Boyfriend & Boobies
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Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
and the 'til death do you part? is because that is the only thing that can separate us, we have no control over it.
That would still make it a condition, or no? Just clarifying.0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
And if you're completely miserable in the relationship yet for what ever reason you still love them, then because of your vows you stay?
Just playing Devils Advocate here but if it's "for better or for worse" wouldn't the "worse" include abuse because it couldn't get any worse than that and if you're claiming that you wouldn't break your vows if your husband got fat than why break them if he abuses you?0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
No place.
I'm sorry but physical attraction most certainly IS important in a relationship and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves. If my husband gained a ton of weight and was seriously fat you bet I would no longer be physically attracted to him and vice versa. Yes, I love him. Yes, I think he's awesome, has a great personality and is my world but I also have to be attracted to him. If I'm not then that means we're not having sex any longer and he might as well just be a really good friend and there's no reason why we should be together any longer. He feels the same way about me.
I so agree with this statement...reality can be harsh...
my hubs is overweight, and I'm still attracted to him. We still have sex. We've been together for nearly 26 years and there is a hell of a lot more to our relationship than what he looks like. He's still everything I fell in love with and has grown to be much more. We raised two boys together, and have been through many life experiences together. No one knows me better. Yes, he may be overweight, but he certainly knows all the right buttons to push to get me going, and there is more to being sexy than just some tight abs. How incredibly shallow a person would have to be to decide that the person they pledged to love forever isn't worth their time anymore simply because of some weight gain or some stretched out skin. Time and reality will slap some people in the face some day. Pretty hair turns gray, skin wrinkles and sags, and if you haven't found someone who loves you for more than just what you look like by the time that happens, you'll be pretty lonely.
I've been married for 8 years and together for a total of 18. When I am no longer physically attracted to my husband, when I can't even muster up the pretense that I'm attracted to him enough to have sex than why stay together? Sex is an extremely important part of a relationship and if it's to the point where you're no longer having it because you are no longer attracted to the person you're with then why stay together?
then you aren't really in love. If my husband became disabled and we could no longer have sex at all, I'd stay with him. No matter what.
OMG. You are SO RIGHT! Because my relationship with my husband is completely different than yours then we're obviously not in love.
Thank you SO MUCH for showing me the way!!!0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
And if you're completely miserable in the relationship yet for what ever reason you still love them, then because of your vows you stay?
Just playing Devils Advocate here but if it's "for better or for worse" wouldn't the "worse" include abuse because it couldn't get any worse than that and if you're claiming that you wouldn't break your vows if your husband got fat than why break them if he abuses you?
That is a good point.0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
No place.
I'm sorry but physical attraction most certainly IS important in a relationship and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves. If my husband gained a ton of weight and was seriously fat you bet I would no longer be physically attracted to him and vice versa. Yes, I love him. Yes, I think he's awesome, has a great personality and is my world but I also have to be attracted to him. If I'm not then that means we're not having sex any longer and he might as well just be a really good friend and there's no reason why we should be together any longer. He feels the same way about me.
I so agree with this statement...reality can be harsh...
my hubs is overweight, and I'm still attracted to him. We still have sex. We've been together for nearly 26 years and there is a hell of a lot more to our relationship than what he looks like. He's still everything I fell in love with and has grown to be much more. We raised two boys together, and have been through many life experiences together. No one knows me better. Yes, he may be overweight, but he certainly knows all the right buttons to push to get me going, and there is more to being sexy than just some tight abs. How incredibly shallow a person would have to be to decide that the person they pledged to love forever isn't worth their time anymore simply because of some weight gain or some stretched out skin. Time and reality will slap some people in the face some day. Pretty hair turns gray, skin wrinkles and sags, and if you haven't found someone who loves you for more than just what you look like by the time that happens, you'll be pretty lonely.
I've been married for 8 years and together for a total of 18. When I am no longer physically attracted to my husband, when I can't even muster up the pretense that I'm attracted to him enough to have sex than why stay together? Sex is an extremely important part of a relationship and if it's to the point where you're no longer having it because you are no longer attracted to the person you're with then why stay together?
then you aren't really in love. If my husband became disabled and we could no longer have sex at all, I'd stay with him. No matter what.
