Boyfriend & Boobies

PatheticNoetic

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to not recite traditional wedding vows.

just_Jennie1

Nm

LiftAllThePizzas

I dislike the idea that love and affection is conditional on the size of the body.

Yeah, me too. Or looks or anything else like that. Guess the idea that I'm not shallow makes me a bad person?

So if your lover's mind were transferred into the body of a dog, you'd still want to have sex with them?

QuietBloom

I dislike the idea that love and affection is conditional on the size of the body.

Yeah, me too. Or looks or anything else like that. Guess the idea that I'm not shallow makes me a bad person?

So if your lover's mind were transferred into the body of a dog, you'd still want to have sex with them?

Non sequitur alert.

Pmagnanifit

What an interesting discussion.

I have very small boobs. I am generally happy about that as I generally like myself and my body. I am a little bummed that with a year of lifting my back has broadened so my new size is a 36 aaa from a 34a. I like all my new back muscles it is just difficult to find a comfortable bra.

mccindy72

I dislike the idea that love and affection is conditional on the size of the body.

Yeah, me too. Or looks or anything else like that. Guess the idea that I'm not shallow makes me a bad person?

So if your lover's mind were transferred into the body of a dog, you'd still want to have sex with them?

Non sequitur alert.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

PRMinx

OP, you are still very young. Your boyfriend is a teen as well. As teenage relationships go, this one seems to be going well enough.

As for boobs, you're 18. You may not have even fully developed your breasts yet. A lot of women don't until they're in their 20s.

Concentrate on weight loss, don't worry about the boobs. I think you're dwelling on something that your boyfriend really doesn't care as much about as you think.

As for the rest, everyone's relationship is personal business, so why do we all care how someone else does it? There's no right way, and there's no wrong way. I couldn't care less whether the vows are conditions or the opposite of conditions, traditional or non-traditional, or whether someone is shallow or deeper than the Marianas Trench. Depth of character is an internal thing. One person's deep is another person's sanctimonious. And one person's shallow is another person's pragmatic.

Yeah, this is all very well said.

Yep, this is so true. I didn't fill out until college.

rml_16

My guess is that most of the women who posted that being physically attracted to your SO makes you shallow ...

Most of zero? Because not one person in this thread said that.

somefitsomefat

I dislike the idea that love and affection is conditional on the size of the body.

Yeah, me too. Or looks or anything else like that. Guess the idea that I'm not shallow makes me a bad person?

So if your lover's mind were transferred into the body of a dog, you'd still want to have sex with them?

This sounds like the plot to a movie.

JoRocka

So if your lover's mind were transferred into the body of a dog, you'd still want to have sex with them?

This sounds like the plot to a movie.

or a porn?

MB2MN

You are introducing a sentiment that no one here has expressed, so I'm not sure why you think it's relevent.

Where did I say it was OK for a woman to ridicule or leave a man she claims she loves over something like that? Where did I say I would do so or have done so?

If you can find that quote from me, I might take this last post seriously.

the idea being if you don't like something about somebody- you leave. That's the general concept. And it's a common joke with women but the second a man says he isn't happy his woman might drop a cup size- everyone jumps on the man hating band wagon. Double standard much?

And while we all agree- caring about someone should extend beyond skin deep- and I absolutely support doing what's best for you not your significant other.

I am trending toward building more muscle and getting more cut- which is NOT well received by men in general- that whole "too masculine" issue... guess what- if my BF didn't like it- he could accept or get to stepping. I'm doing what I think is right for me. And I wouldn't begrudge him for leaving me because I would be significantly different than when we first met. I see no shame or nothing wrong with that.

People change. you can accept them for who they are- or you can leave because you don't and it wasn't part of the arrangement.

Like I said- it's more of a large gray swath rather than a hard line- but everyone has a line where they couldn't accept someone. It doesn't make you less of a person if you know what you are willing to accept or not accept. You have a line too. Everyone has one.

I agree with you that when you enter into a long term relationship with someone and expect monogamy, then you kind of owe it to them to maintain some semblance to what they looked like when you made the commitment. Of course there is wiggle room, but if you expect to be someone's one and only you have a responsibility to be what they signed up for.

mccindy72

So if your lover's mind were transferred into the body of a dog, you'd still want to have sex with them?

This sounds like the plot to a movie.

or a porn?

