Boyfriend & Boobies
Replies
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I apolgoize for slightly derailing- but I get really annoyed when women go ape on "if he really thinks that about you- he doesn't deserve you and you are better off with out him" kind of comments. If you are in a relationship- your actions affect the other person. YOu have to figure out if that's a liveable change in the balance- or not. Healthy weight changes- and loss in breast tissue tend to be livable shifts in the balance.
I'm loving the fact that went went all the way over board to gambling/abuse and all these things- because guess what- those are all things in control- and if my SO went down that path- we'd be having serious conversations.
and then I'd kick his happy *kitten* out if changes did not occur.
Same with slothfulness- and obesity.
I do not have to love someone DESPITE all their mistakes. I love them for who they are- and if that "who they are" fundamentally changes- then the contract into which we entered isn't the same. Period. If you agreed to date- and it changes- you'd get out. If you are married and it changes- you should examine wtf happened and make a choice- and possibly leave.
Relationships are not static. Stop pretending like they are. People change- dynamics change. The whole process of a relationship is sorting out on a continual basis if the progress and changes are in a slightly parallel direction- are you mostly moving together? or are you mostly moving apart. are you not moving at all? is one of you moving- and the other not moving?To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.
just to be clear- you have no idea what you are talking about. You don't' get to deiced for other people what love is or isn't. If other people are happy with that arrangement- that's okay- it's not for you to say.
I'm not going to stand idle by and watch someone I live destroy themselves with a lack of self discipline- self esteem and a barrage of other issues. I'll help the best I can- but I'm not someone's crutch. I'll help- but I'm not going to hold you up. And if someone allows them self to devolve that much- I am not going to let you drag me down.
Ultimately- everyone has a walk away point. And it doesn't make you shallow if you say something is not attractive- or something else is a complete turn off. it is what it is and when someone's personal choices bring you to a point where you aren't attracted- even worse- you're completely turned off- it's not shallow to acknowledge that.0 -
I dislike the idea that love and affection is conditional on the size of the body.0
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Mine shrunk some, but some people's don't. Let me tell you about my boob worries and what I told my husband on the subject....
My size D boobs, at 38 and having breastfed two children, are not as perky as they used to be. Not sagging to my navel, but definitely not what they were 15 years ago. I could have a surgical lift, but they have to cut off your nipples (seriously) during that surgery and then place them in a better position. They cut all the nerves in that procedure, leaving you with NO sensation in your nipples.
So that closed the case. I told my husband (teasingly and lovingly) that tough crap, he'd have to learn to like saggy boobs because they're only going to get saggier with age. He fully agrees.
The fact is, you want to be thinner and healthier. You deserve that if you want it and are willing to work for it. I doubt he's going to leave you if your boobs are a little smaller. If he does, then there is something seriously the matter in your relationship if he decides that the sum of all your wonderful qualities is worth less than you having big boobs.
If he's a good sport about it, maybe you can get a boob job as a reward
They don't have to cut your nipples to just give you implants. 0 -
I apolgoize for slightly derailing- but I get really annoyed when women go ape on "if he really thinks that about you- he doesn't deserve you and you are better off with out him" kind of comments. If you are in a relationship- your actions affect the other person. YOu have to figure out if that's a liveable change in the balance- or not. Healthy weight changes- and loss in breast tissue tend to be livable shifts in the balance.
I'm loving the fact that went went all the way over board to gambling/abuse and all these things- because guess what- those are all things in control- and if my SO went down that path- we'd be having serious conversations.
and then I'd kick his happy *kitten* out if changes did not occur.
Same with slothfulness- and obesity.
I do not have to love someone DESPITE all their mistakes. I love them for who they are- and if that "who they are" fundamentally changes- then the contract into which we entered isn't the same. Period. If you agreed to date- and it changes- you'd get out. If you are married and it changes- you should examine wtf happened and make a choice- and possibly leave.
Relationships are not static. Stop pretending like they are. People change- dynamics change. The whole process of a relationship is sorting out on a continual basis if the progress and changes are in a slightly parallel direction- are you mostly moving together? or are you mostly moving apart. are you not moving at all? is one of you moving- and the other not moving?To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.
just to be clear- you have no idea what you are talking about. You don't' get to deiced for other people what love is or isn't. If other people are happy with that arrangement- that's okay- it's not for you to say.
I'm not going to stand idle by and watch someone I live destroy themselves with a lack of self discipline- self esteem and a barrage of other issues. I'll help the best I can- but I'm not someone's crutch. I'll help- but I'm not going to hold you up. And if someone allows them self to devolve that much- I am not going to let you drag me down.