OMG. You are SO RIGHT! Because my relationship with my husband is completely different than yours then we're obviously not in love.
Thank you SO MUCH for showing me the way!!!
always glad to help. Have a sit-down with your husband tonight and let him know if he ever suffers from erectile dysfunction, you're out the door. Lucky guy.0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
No place.
I'm sorry but physical attraction most certainly IS important in a relationship and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves. If my husband gained a ton of weight and was seriously fat you bet I would no longer be physically attracted to him and vice versa. Yes, I love him. Yes, I think he's awesome, has a great personality and is my world but I also have to be attracted to him. If I'm not then that means we're not having sex any longer and he might as well just be a really good friend and there's no reason why we should be together any longer. He feels the same way about me.
I so agree with this statement...reality can be harsh...
my hubs is overweight, and I'm still attracted to him. We still have sex. We've been together for nearly 26 years and there is a hell of a lot more to our relationship than what he looks like. He's still everything I fell in love with and has grown to be much more. We raised two boys together, and have been through many life experiences together. No one knows me better. Yes, he may be overweight, but he certainly knows all the right buttons to push to get me going, and there is more to being sexy than just some tight abs. How incredibly shallow a person would have to be to decide that the person they pledged to love forever isn't worth their time anymore simply because of some weight gain or some stretched out skin. Time and reality will slap some people in the face some day. Pretty hair turns gray, skin wrinkles and sags, and if you haven't found someone who loves you for more than just what you look like by the time that happens, you'll be pretty lonely.
I've been married for 8 years and together for a total of 18. When I am no longer physically attracted to my husband, when I can't even muster up the pretense that I'm attracted to him enough to have sex than why stay together? Sex is an extremely important part of a relationship and if it's to the point where you're no longer having it because you are no longer attracted to the person you're with then why stay together?
then you aren't really in love. If my husband became disabled and we could no longer have sex at all, I'd stay with him. No matter what.
OMG. You are SO RIGHT! Because my relationship with my husband is completely different than yours then we're obviously not in love.
Thank you SO MUCH for showing me the way!!!
always glad to help. Have a sit-down with your husband tonight and let him know if he ever suffers from erectile dysfunction, you're out the door. Lucky guy.
I'm pretty sure we already had that discussion but thanks any way. :flowerforyou:0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
And if you're completely miserable in the relationship yet for what ever reason you still love them, then because of your vows you stay?
Just playing Devils Advocate here but if it's "for better or for worse" wouldn't the "worse" include abuse because it couldn't get any worse than that and if you're claiming that you wouldn't break your vows if your husband got fat than why break them if he abuses you?
His being abusive toward me certainly wouldn't be any type of reflection of his love toward me, so no, I would not stay. I'm not saying I would stay in absolutely any case, I'm saying why one of us getting sick, or us being poor would not be grounds for splitting up. Hard times in general are not the same thing as abuse.0 -
Boobies.0
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I was thinking the same thing. My husband is 6'2" and weights 196-206 given on what he eats in a day. Couldnt imagine 135 :noway:My boyfriend is around 6'2 and weighs 135..........Any tips or advice?
Advise your boyfriend to start eating before the wind blows him away
Oh and I lost my boobies btw :laugh:0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
And if you're completely miserable in the relationship yet for what ever reason you still love them, then because of your vows you stay?
Just playing Devils Advocate here but if it's "for better or for worse" wouldn't the "worse" include abuse because it couldn't get any worse than that and if you're claiming that you wouldn't break your vows if your husband got fat than why break them if he abuses you?
His being abusive toward me certainly wouldn't be any type of reflection of his love toward me, so no, I would not stay. I'm not saying I would stay in absolutely any case, I'm saying why one of us getting sick, or us being poor would not be grounds for splitting up. Hard times in general are not the same thing as abuse.
What about someone who ends up with an addiction that gets out of control and that person wants no help at all? That this person is constantly hurting themselves and in a sense you and your quality of life begins to get so affected that your own mental health becomes at risk (depression, etc).
Will you stay and be miserable because of your vows?0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
And if you're completely miserable in the relationship yet for what ever reason you still love them, then because of your vows you stay?