The Shaggy Divorcee

JoRocka

I agree with you that when you enter into a long term relationship with someone and expect monogamy, then you kind of owe it to them to maintain some semblance to what they looked like when you made the commitment. Of course there is wiggle room, but if you expect to be someone's one and only you have a responsibility to be what they signed up for.

werd. i think people are freaking out becase the way this comes out ise "oh he shaved his mustache off so I'm leaving tonight" when the reality is anyone in a deep seated loving relationship
A.) should think about the effect their decisions/actions/lack of actions are having on their partner
B.) work on it- try to come to a compromise or solution- or find what works for both of you- significant changes in peoples behavior and appearance do not happen over night- which means there is time to address them.


you know there was a guy who sued his wife because they had apparently extremely ugly kids and he couldn't figure out why- she fessed up to having a fair bit of plastic surgery prior to their meeting and marriage.

I want to say I read the courts sided in his favor. you can't just change who you are entirely and expect there not to be some sort of rammifcation- could be really good- could be bad- could be totally minor- or it could be very bad.

The Shaggy Divorcee

I'd pay to see that

rml_16

werd. i think people are freaking out becase the way this comes out ise "oh he shaved his mustache off so I'm leaving tonight"

My issue is that anyone would base whether he or she would stay with the person to whom his or her life is pledged and shared on appearance. If your physical attraction to someone you love is based solely on physical appearance, that's sad. Of course it plays a part, but at some point, aren't you attracted to the who and not the what?

My best friend makes relationship decisions solely on appearance. She's been married and divorced twice already with an engagement in the middle. I have not yet been married, but my current relationship has lasted longer than her two marriages and engagement put together.

you know there was a guy who sued his wife because they had apparently extremely ugly kids and he couldn't figure out why- she fessed up to having a fair bit of plastic surgery prior to their meeting and marriage.

I want to say I read the courts sided in his favor.

That's disgusting to me in so many ways.

MB2MN

I agree with you that when you enter into a long term relationship with someone and expect monogamy, then you kind of owe it to them to maintain some semblance to what they looked like when you made the commitment. Of course there is wiggle room, but if you expect to be someone's one and only you have a responsibility to be what they signed up for.

werd. i think people are freaking out becase the way this comes out ise "oh he shaved his mustache off so I'm leaving tonight" when the reality is anyone in a deep seated loving relationship
A.) should think about the effect their decisions/actions/lack of actions are having on their partner
B.) work on it- try to come to a compromise or solution- or find what works for both of you- significant changes in peoples behavior and appearance do not happen over night- which means there is time to address them.

I stole this relationship advice from Dan Savage, who is my guru for anything love/sex related.

JoRocka

Well no it's not everything- but you can't dismiss it. I've never dated anyone who was truly on the "hot" scale. Everyone I have EVER dated- I'm out of their scale- there is no question they were dating "up" and I dont' say that to be exceptionally vain- but I am well aware of who I was dating and I could have had significantly more attractive partners. But most of those guys- are douchecanoes.

I MUST have someone who makes me laugh. That is more important to me than almost anything. But after a 3 month break up- and having to deal with people who were more on equal footing- I was like wtf do people date? these people are awful.

So no- it is not everything- but there has to be some sort of physical attraction. And to me- being over weight- it's not attractive. at all- it's a complete an utter turn off. And my other pet peeve is- if you you (significant other) love my body- and you say I'm amazing and sexy and all these things- what in the world makes you think I dont' appreciate those same qualities?

I'm not saying I bust my *kitten* for THEM- but they get to reap the rewards just as much as I do. If this is a partnership- why am I the one busting my *kitten* in the "looking good" department- and your sitting over there eating cake and ice cream all day?

I just think it's really disrespectful to be a partner who doesn't care what your partner thinks.

That's disgusting to me in so many ways.

I think it's an extreme example of a guide line to follow. I wouldn't sue someone over that- but I'd be pissed- that's a lot of lying.

rml_16

Everyone I have EVER dated- I'm out of their scale- there is no question they were dating "up"

I'm not saying I bust my *kitten* for THEM- but they get to reap the rewards just as much as I do. If this is a partnership- why am I the one busting my *kitten* in the "looking good" department- and your sitting over there eating cake and ice cream all day?

And right there is the essence of why I have an issue with the things you and others have posted.

Someone's worth is not wrapped up in looks. If that is what makes someone better than someone else, I'd like to leave this world. Do you really think some male model's contribution to the world and worth as a human being is more than Bill Nye or Stephen Hawking just because the model is prettier?

They were dating "up" because you're better looking than them? The most important thing a person can contribute to a relationship is a good physique?

mccindy72

Everyone I have EVER dated- I'm out of their scale- there is no question they were dating "up"

I'm not saying I bust my *kitten* for THEM- but they get to reap the rewards just as much as I do. If this is a partnership- why am I the one busting my *kitten* in the "looking good" department- and your sitting over there eating cake and ice cream all day?