Ultimately- everyone has a walk away point. And it doesn't make you shallow if you say something is not attractive- or something else is a complete turn off. it is what it is and when someone's personal choices bring you to a point where you aren't attracted- even worse- you're completely turned off- it's not shallow to acknowledge that.
"Arrangement," key word. It's not a relationship but a contract, and if the other person starts doing something you don't like you can be released. Not to be confused with love. Oh, don't let them drag you down, it is all about you after all. And walking away because something became no longer attractive is the definition of shallow.0 -
I apolgoize for slightly derailing- but I get really annoyed when women go ape on "if he really thinks that about you- he doesn't deserve you and you are better off with out him" kind of comments. If you are in a relationship- your actions affect the other person. YOu have to figure out if that's a liveable change in the balance- or not. Healthy weight changes- and loss in breast tissue tend to be livable shifts in the balance.
I'm loving the fact that went went all the way over board to gambling/abuse and all these things- because guess what- those are all things in control- and if my SO went down that path- we'd be having serious conversations.
and then I'd kick his happy *kitten* out if changes did not occur.
Same with slothfulness- and obesity.
I do not have to love someone DESPITE all their mistakes. I love them for who they are- and if that "who they are" fundamentally changes- then the contract into which we entered isn't the same. Period. If you agreed to date- and it changes- you'd get out. If you are married and it changes- you should examine wtf happened and make a choice- and possibly leave.
Relationships are not static. Stop pretending like they are. People change- dynamics change. The whole process of a relationship is sorting out on a continual basis if the progress and changes are in a slightly parallel direction- are you mostly moving together? or are you mostly moving apart. are you not moving at all? is one of you moving- and the other not moving?To be clear, those who claim they will leave their SO over weight gain are NOT in LOVE. What you have is barely a performance contract.
just to be clear- you have no idea what you are talking about. You don't' get to deiced for other people what love is or isn't. If other people are happy with that arrangement- that's okay- it's not for you to say.
I'm not going to stand idle by and watch someone I live destroy themselves with a lack of self discipline- self esteem and a barrage of other issues. I'll help the best I can- but I'm not someone's crutch. I'll help- but I'm not going to hold you up. And if someone allows them self to devolve that much- I am not going to let you drag me down.
Ultimately- everyone has a walk away point. And it doesn't make you shallow if you say something is not attractive- or something else is a complete turn off. it is what it is and when someone's personal choices bring you to a point where you aren't attracted- even worse- you're completely turned off- it's not shallow to acknowledge that.
It is as if being shallow was somehow the ultimate failure of character. As pragmatic as the rest of your post is, this is a small deception. We are all shallow about some things and it's all right. Complex humans are complex. Otherwise why are you all not fawning over the depth and beauty of Neruda?
Oh, and Mark Hamill got fat. Brando got fat. Physically both lost some of their sexy.0 -
I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.
Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.
My husband is overweight through his own overeating and lack of willpower. And no, I'd never leave him for it. He has control over it. I still love him anyway.
WAIT - STOP - I wanna talk about me again!! I have no point in quoting this other than to announce to everyone that although im in that first group of women that might leave their husband for engaging in unhealthy behavior he can control, but wont - I still wouldnt leave him! SO AM BETTER THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE GROUP!!! YAY!!! 10 HEAVEN POINTS FOR ME!!!!
Because the point was about the leaving/not leaving part - not about the control/cant control part!!!
wait - so maybe that's 15 heaven points for me!
But he has a lack of willpower yet has control over it? :huh:0 -
"Arrangement," key word. It's not a relationship but a contract, and if the other person starts doing something you don't like you can be released. Not to be confused with love. Oh, don't let them drag you down, it is all about you after all. And walking away because something became no longer attractive is the definition of shallow.
I was -- and still am -- physically attracted to my husband. It's one of the reasons I went out on a date with him. Yes, he's funny, fun to be with, my best friend but I was also attracted to him. If I wasn't than we would never have gone out on a date and I would never have married him. With that said yes, if he gained a huge amount of weight, to the point where I was no longer physically attracted to him then why should I stay? If the sex stops and our relationship has turned into more of a room mate type situation then why should I put up with it? If the thought of having sex with him disgusts me because I am no longer attracted to him why is that a bad thing? Would it be better if I stepped outside the relationship to fulfill my needs elsewhere?
If the fact that I could never be with someone that I am not also physically attracted to makes me shallow than so be it.
I honestly don't understand how and why people can judge someone elses choice or their relationship when they don't even know the people.
And you know what? Marriage IS contract. You are mutually agreeing to certain things and with any contract if one person does not uphold the agreement than that contract can be broken.
"Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws."0 -
Don't traditional wedding vows state "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". I don't remember there being a part about it's all for naught if you get fat.0
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Don't traditional wedding vows state "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". I don't remember there being a part about it's all for naught if you get fat.