Just playing Devils Advocate here but if it's "for better or for worse" wouldn't the "worse" include abuse because it couldn't get any worse than that and if you're claiming that you wouldn't break your vows if your husband got fat than why break them if he abuses you?
His being abusive toward me certainly wouldn't be any type of reflection of his love toward me, so no, I would not stay. I'm not saying I would stay in absolutely any case, I'm saying why one of us getting sick, or us being poor would not be grounds for splitting up. Hard times in general are not the same thing as abuse.
But by not staying you're putting a condition on the vows that you spoke.0 -
I lost all of my boobs. ALLL literally all. I HAVE to wear a padded bra or I don't feel womanly, aint even gonna lie. But I have a big butt sooooooo. I ccould always get implants, even though that's a finance issue, like my tummy tuck financial issue. I don't think i'll ever be happy with myself lol.0
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This post went from what happened to your bust size when you lost weight to, how to know if your spouse really loves you?
To be frank, love is overrated. We love a certain tv show, or we have a food that we love. I would say right now, there are probably a long list of things that I "love". Now commitment, is something else altogether. We will never experience unconditional love on this side of heaven. People are inherently flawed and try as we might we will probably come up short. We commit to our spouses that despite what might happen, we will stand by them always. We make a pact, a one sided bargain, because if the other one doesn't hold up their end, then I will STILL have my commitment. Death is the only release because I can then no longer contribute to the relationship. Jennie is very right in that being attracted to your partner is extremely important. Because for the most part, we enjoy sex and the lack of it is an evident marker that something is broken. Arranged marriages work out because they are committed to each other as opposed to those who toss around love or passion like it's lighter fluid at a barbecue. There is a place for it in a relationship without a doubt, but don't stand on the love of your spouse. It is fickle and transitory. Stand on a promise, it's firmer.0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
And if you're completely miserable in the relationship yet for what ever reason you still love them, then because of your vows you stay?
Just playing Devils Advocate here but if it's "for better or for worse" wouldn't the "worse" include abuse because it couldn't get any worse than that and if you're claiming that you wouldn't break your vows if your husband got fat than why break them if he abuses you?
His being abusive toward me certainly wouldn't be any type of reflection of his love toward me, so no, I would not stay. I'm not saying I would stay in absolutely any case, I'm saying why one of us getting sick, or us being poor would not be grounds for splitting up. Hard times in general are not the same thing as abuse.
But by not staying you're putting a condition on the vows that you spoke.
Hopefully he doesn't feel the same way in his vows. For better or worse.......... unless you bear my child and turn into a fat stretch marked mess, Then I will leave your *kitten*. "FOR better or worse"
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Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
And if you're completely miserable in the relationship yet for what ever reason you still love them, then because of your vows you stay?
Just playing Devils Advocate here but if it's "for better or for worse" wouldn't the "worse" include abuse because it couldn't get any worse than that and if you're claiming that you wouldn't break your vows if your husband got fat than why break them if he abuses you?
His being abusive toward me certainly wouldn't be any type of reflection of his love toward me, so no, I would not stay. I'm not saying I would stay in absolutely any case, I'm saying why one of us getting sick, or us being poor would not be grounds for splitting up. Hard times in general are not the same thing as abuse.
But by not staying you're putting a condition on the vows that you spoke.
Do you HONESTLY think that someone being over weight vs. being abusive is on the same playing field?
If my husband had an addiction I would get him help. If he got sick I would stay by his side. If he got fat(er) I'd still love him.
BUT, if he put me in fear for mine or my child's life or put us in danger I would leave. I'd still try to get him the help he needed while keeping myself and my son safe.0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?
Technically, isn't vowing to stay in sickness or in health and such...conditions?
No, vowing to stay with someone regardless of their health is not putting a condition on it. It is the very definition of unconditional love.
I don't see vowing to stay with someone regardless of medical health is a reflection on unconditional love. There are those in arranged marriages of sorts that stay married and care for each other to a point because it is expected...not because they love each other unconditionally. There are those that due to religious circumstances get married due to an accidental pregnancy and stay together not because they love each other, but because they fear retaliation and judgement from family and such.
But the rest of the line follows with - until death do you part. So isn't that making it a condition?
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
And if you're completely miserable in the relationship yet for what ever reason you still love them, then because of your vows you stay?