And right there is the essence of why I have an issue with the things you and others have posted.

Someone's worth is not wrapped up in looks. If that is what makes someone better than someone else, I'd like to leave this world. Do you really think some male model's contribution to the world and worth as a human being is more than Bill Nye or Stephen Hawking just because the model is prettier?

They were dating "up" because you're better looking than them? The most important thing a person can contribute to a relationship is a good physique?

One thing that I've run into many times that always pisses me off is when people who know my husband meet me and he introduces me as his wife, they say stupid *kitten* like "how did you trick her into marrying you?" or "You must be rich!" or "You must be hung!" Statements like this demean both of us. He isn't ugly by any means (I find him very attractive). It also sounds like I'm a shallow idiot who would only be with someone for money or a large penis. My husband is kind, loving, intelligent, and hilarious. He's thoughful, caring, and supportive. He really is one of the best people I've ever known. It's why I've been with him for 26 years. He's a great husband and father and friend. I am not "too pretty" or "too thin" or "too in shape" to be with him. In high school I once had a teacher who told me I was too smart for him. People who don't take the time to understand the intrinsic worth of other people really piss me off.

No one is every "dating up", unless the person they are dating is a nicer or kinder person than they are.

BinaryPulsar

you know there was a guy who sued his wife because they had apparently extremely ugly kids and he couldn't figure out why- she fessed up to having a fair bit of plastic surgery prior to their meeting and marriage.

I want to say I read the courts sided in his favor.
That's disgusting to me in so many ways.

No, that was not true. That was an internet hoax.

MyChocolateDiet

So if your lover's mind were transferred into the body of a dog, you'd still want to have sex with them?

This sounds like the plot to a movie.

or a porn?

The Shaggy Divorcee

LOLOLOL i forgot about those movies, also reminded me of herbie the love bug. what if I lost all my weight and turned into a VW...would hubs still have to me?

MyChocolateDiet

you know there was a guy who sued his wife because they had apparently extremely ugly kids and he couldn't figure out why- she fessed up to having a fair bit of plastic surgery prior to their meeting and marriage.

I want to say I read the courts sided in his favor.
That's disgusting to me in so many ways.

No, that was not true. That was an internet hoax.

i remember that. i remember how much I (for some unknown reason) wanted that to be true.

BinaryPulsar

Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).

mccindy72

Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).

Okay.....

rml_16

Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).

No one is saying it's shallow to be attracted physically to your partner. We're saying it's shallow for that to be the BASIS of a relationship.

If you would leave your husband or he would leave you simply because of some weight gain, there probably wasn't much of a foundation to your marriage. And I know you well enough to know that isn't your case at all.

We all like to be found attractive by our SOs (or even complete strangers). But I'm not going to throw away years of a relationship with someone I love because he got a little fat. Whether I'm attracted to him after all this time has less to do with what he looks like than WHO he is. It hurts my heart to think about not having him in my life. I don't even like thinking about splitting up for any reason, much less appearance.

BinaryPulsar

Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).

Okay.....

I don't understand your reply.

I admit I have not been following the thread very well. So, I do not understand the direction of the thread.

I also don't think a young girl should not get fit because her boyfriend wants her to keep her boobs (the point of the thread).

And I didn't go into detail on my last paragraph, but just that I have encountered people that say things to my husband and I such as "How did a nerd like you end up with a hot dancer like her" or "What does a scientist and a dancer have in common it must just be for the sex.". Yes, it's rude (and I didn't really want to say the exact quotes for that reason). I don't let it bother me because it's uninformed. As I was pointing out with what our connection is based on, how long we have been together, and what we do have in common (as artists and scientists). And it's always rude to judge the relationships of strangers when people know nothing about them. It's insulting to both of us and untrue. And we do also have great sex and that's a good thing as well, but it's not the basis of our relationship. Given my past history there has been a lot to deal with in the sexual aspect of our relationship as well. And that is another thing that is so wonderful about him. How we have been there for each other through the tough times.

BinaryPulsar

Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).

No one is saying it's shallow to be attracted physically to your partner. We're saying it's shallow for that to be the BASIS of a relationship.

If you would leave your husband or he would leave you simply because of some weight gain, there probably wasn't much of a foundation to your marriage. And I know you well enough to know that isn't your case at all.