Not everyone gets married in a traditional way or recites traditional vows.0 -
Don't traditional wedding vows state "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". I don't remember there being a part about it's all for naught if you get fat.
Not everyone gets married in a traditional way or recites traditional vows.
Fair enough. But I would imagine the average wedding has the bride and groom exchanging those words. If you want to talk about special circumstances then go ahead.0 -
When I was working out/cutting calories I went from a 38D to a 32B. Lost about 45lbs then.
This time I have some "mystery GI illness" causing me to lose weight/not allowing me to workout. I've lost a few inches around my bust, but the cup is either the same or slight difference. 34lbs lost right now. (I was expecting to lose them...and their still here!)0 -
I really love how there is one group of women saying that If their man became unattractive (physically or personality/behavior wise) to them, through circumstances within his control (like over eating, laziness and a bad attitude) and he had no intention of correcting these behaviors - they might leave him. They assume it is because of reasons he has control over.
Then there is a second group of women who counter that by saying CANCER, CRIPPLING ACCIDENT, ED!!!!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM BECAUSE OF THAT! because they assume that the only reason a person would get fat is because of reasons they have no control over.
My husband is overweight through his own overeating and lack of willpower. And no, I'd never leave him for it. He has control over it. I still love him anyway.
WAIT - STOP - I wanna talk about me again!! I have no point in quoting this other than to announce to everyone that although im in that first group of women that might leave their husband for engaging in unhealthy behavior he can control, but wont - I still wouldnt leave him! SO AM BETTER THAN THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE GROUP!!! YAY!!! 10 HEAVEN POINTS FOR ME!!!!
Because the point was about the leaving/not leaving part - not about the control/cant control part!!!
wait - so maybe that's 15 heaven points for me!
But he has a lack of willpower yet has control over it? :huh:
They meant he is lacking the willpower to do what is necessary to lose the weight, but he has control over the decision to lose the weight or not. His choice so far is to stay overweight.
ETA: for clarity0 -
"Arrangement," key word. It's not a relationship but a contract, and if the other person starts doing something you don't like you can be released. Not to be confused with love. Oh, don't let them drag you down, it is all about you after all. And walking away because something became no longer attractive is the definition of shallow.
I was -- and still am -- physically attracted to my husband. It's one of the reasons I went out on a date with him. Yes, he's funny, fun to be with, my best friend but I was also attracted to him. If I wasn't than we would never have gone out on a date and I would never have married him. With that said yes, if he gained a huge amount of weight, to the point where I was no longer physically attracted to him then why should I stay? If the sex stops and our relationship has turned into more of a room mate type situation then why should I put up with it? If the thought of having sex with him disgusts me because I am no longer attracted to him why is that a bad thing? Would it be better if I stepped outside the relationship to fulfill my needs elsewhere?
If the fact that I could never be with someone that I am not also physically attracted to makes me shallow than so be it.
I honestly don't understand how and why people can judge someone elses choice or their relationship when they don't even know the people.
And you know what? Marriage IS contract. You are mutually agreeing to certain things and with any contract if one person does not uphold the agreement than that contract can be broken.
"Marriage (also called matrimony or wedlock) is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws."
If it was about love you might have mentioned the word one time in your comment...Instead there are 12 "I's" 3 "my's" and 2 "me's"
You have something, no argument there, but it sounds more like a conditional arrangement based on keeping you satisfied at all times.0 -
I dislike the idea that love and affection is conditional on the size of the body.
Yeah, me too. Or looks or anything else like that. Guess the idea that I'm not shallow makes me a bad person?0 -
I think it's pathetic that people are so shallow. It disgusts me.
My husband wants me to be healthy and look nice. He doesn't mind the "damage" that's been done to me through pregnancy and breastfeeding his two children. It's part of life. We married until death do us part, sickness and health, all that stuff.
I'm all for being healthy and strong and looking your best but some of these shallow comments make me ill. People are people and everyone deserves to be loved.. and love themselves as well.0 -
If it was about love you might have mentioned the word one time in your comment...Instead there are 12 "I's" 3 "my's" and 2 "me's"
You have something, no argument there, but it sounds more like a conditional arrangement based on keeping you satisfied at all times.
:drinker:0 -
I've lost a lot of weight and my boobs are still big. Even at my absolutely tiniest I was still a D cup. It all depends on your body. When you have more energy, stamina, and your libido has increased, I don't think he will mind as much if they do get smaller.0
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I think it's pathetic that people are so shallow. It disgusts me.
My husband wants me to be healthy and look nice. He doesn't mind the "damage" that's been done to me through pregnancy and breastfeeding his two children. It's part of life. We married until death do us part, sickness and health, all that stuff.