Just playing Devils Advocate here but if it's "for better or for worse" wouldn't the "worse" include abuse because it couldn't get any worse than that and if you're claiming that you wouldn't break your vows if your husband got fat than why break them if he abuses you?
His being abusive toward me certainly wouldn't be any type of reflection of his love toward me, so no, I would not stay. I'm not saying I would stay in absolutely any case, I'm saying why one of us getting sick, or us being poor would not be grounds for splitting up. Hard times in general are not the same thing as abuse.
But by not staying you're putting a condition on the vows that you spoke.
Do you HONESTLY think that someone being over weight vs. being abusive is on the same playing field?
If my husband had an addiction I would get him help. If he got sick I would stay by his side. If he got fat(er) I'd still love him.
BUT, if he put me in fear for mine or my child's life in danger I would leave. I'd still try to get him the help he needed while keeping myself and my son safe.
So what if he refused to get help and basically ignored you and your child. What if he ended up getting so overweight that he couldn't walk anymore and still refused to get help?0 -
This post went from what happened to your bust size when you lost weight to, how to know if your spouse really loves you?
To be frank, love is overrated. We love a certain tv show, or we have a food that we love. I would say right now, there are probably a long list of things that I "love". Now commitment, is something else altogether. We will never experience unconditional love on this side of heaven. People are inherently flawed and try as we might we will probably come up short. We commit to our spouses that despite what might happen, we will stand by them always. We make a pact, a one sided bargain, because if the other one doesn't hold up their end, then I will STILL have my commitment. Death is the only release because I can then no longer contribute to the relationship. Jennie is very right in that being attracted to your partner is extremely important. Because for the most part, we enjoy sex and the lack of it is an evident marker that something is broken. Arranged marriages work out because they are committed to each other as opposed to those who toss around love or passion like it's lighter fluid at a barbecue. There is a place for it in a relationship without a doubt, but don't stand on the love of your spouse. It is fickle and transitory. Stand on a promise, it's firmer.
What a sad view.0 -
Some do and some don't.
I never gained boobs when I gained weight so I don't lose them when I lose weight. With lifting weights I found they definately are perkier and lifted.
It sounds like your boyfriend will love you either way so who cares. If you do lose them and it's important to you, you can always get implants. Make that your reward for hitting your goal wieght or maintaining your goal weight.0 -
Do you HONESTLY think that someone being over weight vs. being abusive is on the same playing field?
If my husband had an addiction I would get him help. If he got sick I would stay by his side. If he got fat(er) I'd still love him.
BUT, if he put me in fear for mine or my child's life or put us in danger I would leave. I'd still try to get him the help he needed while keeping myself and my son safe.
Yes because you spoke vows. You said "For better or for worse". Everyone who is defending the vows is stating that you can't put conditions on them. Leaving because your husband is abusive would technically be a 'condition'. As I stated earlier I am merely playing the Devil's Advocate here.
And if your husband had an addiction and he refused any sort of help and it began to hurt you financially and emotionally and caused you to became depressed and resentful over it you would still stay in the relationship? Because of your vows?
Edited because I am tired of looking at the huge block of quotes.0 -
the unconditionalilty of the love is the statement that (I love you so much, I am vowing to stay with you no matter what, even if you get sick ,or fat, or ugly, or *****y, or we have 12 kids or get really poor). No matter what means DESPITE the conditions we find ourselves in, I'll stay, because I love you.
His being abusive toward me certainly wouldn't be any type of reflection of his love toward me, so no, I would not stay. I'm not saying I would stay in absolutely any case, I'm saying why one of us getting sick, or us being poor would not be grounds for splitting up. Hard times in general are not the same thing as abuse.
Yes because you spoke vows. You said "For better or for worse". Everyone who is defending the vows is stating that you can't put conditions on them. Leaving because your husband is abusive would technically be a 'condition'. As I stated earlier I am merely playing the Devil's Advocate here.
And if your husband had an addiction and he refused any sort of help and it began to hurt you financially and emotionally and caused you to became depressed and resentful over it you would still stay in the relationship? Because of your vows?
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IF you look back at my statements, I was never defending the vows, but the love. I stay out of love. Not the vows.0
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