We all like to be found attractive by our SOs (or even complete strangers). But I'm not going to throw away years of a relationship with someone I love because he got a little fat. Whether I'm attracted to him after all this time has less to do with what he looks like than WHO he is. It hurts my heart to think about not having him in my life. I don't even like thinking about splitting up for any reason, much less appearance.

Yeah, I agree!!

mccindy72

Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).

No one is saying it's shallow to be attracted physically to your partner. We're saying it's shallow for that to be the BASIS of a relationship.

If you would leave your husband or he would leave you simply because of some weight gain, there probably wasn't much of a foundation to your marriage. And I know you well enough to know that isn't your case at all.

We all like to be found attractive by our SOs (or even complete strangers). But I'm not going to throw away years of a relationship with someone I love because he got a little fat. Whether I'm attracted to him after all this time has less to do with what he looks like than WHO he is. It hurts my heart to think about not having him in my life. I don't even like thinking about splitting up for any reason, much less appearance.

Yeah, I agree!!

Okay, so now I see by the last two posts that we are on the same page. I just didn't understand your other post because it kind of just ended. I think we';re on the same page, basically.

BinaryPulsar

Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).

No one is saying it's shallow to be attracted physically to your partner. We're saying it's shallow for that to be the BASIS of a relationship.

If you would leave your husband or he would leave you simply because of some weight gain, there probably wasn't much of a foundation to your marriage. And I know you well enough to know that isn't your case at all.

We all like to be found attractive by our SOs (or even complete strangers). But I'm not going to throw away years of a relationship with someone I love because he got a little fat. Whether I'm attracted to him after all this time has less to do with what he looks like than WHO he is. It hurts my heart to think about not having him in my life. I don't even like thinking about splitting up for any reason, much less appearance.

Yeah, I agree!!

Okay, so now I see by the last two posts that we are on the same page. I just didn't understand your other post because it kind of just ended. I think we';re on the same page, basically.

Yeah, I understand. I knew when I was typing it that I probably needed to go into more detail. I was just worried about being too long winded. And I'm also tired.

Also, the rude comments are very few. It's not a common, all the time situation.

Greytfish

One thing that I've run into many times that always pisses me off is when people who know my husband meet me and he introduces me as his wife, they say stupid *kitten* like "how did you trick her into marrying you?" or "You must be rich!" or "You must be hung!" Statements like this demean both of us. He isn't ugly by any means (I find him very attractive). It also sounds like I'm a shallow idiot who would only be with someone for money or a large penis. My husband is kind, loving, intelligent, and hilarious. He's thoughful, caring, and supportive. He really is one of the best people I've ever known. It's why I've been with him for 26 years. He's a great husband and father and friend. I am not "too pretty" or "too thin" or "too in shape" to be with him. In high school I once had a teacher who told me I was too smart for him. People who don't take the time to understand the intrinsic worth of other people really piss me off.

People say really stupid, and sometimes hurtful things, for sure. They do it wherever there's a real or perceived significant difference between members of a couple - fitness, looks, education,etc. Some of them are honestly curious, some of them just blunder this way because they aren't good in social situations, and some are just looking to be jerks. One thing I have discovered, quite by accident, is that some people think they're paying someone's spouse a compliment, without doing so in a way that will get them in trouble with the other spouse, ie they say some of the examples you gave above rather than "Your wife is beautiful" or "You have an amazing wife." I have two acquaintances (not friends) who say things like this all the time, and for that reason. How or why they think an offensive comment is less offensive than a compliment is beyond me, but they do.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

My husband would probably leave me if I gained 100lbs and stayed there. Truth.

But it's more than just the physical "she's not attributive at 260lbs". What kind of behavior lead to that 100lbs gain? I'd probably have stopped being active and enjoying the fun, active things we like to do together. I'd have to eat large quantities of calorie dense food, abandoning the healthy balanced meals we eat for our own health, and for the health of our children. I'd become a bad example for our children, not emphasizing portion control and the important of activity. I'm sure he'd wonder how my behavior was reflecting my feelings for him. How could I do all these things knowing how important health, activity and even appearance are to him? "Don't I deserve some kind of consideration? Doesn't she want me to be attracted to her? Doesn't she like sex? Sex has always been important to us. She knows she has a history of high blood pressure and diabetes in her family, is she not considering the impact of this? Does she want to die young, leaving me and her children?" Then there's my hypothetical behavior at 260lbs. I'd probably be depressed, moody, irritable. I wouldn't want him or anyone to see me naked, meaning very little sex, dressing poorly, no trips to the pool or the beach with the kids.



***These thoughts and observations are about me and my relationship and situation, and not meant to insult anyone else. I apologize if they do.