I'm all for being healthy and strong and looking your best but some of these shallow comments make me ill. People are people and everyone deserves to be loved.. and love themselves as well.
Yeah, it's not "damage". It's living life (and giving life). It's part of health. Of course life is always going to involve growing and changing.
The physicality is one aspect, but the deeper, inner aspects is where the love and continued relationship and connection all stems from. And that love extends to the physical as well (enjoying that aspect does not negate the other aspects). It's a whole.
And sickness is something everyone must face with courage together.
Everyone does deserve to be loved by their partner, to enjoy that, and to love themselves. That is true!0 -
I've only skimmed this, ain't nobody got time to read through 10 pages of this hooplah, but my only comment is why is a small chest seen as such a death sentence? Shucks I'm small chested and sure, I can't say I wouldn't be pleased if I woke up tomorrow morning with big ole boobies but hey this is how I'm built and I'm perfectly happy with that. I've never had an issue with dating or finding folks who are attracted to me. Moral of the story: life does indeed go on if you're small chested.
Oh and happy Hump Day Eve everyone :flowerforyou:0 -
I've only skimmed this, ain't nobody got time to read through 10 pages of this hooplah, but my only comment is why is a small chest seen as such a death sentence? Shucks I'm small chested and sure, I can't say I wouldn't be pleased if I woke up tomorrow morning with big ole boobies but hey this is how I'm built and I'm perfectly happy with that. I've never had an issue with dating or finding folks who are attracted to me. Moral of the story: life does indeed go on if you're small chested.
Oh and happy Hump Day Eve everyone :flowerforyou:
I'm small too. Happy in life and with my partner.0 -
Big boobs are great but I believe when a woman loses weight the boobs do get smaller but they suit the smaller frame.
He shouldn't worry so much.0 -
Boobies.0
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Meh...Bewbs.0
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He can get you a boob job if you lose them.0
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All this hub bub over a boyfriend. Wake me when he becomes a husband who's putting a roof over her head, a ring on her finger, and babies in the crib. Then my opinion may form further than just to say boobies.0
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OP, you are still very young. Your boyfriend is a teen as well. As teenage relationships go, this one seems to be going well enough.
As for boobs, you're 18. You may not have even fully developed your breasts yet. A lot of women don't until they're in their 20s.
Concentrate on weight loss, don't worry about the boobs. I think you're dwelling on something that your boyfriend really doesn't care as much about as you think.
As for the rest, everyone's relationship is personal business, so why do we all care how someone else does it? There's no right way, and there's no wrong way. I couldn't care less whether the vows are conditions or the opposite of conditions, traditional or non-traditional, or whether someone is shallow or deeper than the Marianas Trench. Depth of character is an internal thing. One person's deep is another person's sanctimonious. And one person's shallow is another person's pragmatic.0 -
As for the rest, everyone's relationship is personal business, so why do we all care how someone else does it? There's no right way, and there's no wrong way. I couldn't care less whether the vows are conditions or the opposite of conditions, traditional or non-traditional, or whether someone is shallow or deeper than the Marianas Trench. Depth of character is an internal thing. One person's deep is another person's sanctimonious. And one person's shallow is another person's pragmatic.
Well said.0 -
Hi...for me I lose boobage... every 10 its half cup.... everyones different....you can always get enhanced after you drop your weight:)0
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Don't traditional wedding vows state "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". I don't remember there being a part about it's all for naught if you get fat.
My husband and I didn't have those vows..we wrote our own...no where did I say any of that archaic crap.
but in all fairness no need to actually stop living with your best friend if you aren't attracted anymore or something happens...but just have the discussion and find another person to fill those needs as long as your partner doesn't care....
We do that now to a degree...some like sports so they go with others to fill the need to watch sports...etc etc...
Problem solved...:drinker:
ETA: we don't believe in divorce to be frank so that's not an option for me but that being said if he gets obese I might option the other part...:laugh:0 -
OP, you are still very young. Your boyfriend is a teen as well. As teenage relationships go, this one seems to be going well enough.
As for boobs, you're 18. You may not have even fully developed your breasts yet. A lot of women don't until they're in their 20s.
Concentrate on weight loss, don't worry about the boobs. I think you're dwelling on something that your boyfriend really doesn't care as much about as you think.
As for the rest, everyone's relationship is personal business, so why do we all care how someone else does it? There's no right way, and there's no wrong way. I couldn't care less whether the vows are conditions or the opposite of conditions, traditional or non-traditional, or whether someone is shallow or deeper than the Marianas Trench. Depth of character is an internal thing. One person's deep is another person's sanctimonious. And one person's shallow is another person's pragmatic.
Yeah, this is all very well said.0
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