallow.

I was -- and still am -- physically attracted to my husband. It's one of the reasons I went out on a date with him. Yes, he's funny, fun to be with, my best friend but I was also attracted to him. If I wasn't than we would never have gone out on a date and I would never have married him. With that said yes, if he gained a huge amount of weight, to the point where I was no longer physically attracted to him then why should I stay? If the sex stops and our relationship has turned into more of a room mate type situation then why should I put up with it? If the thought of having sex with him disgusts me because I am no longer attracted to him why is that a bad thing? Would it be better if I stepped outside the relationship to fulfill my needs elsewhere?

If the fact that I could never be with someone that I am not also physically attracted to makes me shallow than so be it.

I honestly don't understand how and why people can judge someone elses choice or their relationship when they don't even know the people.

And you know what? Marriage IS contract. You are mutually agreeing to certain things and with any contract if one person does not uphold the agreement than that contract can be broken.

"Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws."

PatheticNoetic

Don't traditional wedding vows state "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". I don't remember there being a part about it's all for naught if you get fat.

just_Jennie1

Don't traditional wedding vows state "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". I don't remember there being a part about it's all for naught if you get fat.

Not everyone gets married in a traditional way or recites traditional vows.

PatheticNoetic

Don't traditional wedding vows state "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". I don't remember there being a part about it's all for naught if you get fat.

Not everyone gets married in a traditional way or recites traditional vows.

Fair enough. But I would imagine the average wedding has the bride and groom exchanging those words. If you want to talk about special circumstances then go ahead.